RELEVANT CHILDREN'S MINISTRY

If you are in ministry, you meet with people on a regular basis.  Volunteers.  Staff members.  Parents.  Other church leaders. 

When you are meeting with someone individually who reports to you, there is something you should always do first in the meeting.  Doing this one thing first will make the entire meeting a win. 

Okay.  Ready for the big reveal.  Here it is. 

Ask the person how they and their family are doing. 

Great leaders always take a few minutes at the beginning of the meeting to ask about you and your family. 

Before they dive into the "agenda points," they deepen their relationship with the person by asking key personal questions.

This shows the person that first and foremost, you care about them as a person. 

We've all heard the statement - People don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care.  

It is so true.  Over the years, I've had 100's of meetings with people I reported to.  Looking back, the leaders that were the most effective in leading me, had something in common.  They took a personal interest in myself and my family and started the meeting by asking how we were doing.  

Very simply put - I believe the best way to lead people is through relationship.  And one of the best ways to deepen a relationship is by showing the person you care more about them as a person, than about an agenda list.  When you immediately jump into an agenda list without first asking the person how they are doing, you miss a key opportunity to lead the person at a new level.

On a practical side, when you meet with someone and ask about how they are personally doing, write down key things they tell you.  This will give you a prayer list for the person and talking points for the next time you meet.

Here are some sample questions I like to ask people when I am meeting with them. 

How are you doing?

How is your family?

• If they have children, take time to talk about how their children are doing,

What's going well for you right now?

What are you struggling with?

What are you excited about personally right now?

How can I pray for you and your family?

I promise you, if you'll start your meeting with these type of questions, the rest of the meeting will be much more effective and meaningful.

Remember this as well...

People don't follow a title...they follow someone they love and respect.

If you have a 30 minute meeting with someone, spend the first 5 minutes talking about them. 

Here's how to tell if you're doing this well.  When people sit down to meet with you, which vibe becomes evident? 

Here I am.

or

There you are. 

If you are having rapid turnover on your team, it may be because you're not leading through relationship. 

Agenda points on a meeting list are important.  But what you do at the beginning of the meeting will determine how many of those agenda points get done. 

It's also a great idea to take a few minutes to pray with the person at the end of the meeting.  Start meetings with personal questions and end the meeting with personal pray for the person's needs, and people will look forward to meeting with you.

If you are reading this, it's because you are a leader.  The old saying is true...leaders are readers.

And as a leader, obviously you have people who are following your leadership.  But let me ask you a question.  Why are people following you?

People follow leadership for different reasons.  

Fear of the leader.  An example of this is a dictator, who people follow because if they don't, they will be put 6 feet under.

A common cause with the leader.  An example of this would be a group of people following a leader because they want to help the leader feed hungry people.

They can personally benefit from following the leader.  This would be someone following the boss at work because it's how they can get a promotion...which means more money for them.

The leader has earned their trust and respect.  The leader has strong moral character and integrity.  They see these character traits in the leader and follow out of trust and respect.

They have no other choice.  Perhaps they are just a few years from retirement in the company and don't want to jeopardize their future.

The leader has great qualities.  It might be a skill the leader has.  It might be the boss is extremely smart.  It might be the leader is looked up to as a "winner."   They follow because they want those sames skills in their life.

The leader offers hope.  Hope for their future.  Hope for not getting stuck.  Hope for supporting their family at a better level.

While these are good reasons for people to follow you (except the fear one), I believe the biggest one is not on the list above.

I offer this thought today:

If you want to lead people, you must first love people.

I believe this.  When someone knows you really care about them, it will result in the person caring about you and the vision you are asking them to pursue.

Jesus was such a great example of this.  He built close relationships with the disciples who followed Him.  Look what He says to them in John 15:15

No longer do I call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

The disciples knew Jesus loved them.  He proved it time and time again.  He proved it by forgiving Peter when he denied Him.  He proved it by washing their feet.  He proved it by spending time with them.  He proved it by giving His life as a sacrifice for their sins.

Jesus took His leadership with the disciples to the ultimate way to lead well.  Love.  Check this verse out.  The scene is at the foot of the cross.  Jesus is talking with his disciple John. 

"Then when Jesus saw His mother and the disciple whom He loved standing by, He said to His mother, 'woman, behold your son'."

Jesus' way of leadership stood in stark contrast with the way other people lead in his day.  

The Romans lead with fear.  Do what I say or you will be killed! 

The Pharisees led by offering no other choice.  Follow the rules or else.  Follow the Old Testament laws or we will not associate with you.

Look back again at what Jesus says in John 15.

"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends."

The ultimate leadership...the greatest leadership is empowered by love.  And Jesus proved this by dying on the cross.  That's ultimate love.  That's ultimate leadership.  The kind of leadership that changed the world.

I want to remind you that people don't follow a title.  An amazing office with a great window view won't cause people to follow you.  Throwing money at people with promotions won't cause people to follow you long-term.

The bottom line is this:  People are going to follow you when they know you really care about them.  When they know you love them, not for what they do, but rather for who they are, they will follow you anywhere. 

On this Monday morning, pause for a few minutes to ponder these questions...

Am I leading with love?

Am I showing people I love them by caring for them, being there for them and empowering them?

Do the people I lead know I've got their back?

When was the last time I showed my team that I love them by doing something for them?

Do I spend time with my team on a weekly basis?

Do I know the love languages of people on my team?

Jesus put a great big exclamation point on this leadership by saying this...

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."  John 15:13

If you want to lead people, then follow Jesus' example... 

Lay down your pride and love the people God has placed on your team.

Forget about your title and focus on loving people.

Focus on serving out of love instead of being served out of greed. 

Focus on making others better instead of promoting yourself.

Leading through fear, manipulation, money and title, will only take you so far.  If you want people to go the distance with you, then start loving them. 

Your turn.  What are your thoughts about leading with love?  How do you show your team you love them?  What have you learned about leading people?   Share your insight in the comment section below.