RELEVANT CHILDREN'S MINISTRY

There used to be a day when the battle for the next generation was in the high school years.  And that meant we had to focus on discipling older teens.

Then it appeared to drop down to middle school students.

Today, the battle has shifted even lower...down into the elementary years.

Today's pre-teens (tweens) are being targeted.   They are facing things that used to be approached in the older teen years.

An example is the upcoming movie "Good Boys."  Want to see what direction the movie is pushing pre-teens toward?  You can see a preview below.  It is especially heart breaking to see how the movie pushes sex toward pre-teens.

The movie follows three 12-year-olds through a journey involving a peeping Tom drone, club drugs trapped in a childproof bottle and nunchucks that are actually anal beads.  The children also curse throughout the film and engage in talk about sex.

Please join me in prayer and active ministry with today's pre-teens.  The next generation needs us to boldly proclaim God's truth and principles for living a life set apart to God. Now is not the time to be complacent.  We must reach and disciple those who follow behind us.  While the world may make sin appealing, we know the way to true peace, happiness and fulfillment is found in a relationship with Jesus.

Will you join me in praying for the next generation?  They are facing temptations and falsities that kids used to face in middle school and high school.

Join me in praying for parents as they seek to teach and train their children from an early age in the ways of God.  We must provide teaching and resources that will help and empower parents to have crucial conversations with their children.

We must serve in children's ministries so we can reach children for Jesus before they are entrapped by the snares of the one whose goal is to kill, steal and destroy the next generation. 

Watch this preview of the upcoming movie "Good Boys"and you will see an eye-opening example of the battle we are in for the next generation.

Warning: the preview contains cursing and sexual references.

We often talk about what an important influence parents are in their child's life.  And it's true.  Parents are the biggest influence in a child's life. 

But...hang onto that thought for a minute.  There may be someone else who we are overlooking when it comes to influencing children. 

In fact, some researchers say this person welds even more influence than parents in a child's life.  

Who is it?  Their pastor?  No.  Their grandparents?  No.  Their teacher?  No.  A sports coach?  No.

Okay...here's the big reveal.  It's their siblings.  Yes, you read it correctly.  When it comes to our development, brothers and sisters can be even more influential than parents.  This includes when the sibling is "older and cooler" or "younger and bothersome."

82% of kids live with a sibling.  That's a higher number than kids who live with their father.  Think about it.  Our sibling will be in our life longer than even our parents.  Siblings affect a child's life as they are growing up together. This is true in both positive and negative relationships.  

When a child's relationship with their sibling is harmful, it can lead to increased use of drugs and alcohol.  And when a sibling bullies his or her brother or sister, it can cause the child to become depressed, anxious and even engage in self-harm.

However, when the relationship is good, the sibling benefits greatly.  Research suggests that as kids' relationship with their parents grows different over time, their relationship with their brothers and sisters becomes stronger. 

Older siblings can also influence younger siblings to engage in risky behavior.  Younger children want to be like their older siblings and usually admire them.  This makes them more susceptible to trying things that are harmful.  Why?  Because their older brother or sister is doing it.    

An example is pregnancies. Girls are more likely to get pregnant outside of wedlock if an older sibling did so first.  

Sibling influence is for a life-time.  A survey was done of more than 1 million Swedes and the results found that the risk of having a heart attack spikes after a sibling dies from having a heart attack.  

We spend the majority of our time, resources and strategy trying to help parents be the primary spiritual influence in their children's lives.  And we should. 

But...this may fall short if we don't also influence siblings.  

I believe we need to go to the drawing board and come up with a new strategy that includes influencing siblings and helping them discover how they can make a positive difference in the lives of their younger brothers and sisters.  
I don't know of anyone who is including a strategy to influence siblings.  And that means we are missing a key element in raising kids to love Jesus.  

What if...

• We taught pre-teens how to influence their younger siblings for Christ? 

• We showed elementary children how to read Bible stories to their younger siblings?

• We encouraged teenagers to be intentional about helping disciple their younger brothers and sisters?  

•  We had teens participate in their brother's and/or sister's milestones.

Your turn.  The floor is yours.  How much influence do you think a sibling has?  What are some ways we an influence and partner with brothers and sisters?

What does it mean when kids (and parents) compartmentalize their faith?

It basically means they do the "church thing" on Sunday and the rest of the week they don't bring God into their conversations, decisions and schedule.

The Bible (or Bible app) might be used on Sunday at church, but the rest of the week it collects dust. Few, if any prayers are said in the home during the week.

The result - kids and parents develop a shallow faith that sees following Jesus as something you do 1 hour a week.

As ministry leaders, one of our top priorities must be helping kids and parents understand that Jesus wants to be involved in every area of their life.

Here is an illustration I use with our pre-teens each year. It helps them see what it means to have Jesus leading every part of their life.

First, I have the kids draw a circle and lines on a piece of paper.  The circle represents their entire life and the lines represent different areas of their life.  It should look like this when they draw it...like a bicycle tire with spokes.
The next step is to have the kids write in some of the parts of their life.  Things like school, family, hobbies, sports, etc.  See the example below.
Go over the areas of their life.  Ask if anyone wrote in "Jesus" or "Church?"

Have the kids read Matthew 6:33 with you.

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

Share with the kids this vital truth.  Jesus doesn't want to just be a part of their life.  He wants to be the center of their life.

Have the kids write in the word "Jesus" in the smaller circle in the middle.
Explain that in the center of the wheel is the hub.  The hub moves with and controls not just one or two parts, but every part of the wheel.

When you put Jesus first, you are inviting Him to be your Leader in every area of your life.  You invite Him to be at school with you.  You invite Him to control your thoughts and actions when you are playing sports.  You invite Him to guide you and lead you when are with your friends.

Explain that Jesus has promised when you make Him the hub, the center of your life, then everything else will fall into place.

If kids can grab hold of this truth, they will be able to decompartmentalize their relationship with Jesus.  They will understand that following Jesus means you ask Him to get involved and control every part of your life.

Sometimes you will see or hear about a person who says they are following Jesus, but many of their actions say the opposite.  They put their "church clothes" and put in their one hour at church for the week.  But once Sunday is over, they close the door to Jesus' influence during the rest of the week.

We must also help parents grasp this truth as well.  Often the child is simply following their parents example.  They don't see their parents praying at home, so they don't pray at home.  They don't see mom and dad tithe, so they don't tithe.  They see their parent's Bible collecting dust all week and so their Bible collects dust as well.

When parents make the decision to put Jesus as the hub of their life, then you will see their children follow and do the same.

This teaching is from the Elementary Graduation Celebration kit.  It is a great tool to help deepen the faith of both kids and their parents as they prepare to move into middle school ministry.  You can see more examples and get ordering info. at this link.  

One of the most important transitions for kids (and their parents) is the transition from elementary ministry to student ministry. 

We talk about how many teens walk away from the church when they graduate high school.  And that's true.  We must find ways to help graduating seniors stay connected.

But we also need to look at the transition from elementary into student ministry.  

Do this to see the need more clearly.  Work with the student ministry at your church to track how many kids who graduated from your elementary ministry are now plugged into student ministry.  I can pretty much guarantee you that there will be a percentage missing because they slipped through the cracks during or right after the transition.

Let's talk about how we can improve this critical time of transition, so kids make the jump into student ministry successfully.

Start the transition early.  The transition should be a carefully planned process.  Sit down and map it out.  Here's an example of a planned transition.

• 3 months out - have people from student ministry hang out in the pre-teen area at church and then introduce themselves to the group and make the announcements during the service / class.
• 2 months out - have people from student ministry hang out in the pre-teen area at church and then share the lesson that day. 
• 4 weeks out - have people from the student ministry hang out in the pre-teen area at church and then share the lesson that day. 
• 3 weeks out - have people from the student ministry hang out in the pre-teen area at church and then share the lesson that day. 
• 2 weeks out - have the pre-teens go and observe the student ministry during a service or event.
• 1 week out - host an elementary graduation celebration for pre-teens and their parents.  See more about this below.
• Transition week - host an open house for pre-teens and their parents in the student ministry area. 
• 1-2 weeks after the transition - student ministry host an event for pre-teens who have just entered student ministry.

Start building the relational connection early.  Pre-teens are already insecure.  Add to that transitioning into a new area and you've got the recipe for a royal freak out.  Pre-teens are wondering if they will fit in.  Will anyone know them?  Will they make friends?  Will they be accepted?

Pre-teens need to transition into an environment that may be new, but is full of familiar faces.  Student ministry leaders are the key to this.  They can do this by spending significant time with pre-teens before the transition takes place. 

Ask your children's ministry volunteers to be involved in the transition.  Your children's ministry volunteers have a relational connection with the pre-teens.  Cast vision to them for helping pre-teens they have invested in make the transition into middle school successfully.

Some volunteers should even consider moving up with the pre-teens into student ministry.  An example would be a small group leader who moves up with the kids in his group and becomes their small group leader in middle school. 

Get student ministry teenage leaders involved.  This is a great opportunity to see teenagers serve and reach back to influence the pre-teens who are following them.  An upcoming 6th grade girl looks up to and admires an upcoming senior in high school.  That's who she wants to be.

Challenge teens to leverage their influence and use it to help pre-teens transition well into student ministry.   Cast vision with them to be used by God to make a difference in the lives of those coming behind them.

Get many of your key students involved in the process we outlined in the first point.  It will make a big, big difference.

Get parents involved.  Pre-teens aren't the only ones nervous about the middle school transition.  Their parents are as well.   Especially if this is their first child who is making the jump into middle school.

This transition is one of the key times when parents are wide-open to your insight, encouragement and help.  One of the best things you can do to help pre-teens make the transition into middle school is to help their parents make the transition as well.

You can do this by hosting a class / celebration for them to attend with their child.  At this event, you can cover important subjects like...

• How to successfully parent a teenager. 
• What to expect in student ministry. 
•  How to lead your child spiritually during the teenager years. 

You can make an event like this really, really effective by asking student ministry to host it with you.  Student ministry leaders can be involved in helping teaching the class, greeting parents as they arrive, answering questions, giving an overview of the vision of student ministry, etc.

I have created a special class / event for this called "Elementary Graduation Celebration."  I have personally seen hundreds of pre-teens go through this with their parents and successfully make the transition into middle school.

It is truly a life-changing event for pre-teens and their parents.  And now it's available for your ministry.  You can read more about it and get it now at this link.

Equip kids and parents for their middle school years.  As mentioned above, pre-teens and parents are entering new territory in their relationship.  Many parents try to parent their teenager just like they parented them when they were 9-years-old.  They simply just don't know.

That's why it's critical for you to equip pre-teens and their parents for the middle school years.  The elementary graduation celebration class is full of great teaching about....

• Pre-teens - how to not just survive the middle school years, but thrive.
• Parents - clear parenting strategies for the middle school years.

Celebrate the transition and make it memorable.  As part of the elementary graduation celebration, parents have the opportunity to write out and speak a blessing over their child.  It's a memorable moment and lots of tears of joy and love are shed.

You can also make the transition celebration memorable for families by taking pictures and having a small gift for each pre-teen who is graduating.  One of my favorites to give is a necklace that has a dog tag.  The dog tag has the children's ministry logo on one side and the student ministry logo on the other side.  It's a symbol of the two blending to become one.

Please...please...please remember this.  The front lines of the battle for the next generation is no longer in high school, but in the transition from elementary to middle school.  Let's be there for pre-teens and help them to continue following Jesus for the rest of their life.

Generation Z are kids born between the late 1990's and the 2010's.  They are significantly different than any generation before them. 

They are digital natives, having grown up with computers, the internet and fast-moving technology.  They are the ultimate do-it-yourselfers...everything they've ever needed has been at their fingertips.

Because of these factors, it's important to know HOW they learn in order to effectively teach them God's Word. 

Generation Z learns by doing.  This means you should limit lecturing and instead give them opportunities to practice living out the truth.

Here's an example.  Instead of lecturing about prayer for 15 minutes, lecture for 5 minutes and then give the kids 10 minutes to choose between several prayer activities you've set up around the room.

The Bible confirms this in James 1:22 where it tells us to be "doers" of the Word and not just "hearers only."  It is vital to give Generation Z opportunities to learn by doing.  If you use this method, you will see them engage.

Generation Z learns through collaboration.  Though they are do-it-yourselfers, they still seek out collaborative learning.  This means giving kids the opportunity to talk and work together on activities and learning experiences.

Here's an example.  Create a Bible challenge where kids have to work together to find the answer.  Another example would be creating a Bible verse activity where kids have to work together to complete it.

Generation Z learns through hands-on activities.  This is closely tied to doing.  Don't expect them to sit still and be quiet...for very long at least.  Use activities that engage their senses and give them opportunities to move.

Here's an example.  If you're teaching about the walls of Jericho, give the kids Legos to build a wall and then army men to march around the walls before crashing them down. 

Generation Z learns through technology.  As I stated at the beginning of this article, technology is not something Gen Z does...it's who they are.  It's as natural as breathing for them.  Think of ways you can bring technology into your lessons.

Here's an example.  Have your pre-teens use their smartphones to look up and discuss a Bible verse that is part of the lesson.

Generation Z wants to be challenged.  Gen Z wants to be pushed and challenged.  Don't hesitate to challenge them to take up their cross and follow Jesus.  Show them that Jesus wants nothing less than full surrender and commitment to His kingdom.  Now more than ever, they have the opportunity to be salt and light in the world they are growing up in.  Be the echo of Jesus' voice saying, "Come...follow Me."

What does an effective 60 minute class look like for Gen Z based on the above points?

• 5 minutes of verbal teaching
• 15 minutes of hands-on activities
• 10 minutes of collaboration
• 10 minutes of technology
• 15 minutes of doing 
• 5 minutes of being challenged

Take a look at what you are currently doing and the curriculum you are using.  Is it designed for Gen Z?  If not, it may be time for some changes.  At the end of the day, effective engagement is the measuring stick we must evaluate with. 

If you want to connect with and reach pre-teens, it's vital you know their culture.

When you care enough to find out what they like and can talk with them about it knowledgeably, they will open their heart and let you inside.

That's a big reason why we recently started giving our pre-teen volunteers a monthly "what's trending with kids" list that gives them talking points.  You can read more about that here.

Okay...now back to this post.  Recently Business Insider, surveyed a group of 60 students to find out what they thought was "cool."  In other words...what was popular with them.  Here are the findings.

Smartphones - the average kid gets their first smartphone at age 11.  They are spending an average of 6 hours a day on their smartphones.  The iPhone 6 and Galaxy S5 are the most popular phones.

Screens...screens...screens.  Mobile device screens.  TV screens.  Video game screens.  Computer screens.  On average, they spend 11 hours a day in front of screens.

Music.  Students who like music use Spotify as their preferred music streaming service.

Netflix.  Streaming is quickly replacing traditional TV programming.  Here's a chart with more specifics.

Neko Atsume.  You've probably never heard of this Japanese game, but numerous students they talked to were obsessed with it.  The game's name literally translates to "cat collecting," and that's exactly what you do in the game.

Color Switch. A bunch of students also mentioned this game.  In this game, you must follow each color pattern you're shown on each obstacle to progress.

Celebrities.  Some of the more popular names included Taylor Swift, Justin Timberlake, Jimmy Fallon, 5 Seconds of Summer, Kanye West, DJ Khaled, Justin Bieber, Kendall Jenner, Ruby Rose and One Direction.

YouTube Celebrities.  

In January, we are starting a new series with our pre-teens that will dive into the nature and character of God.

A critical part of the series will be talking about the hard questions that pre-teens ask (or hesitate to ask, but think about). 

It's important to give kids space to ask the hard questions.  If you don't, they will ask them later in high school or college where they may get the wrong answers and have a faith crisis.

Better yet, instead of waiting for them to ask...be pro-active and bring the questions to them.  Here's 5 of the questions we'll be talking about with our pre-teens and the answers we'll explore with them.

Question #1 - If God is all-powerful, then why doesn't He stop the devil and evil?

Answer: 

• God doesn't do evil.  The devil and people do.
• God doesn't remove evil because then we wouldn't have the ability to choose to love Him.  We would become like robots with no choice.
• The devil is an example of this.  He chose to not love God.  If God had immediately destroyed him, it would have shown that God wants to rule by fear instead of love.
• One day, God will stop the devil and evil once and for all, but not until He has given all people the opportunity to choose His love and forgiveness.

Question #2 - If God is powerful and can control nature, why does He allow natural disasters like earthquakes, tsunamis, tornadoes and hurricanes?

Answer:  

• God created a perfect world, but it has been broken by sin.
• Natural disasters are a tragic part of life on this broken earth.
• God can prevent natural disasters from occurring and does at times.  An example is Jesus calming the storm at sea.
• Sometimes God doesn't prevent natural disasters so our attention is refocused on Him and the greatness of His power.
• God can also use natural disasters to bring about a greater good.
• We can't always understand why God doesn't prevent disasters.  But when we don't have all the answers, we must depend on God's power and trust that "all things work together for good to those who love Him."

Question #3 -  If God is all-knowing, why did He create Adam and Eve since He knew they would sin?

Answer:

• God created all things for His glory.
• He knew Adam and Eve would sin, but He created them anyway and gave them the choice to sin or not.
• Because God knew we would sin, He also knew He would make a way that we could be forgiven through His Son's death on the cross.
• Without sin, we would not have been able to experience God's mercy and forgiveness.
• Adam and Eve's choice became the way God's ultimate will was carried out and through which His glory was revealed.

Question #4 - If God is loving, why does He allow us to hurt and go through hard times?

Answer:  

• God created the world as a perfect place.  Everything was good.
• When man sinned, it brought suffering into the world.
• We suffer because it's part of the broken world we live in.
• Sometimes we also suffer because of our own bad choices.
• Sometimes God also uses the hard times we go through to help us become more like Jesus and depend on Him more.

Question #5 - How can God be 3 distinct persons and yet be 1 God at the same time?

Answer:

• This is called the Trinity.  Tri means 3 and unity means 1.  Trinity means 3 in 1.
• The three divine Persons are perfectly equal to one another, because all are one and the same God.
• None of the three Persons precedes the others in time or in power, but all are equally eternal and all-powerful because they have the same divine nature.
• As humans, we cannot full understand the complexity of God, but we believe because God's Word says it.

The floor is yours.  What other hard questions should be addressed with pre-teens?  Share with us in the comment section below.

Do lead by serving.
Don't try to lead by a title.

Do make church fun for kids.
Don't make church boring for kids.

Do create environments that have kids dragging their parents to church.
Don't create environments that cause parents to have to drag their kids to church.

Do teach life application.
Don't teach information without life application.

Do place new volunteers where they need to be.
Don't place new volunteers where you need them to be.

Do listen.
Don't do all the talking.

Do let kids move.
Don't expect kids to sit still and be quiet for more than 5 minutes.

Do be productive.
Don't be busy, but not productive.

Do background checks on all volunteers before they start serving.
Don't ever let anyone be alone with a child.

Do treat pre-teens their age.
Don't talk to pre-teens like they are little kids.

Do partner with other ministries in your church.
Don't make children's ministry a silo.

Do equip parents to be the primary spiritual leaders of their children.
Don't separate what happens at church from what happens at home.

Do go the second mile to give first-time guests a great experience.
Don't make new guests wait in line.

Do keep your children's ministry space clean and tidy.
Don't let your children's ministry get cluttered.

Do look through the eyes of a child when decorating your kids' rooms.
Don't put kids in rooms that were designed for adults.

Do make your lessons interactive and participatory.
Don't lecture kids.

Do treat kids like they are living in 2015.
Don't treat kids like they are living in 1980.

Do use the ministry to build your volunteers.
Don't use volunteers to build the ministry.

Do put your family before your ministry.
Don't put your ministry before your family.

Do spend just as much time learning to lead adults as you do kids.
Don't put all your focus on the kids.

Do build a volunteer team through vision.
Don't try to build a volunteer team through need.

Do learn how to manage conflict and bring resolution.
Don't run from hard conversations.

Do be yourself.
Don't try to be a copy of someone else.

Do see complaints as a gift that you can use to make the ministry better.
Don't turn a deaf ear to complainers.

Do say "thank you" every week to your volunteers.
Don't take your volunteers for granted.

Do spend time with God.
Don't get so busy working for God that you don't have time to spend with God.

Do use breath mints.
Don't knock new families out with your breath.

Do read and read and read.
Don't stop growing.

Do help kids see the Bible as a love letter.
Don't cause kids to see the Bible primarily as a rule book.

Do keep going.
Don't quit.

The floor is yours.  What are some other do's and don'ts of children's ministry?  Share them with us in the comment section below.

I have noticed a trend over the years.  When kids move into their pre-teen years, a notable percentage of them disengage from Children's Ministry.

Why?  Here's eight reasons.

1. Placing them with younger children.
Pre-teens are very conscious they are "growing up."  Their eyes are on their approaching middle school years.  The last place they want to be is with "little kids."

• Provide them with their own environment (class).  Give it a name that is unique to them.  We call our pre-teen environment "Nitro."  It has a very different feel and look from our other environments.  It looks more like a youth ministry environment than it does a children's ministry environment.  That is on purpose.

• In situations where you can't give them a separate environment, place them in the front of the room.  At some of our campuses, we have all of elementary together due to lack of room availability.  When this is the case, we are intentional about placing the pre-teens in the front.  This gives them a sense of leadership instead of sitting in the back of the room looking at the "little kids" in front of them. 
  

• Provide events and activities just for them.  An example would be a summer outreach trip which is just for pre-teens.    

2. Programming for younger children.
One of the biggest factors in keeping pre-teens engaged in your ministry is to program for them.  If pre-teens sense the lesson, music, or activities are "babyish," they will check out.

• When you have multiple ages in the same room, always target the pre-teen boy.  If you hit him, you will catch everyone.  Cool rolls down hill.  Gene Del Vecchio talks about this in his book "Creating Ever Cool."  It's a must read for children's ministry leaders.

3. Personal connection with a leader is missing.
A personal connection with a caring leader is essential.  When pre-teens are known and loved, they will stay engaged.

• Make sure your pre-teens spend a good percentage of their time at church in a small group environment where they are known by name, prayed for, and are contacted when absent.  Cool buildings and programming alone doesn't keep pre-teens.  Relationships is the glue.

4. Preparing them for middle school is not a priority.
As kids move into their pre-teen years, our focus should begin to shift toward preparing them for their middle school years.  

• Work closely with your youth ministry to bridge the gap between children's ministry and youth ministry.  In this post, I share a strategy for transitioning pre-teens into youth ministry.

5. Passive discipleship.
Pre-teens are ready to serve and make a difference.  When they are confined to passive discipleship where they just "sit and soak", they will disengage.  A huge part of discipleship is serving.  Active faith leads to spiritual growth.

• Let them own their ministry.  Give them opportunities to serve in their ministry.  Praise team, running sound and tech, greeting, distributing handouts, etc.  Ownership = engagement.

• Take them on more "outreach" trips than "play" trips.  A few years ago, we moved away from taking our pre-teens on "play" trips such as waterparks, skating, etc.  They can do this anytime.  We decided what they wanted more than this was the opportunity to make a difference.  We now take them on outreach and serving trips instead.  They love it. 

6. Parents are not involved.
In the pre-teen years, kids begin the early stages of becoming independent of their parents.  Parents become nervous as their "baby"  begins to grow up.  It is one of the key times when they will come looking for help.

• Equip parents to be the spiritual leader of their pre-teen.  No one has more influence in a pre-teen's life than his or her parents.

• Provide parents with the tools and resources they need to parent their pre-teen.

• Prepare parents for the middle school years. 

• Have a retreat or event for pre-teens and their parents.  This fall we will be holding our first-ever pre-teen/parent retreat.  They will spend a day together being equipped and prepared for their upcoming middle school years as well as deepening their relationship with each other.

7. Priorities are misplaced.
As kids move into their pre-teen years, more opportunities to be involved in programs, sports, and other outside activities become available.  These can pull kids away from being consistently involved in church and discipleship opportunities.

How many pre-teens miss church for weeks on end because of traveling sport's teams or other activities?

• Teach pre-teens the importance of making worship and discipleship a priority.  This must be messaged to parents as well.  Many times it's a parent's misplaced priorities that cause their pre-teen's priorities to become misplaced. 

8. Prayer and other spiritual disciplines are not in place.
By the pre-teen years, kids should be transitioning from being spiritually spoon feed to feeding themselves as well.  Can you imagine an 11-12 year old still sitting in a highchair and being fed by his or her parents?

• Teach pre-teens the spiritual disciplines. 

• Give pre-teens the tools they need to feed themselves spiritually.

• Equip them to know why they believe what they believe.  Their faith must be their own.

Okay.  The floor is yours.  Have you noticed pre-teens disengaging from children's ministry?  If so, what are some things you have done to keep them engaged?  Share your ideas with us below.