RELEVANT CHILDREN'S MINISTRY

Families are looking for ways to make memories.  One great tool you can introduce them to is a Family Memory Box.

A family memory box is just that.  It's a box or container that you place items in that reminds you of special memories you've made as a family.

An example would be a brochure or other small item from a place where you went on vacation.

Or perhaps it's a handout from a graduation ceremony.  

Then once or twice a year, you sit down together as a family, bring out some of the items in the box and use them to talk about some of your family's great memories.

I have been encouraging families to spend more time and money on making memories than on buying their kids gifts that will be put aside and forgotten in a few months.

Here's an example.  Rather than spending $100 per child on Christmas toys or other gifts, only spend $50 per child on the toys or other gifts and use the other $50 on making memories on a trip or activity.

You can then take something from your trip and put it in the memory box. 

The blessing about doing this is you will create great memories with your family.  Memories that will long outlast a toy, game or clothes.

Then create a tradition that certain times each year you sit down, pull out items from the memory box and talk about the memories associated with those items.

"Stuff" is nice, but will not be what kids remember when they are grown.  But they will remember the time you spent with them, the trips you took them on and the fun things you did together.

Here's a picture of our family's memory box.  If you don't have one, think about starting one.  A few years down the road, you can use it to bring back the precious memories that are associated with the items.

And pass this idea along to the families in your church.  They will thank you for it. 

Leading child psychologists say parents have been wasting money on toys and instead should be spending the money on vacations with their children.

Oliver James, a best-selling psychological author of numerous books on parent - child relationships, says a large percentage of toys parents give children aren't actually wanted or valued.  A classic example is seeing a child choose to play with the box that a toy came in after opening the present.

James says, “The whole business of providing material commodities for kids - in ever more expensive forms as they get older - is entirely, 100 per cent, about propping up the industry that profits from it." 

He goes on to say that family vacations are definitely valued by children, both in the moment and long afterwards in their memory.  Oliver suggests if you're going to spend money on something for your kids, the best return is spending it on vacations.  Just like adults, kids regard experiences like traveling as more fulfilling than just buying more stuff. 

The big benefit of choosing to spend more money on vacations and less money on toys is that it provides the opportunity for children to have prolonged periods of time with their parents.  It gives families time to spend together outside of the pressure of everyday life, where they can relax and play together.

Most of the toys parents give their children in today's video game, digital-play driven world, are toys that put distance between them.  Children end up playing on their own screen, whether it's the screen of a TV, computer, laptop, tablet, gaming system or other mobile device.  But on a vacation, children and parents tend to spend more time together in face-to-face interaction.  This is what children really value.

Encourage the parents in your ministry to spend less money on "toys" for their children.  Encourage them instead to take some of the money and invest it it in vacation experiences with their children.  This is what kids will really remember and value, long after their toys are landfill in a local dump.

Did you know that families today take on average, a week less of vacation than they did in 2000.

42% of Americans say they have not taken a single day off in the past year.

22% of parents admit it's been over a year since their last family vacation.

39% of parents have unused vacation time available.

85% of parents say they could take off more time to spend time with their family if they would.

Americans are working 11 more hours a week than they did 36 years ago.  That adds up to roughly 3 extra weeks of work per year.

And our kids are noticing.  Our "always-on" habits are reshaping our children's lives.

75% of children say their parents don't fully disconnect from work when they are home and over 80% of kids have noticed their parents bringing work stress home with them.

Kids with parents who check in with work most days are twice as likely to say their parents come home from work in a bad mood compared to kids with parents who never check in after hours.

Parents who regularly check in with work after hours are also more likely to have stressed-out kids, by about 20 percentage points.  About one in five kids say their parents do after-hours work from home almost every night.

Does this mean parents are spending less time with their kids?  Not necessarily.  But it's what they're doing with the time that is concerning.  Much of the time is spent in front of a small screen called a smart phone.

Interestingly enough...a study of Disney parks was done to figure out what kids found the most absorbing at the parks.  Was it Mickey?  Cinderella's castle?  Splash Mountain?  No.  It was their parent's smart phones.  Because their parents were always staring at them, the kids wanted to as well...even while surrounded by all the sounds, sights and attractions of a Disney park.

It's not just how much time parents spend with their kids, but what they do with the time as well.  Staring at the screen of a smart phone won't have the same result as doing something together with the smart phone put aside.

Kids also notice when their parents miss important events.  60% of kids say their parents have missed events like school plays, sports games and awards ceremonies - even major holidays - for work.  58% of kids can detail the last activity their parents missed.

Yes, a busy parent might say that today's kids seem to have an endless number of award ceremonies and that many schools don't seek to accommodate parents' work schedules.  But...we must keep in mind the stats of the available days off that are not used. 

The tension...we're not only telling our kids by example that working all the time is acceptable, we're creating a new norm for the next generation.  And it will only get worse.

So what should we do?

Encourage parents to use their vacation time.  And finances doesn't have to be a determining factor.  Kids don't have to have an all-expenses paid trip to the Caribbean.  When surveyed, the most popular activity mentioned was simply joining their school field trip.  Kids just want to spend time with their parents.

Encourage parents to put down their smart phone when they're spending time with their kids. 

"Get off the grid and spend time with your kid."

Encourage parents to put down their phone and make something happen.

Encourage parents to use some of their vacation time to be part of events in their child's lives.  Don't let vacation days go unused when you can use them to attend school events, field trips, award ceremonies, plays, sports events and more.

The time we miss out with our kids can never be reclaimed.  Let's make it count.