Jun 23, 2017

20 Funny Bible Quotes from Kids

It's Friday, so let's have some fun.  Here are 20 funny quotes about the Bible that kids have uttered.  From the mouth of babes...

A Christian should only have one spouse.  This is called monotony.

Lots wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.

Solomon had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

Joshua led the Israelites in the battle of Geritol.

The greatest miracle in the Bible was when Joshua told His son to stand still and he obeyed him.

The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

Noah couldn't do much fishing while he was on the ark because he only had two worms.

Moses died before he ever reached Canada.

As the offering plate was being passed, a 4-year-old said, "You don't have to pay for me, daddy.  I'm under 5."

When you get scared, God will bring you your quilt.  He said the Comforter would come.

It says "the Lord thy God is One."  But I think He is a lot older than that.

Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it.  He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.

Jesus had twelve opossums.  The worst one was Judas Asparagus.  Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.  He fought with the Finklesteins, race of people who lived in Biblical times.

Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.

Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made with out any ingredients.

When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

Your turn.  Add to the fun in the comment section below.


This was actually so funny. I'm a priest, and I showed this to my church of 4,000 members and every single person in the building was laughing for 30 whole minutes. It was crazy and definitely the best church service we've ever had. Thanks, relevantchildrensministry.com/2017/06/20-funny-bible-quotes-from-kids.html! Yours truly, tyler.seal@cagsl.net

That's awesome. Thanks for sharing

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