RELEVANT CHILDREN'S MINISTRY

I just finished reading a powerful new book by Dan Stanford.

It's called "Losing the Cape" and shows how God can do extraordinary things through ordinary people.

Dan is the pastor of The Well Church in Kenosha, Wisconsin.

This book is a great reminder that when we surrender our lives to God and ask Him to use us for His glory, He will do above and beyond anything we could ever accomplish in our own strength.

Here are a few quotes that really jumped out to me as I read this book.

"It's not about our power; it's about God's presence."

"You don't need an 'S' on your chest when you have the Savior in your heart."

"Sometimes the world just needs one or two brave individuals to go first."

"The most important thing we can pass along to the next generation is a robust relationship with Jesus."

Dan shares examples of ordinary people that God used in Scripture to work His wonders.  He also shares from his own personal experience.  He and his family are living examples of how God uses even times of weakness and suffering to show Himself strong through us.

In this book, you will read the powerful story of his wife, who has a disease that is causing her to lose her hearing and eyesight.  In spite of this, she serves and inspires hope for others in the midst of the limitations this disease imposes on her.

This book will bring hope and encouragement and passion to your life as you read through it.  If you have a young person you are mentoring or want to invest in, I believe it is a great book to place in their hands as well.

Dan has graciously invited us to give away a free copy of the book to one of our readers.  You can enter to win by simply emailing me - dale@buildingchildrensministry.com.  We will randomly select a winner and notify you next Monday.

You can also purchase the book now at Moody Press or at Amazon.

I have served with some great leaders and watched how they lead.  I have also served with some lousy leaders and watched how they lead.

I would like to think I have been a decent leader at times.  And I know there have been times when I was severely lacking as a leader.  Looking back, I can see what I did that helped me lead well and I can also see the things that hurt my leadership.

No matter your past experiences, the important thing as a leader is to learn from what you have observed in others (and yourself) and try to become a better leader through it.

Today, I was reflecting back on some of the things I have observed through the years and thought I'd put some of them in writing.  My prayer is that we will be become better leaders as we take a few minutes to contemplate these.

Let's start with 20 things great leaders do:

1.  Great leaders lead by example.

2.  Great leaders shoulder the blame when things go wrong.

3.  Great leaders give away the credit for the wins.

4.  Great leaders lead by serving.

5.  Great leaders keep their word.

6.  Great leaders keep a positive attitude in the midst of adversity.

7.  Great leaders never stop growing and learning.

8.  Great leaders remember to say "thank you."

9.  Great leaders have a clear vision and lead people to it.

10.  Great leaders ask great questions.

11.  Great leaders spend as much time listening as they do talking.

12.  Great leaders have a passion that attracts others.

13.  Great leaders are confident in God's call on their life.

14.  Great leaders make those around them better.

15.  Great leaders are loyal.

16.  Great leaders lead by encouragement.

17.  Great leaders make themselves accountable to others.

18.  Great leaders aren't satisfied with the status quo.

19.  Great leaders find the best idea whether it's theirs or not.

20.  Great leaders know how to lead change well.

Now let's look at 20 things lousy leaders do:

1.  Lousy leaders try to lead by position rather than relationship.

2.  Lousy leaders have a "my way or the highway" attitude.

3.  Lousy leaders look past you rather than at you.

4.  Lousy leaders don't express gratitude.

5.  Lousy leaders put policies before people.

6.  Lousy leaders sit in the green room instead of connecting with people.

7.  Lousy leaders use people to build the ministry rather than using the ministry to build people.

8.  Lousy leaders play favorites.

9.  Lousy leaders put themselves in the spotlight.

10.  Lousy leaders go with their own ideas all the time...even when there are better ideas on the table.

11.  Lousy leaders try to make themselves bigger by making others smaller.

12.  Lousy leaders don't take a personal interest in their team members.

13.  Lousy leaders are always negative.

14.  Lousy leaders don't offer encouragement.

15.  Lousy leaders micromanage.

16.  Lousy leaders hate change and won't take risks.

17.  Lousy leaders surround themselves with people who think just like they do to ensure control.

18.  Lousy leaders have to protect their control at all times.

19.  Lousy leaders point fingers.

20.  Lousy leaders don't provide feedback to team members that will help them grow.

Your turn.  What are some other things you've observed or experienced that great and lousy leaders do?  Share your thoughts with us in the comment section below.

I was reading the words of Paul this week in 2 Timothy and something jumped out at me.

"As you know, everyone from the province of Asia has deserted me—even Phygelus and Hermogenes.  May the Lord show special kindness to Onesiphorus and all his family because he often visited and encouraged me.  He was never ashamed of me because I was in chains. When he came to Rome, he searched everywhere until he found me.  May the Lord show him special kindness on the day of Christ’s return.  And you know very well how helpful he was in Ephesus."  2 Timothy 1:15-18

Paul wrote these words about a man named Onesiphorus.  He said Onesiphorus was an encourager.  Though Onesiphorus is only mentioned briefly in Scripture, he left a great legacy.  A legacy of encouraging others.  In this passage, we see the marks of an encourager.

An encourager walks in when everyone else walks out.  Paul wrote these words from a prison cell in Rome.  Chained like a common criminal, he sits in a cold dungeon.  He is alone.  It seems everyone else has walked out on him.  He says so in verse 15, lamenting the fact that even those he counted on the most...Phygelus and Hermogenes...had deserted him.  Everyone had walked away from him...except Onesiphorus.  When everyone else left, he stayed.  

Anyone can say nice things when everything is going well.  Anyone can jump on the bandwagon of success.  But it's in someone's darkest hour that a true encourager emerges.  It's when you are in chains, an encourager appears.  Whether it's chains of addiction, affliction or assault, they rally to you.  When everyone else has written you off, an encourager writes your name on their schedule.  An encourager walks in when you are down for the count.  An encourager walks in with hope when you have lost all hope.  An encourager refuses to write you off when everyone else has.  An encourager believes in you when everyone else has lost faith in you.  An encourager cheers for you when everyone else is booing.

An encourager does so with his or her words.  If only we realized just how powerful our words are.  An encourager speaks hope.  An encourager speaks affirmation.  An encourager speaks the truth in love with the intent of helping us become a better person.  An encourager uses his or her words to build up rather than tear down.  An encourager says "you got this" when everyone else is doubting you.

An encourager does so through acts of kindness and service.  Paul also says that Onesiphorus "SHOWED him kindness."  A true encourager not only encourages through words, but through their actions as well.  An encouraging note left on the desk of a co-worker.  A meal brought to someone who's had a rough week.  A tank of gas bought.  A yard mowed for someone who's had surgery and is recovering.  You can encourage with words and make an impact, but when you couple it with an act of encouragement, the impact it makes is exponential.

An encourager looks for opportunities to encourage others.  Paul said that Onesiphorus "searched everywhere until he found me."  Rome was a big city.  I wonder how many jails Onesiphorus had to go to before he found Paul?  It took him awhile, because Paul said he searched everywhere until he found him.  Onesiphorus was intentional about looking for the person he wanted to encourage.

Yes.  Sometimes an opportunity to encourage someone will fall into the lap of an encourager.  But most of the time, the encouragement is the result of the encourager being intentional.  An encourager starts their day by asking God to give them an opportunity to help someone.  An encourager keeps their eyes on the needs of others more than on their own personal needs.  An encourager is led in real time by the Holy Spirit to divine appointments.   

An encourager goes the distance with people.  Paul also says that Onesiphorus "often" visited him.  Many times, when someone is grieving the loss of someone, the hardest time is not immediately after the person passes, but a few weeks later.  Why?  That's normally when people stop calling and supporting them as much.  As life goes on, people get caught back up in the whirlwind and forget to keep encouraging.  

But encouragement like Paul is talking about is not a one and one.  It goes the distance with people.  It says "I'm on this journey with you all the way to the end."  Onesiphorus encouraged Paul through his time in prison and even to his execution.  

An encourager commits to staying with someone for the long haul.  It says "no matter what happens, no matter how rough things may get, no matter what we face,  no matter where the road takes us, I will be by your side."

An encourager does so just by being there.  The verse also says Onesiphorus often "visited" Paul.  He came and spent time with Paul.  There will be times as an encourager, when you won't know what to say.  There will be times when the situation the person is facing is so overwhelming that it will overwhelm you as well and will leave you speechless.  There will be times when your words will seem so empty and shallow when compared to the gravity of the problem the person is facing.  When that happens, its okay.  Sometimes the only encouragement you can offer people is your presence.  The person won't remember what you said anyways.  But they will remember that you were there.  They will remember that you cried with them.  They will remember that you held their hand.  They will remember that you hugged them.  They will remember that you held them up as they were overwhelmed and knocked down by grief and pain.  

At times, this is just what God does for us as well, isn't it.  Remember what He says in Psalm 23?

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will not fear, for you are with me."

Notice that God doesn't promise to give us all the answers in the moment.  He doesn't promise that we will understand everything at the time.  He doesn't promise to take the hurt and pain away in the moment.  But what He does promise is to be with us.  And as an encourager, you can be God's arms of love and support wrapping around the person...even when you have no answers or words that are adequate enough to share.  Notice, Paul doesn't say exactly what Onesiphorus said.  Perhaps he didn't remember.  But he did remember that he came and was with him.  

I take comfort in this, because I have often been in situations where I didn't know what to say.  I'll never forget what happened two years ago.  I was on my way home, when my cell phone rang.  A girl in our church, who was a senior in high school, had just been killed in a car wreck.  She was on her way home from school, when a reckless driver had run a stop sign and hit her at a high rate of speed.  She had been killed instantly.  Her family had just received the news at their home.  I was to go and try to comfort them.  I walked into that house not knowing what to say and feeling so inadequate.   All I could do was hug them, cry with them and pray with them.  I didn't try to use any cute "Christian sayings" like "All things work together for good" or "she's in a better place" or "God called her home."  I don't remember what I prayed and I'm sure they don't either.  It was all a blur at the time.  But one thing for sure.  I was there.  

I want to be an encourager, don't you?  I want to be like Onesiphorus and leave a legacy of encouragement, don't you?  Let's start looking for opportunities to be an encouragement.  Everyone you meet needs encouragement.  Everyone you meet has fears, insecurities, problems and struggles beneath the surface.

Lets start being intentional about doing acts of encouragement.  Let's walk in and start encouraging the person whom everyone else has forsaken.  Let's go the distance with those we are encouraging.  Let's encourage with our presence even when we don't know what to say.   

Encourage someone today! 

There are three voices you should be listening to as a leader.

The first is the voice of the Holy Spirit.  The Bible tells us this in John 16:13...

"When the Spirit of truth comes, He will guide you into all truth..."

The Holy Spirit can guide you as a leader.  He can give you wisdom as a leader.  He can comfort you when you are discouraged.  He convicts you when you do wrong.  He can empower you.  He can help you understand Scripture.  He can help you pray.  He can strengthen you.  

What a gift of grace the Holy Spirit is.  As a leader, you don't have to make decisions alone.  You don't have to lead in your own strength.  You don't have to carry the weight of leadership alone.  You don't have to give advice alone.  You don't have to motivate alone.  

Are you listening to the voice of the Holy Spirit?  His voice is gentle and quiet.   You can hear Him when you pull away from the noise of life and listen in the stillness and solitude of prayer. 

The second voice you should be listening to is the voice of people who encourage you.  Who are the people in your corner?  Who are the people who speak life into you?  Who are the people who lift your spirits with their words?  

Years ago, as a young leader who was in way over his head, I'll never forget the four words an encourager spoke into my life.  He said, "I believe in you!"  Wow!  What an impact it had in my life!  When I got discouraged, I listened to those words.  When I was overwhelmed, I listened to those words,  When I was lacking confidence, I listened to those words  When others doubted me, I listened to those words.

Make sure as a leader that you are listening to the voice of encouragement.  Trust me...you'll need it. 

The third voice you should be listening to as a leader is the voice of critics.  This is the hardest voice to listen to, isn't it?  With leadership comes criticism.  The only way to not be criticized is to do nothing.  But that's not you. You are a leader.  

Here's a mindset to adopt about criticism.  See criticism as a gift.  That's right, a gift.  A gift that can help you identify blind spots.  A gift that you can learn from.  A gift that can keep you growing.  A gift that can help you be a better leader.   No matter how unfounded or off-base a criticism is, you can learn something from it. 

The natural action is to turn a deaf ear to criticism.  But when you do this, you are missing out on a great growth opportunity.  Instead of taking the bricks criticism hands you and building a wall with them, take them and build your leadership.  

As a leader, are you listening to the voice of the Holy Spirit, the voice of encouragement and the voice of criticism?

Did you know that there are 10 special volunteers that you need on your team?  Let me introduce them to you.  I know they have "cheesy" names...but trust me...get them on your team and your ministry will flourish.

Faithful Frederick.  He is dependable.  He is consistent.  You can count on him to be there...week in and week out.  And if he's going to be out of town, he will let you know ahead of time.  His faithfulness will not only make him a pillar in your ministry, but kids will feel safe and secure as well because he will be a consistent adult in their life at church.

Prayer Warrior Patricia.  She prays for the ministry.  She prays for the kids.  She prays for the other volunteers.  She prays for you.  The time she spends in her prayer closet brings a fresh anointing of God's Spirit upon the ministry. 

Feedback Francesca.  She provides you with one of the greatest gifts you can receive from a volunteer....
feedback!  She helps you know what's working and what's not working.  Her input keeps you from making the same mistake twice.  And don't label her as a complainer...
she has your best interest in mind.  In fact, don't wait for her feedback...ask for it.

Role Model Reggie.  Do you have boys who need a role model?  He is your man.  He makes a great small group leader.  He is a man of character and integrity.  He knows how to make an impact in the lives of kids. 

Calming Cassandra.  She works wonders in the nursery.  Have a little one that is crying?  Just bring him to Cassandra.  She helps make the nursery a calm, reassuring place for babies and parents alike.  She's everyone's sweet little grandmother.

High-Schooler Hayden.  He's who every kid wants to be and they look up to him.  Sometimes he needs a little extra shepherding just because he's still young himself, but what an impact he can make in the lives of the kids. 

Second Mile Sierra.  She's your right hand.  She comes in during the week and helps prepare the rooms.  She's at every training meeting.  She sends birthday cards to the kids in her class.  She spends money out of her own pocket on supplies.  She helps until the last task is done and then asks, "Is there anything else I can help with?"  You have to tell her to go home at times.  You don't know what you'd do without her. 

Happy Hadassah.  You make sure she's the first person a new family sees when they walk through the doors.  Her smiling face puts everyone she meets at ease and brightens their day. 

Big Kid Bryan.  He's a grown man...but he still knows how to act like a big kid when he's serving.  He gets right in the middle of the kids and play games, laughs with them and makes activities lots of fun.  He's a kid magnet and they love being in his class.

Cheerleader Chelsey.  She brings energy and excitement to the team.  She's the life of the volunteer party.  She encourages everyone around her and lifts their spirits.  She is Mrs. Optimism. 

As you read through these, I'm sure you thought of some real people on your team who exemplify these characteristics.  Drop them a note this week and thank them for who they are and for what they bring to the team.  And if you're missing any of these people on your team, I pray God will send them to you.  They can help make your team complete.

Sometimes you'll have a kid show up at your children's ministry who is having a bad day.  It will be obvious by their attitude, actions and demeanor. 

Whether it's refusing to participate in an activity, sulking in a corner or not wanting to listen, they want nothing to do with you or the class.  And often it's a kid who doesn't normally display this type of behavior. 

When this happens, it's important to act instead of reacting.  Here's some steps you can take to help a kid who's having a bad day in your class.

Try to find out why.  It's as simple as saying, "You don't seem yourself today.  Are you having a bad day?"  This may be met with a frown, shoulder shrug or a verbal confirmation.  If they acknowledge it, go ahead and ask why.  It could be something as simple as an argument they had with their parents on the way to church, something another child said to them when they arrived or something that happened during the week. 

Or you could be seeing the symptoms of a deeper issue.  A family member who is very sick...bullying happening at school...parents who are arguing at home...abuse...
financial pressures felt from parents...anxiety over a life circumstance. 

Please...please...please don't jump past this first step.  If you don't take time to find out "why" the child is acting out, then you'll be tempted to go directly to discipline first.  And what the child needs most is the next step.

Give grace.  Grace triumphs over judgment.  This doesn't mean allowing bad behavior in the class, but it does mean extending grace to the child.  You want the child to look at you as someone who is in their corner rather than a stern disciplinarian. 

Adjust your expectations.  Don't try to force the child into the normal class expectations.  If the child is adamant about just observing during the game, don't demand that he or she participate.  If the child doesn't complete an activity sheet, be okay with it. 

Talk with the child's parents.  Sometimes the parents will convey the issue upfront when they drop the child off.  If they do not, follow up with them after class and privately find out how you can best minister to the child.  If the child shared some weighty information with you that needs attention, then it is important to partner with the parents in this situation. 

Send the child a note in the mail that week.  A simple note with words of encouragement and support will make a big difference in a child's life.  Sit down and write a handwritten note to the child expressing your belief in the child and commitment to being there for them.  Do this and the child will be impacted...I promise. 

I remember a few years ago when a kid walked into the classroom.  He was obviously having a very, very bad day.  He wanted nothing to do with the lesson or classroom activities that day.  I walked with him to the back of the room and sat down.  He shared with me the reason he was having a bad day.  There was strife and turmoil going on at home.  At that point, I decided that what the child needed that day was not the lesson...at least not the one being shared in class.  The lesson he needed that day was simple for someone to sit and listen to him, talk with him and play a card game together.  And so that's what we did.  He didn't go home that day with a new list of Bible facts in his head, but he did go home knowing that when you're having a bad day, the church is a place where you can find empathy, encouragement and grace. 

In 1 Samuel 16, God tasked Samuel with identifying the next king of Israel.  He told him it would be one of the sons of Jesse.

When Samuel arrived at Bethlehem, he took one look at the tall and handsome Eliab and thought he must be the one.

But God said no...he may appear to be the most likely to succeed...but he's not my choice.

Down the line Samuel went...seven sons...seven likely choices...seven "no's" from God.

"Any more sons?" Samuel asked.  There was one more...but he was the youngest.  Given the lowly job of watching the stinky, dirty sheep...was David...the most unlikely child to be chosen as king.  So unlikely they didn't even bother bringing him to the draft.  But God made it clear to Samuel that David was the one. 

If a vote were taken, who would be considered the most unlikely kid to succeed in your ministry?  You know...the kid no one thinks will make it.  The kid that's an outcast.  The kid that comes from a horrible home life.  The kid that withdraws and doesn't want to participate.  The kid that none of the other kids like.  The kid that the teachers consider a "troublemaker."  The kid that acts out in class.  The kid that is known by the other kids as a "loser."  The kid that isn't popular. 

That's the kid God has His eye on.  That's the kid God has big plans for.  That's the kid God wants to use in unbelievable ways.

God loves to take the most unlikely to succeed and turn them into success stories through His power. (tweet this)

Paul said it so well in 1 Corinthians 1.

"Remember, dear brothers and sisters, that few of you were wise in the world’s eyes or powerful or wealthy when God called you.  Instead, God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise.  And He chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful.  God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important.  As a result, no one can ever boast in the presence of God."

May God give us His eyes to see the great plans He has for the unlikely kids in our ministry.  May we listen to His voice as He guides us to the unlikely kids He has chosen to use in unbelievable ways.  May we be like Samuel and speak words of encouragement, anointing and blessings into their lives.

I took this picture at my desk a few days ago.  I keep a stack of note cards there.  I try to write at least one appreciation note a day.  In the day of digital communication, a personal, hand-written note means a lot to people.  Here's some tips for writing notes.

• Be intentional.  I keep the cards on my desk as a reminder.  If you're not intentional, it's easy to forget in the course of a busy day.

• Make it relational.  Express your appreciation for what they mean to you personally.

• Thank them for who they are, not just for what they do.  Example: Instead of just saying, "thank you for teaching the 3rd grade boy's class," say, "your heart for helping kids know Jesus shines through when you teach."  This shows you value them for who they are, not just for what they do.  

• Be specific in your appreciation.  Example:  Instead of just saying, "you did a great job in preschool," say, "I noticed how you took time to make the new little boy feel welcome by coloring with him before class started.  The extra care you showed him made an impact in that family's life."

• Write to people outside your direct circle.  Ask your leaders for names of people in their areas that you can send a note to.  Reference the leader in the note.  Example:  "Sarah was bragging on you today.  She shared with me what an incredible heart you have for helping kids worship.  Thank you for your ministry.  You are a vital part of what God is doing in the kid's lives."

• Write to leaders of other areas in your church.  Write a note to someone in adult ministry, student ministry, facilities team, etc.  Thank them for the impact they are having.  Be an encourager outside the "children's ministry world" as well.

• Keep a list of who you have written.  This will help you spread the encouragement to a broader spectrum of people.

I promise you this.  If you will write notes, you will impact people's lives.  People will hang onto them.  People will come up and thank you.  People will know that you care.