RELEVANT CHILDREN'S MINISTRY

Being a parent is one of the most challenging and rewarding adventures you will go in life.

And parenting is not something you ever stop doing.  Yes, your role will change as your child grows and matures, but you will always be a part of your child's journey - even when they are adults.

Whether you are a brand new parent or you have kids who are grown up, you will always play an important part in your child's life.

One of the greatest things you can do as a ministry leader is to encourage and equip other parents that are on the journey as well.  Your ministry for parents is just as important as your ministry for their children.

Here are 25 great quotes that you can share with parents to encourage them along the way.

An inheritance is what you leave for your kids.  A legacy is what you leave in your kids.

Discipline and correction is not something you do to your children.  It's something you do for your children.

I used to have 3 great theories about raising children.  Then I became a parent and now I have 3 children and no theories about raising children.

We never know the love of a parent till we become parents ourselves.

Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.  -Chuck Swindoll

Behind every young child who believes in himself is a parent who believed first. -Matthew Jacobson

Children learn more from who you are than from what you teach.

Being a single parent is not a life full of struggles but a journey for the strong. -Meg Lowery

To be in your child's memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today.  -Barbara Johnson

Once you sign on to be a mother, 24/7 is the only shift they offer. -Jodi Picoult

Parenthood...it's about guiding the next generation and forgiving the last. -Peter Krause

This is my most important role.  If I fail at this, I fail at everything. -Mark Wahlberg

There is nothing that moves a loving father’s soul quite like his child’s cry.

Our children are watching us live and what we are shouts louder than anything we can say.

Whatever you would have your children become, strive to exhibit in your own lives and conversation.

Live so that when your children think of fairness and integrity, they think of you.

There’s nothing that can help you understand your beliefs more than trying to explain them to an inquisitive child.

My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.

You have a lifetime to work, but children are only young once.

We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today.

Where parents do too much for their children, the children will not do much for themselves. -Elbert Hubbard

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

Children need models rather than critics.  -Joseph Joubert

Your children need your presence more than your presents.

The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice. 

I was reading Proverbs this week and a verse caught my attention.  It's this verse.

Proverbs 31:28 - “Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 'Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all."

I'm not trying to be morbid, but this verse reminds me that one day my children will be at my funeral.  What will they say about me?  What legacy will I leave for them?  What will those who know me best think about the life I lived?  

The children of the parent in Proverbs called her blessed.  Through her attitude and actions she made an indelible impression on her children and left a legacy that was praiseworthy.

What will your kids say about you?  That is up to you to live out and form now.  Here are a couple of things to remember.

An INHERITANCE is what you leave FOR your children.  A LEGACY is what you leave IN your children.

Here is another thing to consider. 

Your greatest accomplishment in life will not be something you do, but rather someone you raise.

Make a list of what you want your kids to say about you at your funeral.  Don't show them the list, but rather show them by your actions and attitude what is on the list.  And strive to live a life that will make your kids proud.  

 What will be on your list?

She lived a life of integrity?

He loved us unconditionally?

She was kind and helpful to those who needed it the most?

He walked in God's wisdom?

She loved Jesus and followed Him?

She was a person of prayer?

He was there for me when I went through a tough time?

She loved God's Word and spent time reading it each day?

He showed compassion and care for those in need?

She was a great parent? 

He was an awesome grandfather?

He put family before work?

She held me close and listened when I needed someone to be there for me?

He forgave those who hurt him?

She never turned her back on me?

He spoke words of encouragement into my life?

He served others rather than waiting for others to serve him?

She took me to church faithfully?

He gave me a hug when I needed it the most?

I heard someone say this...

Success is when those who know you best think the most of you.

Live today like you want to be remembered one day by your family.

Parents want their kids to be successful.

Some parents strive to help their children have academic success.

Other parents focus on helping their children have athletic success.

Then there are parents who seek for their child to have financial success.

And some parents want their children to have social success.

These are all noteworthy purposes for parents to seek for their children.

But the most important thing parents can desire for their children is spiritual success.   The best success a child can have is to love God with all of their heart, mind and soul.

There is success that is measured by human standards and then there is success that is measured by God's standards.

Notice what it says in this passage...

This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it.  For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have GOOD SUCCESS.  Joshua 1:8

Notice what type of success this verse talks about.  It clarifies it as GOOD success.  A person can be successful, but if the success doesn't include God, then it's not good success.  A person can have financial success, but if they put their finances before God, then it's not good success.  A child can grow up and have athletic success, perhaps even playing in the NBA, NFL, MLB or NHL, but if God is not in first place of their life, it's not good success. 

As children's ministry leaders, we have the opportunity to influence parents and help them see what Biblical success....GOOD success...looks like and map out how to get there.  The verse is straightforward in mapping out the road to good success.

• Talk about God's Word.

• Meditate on God's Word

• Obey God's Word

So how can we help parents see what good success is?  I believe if we will give parents a clear picture of Biblical success and the pathway to get there, they will respond.  

One of the most effective ways to come alongside parents is through milestone events.  Let's get more specific.  Milestones are times in a family's life when they are focused on spiritual success.  

I believe one of the biggest opportunities to point parents toward Biblical success is when they are DEDICATING THEIR CHILD TO GOD.  

And if we can help parents see what good success is, early in their child's life, they can get off to a great start in helping their children pursue good success.  Child dedication opens the door for seeing clearly what good success is and for helping new parents lock into it. 

That's why I created the Child Dedication class.  The class gives new parents the tools they need to help their children have good success.  The curriculum includes everything you need to host the class.  You can get more details and see samples at this link.  

If we can partner with parents when their children are young, we can set them up for success as parents and they can see their children grow up to love Jesus. But we have to take them there when their children are young.  This will help them establish a solid foundation that good success can be built upon.

What an awesome privilege we have to equip parents and help them see what good success will look like in their child's life. 

Need some help parenting?  If you have an Amazon Echo with Alexa, the digital voice assistant, you may be in luck.

There's a new "Magic Word" function that you can turn on which will tell kids to use the word "please" when they ask for something.  The function can also be used to reinforce positive behavior.

Amazon has also introduced children's content for the Echo that includes 300 audio books for kids, as well as skills designed for kids by Nickelodeon, Disney and National Geographic.

Need help getting the kids out of bed?  Digital parent to the rescue.

Need kids to be reminded to study for a test?  Digital parent to the rescue.

Want to teach your child how to be polite?  Digital parent to the rescue.

Want to see your child improve in their history lessons?  Digital parent to the rescue.

Need someone to read a bedtime story to your child?  Digital parent to the rescue.

Want to monitor what your child is watching and listening to?  Digital parent to the rescue. 

The truth is no app, computer, digitally generated voice or "futuristic robot" can take the place of a parent. 

God has placed the guidance, training, spiritual formation and molding of children in the hands of their parents.

I often remind parents of this truth:  No one has more influence in the life of a child than his or her parents. 

Parents are told this in God's Word.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.  Ephesians 6:4

Parents are to...

Treat their children right (do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them).

Train their children (bring them up with the discipline).

Teach their children (bring them up with the instruction).

One of the most important things we can do is equip parents to raise their children to love Jesus.  When we influence the greatest influencers (parents), we can then truly influence their children through them.

This means we should teach parents how to treat their children right.  Most parents, by default, parent the way they were parented....bad parenting traits included.  Provide parents with the tools and resources they need to identify bad parenting habits they want to correct.  Show parents how they can build a great relationship with their child.

We should also teach parents how to train their children.  This includes how to discipline, how to train their kids to make wise decisions, how to manage money, etc.

And we should equip parents with the Biblical knowledge they need to teach their children the ways of God.  Giving them the understanding they need to pass on a Christian worldview to their children.

Do these 3 things and you will set parents up for success as they guide their children.

Let me ask you a question.  Do you have a plan in place to equip parents?  Do you have a strategy to influence them?

Here are some articles that can help you develop and implement a strategy to influence the parents in your ministry.

Helping parents prepare their children for the transition from elementary to middle school.

Helping parents see the importance of consistent church attendance.

Helping parents teach their children about managing money.

Equipping parents to lead their children to faith in Christ.

Equipping parents to raise their children to follow Jesus for a lifetime.

Anyone who says parenting is easy has never been one.  Parents are looking for help.  That's one reason many of them are excited about something as simple as a digital voice that will help them teach their children to say "please."

God has placed you in a unique position as a ministry leader.  You can be a voice speaking into the lives of parents, helping them step up to be the parent God is calling them to be.

The gender blur continues to accelerate.  The latest attempt to blur the line between male and female is a new buzzword among Millennial parents.

The term is called "Theyby" and refers to a baby born and raised free of the "constraints of gender designation."

Parents who adopt this child-rearing strategy keep the baby's anatomy a secret and refer to the child only by plural pronouns.  Their goal is to create a childhood free of gender restricted dress, act, play, etc. 

Companies are also jumping on the "blur the genders bandwagon" by creating gender neutral clothes, toys and products.  Some examples are Banana Republic that has introduced a line of gender-less baby clothes.  And then there is Target, that has removed gender-based signage and references from its toy aisles.

As our culture continues to slide away from God's plan for humanity, we are doing children a great disservice.  Many children will grow up confused about what shouldn't be confusing, if our society just used common sense.  The effects of this influence is already being seen in the lives of middle-schoolers and high-schoolers who are identifying as non-binary - meaning neither male or female.  Or in kids who jump back and forth between the two.  One day they dress as a boy and asked to be called "him" and then a few days later showing up dressed as a girl, demanding to be called "her."

As the drivers of this agenda continue to impose gender blurring upon society, parents who believe "God created them male and female" must be prepared to teach their children the truth and equip them to think with a Christian world view in the midst of the insanity they are facing.

Those who are championing the "theyby" mindset, may say that the traditional labeling of male and female is Old Testament law and doesn't apply to today.  But a closer look into God's Word reveals, that in the New Testament, Jesus always referred to male and female in terms of gender.  He made a clear distinction between the two.  He also made it clear that marriage is between a man and woman.

Will hearing "it's a boy" or "it's a girl" in the hospital birthing room become a thing of the past?  God forbid.  More than ever, we need men and women who raise their sons and daughters to reflect God's masterful design for the sexes.  God's design is the best design and His way of life is the best way of life.  When we deviate from His plan, the results are only negative.

Call me old school, but I believe boys should be boys and girls should be girls.  They should be called that.  Raised like that.  And be taught to act like that.

The differences between the two genders are what make both so special and equal in their uniqueness.

Theyby?  I don't think so.  Let's stick with "boy" and "girl" for the sake of the next generation's well being.

Parenting is one of life's greatest adventures.  It's a roller-coaster ride as you parent children through the different phases of their life.

Here are 20 funny tweets from parents that help explain the parenting journey.

It is not easy being a parent.  This person summed it up well.

Before I was a parent, I had three theories about raising children, now I have three children and no theories about raising children.

As we parent our children through the different stages of their childhood, it is vital that we do so with God's wisdom and help.  There are many good books and resources on parenting, but the best parenting wisdom comes from God's Word.

"Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath by the way you treat them, but BRING THEM UP with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord."   -Ephesians 6:4

We are to bring up our children to love Jesus and follow Him.  But how do we do that in a culture that pulls them the opposite direction?  How do we do that when they receive so many opposing messages?

In this one verse, God gives us three keys to bringing up our children to love and follow Jesus.  Let's look at them.

1. TREAT THEM RIGHT

Notice how the verse starts out.

"Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath by the way you TREAT them."  

Bringing up children must first be grounded in relationship.  Without relationship, the next two steps will not work.  Rules without relationship = rebellion.  Children don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.

We have been given a precious gift from the Lord.

"Children are a gift from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is His reward."  Psalm 127:3 

Our children are our greatest investment.  Financially, the average family spends $233,610.00 on a child before he or she goes to college.  Obviously, children are a significant investment financially.  But even greater is the relational and spiritual investment we are called to make in them.

We tend to parent the way we were parented.  If we were yelled at, our default is to yell at our kids.  If we were constantly criticized, our default is to criticize.  If we were belittled, our default is to belittle.  We must be intentional about stopping the pattern and start treating our children with love and respect.

What does treating your children right look like?  Paul answers this question in I Thessalonians 2.

"We were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her children."  (vs. 7)

We are to treat our children with gentleness.  Gentleness is strength with a soft touch.  It is a compassionate approach to our child's weaknesses and shortcomings.

Paul goes on to say in verses 11-12...

"For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into His kingdom and glory."

We are to give our children encouragement.  For every 1 criticism or correction, we should give them 9 words of encouragement. 

We are to give our children comfort.  This means being there for them.  They should know that no matter what happens, you will be a shoulder they can cry on.

Dan Baber honored his mother by posting an auction on eBay titled, "Best Mother in the World."  The winning bidder would receive an email from his mother that would "make you feel like you are the most special person on earth."  Over 42,711 people responded and the winning bid was $610.00.  This is an example of how people who never receive affirmation and comfort, long for it.

We are to urge our children to live for God.  We are to not just "call them out" for their shortcomings.   Rather we are to urge...to "call them up" to be all that they can be for God.  Instead of just calling our children out for being lazy, we are to call them up to be a person of persistence and diligence.  Instead of just calling our children out for being dishonest, we are to call them up to be a person of honesty and integrity.  Instead of just calling our children out for arguing with their sibling, we are to call them up to treat others with respect and love.

If a child lives with encouragement, she learns confidence.

If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate.

If a child lives with fairness, she learns justice.

If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith.

If a child lives with approval, she learns to like herself.

Did you know that when the penguins are preparing to bring children into the world, that the male penguin comes to the breeding grounds in Antarctica?  The father penguin receives the egg and then holds it on top of his feet.  He gently protects and holds the egg for months, while waiting for the baby to hatch.  He endures temperatures of 80 degrees below zero and whipping, cold winds of over 100 mph.

What a great picture of how we are to treat our children.  We are to hold them gently.  Encouraging them.  Comforting them.  Urging them to become all God has intended for them to be.

2. TRAIN THEM

Notice what the verse in Ephesians says next.

"Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath by the way you treat them, but BRING THEM UP with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord."   -Ephesians 6:4

The word discipline means to train.  It is like a coach who is training his player for the game.  He can't play the game for his player, but he can prepare his player for the game.  So, we as parents, are to train our children for life.  We can't live their life for them, but we can prepare them to live theirs.

As our child's "coach," our end goal should be to help our child become a better person.  Our discipline should be for motivation not humiliation.

 Discipline isn't something you do to your child.  It's something you do for your child.

We are to train our children to persevere, so they don't quit when things get tough.

We are to train our children to have character, so one day they will lead with integrity.

We are to train our children to be a good husband or wife, so one day they will have a good marriage.

3. TEACH THEM

The third key is found in the last part of the verse.

"Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath by the way you treat them, but BRING THEM UP with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord."  
 -Ephesians 6:4

We are to teach our children what they need to know to succeed in life.  And it's important to understand that first and foremost, we teach our children not by what we say, but by what we do.

 Children may not always do what we say, but they never fail to imitate what we do.

We must live out a genuine faith before our children.   If we are going to teach our children to be passionate about God, then we must be passionate about God first.  If we are going to teach out children to pray, then they must first see us praying.  If we are going to teach our children to love God's Word, then they must first see us reading the Word.  If we are going to teach our children making church a priority, then we must make taking them to church a top priority.

We must also be intentional about teaching our children our core values and beliefs.  Parents must start with the end in mind and map out what they want their children to believe, what kind of person they want their child to be, what values they want their child to hold, etc.

If you are not outlining and teaching your values, morals and beliefs as the foundation for your child's life, then you must ask yourself, "Who is?"

If we don't shape our child's worldview, then outside influences will.

Don't beat yourself up.  As parents, we tend to blame ourselves when our children blow it, don't we?  When our kids fail, we feel like failures as parents.

Our job is to invest in our children and love them unconditionally.  A great example of this is the father of the prodigal son.  His son turned his back on him.  Disrespected him.  Walked away from the values he had been taught.

But the father never gave up on him.  Notice that he did not chase after his son.  He allowed his son to face the consequences of his actions.   But he never stopped loving his son.  He never stopped looking and praying for his return.  And when the son did come home, he met him with compassion rather than condemnation.  He met him with love rather than lambasting him.  He met him with a hug rather than with hate.

Our children need to know that we will always love them.  No matter what happens, we will be there with open arms to welcome them home.

At the end of the day, we can't make our children follow Jesus.  It is their choice.  Anne Frank said this.

 Parents can only give good advice or put their children on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.

Our job is to create good soil that children's lives can be planted in.  We can't make them grow.  We can't make them flourish.  We are to simply create an environment, a home, a family, that gives them the best opportunity to grow up to love Jesus and walk in His ways.  As we do that, our prayer is they will blossom into the person God has intended them to be.

Below is a video of a recent talk I shared entitled "Bring Them Up."  Feel free to share with the parents in your ministry.  I am also available to speak in your ministry.  You can get more information about having me come at this link.
 

It's Friday, so let's have some fun.  One of the most challenging and rewarding jobs in life is being a parent.  Here are 30 actual tweets from parents that remind us that parenting is a roller coaster ride.

I hope this brings a smile to your face and brightens your day as you approach the weekend.

Summer vacation would probably be a little more relaxing if these kids were vacationing somewhere else.

Today is the longest day of the year or if you're a parent just like every day over summer until your kids go back to school.

Toddlers are the Johnny Appleseed of crumbs, spreading crumbs everywhere.  But the only thing they're growing is the impatience of parents.

My 3-year-old just announced she was gonna be a rainbow and then disappeared with 15 bottles of nail polish.  This isn't going to end well.

What's the opposite of getting knocked-out?  I’m looking for a word to describe being awakened from a deep sleep by a toddler kick to my face.

As a parent, you learn to accept you can't run away from your problems.  They will find you.  And they will demand fruit snacks.

Kids are cool because they're like small super heroes whose power is shouting "I'M STILL NOT TIRED!!!" two hours after bedtime.

You will never realize your full potential for speed and agility until the day you see your toddler holding a Sharpie marker.

The 5 y.o. learned to read; it's bittersweet.  While seeing her master a skill is sweet, I'm bitter that she can now tell when I skip pages.

My 14 y.o. made fun of me this morn because he had a snow day and I had to go to work. so I changed the wifi password.

Never make eye contact with a child on the verge of sleep.  They will sense it and abort the mission.

Just taught my kids about paying taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.

Asked to switch seats on the plane because I was sitting next to a crying baby.  Apparently, that's not allowed if the baby is yours.

If you wait long enough to make dinner, everyone will just eat cereal.  It's science.

Don't ask me if I've seen a new movie.  I have four little girls.  If there wasn't a singing princess in it, the answer is no.

Parenting is like being a juggler except all the balls are screaming.

I can either put my kids through college or pay for one hour of Internet on a plane.  Being an adult is hard.

There are few things more terrifying than finding your toddler in the living room with an uncapped red Sharpie in her hand.

Whomever wrote Silent Night obviously had no kids.

I put my symptoms into WebMD & it turns out I just have kids.

Tried to be the cool mom.  Got talked into a bounce house.  Everything hurts now.

My wife and I have an agreement with our 7 year old daughter.  Don't wake us up early on the weekend and we won't abandon you in a mall.

Me: Why do you keep throwing your food on the floor??  3yo: Because the ceiling is too high.

I think my kids are having a secret contest to see who can use up rolls of toilet paper the fastest.

Kids are fun when they aren't drawing on everything, leaving toys everywhere, peeing on stuff, melting down...So...about 5% of the time.

The only thing my kids are likely to give me for Mother's Day is more gray hair.

"I want a snack." - my kids, while they're eating,

Do you hear that?  That's the sound of silence.  #parenting #backtoschool

If I had an elephant in one arm, a rhino in the other and an orangutan on my shoulders, my sons would still ask me to hold their stuff.

Being home with kids all day is just the loneliest never-alone thing.  Like living in a cave filled with malfunctioning Teddy Ruxpins.

Once I was the perfect parent.  I knew everything about parenting and how to make the right decision in every situation.  Then I became a parent!  I'm sure you can identify.  Parenting is one of the most challenging and rewarding jobs you'll ever undertake.

And being a parent is a lot of pressure, isn't it?  Especially when you realize that you're the primary shaper and influencer of the person your child will grow up to be.  While all of us make mistakes as parents, there are some big ones that can cause children to have problems later in life.  Let's take a look at 10 of them.

Making our children the center of the home.  This is when parents revolve their entire lives around their children.  They treat their kids like they are the center of the universe.  While we should love our kids, they should not be the center of the home.  We should first and foremost strive for a God-centered home.  And second most important is the relationship of dad and mom.  The best parenting tool is a good marriage.  

When we get this out of order, kids can grow up to be self-centered and selfish.  The best way to love our kids is to love God first, our mate second and our kids thirdly.  This will help kids grow up with a healthy balance and in the long run is the best way we can love them.

Acting like our children are perfect.  This involves parents who never want to hear anything negative about their kids.  Their kids can do no wrong and when someone points out something wrong their child has done or raises a concern, they attack the messenger, even when the messenger is coming with a heart of love and wanting to help the child.  When we usurp authority, we are doing our children an injustice, because this is not the world they will live in as adults and they will have a hard time with work and other relationships.

Though we always want to support and encourage our children, we must also realize that they do make mistakes and have faults.  Yes, hearing the truth about our children when they do wrong, is not pleasant, but is necessary.  When we listen with an open heart and mind to the messenger, our kids are the ones that will benefit long-term.  If we don't, our kids will grow up not accepting responsibility for their actions.  Their growth as a person and follower of Christ will be stunted because they refuse to acknowledge and overcome their sins, weaknesses and blind spots.

Our actions not matching our words.   Kids don't always do what we say, but they always imitate what we do.  They watch how we treat our spouse, how we react to adversity and conflict, how we follow Christ,  whether we keep our promises or not, how we interact with people, etc.  Our actions should match our words.  This doesn't mean we will be perfect, but it does mean our kids see the sincerity and authenticity of our heart.  When we don't practice what we preach, kids may grow up to be cynical and have trust issues.

Focusing on accomplishment more than character.  Character matters more than trophies, awards, report cards and other accolades.  Who your child is, is more important than what he or she accomplishes.  If our children will be who they are supposed to be, then they will do what they are supposed to do.  Honesty...character...
integrity...perseverance...faithfulness...trustworthiness...
this is what we should focus on.  While there's nothing wrong with celebrating and honoring our kids' accomplishments, we should value their character more.  Good character is the foundation for long-term success.

When we focus on accomplishment more than character, our kids will grow up with a shaky foundation that will eventually be exposed as they do whatever it takes to "win" or "get ahead."  Or if they do achieve success, it may be short-lived without the character needed to sustain it.

Being more of a friend than a parent.  Yes, we want our kids to like us.  But we must remember that first and foremost, we are parents.  When we try to be our kids' best friend, we often end up making decisions that are not best for them due to wanting to make our "friend" happy.  It causes us to not step up to the plate to do the hard things that have to be done at times.

Yes.  This means your kids will get upset with you.  You may lose their "approval."  But in the long run, they will thank you.  Don't let your need of approval from your child stand in the way of you being the parent they need you to be.

Putting work before your kids.  We live in a "busy" culture.  We have lots of plates to keep spinning, don't we?  The work plate, the friend's pate, the hobbies' plate, the duties of every day life plate and the kids' plate.  There are times when we have to drop a plate.  That's okay.  Just make sure it's not the kids' plate.  Every time we choose work over our children, it impacts them negatively.  Yes, there will occasionally be times when we have to burn the midnight oil.  But that should be a rare exception and not the norm.  There is nothing you can buy your kids with the overtime that is more important to them than the time you spend with them.

Not allowing our kids to fail.  As a parent, it's painful to see our kids fail.  Our first reaction is to sweep in and rescue them from the unhappiness of failing.  But when we do this, we shortchange them and cause them to miss the many valuable lessons that can only be learned through failure.

In the book The Gift of Failure, author and psychologist Wendy Grolnick says, "Kids who were raised by controlling or directive parents could not contemplate tasks on their own, but the kids who were being raised by autonomy-supportive parents stuck with tasks, even when they got frustrated.  Kids who can redirect and stay engaged in tasks, even when they find those tasks difficult become less and less dependent on guidance in order to focus, study, organize and otherwise run their own lives."

Being over critical.  A small amount of criticism can help kids if it is balanced with praise.  But when parents take criticism to the extreme, they can cause kids to become anxious, resentful and lack confidence.  Kids begin to feel like they can never measure up and may even begin to stop listening and go against the parent's advice out of anger and spite.

Make sure your ratio of negative to positive comments stays in check.  You should be giving your child more positive comments than negative ones.

Losing it and Yelling.  Yelling at our kids, triggers their stress induced "flight or fight" mode.  They shut down and we can yell until we are blue in the face, but we won't get through to them.  It will have the opposite effect of what we want and they will become even less likely to listen and cooperate.

This can cause damage to your connection with your child long-term.  And you will teach them by example to react with anger and shouting.  This can hurt them in all of their relationships when they grow up and model this behavior.

One-sided communication.  When kids feel like they can't talk with their parents and approach them with questions, concerns and problems, they will turn to others first for advice and comfort.  And many times, it will not be the best advice or help since it is from their peers. 

It's important to let your children know they can come talk to you about anything without being judged or condemned.  This will create an environment where open communication happens rather than just a one-sided lecture. 

If you are a parent, realize we all make mistakes.  If you find you're making some of these mistakes now, don't lose heart.  Be honest with your kids.  Let them know you've blown it.  Start making changes today.  You and your kids will benefit for the rest of your lives.

A recent study has found that today's fathers want more involvement in their kids' lives and as a result are more hands-on, present, patient and understanding than ever before. 

The report also finds that the father's role as the primary disciplinarian is shifting.  Today's dads see themselves as less strict, feared, distant and work-focused than their own fathers.  Most see their role as protector, mentor and teacher.

Some other findings...

• 44% say parenting is harder than in previous generations. 

• 50% find that raising children is a lot harder than they thought it would be. 

• 62% want to be more involved in their children's lives.

• Over 50% say their workplace doesn't align with their desire to be there more for their kids and doesn't understand the changing roles of being a father.

• 78% believe they are doing a good job as a dad. 

• 80% are grateful to be a father.

The study also identified three categories of modern dads.

Provider dads - they are the primary breadwinners who receive parental direction from the caregiver who is not working or working part time.

Super - subs - they are the primary breadwinners, but also act as relief caregivers.  They employ a tag-team system of parenting.

Carer dads - they are the primary caregivers and are only occasionally or not the breadwinner and have a partner that works full or part time.  They are hands on, proactive and ignore parenting-related gender bias. 

According to the study, today's dads want marketers and programmers to more accurately reflect the changing role of fathers.

• 42% agree that the media portrays dads as stupid or clueless.

• 50% believe the media should portray dads as sensitive and nurturing by showing them interacting with their kids and enjoying activities with them.

The fact that today's dads want to be more involved in their kids lives is a great thing.  The church has a wide open door to teach fathers how to be a spiritual leader for their kids.

One of the most important things we do in children's ministry is partnering with parents.  No one has more influence in the lives of children.

So what are parents facing?  What are they struggling with?  What are they hoping for?  How can you partner with them more effectively?

Here's the latest findings to keep in mind as you minister to parents.  I have highlighted my takeaways in blue.

Parents' Concerns for Their Kids...

• Bullying (make sure parents know your ministry is a "bully-free zone")
• Violence (make safety and security a top priority)
• Teen pregnancy
• Alcohol & Drugs
• Depression

Changing Families...

• There is no one dominate family form (be a place that meets the needs of all types of families)
• 62% of kids live with 2 married parents - a historic low
• 26% of kids live with a single parent (provide mentoring for boys who are being raised by single-parent mothers)
• 7% of kids live with cohabiting parents 
• 40% of kids are born to a single parent or two parents who are cohabiting (give parents room to belong before they believe - welcome them and then journey with them toward marriage)
• Only 67% of married couples under 50 are still in their first marriage
• 39% of kids will have lived with a cohabiting parent by the age of 12
• 16% of children live in a blended family (be aware that this affects kids' attendance patterns as they split their time)
• Less children - 40% of moms only have 1 child compared to just 11% in 1976
• The average age of mothers is 26 compared to 21 in 1970

 Financial Concerns...

• 31% of kids living in a single-parent household are living below the poverty line
• 21% of kids living with cohabiting parents are living below the poverty line
• 10% of kids living with two married parents are living below the poverty line
• 10% say they can't make ends meet
• 1/3 say they live comfortably

 Parents Assess Themselves...

• 46% say they are doing a good job raising their children 
• 57% of Millennial mothers (ages 18 to 34) say they are doing a good job raising their children
• 43% of Millennial fathers (ages 18 to 34) say they are doing a good job raising their children
• 93% of married parents say how their spouse perceives their parenting skills matters a lot to them
• 56% of single parents say how their child's other parents perceives their parenting skills matters a lot to them
• 72% want their own parents to think they are doing a good job raising their children
• 52% want their friends to think they are doing a good job raising their children
• 45% want people in their community to see them as good parents.
• 46% say their children's successes and failures are a reflection of how they are doing as parents
• 59% say they spend an adequate amount of time with their children
• 51% of parents with children under 6 read to them on a daily basis (create or recommend devotionals that parents can read to their children at home / tie it into what you taught at church and extend the lesson into the home)

Parenting Styles...

• 62% say they can sometimes be overprotective
• 25% say they tend to give their children too much freedom
• 44% say they offer too much praise
• 33% say they do not give their child enough praise
• 58% of moms and 57% of dads say being a parent is extremely important to their overall identity (offer parenting classes)
• 46% of parents wish they were more involved in their child's education (require parents to attend faith commitment, baptism, Bible presentation, etc. classes with their child)

Families Are Busy...

• 50% have their kids involved in a variety of extracurricular activities (be strategic with what you put on their already busy calendars)
• 73% participate in religious instructions
• 60% take music, dance or art lessons
• 54% have done volunteer work
• 20% say their child's schedule is too hectic
• 31% say they always feel rushed
• 53% say they sometimes feel rushed 
• 31% of parents have helped coach their child's sport's team
• 1/3 say parenting is tiring
• 25% say parenting is stressful

Discipline...

• 75% say they discipline by explaining why their child's behavior is inappropriate
• 43% take away privileges
• 41% use "timeouts"
• 22%s say they raise their voice
• 4% use spanking
  

Screen Time...

• 90% say their kids watch TV
• 79% say their kids play video games
• 47% say their kids have too much screen time (offer tips and advice on monitoring screen time)
• 50% say their kids have about the right amount of screen time
• 81% with kids under 6 say they watch videos or play games on an electronic device on a daily basis (create or make available apps and videos that can be used to help disciple kids)

Working Moms...

• 70% of moms work outside the home 
• 75% of working moms work full-time outside the home
• 64% of moms with preschoolers work outside the home
• 40% of working moms are the primary breadwinner for their family
  

Parenting Advice...Where They are Getting It...

• 57% say they turn to their partner
• 34% say they turn to a friend
• 43% of moms and 23% of dads turn to parenting websites, books and magazines for parenting  (provide online parenting resources - this can be a simple as creating a free Facebook page for parents and posting articles and advice for them to read)

Parents Want to Raise Kids Who Are... 

• 71% say they want to raise kids who are honest and ethical (come alongside parents and teach Biblical character and ethics in some of your lessons)
• 65% caring and compassionate (give families the opportunity to serve together in the community)
• 62% hardworking (come alongside parents and teach the value of hard work)
• 54% financially independent (come alongside parents and teach kids about managing money and giving)
• 45% ambitious (partner with parents in teaching kids to see their potential in Christ)

School Work...

• 41% of parents say children should never feel bad about themselves because of poor grades in school as long as they try hard
• 32% of parents say they would be very disappointed if their child got average grades in school
• 82% say they put the right amount of pressure on their kids to do well in school
• 50% say they are satisfied with the quality of education their child is receiving at school. 
• 54% say parents can never be too involved when it comes to their child's education, but 43% say too much involvement can be a bad thing
• 62% attend PTA or other school-related events
• 63% have volunteered at their child's school (invite parents to serve in children's ministry - many are looking for an opportunity to get involved with their child's experience at church)

Okay.  The floor is yours.  What stands out to you in these findings?  What are the implications for children's ministry?  Share your thoughts with us in the comment section below.

Years ago, there was a family that lived in a small house right beside the church where I was the children's pastor.

I would see the kids playing outside.  Based on their appearance, it was obvious the family was very conservative.

Occasionally the family would attend our church service...filling up an entire church pew.  You guessed it...the family was the Duggars.  If I remember correctly, they only had 10-12 kids at the time.  This was before the days of their reality television fame.

If you've been watching the news lately, you've seen the dilemma they are experiencing.  It has come to light that the oldest son, Josh, abused several of his sisters when he was a teenager.  I won't go into the story and how it is unfolding, but I would like to share some thoughts on the situation.

Outward compliance doesn't always mean there is inward obedience.  Just because a child is conforming to the rules, guidelines and beliefs of his or her parents, doesn't mean the child is obeying from his or her heart.

Jesus talked about this in Matthew 15 when He said, "This people honors me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me."

We see this many times when a child who has grown up in church finally gets some freedom and begins doing things that are the exact opposite of what he or she was taught.  Eventually what is in the heart will be manifested.

From this we learn that our primary goal as parents and church leaders must be to reach the heart of children.  Outward compliance will only last for so long.  But inward, intrinsic obedience that comes from loving Jesus will stand the test of time.

Good parenting isn't a guarantee that kids won't stray from the faith.  I talked about this in an earlier post.  Many people quote Proverbs 22:6..."train up a child in the way he should go and he will not depart from it"...as an ironclad promise.  It is not.  It is a principle.

Kids have a free will and must choose for themselves whether they will follow God or not.  You can be the best parent in the world and still see your children make bad choices and stray from the faith.

As parents, our job is to provide the most fertile soil possible for our kids faith to grow in.  But at the end of the day...it is their choice.   

Being ultra-conservative isn't a true measure of spiritual maturity.  Just because you don't wear this or don't watch this or don't go there, doesn't mean you are spiritually mature.  Spiritual maturity comes from your relationship with Jesus...not from rules you follow.

Abusing children is a devastating sin.  It can devastate a child...it can devastate a family...it can devastate everyone involved.  Children are a gift from God.  We must do everything in our power to protect them.  First and foremost...it's about the children.  Abuse must be dealt with immediately and decisively.

Your Christian testimony and witness can be destroyed in seconds.  It takes years to build a solid Christian testimony and only seconds to destroy it.  The Christian witness the Duggars have tried to share over the years through television has now lost credibility with unbelievers.  Unbelievers are scoffing and will not take serious what they have to say about God.  Integrity matters...a lot.

Those are my thoughts.  Do you agree?  Disagree?  What else would you add or say about the situation?  Share your thoughts with us in the comment section below.

In Mark 10, the Pharisees asked Jesus about marriage.  Here's how He responded.

Some Pharisees came to Him and tested Him by asking, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?"

"What did Moses command you," He replied.

They said, "Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away."

"It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law," Jesus replied.  "But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.' 

For this reason a man will leave his mother and father and be united with His wife, and the two will become one flesh.  So they are no longer two, but one flesh."

Jesus said when a couple (btw - He said a man and woman) marries, they become one.  Picture it like this.  Two strands of rope being tied together to form one strand of rope.  You "tie the knot."

The phrase "tying the knot" comes from the custom of tying a couple's hands together during the wedding ceremony.  It has also been traced back to Sweden, where sailors would send a piece of rope to the girl they wanted to marry.  If the girl returned the rope with a knot tied in it, it meant she was accepting his wedding proposal.

As Jesus continues talking about marriage in Mark 10, He says, "What God has joined together, let no one separate."

God established marriage to be a permanent relationship that would last a life time.  He doesn't want the knot that was tied to be pulled apart.

But there is an enemy.  John 10 says, "The thief is come to steal, kill and destroy."  The enemy's desire is to snap the marriage union.  There are several ways he brings the pressure. 
-Lack of communication
-Infideilty
-Finances
-Abuse (emotional & physical)
-Feeling constrained
-Trust / jealousy
-Quick changes
-Spiritual differences
-Parenting disagreements
-Addictions
-Baggage from previous relationships

Every couple faces one or more of these pressures and the tension it puts on marriage.  And it is hard for any couple to stand up to the pressure by themselves.

The key to a marriage not being pulled apart is found in Ecclesiastes 4.  It says, "And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him.  A cord of three strands is not easily torn apart."
 
The key to a marriage that lasts is the 3rd cord...which is God.  When you wrap Him around your union, He will keep the enemy from pulling you apart.

The more you surrender to His will and way as a couple...the stronger the third cord will become around your union.

Matthew 6 says, "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."

When a couple makes their decisions based on God's Word, treats each other like Jesus would and puts God first in every area of their life...the cord becomes strong enough to withstand the pressures that are trying to pull them apart...and their marriage lasts for a lifetime.

Time for a little Friday fun.  Here's 20 real tweets from dads and moms that describe parenting.

Parenting is a lot like a Tarantino film.  Lots of questions and violent screaming. - Charlie

Parenting is telling your kid that they can't eat the red Skittle that fell on the floor because it's dirty and then eating it after they go to bed.  -Shawn

90% of parenting is walking around yelling, "Where are your shoes?  We're already late!  Find your shoes!"
-Lurk at Home

90% of parenting is waiting for the other parent to do something about it. -Ashley

Parenting is basically listening to yourself talk because nobody else is. -Court

My favorite part of parenting is after I drop my kids off at school.  I'm kidding.  It's after they go to bed. -Draper

Parenting is so easy...said no parent ever! -Scott

Parenting is a journey, except it's traveling from room to room putting away the same toys all day. -Funny Mommy

Parenting is a conglomeration of everything you've never learned. -John

88% of parenting is saying "It's bedtime" 150 times between 8:00 and 9:00 pm every night. -Sardonic

Parenting is an exercise in crisis management. -Jill

90% of parenting is peeling things.  -Bunmi

90% of modern parenting is keeping kids away from your smartphone. -Clint

I am saddened by the fact that I am no longer alarmed by my fingers smelling like someone else's poo.  -Allana

Parenting is 80% making empty threats and 20% picking up things. -Carbosly

Parenting is 50% love, 20% yelling and 30% unclogging toilets. -Susan

Parenting is juggling chainsaws and wondering why it's so loud and your shoulders are so sore. -Charlie

Teach your kids to never give up and see what happens when you take them to a toy store. -Kalvin

Once you find yourself negotiating with a 4-year-old, you've already lost. -John

I'm proud of my kids, but not ruin the bumper of my car proud. -Stacy

Bottom line...parenting is not easy task.  We get the honor of partnering with a parents and equipping them to raise their kids to love Jesus.  Doesn't get any better than that!

Make sure the parents in your ministry know you are their biggest fan!

I was 22 and my wife was 21 when we got married.  A year later, our first son was born.  Four years later our second son was born.  For most of our marriage, we've had kids in the house.

But now...25 years later we find ourselves in a new season of life.  We're empty nesters.   

It's a lot quieter around our house.  The wonderful sounds that accompany the world of kids have faded away.

I once heard of a couple that had a grandfather clock.  Soon after becoming empty nesters, they sold it.  The constant ticking...which they never noticed when they had kids at home...now echoed through the rooms and annoyed them.

The empty nester season of life brings mixed emotions.  I sometimes walk by my kids' empty bedrooms and wish time had stood still and they were still home.  At other times, I enjoy the increased flexibility I have with my schedule.

Looking back, there are a lot of things I would do differently if there were such a thing as a "do-over" in parenting.  But that's the way it is with everything, isn't it?  Hindsight is such a great teacher.

As a children's ministry director, I often have the opportunity to speak into the lives of young parents.  Here's some of the tips I share with them from an empty nester perspective.

Use your camera...a lot. 
If you don't...one day you'll wish you had. 

Unplug from technology when you're with them. 
Don't let Facebook distract you from looking into your child's face when you're talking with them.  

Realize time is precious.
Parenting keeps you so busy that you don't realize just how fast time is flying.  One day you'll look back and it will have all been a blur.  I was reminded of this when I was officiating my oldest son's wedding a few years ago.  As I watched him stand at the altar,  the memories came flooding back.  Wasn't I just holding him in my arms at the hospital?  

Eat dinner together. 
Don't let the drive through at McDonald's on the way to soccer practice become your dinner table.  Studies show that kids who have a daily sit down dinner with their family are much healthy emotionally and spiritually.

Know their friends. 
Your kids' friends are a snapshot of who they are.  Know who they are spending time with.

Write down the memories. 
If you don't, you'll forget a lot of the little things that are the source of great memories.

Keep some of their stuff.
You'll look back and cherish that little cap they wore home from the hospital...that drawing they gave you when they were four...that flower pedal from their prom.

Pray for them.
Pray the promises of God over their lives.  Pray for their future spouse.  Pray they will make wise choices.  Pray they will follow God's direction.

Let them fail.
Failure can be a great teacher when you learn from it.  Don't deprive your child from these lessons by always rushing to their rescue or making sure they never experience disappointment.

Go to as many events as possible. 
Be there for the play.  Be in the stands.  Be there for the recital.  They know if you're there or not.

Listen...really listen to them. 
You want them coming to you when they have questions.  If you don't really listen to them, they'll take those questions somewhere else...to people who may not give them the right answers.

Express your love. 
Hug them.  Kiss them.  Tell them you love them...even when they are teenagers.  At times, they may not show it...but they need this and cherish every moment of it.

Teach them about money. 
How to earn it.  How to give it to God and others.  How to save it.  How to spend it wisely.

Take your day off. 
There's nothing at work that's more important than being home with your kids on your day off.

Use your vacation time and spend it with them. 
Some of your greatest bonding times and memories with your kids will be from vacations.  Don't look back on December 31 at unused vacation time.

Do some big, memorable things with them.
Save up money and do something big with your kids at least a few times.  Make it a trip or event they will never forget.  Yes, it will cost you...but the return is priceless.

Love your spouse and show it.
One of the best things you can do for your kids is to love your spouse.  They will say, "gross" when you kiss or hug in front of them, but inside it helps bring the security and stability that they long for.

Read the Bible with them.
Anytime of the day is great...but there is something special about reading God's Word with your kids as you're tucking them in for the night.  Those few moments together will lay a spiritual foundation that will last for a lifetime.

Don't over schedule their lives. 
Organized sports and activities are great...but leave your kids time to just "play" and be at home with you as well.  No agenda to fulfill.  No practice to be at.  No skill to hone.  Just you and them spending free time together.

Realize your responsibility is to make them independent of you.
Someone I know came up with this strategy and it's brilliant.

When your child is young (ages newborn to 5) you are their caretaker.  Your job at this stage is to nurture and care for them.

When your child reaches their elementary years (ages 6-11) you are their cop.  Your job is to keep out of situations and scenarios that can harm them.

When your child reaches their teenage years (ages 12-17) you are their coach.  Your job is to train them and guide them.  You begin to give them more and more freedom directly correlated with how they steward the responsibilities you are giving them.

When you child reaches their adult years (18+) you are their consultant.  You offer them advice and help when they ask for it.

The day will come when your kids will leave home.  It will be difficult.  But if you've done your job as a parent, they will be prepared to leave the nest and soar.

The floor is yours.  What are some other parenting tips for young parents.  Share them in the comment section below.