RELEVANT CHILDREN'S MINISTRY

Last Wednesday, Caleb Gaston was arrested on accusations that he sexually assaulted a 3-year-old girl at the YMCA where he worked.

Caleb has also been charged with raping a 4-year-old girl at the same YMCA in Wichita, Kansas.

Gaston was an employee at the Downtown and East YMCA's, where he worked in the Kid Zones - an area where parents can leave their children while they exercise or take classes.  The area is for children ages 6 weeks to 7-years-old.

Gaston also worked at the Plymouth Learning Center, which is a church preschool.  His employment there was “terminated on 10/9/17 due to a complaint of inappropriate touching,” according to a statement by Plymouth Congregational Church.

This heartbreaking news is a reminder of how critical it is to have safety and security measures in place to protect children from abuse.  The YMCA where this took place, says it has safety and security measures in place, but somewhere there was a breakdown in the system.

The fact that the defendant had a previously documented accusation of inappropriate touching, should have been a huge red flag.  A reference call to his previous place of employment should have caught this.  

You cannot be too safe when it comes to protecting the children in your care.  No one precaution by itself is enough.  It takes a plethora of steps to build a solid wall of protection.  The more steps you have in place, the safer children will be.  Here are the key steps you must have in place.

• Application - every person must fill out an application that includes the hard questions that need to be asked (you can download one for free at this link)

• Background check

• Reference calls - call previous employers and places the person has volunteered (you can download a template for free at this link)

• Personal interview - sit down and ask the hard questions face-to-face (you can download a list of questions to ask at this link)

• Orientation - go over safety and security measures and have each person sign a form that says they agree and will abide by these

• Windows in all areas - you should be able to clearly see what is going on inside each area at all times

• Rule of 2 - no one is ever alone with a child - never - no exceptions 

• Cameras - have video cameras in every area and let everyone know everything they do is being taped

Please, please, please make sure kids are safe in your ministry.  We recently hosted a webinar that helps churches make their ministry a safe place for kids and families.  If you were unable to attend, it was recorded and is available on demand at this link. 
 
Let's diligently walk guard around the precious children God has placed in our care and say "Not on my watch!"

Can you stay over and serve for the next service?  One of the other volunteers called in sick.

I have faith in you.  You can handle this class of twenty 3-year-olds by yourself.

It's okay.  You can go ahead and start serving.  We can run your background check later.

Sorry, I wasn't able to email you the lesson until Saturday night.  It was a busy week.

I know you said you wanted to serve in the nursery, but I really need you to teach 5th grade boys.

Don't worry about attending the adult service.  Serving will provide you with all the spiritual growth you need.

We will be having volunteer training every week and I need you to be there.

You're serving in two different ministries already?  I'm sure you can handle one more.

We don't have any budget money set aside for snacks for volunteers while they're serving...but you're welcome to bring your own.

I know it's your very first week serving...but I need you to be the leader in the room.  You'll figure it out as you go.

The floor is yours...
What are some other things you should never say to volunteers?  Share them in the comment section below.

This past weekend I sat down with someone who wanted to serve in our children's ministry.

I knew going into the conversation that he would not be able to serve at this time.  His heart was in the right place...but his background check wasn't.

This is an example of something you will face if you have an on-boarding process for volunteers.  If you don't have a process in place, please, please, please do so for the safety of the kids in your ministry.  You can see our process at this link.

So when the background check or another part of the process produces a red flag, how do you lead this difficult conversation?

Affirm the person as a part of your church family.
Start off by sharing with them how much you love them and that you are thankful they are part of your church family.  Share with them how much you appreciate them wanting to serve.

Explain that a red flag popped up while taking them through the process.  Share with them what it was.  (examples...a drug use conviction a year ago, reference call information, application answers, etc.)

Ask them to share about the "red flag."  
It's important to allow them to explain what happened.  This is not so they can talk you into letting them serve, but to hear their heart and journey so you can help them move forward.

Explain the "why" of the process. 
Share that it's nothing personal against them, but rather a system you have in place to ensure the safety and security of the children.  Share that you go the second mile to accomplish this hence you have very high standards in place.

Be a pastor.
More than likely they are going to feel either angry, hurt, sad, or guilty.  They may even question if you want them to be part of the church family.

This is such a key time in the conversation.  Again, affirm how much you love them.  Share with them how thankful you are that they are part of the church family. 

Provide them with next steps.
Don't leave them hanging.  This is one of the most critical times of the conversation.  God is giving you the opportunity to help this person grow in their relationship with Him.

Give them next steps they can take to continue to grow spiritually.  Perhaps it's a class or program they can be part of.  Perhaps it's another ministry in the church they can serve in that doesn't require high serving standards.

Follow up and help them get connected.

Let them know "no" now doesn't mean "no" indefinitely. 
Share with them that when the red flag is removed you'd like to have them as part of the team one day. (example - if you have a 2 year wait process for someone who had a drug conviction)

The exception to this would be someone who has abused a child.  That would be a permament red flag to serve in children's ministry for us.

Final thoughts...
As I walked through this process with the person this past weekend, there were tears in his eyes.  He went down a rough path with some addictions but is now headed in the right direction.  I was able to connect him with the recovery ministry in our church where he can be surrounded by people who will help him grow and provide him with a place to serve.

And one day...a few years down the road...I look forward to seeing him spiritually healthy and serving in our children's ministry. 

"We've never done it that way before."

"Let's require parents to serve."

"They won't notice...they're just kids."

"Are you a visitor?"

"No one wants to volunteer."

"You've been in the church a long time and I know you.  You can serve without having a background check."

"You lost your security tag?  That's okay, go ahead.  We'll let you through without it."

"I don't know...I'm just a volunteer...ask a staff member."

"Your child acted bad in class today.  You need to get control of him."

"There's too much going on to take my day off this week."

Which of these do you agree or not agree with?  What other phrases should we never say in Children's Ministry?