RELEVANT CHILDREN'S MINISTRY

How can you know when a child is ready to enter a relationship with Jesus?

Is there a specific age of accountability?

How can you help kids understand what it means to follow Jesus so that "they get it?" 

I remember one weekend when I was teaching the elementary group in my church.

I asked one of the girls, who was 9 years old at the time, if she had accepted Jesus as her Savior.

Her response was, "Not yet. My mother doesn't think I am old enough to understand."

I have also seen the opposite happen.  A parent is pushing for his or her child to "pray the prayer" and then get baptized. But the child is only 4-5 years old. 

So how do you know when a child is old enough to step across the line of faith?  

As a children's ministry leader, it is crucial that you know what to look for and how you can help families navigate the most important decision their child will ever make.

Here are the key things a child needs to know if they are going to enter a relationship with Jesus.

I have sinned.  Before you can be saved, you have to understand that you are lost.  If you ask a child if they have ever sinned and they say "no," then they are not ready to be saved.  Romans 3:23 makes this very clear.  

There is a price for sin that must be paid.  A child must understand that they cannot enter a relationship with Jesus until their sin bill is paid. (Romans 6:23)

Jesus died for our sins.  He has paid our sin bill.  We must ask Him to forgive our sins and trust Him and Him alone, for our salvation. (John 3:16, Romans 10:9-10)

Another way you can know is this - the child keeps bringing up the subject on their own. If they keep coming back to you about this, then it is a sign that God is drawing them to Himself.

Here's something else to look for - you sense the child understands they need to make this decision. It is not because their friends have done this and it seems like a cool thing to do.  Or they saw their friends get baptized and it looked fun to them.  There's a big difference between "wanting" to make a decision vs. "needing" to make a decision.

What age should a child be?  This is different for each child.  However, around age 7-8, children begin to understand abstract thoughts.  Here's an example.

You tell a child that Jesus is the bridge back to God.  A 5-year-old child is thinking there is a literal bridge back to God that you have to cross.  But an older child understands that this is just an example of what it means to follow Jesus. 

Here's what I often tell parents and church leaders.  It is not our role to hold a child back from making a decision.  It is also not our role to push children into making a premature decision. Our role is to walk beside the child and have conversations about following Jesus. As you do this, God will draw them to Himself.  

It is so important to be thorough when sharing the Gospel with children.  Children are the greatest mission field in the world. We know that most people come to Christ before the age of 18.  We must reach them while their hearts are open to the Gospel.  

I am also a big proponent of involving parents in their child's decision for Christ.  I recently wrote an article about this that you can read here - Why I Won't Lead Kids in a Salvation Prayer at VBS.

If you are looking for a resource to help you lead children and parents to Christ, then Starting Point  is a great resource. It's a salvation class that parents and their children attend together. It has been used to lead thousands of kids to Christ.  You can get more information at this link. 

What a privilege we have to share the Gospel with children and their parents.  May God continue to pour down His blessings upon you while you are sharing the Gospel.  There is nothing that is more important than this. 

In 1970, 67% of Americans ages 25 to 49 were living with their spouse and one or more children younger than 18.

Over the past few decades, this has dropped to 37%.

There has also been an increase in other types of family living arrangements, like unmarried adults raising children.

Another big factor is this - Americans are marrying later in life, and a rising share have never been married. In 1970, 69% of adults were married.  Today that number is at 50%. In 1970, 17% of adults had never been married. Today that number is at 31%. 

In 2015, same-sex marriages became legal nationally.  Since then, there has also been an increase in the proportion of Americans in same-sex marriages. Today, there are over 700,000 same-sex married couples in the United States, accounting for approximately 1% of all married couples.  

Two-parent households are on the decline in the United States as divorce, remarriage and cohabitation are on the rise. A commitment to marriage has also changed.  More women are having children without being married. Married parents raising children is no longer the norm.

Families are smaller now, both due to the growth of single-parent households and a drop in fertility.

In 1960, over 44% of all American households included married parents with children, while slightly over 13% were single with no children. Today, that’s inverted — single people living alone and married couples without children outnumbers married-parent households. 

Single-person households have increased more than fivefold, from 6.9 million in 1960 to 38.1 million today.

What does all of this mean for us as we try to reach and disciple families?

Any church that wants to thrive must reach young families.  In fact, I'd go as far as to say any church that wants to exist in the future, must reach young families. 

A healthy church is made up of all generations, just like a family is.  Kids, teenagers, parents, grandparents and great-grandparents.

But if a church only has grandparents and great-grandparents, it will eventually die as the members die.

Young parents and their children must be a substantial part of a congregation for it to have a future.

• 59% of Millennials who were raised in church have dropped out. 

• 35% of Millennials have an anti-church stance - even to the point that they believe the church does more harm than good. 

Communication must happen through collaboration if we want to engage young parents.

When you combine the wisdom of Boomers with the fresh ideas, creativity and insight of Millennials, you get a dynamic that can't happen if you leave one out. 

Millennials want to change the world.  Show them how they can change the world through the church and they will be drawn to it. 

But we must balance the truth we share with the love we demonstrate.

Is reaching the next generation of parents and their children worth going out of your comfort zone for?   

My heart has been breaking all week over the kids and families who were killed by the floods in Texas.

I grew up in an area of the country that has been called "Tornado Alley." My great grandmother was once blown through the air by a tornado and thankfully survived, but it broke her back and she never was able to walk again.

A few years ago, a tornado devastated the small town where my father pastored and took the lives of some of his church members. As a child, I can remember crouching in fear as a tornado roared in the air above our house.

Let's talk first about when children hear about a disaster that has happened somewhere else.

Fear and uncertainty obviously come when disaster strikes up close, but can also be felt from a disaster that happens somewhere else.

Know where children are coming from. They tend to personalize things. Will this happen to me? Will my house be destroyed? Will someone in my family be injured or killed? Will I lose all my belongings?

Be aware of kid's different personality types. Some children are more prone to be sensitive and fearful. Others will not pay as much attention to what is going on. Knowing the child's personality will enable you to more effectively help them.

Be sensitive to children who have previously been through a stressful situation such as divorce, death of a family member, or disaster. 
 
Reassure them that disasters are rare events and they are very safe in their home. 

Protect them from overexposure of the disaster through images on television, internet, or other media sources.  

Remember children will watch to see how you respond to the situation. If they sense you are stressed, fearful, or anxious, they will pick up on it and mirror that response. Remain as calm as possible.

Have open conversation. Ask questions and listen.

• What did you hear?
• Do you know what is going on?
• Why are you worried?   

Under the age of 7, it is often best not to initiate a conversation about a disaster unless they become aware of it and bring it up. Answer questions calmly, clearly, and honestly, but don't go into details.

Remember it's okay to say, "I don't know." Find answers to their questions together. Use it as a teachable moment.

Be prepared to answer the same questions several times. Children will ask questions several times when something is hard to understand or they need reassurance.

Let them express their feelings. Ask them to write down or draw pictures of what they are experiencing.

Pray with the child.

Share God's promises with the child.

What about when the disaster affects children directly?

Disaster can strike quickly and without warning. It can be frightening for adults and traumatic for children. Children may be forced out of their homes or normal lives. They can become anxious, confused, and frightened.

Observe how the child is reacting. Children will react in different ways based on their personality. Some will show very noticeable reactions. The National Association of School Physiologists has identified reactions that can occur when children go through a disaster.

• Preschoolers—thumb sucking, bed-wetting, clinging to parents, sleep disturbances, loss of appetite, fear of the dark, regression in behavior, and withdrawal from friends and routines. 

• Elementary School Children—irritability, aggressiveness, clinginess, nightmares, school avoidance, poor concentration, and withdrawal from activities and friends. 

• Adolescents—sleeping and eating disturbances, agitation, increase in conflicts, physical complaints, delinquent behavior, and poor concentration.

For most churches, there are two growth seasons. Spring time and fall time.

These are times when you will see more guests attending and families will be more faithful to attend as they settle back into a regular routine.

Let's talk about the fall ministry season. How can you maximize this time and see engagement and growth?

Here are some steps you should be taking now to prepare.

Plan to have a training meeting / rally.

In August, it will be time to rally your volunteer troops. Have a big training event. Inspire your team. Prepare your team. Encourage your team. Equip your team.

This is a good time to bring in an outside speaker. At least once a year, it is good for your team to hear from someone outside your ministry. This will help you reinforce what you are teaching your team.

If you are looking for an outside speaker for this, I am available to help you. I offer live, in person training at your church. I can work within your budget. You can get more information and schedule me at this link.

Another option is live, virtual, online training. I come to you live through Zoom or another online conference app. I only charge $99 for this for your entire team. You can get more information and schedule me at this link.

Engage volunteers who have been out for the summer. You've probably had some volunteers out while they were on vacation, taking a break, etc.

It is a good thing for your volunteers to take some days off during the summer. But now it's time to re-engage them as the fall approaches. You want all hands on deck when school starts back and the fall ministry season begins.

Begin preparing for your fall events - back to school Sunday, fall festival, mid-week discipleship, high attendance push, etc.

Get a jump start so you can make these events successful and effective.

Engage families who have been out for the summer.

Normally churches have an attendance dip in the summer months as families are on vacation, traveling, visiting family, etc.

Once school starts back, families begin to settle down into a routine. Make sure you connect with families and encourage them to get back into a regular pattern of attending church. Don't just assume they will re-engage. Reach out to them and help them get back in a regular attendance pattern.

Prepare now for the fall and then watch what God does through your ministry in the months ahead.