RELEVANT CHILDREN'S MINISTRY

Ever had a parent get upset at something in your children's ministry?

When it happens...and it will...what should you do?  If you're like me, the natural response is to get defensive or want to prove them wrong.  In my earlier years in ministry, that is what I did...and it rarely turned out well.

I have discovered that when a parent gets angry, the best thing you can do is ask questions.  This allows them to get their anger and frustration out in the open.  Asking questions like, "What are you most upset about?" and "Tell me what you are frustrated about" will help you get to the bottom of the issue.  The parent will also feel heard, which is the often what they are wanting.

This moves you from being defensive to being empathetic.  Remember, your goal is not "win" but to bring resolution.

If you'd like to get better at talking with upset parents, there are more tips at this link.

There are a lot of things that will come demanding your attention in children's ministry.  There's never a shortage of "stuff" to work on.  But these 4 are what you should primarily focus on.

The Big Needle
As the leader of the ministry, you are the person responsible for setting the vision, direction, and philosophy.  Focus on pointing the needle in the right direction.  Know where the ministry should be headed and bring alignment.

Forward Motion Steps
It's not just enough to point the needle.  You've also got to put steps in place that create forward motion toward the goal. 

Raising Up Leaders
Successful leaders' primary focus is not on doing the work of the ministry.  Their primary focus is raising up leaders to do the work of the ministry.

Yes, it's easier to do the ministry yourself, but in the long run, it's not as effective.  You'll soon hit a lid if you take this approach.  You must reproduce yourself.  You can go faster alone, but you can go farther together. 

Addressing and Resolving Issues No One Else Wants to Talk About
Your job as a leader is to address the elephant in the room and bring resolution.  This takes knowing how to effectively lead through conflict and discomfort.  In this post, I share some simple secrets about leading in these situations.

Okay.  Your turn.  What else do you think Children's Ministry Leaders must focus on?  Help us grow in this area by sharing your thoughts in the comment section below.  We value your input and ideas.

Have you ever had a parent in your ministry get mad...I mean really mad?  Most of us have.  Sometimes it's unjustified and unfortunately sometimes it's for a good reason.

How you respond to an upset parent can make or break the relationship you have with the family.  Here's some practical steps from Harvard Business Review about being a good listener when someone is in "spew" mode.

Ask them what they are most frustrated about.  Then let them vent their feelings.  As they vent, listen for words that have a lot of emotion attached to them.  Words like "never" or "didn't" or "screwed up."  Listen for words they say with high inflection.

Ask them to explain more about what they mean by the word(s) that had a lot of emotion attached to them.  This will help them release their anger even more.

Then ask them what they are most angry about.  This continues to let them release their angry emotions.  During this time, you may feel your own emotions amping up, put don't give in to the urge to jump into a debate.  Listen without interrupting.  Let them have their say and get everything off their chest.

Next, ask them what they are really worried about.  After they have shared, ask them again to tell you more about their worry. This will allow you to get to the core of their emotional wound.

Finally, say, "Now I know why you are so frustrated, angry, and worried.  Since we can't turn time back, let's put our heads together and come up with a solution."

Just remember, when a parent gets upset, what you tell them is less important than what you enable them to tell you.  After they share their frustrations, angers, and worries, then you are ready to move into a healthy conversation and resolution.