20 Funny Parent Tweets

It's Friday so thought you might enjoy some humor as you prepare to head into a weekend of ministry.

My kid can tell me all about a 24 minute episode of Paw Patrol in 56 minutes.

Have kids so you can watch all of your personality flaws manifest in human form.

Welcome to homeschooling. Your house has 847 pencils in it, yet your child can never find one.

5-year-old: I'm pretending to do grown-up things.
Me: Like what?
5-year-old: Being tired all the time.
Me: Nailed it. 

My son complained that he didn’t like the breakfast I made so I told him to be sure to leave his Yelp review & also, I don’t care

I’m not saying our healthy lifestyle has deteriorated under quarantine, but I just asked our 5yo what his favorite fruit is and he answered “sausage.”

I told my son I was looking for a picture of myself at 20 and he got all wide-eyed and asked if they had cameras in the olden days so I’ve cancelled his next three birthdays.

Why use a coloring book when this ENTIRE house can be my canvas?!  

Turns out if you’re playing hide and seek and crawl into a super king size double duvet cover and lay still, spread out like a starfish, they won’t find you and you can basically live there.

We've been quarantined for 4 weeks now and my son hasn't stopped talking. I thought for sure he would run out of things to talk about, but apparently my son is super resilient and can adapt pretty quick. Help me.

I’m not sure who coined the phrase “you’ll miss these days,” but it definitely wasn’t a parent who spent a month quarantined with 3 kids.

My 6 y/o takes, on average, 14 years to finish his dinner.

Great news I got a 100 on my son's geometry test.

Moms everywhere want to know "WHO OPENED THIS BAG OF FOOD THE WRONG WAY?!"

Took my kids for a drive today so they could play their iPads and argue with each other in a smaller space that’s also moving.

Me pre-quarantine: Encourages my son to play piano
Me in quarantine: Please. Stop. 

What a crazy world— my 5year just requested me to please not be loud or crazy because she has a call at 10 with her class.

Whoever said, "the days are long but the years are short" did not know about 2020.

Thoughts & prayers for my son who thought his phone was charging overnight only to find he must go to school on 6%.

Pre-teen boys spend approximately 40% of their day jumping up to touch ceilings or the tops of door frames.