Mar 10, 2011

Consultant Parents

Today we conclude our series about parenting styles but looking at the Consultant Parent. 

This parent provides emotional support by empathetically supporting the child’s frustration, but leaves the resolution of the problem up to the child. The parent allows the child to learn that his/her success in the world is dependent upon how hard he/she is willing to work. The child remains frustrated with his/herself rather than at the parent or teacher. In many cases, the child’s self-frustration becomes a source of motivation to work harder.

The Consultant Parent would respond to their child's low grade like this. "You must feel terrible about getting a lower grade than you expected. Let me know if there is something I can do to help you do better the next time.”

Consultant Parents follow these basic principles:
  • A parent’s goal is to produce a responsible adult.
  • Life’s lessons cost more tomorrow than they do today.
  • Children develop self-esteem by taking responsibility.
  • When children reflect anger back upon their parents, they miss an opportunity to learn from their own mistakes. Consultant parents avoid arguments, threats and lectures. 
  • Parental empathy with child problems helps focus self-learning within the child. 
  • Natural consequences help teach life’s lessons.
  • Consultant parents tell children what they are going to do, not what the children are going to do.
  • Parents teach by example.
Here is Dr. Charles Kline, author of Parenting Isn't Rocket Science, talking about the consultant parenting style.


Consider these questions:
  •  Were you raised in one of this type of environment? 
  • What are your thoughts on this style of parenting? Do you agree? Disagree? What are the positives? What are the negatives?
  • Do you have parents in your ministry who fit into this category?
  • What advice or parenting tips would you offer to Consultant Parents in your ministry? 
  • How would you approach partnering with and equipping Consultant Parents to be the primary spiritual leaders of their children?
Would enjoy hearing your insight and ideas regarding this parenting style. 

Posted by Dale Hudson

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