Jun 30, 2017

30 Funny Tweets from Parents

It's Friday, so let's have some fun.  One of the most challenging and rewarding jobs in life is being a parent.  Here are 30 actual tweets from parents that remind us that parenting is a roller coaster ride.

I hope this brings a smile to your face and brightens your day as you approach the weekend.

Summer vacation would probably be a little more relaxing if these kids were vacationing somewhere else.

Today is the longest day of the year or if you're a parent just like every day over summer until your kids go back to school.

Toddlers are the Johnny Appleseed of crumbs, spreading crumbs everywhere.  But the only thing they're growing is the impatience of parents.

My 3-year-old just announced she was gonna be a rainbow and then disappeared with 15 bottles of nail polish.  This isn't going to end well.

What's the opposite of getting knocked-out?  I’m looking for a word to describe being awakened from a deep sleep by a toddler kick to my face.

As a parent, you learn to accept you can't run away from your problems.  They will find you.  And they will demand fruit snacks.

Kids are cool because they're like small super heroes whose power is shouting "I'M STILL NOT TIRED!!!" two hours after bedtime.

You will never realize your full potential for speed and agility until the day you see your toddler holding a Sharpie marker.

The 5 y.o. learned to read; it's bittersweet.  While seeing her master a skill is sweet, I'm bitter that she can now tell when I skip pages.

My 14 y.o. made fun of me this morn because he had a snow day and I had to go to work. so I changed the wifi password.

Never make eye contact with a child on the verge of sleep.  They will sense it and abort the mission.

Just taught my kids about paying taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.

Asked to switch seats on the plane because I was sitting next to a crying baby.  Apparently, that's not allowed if the baby is yours.

If you wait long enough to make dinner, everyone will just eat cereal.  It's science.

Don't ask me if I've seen a new movie.  I have four little girls.  If there wasn't a singing princess in it, the answer is no.

Parenting is like being a juggler except all the balls are screaming.

I can either put my kids through college or pay for one hour of Internet on a plane.  Being an adult is hard.

There are few things more terrifying than finding your toddler in the living room with an uncapped red Sharpie in her hand.

Whomever wrote Silent Night obviously had no kids.

I put my symptoms into WebMD & it turns out I just have kids.

Tried to be the cool mom.  Got talked into a bounce house.  Everything hurts now.

My wife and I have an agreement with our 7 year old daughter.  Don't wake us up early on the weekend and we won't abandon you in a mall.

Me: Why do you keep throwing your food on the floor??  3yo: Because the ceiling is too high.

I think my kids are having a secret contest to see who can use up rolls of toilet paper the fastest.

Kids are fun when they aren't drawing on everything, leaving toys everywhere, peeing on stuff, melting down...So...about 5% of the time.

The only thing my kids are likely to give me for Mother's Day is more gray hair.

"I want a snack." - my kids, while they're eating,

Do you hear that?  That's the sound of silence.  #parenting #backtoschool

If I had an elephant in one arm, a rhino in the other and an orangutan on my shoulders, my sons would still ask me to hold their stuff.

Being home with kids all day is just the loneliest never-alone thing.  Like living in a cave filled with malfunctioning Teddy Ruxpins.

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