Should Kids Worship With Their Parents in 
"Big Church?"

There's been a lot of debate over the years about whether kids should worship with their parents or have their own separate worship environment. Both viewpoints have valid reasons for their position.

So what is best for kids in this matter? Some like to become dogmatic about their position, but I believe this is something that each church must decide for themselves based on what God is leading them to do.

I believe it all starts by asking the right questions. Here's 7 questions to ask yourself if you haven't decided or if you want to revisit your current viewpoint.

1. What is my Senior Pastor's and church's ministry philosophy about this?

How I answered this question: It's vital that the Children's Ministry is aligned with the vision and ministry philosophy of the Pastor and overall church. Unity is a non-negotiable. The Pastor's I have served with have always been a proponent of having a children's worship environment.

2. What will help the kids retain and apply the most Biblical truth?

How I answered this question: I considered several factors as I pondered over this question.

First, was content. The content in "big church" normally wasn't age appropriate for kids. It was like asking a 2nd grader to sit and participate in a college chemistry class at school. When things are flying over your head, you tend to shut it out. I concluded that children needed to grasp the "must know," foundational truths of the Bible versus a series about Revelation. They were also not receiving consistent life application that was relevant to their stage of life.

Secondly, was the limited amount of time available. I realized I only had a limited number of weekends to teach the kids Biblical truth. You don't get them back and I had to make it count.

Thirdly, was age-appropriate learning. I observed kids in the adult service that were being asked to learn solely through a dialogue format, when they were wired to learn through hands-on, participatory learning.

Fourthly, was attention span. Kids were being asked to sit still way beyond their attention spans. It's normally one minute for every year of age.  I found a 7 year old walking out of a 45 minute sermon wasn't in the best of moods.

3. What about parental influence?

How I answered this question: This was the biggest question I had to ask myself. There is so much value in families worshiping together. Sons observing their dads worshiping. Daughters observing their mothers giving an offering as the basket is passed.

But I also came to the conclusion that what happens with parents and their children at home during the week is even more important than the time they spend together in church. Giving parents tools and resources to have spiritual conversations with their children at home is vital. We send a take home paper each week so parents can discuss key questions from their child's lesson. We also send home a challenge that the child can do with their parents to live out what they learned. We have a parent/child Bible study on Wednesday nights where they can learn together and then talk about what they learned at home. (The lessons are geared for children with parental participation even though the parents say they learn just as much). We have a Family Experience (an age-appropriate worship service that is geared for kids and their parents together) several times a year. We close the older children's environments and encourage families to worship together at special worship services such as Christmas. We provide a parent Facebook page so they can keep up with what is going on at church.

4. What effect does it have on other people in "big church?"

How I answered this question: I noticed that the majority of the time, parents with children in the service became distracted from the teaching due to trying to keep their child "entertained." Not only did it distract the parent, but it also distracted those around them. It even could be a distraction to the Pastor who was teaching. Now if you're in a church that is content with a holy huddle, this may not be a problem for you. But if you are reaching the community and each week have people sitting in the service who are far from God, you become acutely aware of the importance of them hearing the Gospel unhindered.

5. What gives kids the most opportunities to establish relationships?

How I answered this question: I realized that it is vital that kids have the opportunity to build relationships at church. From an early age, they need to know that the Christian journey is done in community. They need to be able to hang with other kids. This can be done when kids are part of a regular Small Group or Bible study class where they have friends and a caring leader. Yes, parents are to be the primary spiritual influence, but kids also need to be influenced by other caring leaders who can speak into their life. Many of the kids I saw going into "big church" slipped in and out with their parents and didn't get to make connections with other kids and leaders.

6. What gives kids the most opportunities to serve and be the church?

How I answered this question: I found that kids are ready to make a difference...now. And they can be used by God to make a difference...now. As we trained and released kids to be the church, we found they responded wholeheartedly. We found they had many more opportunities to serve in their environments by being greeters, singing, cleaning up, running tech, participating in the lesson preparation, taking the offering, and much more.

7. How can I reach the most kids and families?

How I answered this question: I kept hearing unchurched people say, "I'm not going to church...my parents made me go as a child." I realized that you don't have to "make" kids go where they enjoy being! I've never heard anyone say, "I'm not going to Disneyworld because I was "made" to go as a child!" I saw kids being dragged to church and realized it should be the other way around. Kids should be dragging their parents to church. As we began to create fun, relevant, age-appropriate environments for kids, we began to see whole families come to Christ because of their kids having a great time at church. I began to be able to point to dozens and dozens of families who had been reached. I met just yesterday with an airplane pilot who has just started attending our church. He pointed to his 5 year old and said, "She is the reason I am here. I heard this church cares about kids. And she didn't want to leave the first time we came."

Conclusion
This is how I answered these questions. But you have to answer them for yourself. There are positives and negatives on both sides. It's simply a matter of weighing it out and seeing which works best in your context.

Where will your answers lead you? Only you can decide that. The bottom line is kids and families are lost without Christ. If having kids worship in "big church" is the most effective way to reach them in your context...then go for it. Or if creating worship environments for kids is the most effective way to reach them in your context...then go for that. Both methods are simply a means to an end. Whatever you choose...just make sure the means is taking you to the end result you want.

Share your thoughts about this hot topic in the comment section below.

2 comments:

I agree totally. A kids church enviornment is needed. It is the biblical responsibility of the parents to make sure they follow the principles taught in Scripture at their home and in their family life. It is the job of the local church to make sure parents have the resources made available to them to make that happen. What I am seeing as we BLAST OFF with Family Ministry is that parents are starving for resources! Let's feed 'em Jesus!

We do both and i think it works well. We have the children in the adult service for the first 10mins so they see adult worship and also to make the transition easier for the older ones. Also it encourages a sense of unity.

Then we go out and have children worship and teaching.

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