RELEVANT CHILDREN'S MINISTRY

Do you ever wonder how effective your communication is with parents?

Parents, like all of us, live in a data heavy world. We constantly have messages coming our way. 

It is easy for our communication with parents to get lost in the avalanche. 

But effectively communicating with parents is crucial if you want to help them disciple their children. 

Let's look at some methods and strategies to communicate with parents effectively.

Text messages

Text messages do get noticed - 95% of text messages get read - 93% within the first minute. Hard to beat that percentage. 

There are several ways you can use text messages to communicate with parents. 

Send a text message to new families after they visit for the first time. Keep it short and simple. Thanks for coming. Trust you had a great experience. Hope to see you again soon. Let us know how we can pray for your family. 

Send a text message to parents about what their child learned at church. Include a couple of follow-up questions they can ask their child.  I would send this out on Tuesday. 

Send a text message about an upcoming event or program.  It may have dropped off their radar. A quick reminder is helpful.

Facebook

I know what you are thinking. Facebook is outdated. Actually when it comes to mothers, 94% of Millennial mothers use Facebook on a regular basis.  Data shows that Facebook remains a leading social platform for mothers.

Create a Facebook page for the parents in your ministry. Post memory verses, parenting tips, lesson review questions, announcements, etc. 

Email

At the church where I serve as children's director, we send out a monthly email newsletter. We include lesson review questions, memory verse of the month, parenting tips, and upcoming teaching series information. 

Instagram

47-65% of young mothers (ages 18 to 39) use Instagram.  

Create an Instagram account for your ministry. Regularly post pictures, updates, reviews, etc. 

TikTok

Younger mothers show a high preference for TikTok compared to older mothers. Mothers use TikTok more frequently than fathers do. 42% of mothers active on TikTok are first-time mothers seeking peer advice and community.

Create short training videos and parenting tip videos to post on TikTok. 

Pinterest

Young mothers use Pinterest extensively as a visual search engine and community hub for parenting ideas, inspiration, and peer connection. 

Create an account and host active communities centered around early motherhood. Share practical child-rearing tips.

Old school take home papers

Take home papers can still be effective. The key is handing them to parents and encouraging them to use the tool during the week to help disciple their kiddos.  

Make sure you hand them to the parents and not the children. If you hand them to the children, they will end up in the parking lot. 

Your turn. What are some other effective ways to communicate with parents? Share your thoughts in the comment section below.

Gen Alpha are kids who are currently 1-to-16 years old.  These are the kids who are in your nursery, your preschool ministry, your elementary ministry, and your student ministry. 

A lot of people are vying for their attention and some are very good at connecting them. 

In my last post, I shared the top YouTube channels and shows that kids watch. 

Today let's take a deeper dive into how to get the attention of Gen Alpha kids.

Gen Alpha viewing habits.

YouTube - 75%

Video on demand - 66%

Mobile games - 62%

YouTube shorts - 52%

Console games - 48%

TikTok - 38%

Facebook - 30%

Broadcast TV - 28%

Instagram - 26%

88% of parents say their 2-5-year-old prefers YouTube over VOD or broadcast TV.

Ages 2-to-9 prefer cartoons.

Ages 10-12 prefer comedy.

Boys favorite gaming channels

Flamingo

Lankybox

EthanGamer

Craftee

Unspeakable

Gaming w/Jen

Girls favorite gaming channels

Flamingo

Gaming w/Jen

Lankybox

Big School

Craftee

FGTV

43% of new movies are discovered by kids on YouTube.

55% of parents say they co-view YouTube with their kids. 

Cartoons are most popular for co-viewing.

Second screening (watching 2 screens are the same time) 

Almost half of Gen Alpha kids watch YouTube or play mobile games while watching TV.

Parents are also second screening - 39% play mobile games and 36% watch YouTube while watching TV.

YouTube ads drive 50% of parents to make a purchase for their child.

Influencers. 

80% of kids ask for something they've seen an influencer talk about. Toys and games make up over half of the requests.

76% of kids ages 10-12 remember ads created by influencers. 

32% of kids find new movies through influencers. 

Boys favorite mobile games.

Lego

Roblox

Plants vs Zombies

Disney Games

Bubble Shooter

Talking Tom

Among Us

Sonic

Girls favorite mobile games. 

Happy Color

Bubble Shooter

Disney Games

LOL

Among Us

Talking Tom

Lego

Roblox

Brands that have their attention.

Lego

Pokemon

Barbie

Hot Wheels

Fisher-Price

Play-Doh

Bluey

Crayola

Nerf

Collectible Interests boys share with their parents.

Lego

Marvel

Pokemon

Hot Wheels

Disney

Star Wars

Harry Potter

Roblox

Labubu

Pop

Jellycat

Sonny Angel

Collectible Interests girls share with their parents.

Lego

Barbie

Disney

Pokemon

Marvel

Harry Potter

Labubu

Jelly Cat

Pop

Roblox

Star Wars

Sonny Angel

It is interesting to see the stat of parents engaging with their kids in shared interest collectibles. This reminds me about partnering with parents. If we provide quality and engaging resources for kids and parents together, we can see parents getting involved in the discipleship of their kids.  Maybe the reason why we aren't seeing more parents taking the lead in discipling their children is because we haven't provided them with quality, engaging resources for this.

If you want to connect with kids, then mention some of the brands in this article. They will be impressed that you took the time to learn about their interests and you will have their attention. 

Here's an example. 

One Sunday I walked into one of the classrooms and noticed there was a boy sitting in the back of the room by himself. You could tell from his countenance that he was not a happy camper.  One of the leaders in the room shared with me that he had been disrupting the service and they finally had to move him back by himself.

I went over and sat down by him. I tried to talk with him, but he looked the other way and wouldn't acknowledge me.  After a minute of him ignoring me, I decided to try something else. Here's what I did. I ask him if he liked video games.  For the first time, he turned and looked at me said "yes...I love video games."  

I asked him what system he had at home and what his favorite game was. After a few minutes of talking about video games, I told him I was going to go up and participate in the worship song the other kids were now singing. I told him he could stay where he was or he could come up and join me if he wanted to as well. 

I went up front and started singing with the other kids. A minute later I felt a tug on my shirt. I turned around and it was the boy from the back of the room. He was smiling and said he wanted to join in the worship.  For the rest of the class time he behaved and participated with a good attitude. The cause...someone cared enough to enter his world.  

I would encourage you to use the brands and stats we have talked about in this article as a way to connect with Gen Alpha kids. 

Show them you care enough about them to enter their world. Talk about what has their attention during the week. By doing this you will get their attention and open the door to impact them for Christ.  

Many of the stats in this article came from precisify.com. 

LeCrae is an award-winning artist who is making an impact in the lives of young people around the world. Recently, I was watching him share his story and was reminded of the impact grandparents can have in the life of their grandchildren.  He starts by saying this.  

"I remember when I was 17 and a lady asked me, 'Are you saved?'  I didn't have any idea what she meant.  What is 'saved?'  The best thing I could think through was maybe she means, 'Am I like my grandmother?'"

Soon his grandmother's prayers would be answered as LeCrae found Christ and his life was transformed.  This is an example of the power of a grandparent’s legacy. The compound spiritual influence of a parent and grandparent in the life of a young person can be profound.

At the time of this writing, there are over 4.9 million children being raised by a grandparent in the United States.  Grandparents need our support and prayers as they invest in their grandchildren.

Here are five questions you can ask to help grandparents navigate raising and influencing their grandchildren.

1. How can you leverage the spiritual influence you have as a grandparent in the life of your grandchild?

2. How can you be more intentional about being involved in your grandchild's spiritual milestones?

3. How can you serve in your grandchild's environment at church?

4. How can we connect our Children's Ministry to our Senior Adult Ministry in our church?

5. What tools and resources can I use to help disciple my grandchildren?

For faith to continue through the generations of a family, there must be a passing down of that faith.  Parents' role is to pass down the faith to their children who will in turn pass it down to their children who will in turn pass it down to their children.  And so faith can thrive from generation to generation. There is a great example of this found in Scripture. 

"I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also."   2 Timothy 1:5

In this passage, we see faith was passed down through three generations.  Lois the grandmother, Eunice the mother and Timothy the son. We must remember that we teach what we know, but we produce what we are. I can guarantee you something.  Lois and Eunice lived their faith out.  As Timothy saw his grandmother and mother living out their faith, he was compelled to also possess this faith and live His life in accordance with it.

This doesn't mean grandparents and parents must be perfect to be a conduit of faith.  But it does mean that when we sin or our talk doesn't match our walk, then our kids and grandkids see us humbly admit our failure and ask God for forgiveness.

Be encouraged grandparents, even if you haven't been an example of sincere faith for your kids up to this point, you can start today.  Get with God. Ask Him to forgive you and help you be a faith example your grandchildren can follow.

No matter what your "faith passing down" situation has been up to this point, God offers you forgiveness and a fresh start.  He can use you to pass along a sincere faith starting today...right now.  Just admit to Him your failures and watch as He infuses you with a fresh faith that can change not only your life, but your grandchildren’s lives as well.

This is an excerpt from my latest book - Legacy...leave your mark on this world.  

You can get your copy of the book at this link. 

Should children be brought into the "adult" worship service?  Should children have their own age appropriate worship service / class?  

Some would compare bringing a child into the adult worship service to bringing a child into a college lecture.  We agree that when it comes to education, children should be in an age appropriate class or experience. 6-year-olds go to a first grade class at school. 9-year-olds go to a 4th grade class at school.  They don't go to college at that point in their life because it is not age-appropriate and the child would get little to no benefit from the teaching. 

Here are some thoughts on this that I found online.

"I remember being in service as a kid. I remember absolutely nothing. Communion was cool because I got to eat Hawaiian bread or sourdough."

"Children can't handle a 30-45 minute sermon. But obviously a 30-45 minute sermon is the essential centerpiece of corporate worship."

"While we're at it let's skip kindergarten and start their education in college."

"Our last church, the pastor was adamant kids of all ages needed to be in church, then made services two hours long, right at lunch time (an hour plus of that was his sermon). My kids hated church. When it was time to get ready for church there were crying meltdowns. Not how I want my kids to feel about church. We moved, joined a better church, and now send our kids to children’s church during the sermon. They’re much happier, and we can listen to the sermon instead of trying to make them behave."

"I just don't get some of your reasoning. I respect your opinions, but it just seems disconnected from reality to me. Would you send your kids to a college lecture? No, because they wouldn't get hardly anything from it. They wouldn't understand 99% of it. That's why they work their way up. The same goes for church, IMO. Is having them in the main service distracting others when they are hardly going to take anything from it really worth it when they could be in Sunday school learning things at their own capacity? It's not worth it in my opinion. I understand doing it sometimes, but it just seems unrealistic to expect your kids to be in the main service every time. I think it's a lot more beneficial for them to be in a class that is geared towards them."

If you are like the majority of children's ministries, you are struggling to help parents get their priorities in order. 

I know I am. I have lots of families who only attend church once a month or so. The big question is how can I persuade them to be more consistent in their attendance? 

I have seen some success by using the following strategies.  Here are 5 ways to help parents get their priorities in the right order. 

Milestones emphasis. 

Milestones are big events in the life of a family. Here are 5 that I emphasize:

• Parent and Child Dedication
• Bible Presentation (going into 1st grade)
• Starting Point salvation class
• Baptism for Kids class
• Elementary Graduation  

In each of these classes, we talk about having our priorities in the right order. We have seen really good fruit in the Parent and Child Dedication class. I have found if we can catch the parents when they are young, we can help them get their priorities in order before their child gets in the flow of elementary life. 

Each of the these milestones are available at this link.  

Your teaching. 

When you are invited to teach parents, share a message / teaching about being faithful to God's house and keeping your priorities in order. 

We have a MomCo group in our ministry. We have around 11 moms in the program. I will be speaking to them in a few weeks. I will use this time to encourage them to have their priorities in the right order. 

Ask your Pastor to talk about keeping your priorities in the right order.  

It can have a big impact when your pastor talks about priorities in his messages. Keep him in the loop about how faithful families are or are not.  

Show parents the stats. 

A child that only comes to church once a month will be Biblically ignorant. They are missing 75% of the lessons. A child that only comes to church twice a month will struggle as well. They are missing 50% of the lessons.  Don't be surprised when these kids grow up and drop out of church.  These kind of attendance patterns leaves kids with a shallow faith. 

Sharing these stats with parents can be a wake-up call for many of them.

Get the parents and their children involved in serving. 

Who are the most faithful families in your church?  It is the families who are serving.  When families are serving, they show up.  Emphasizing serving will help parents get their priorities in the right order.

Here is a bonus tip. This is a great visual illustration you can show parents. 

Have parents draw a circle. 

Have parents draw a small circle in the middle of the circles...like the hub on a bicycle wheel. 

Have parents draw spokes from the hub to the outer edge of the big circle. 

On the spokes, have parents write down some of their families' priorities.  They may write things like trips together, holidays, church, meals together, etc. You might even have some parents who write down Jesus on one of the spokes.

Take them to Matthew 6:33.

"Seek first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you."  

Explain to parents that Jesus doesn't want to just be a part of their life, He wants to be the very center of their life. The top priority in their home. 

Have them write "Jesus" in the middle of the hub at the center of wheel. 

Explain that Jesus wants to control every single part of their life. He wants to lead every aspect of their life. 

Explain that when you put Jesus in first place in your life, everything else falls in place. 

As we do this, we will see parents begin to "get it."  

The only hope for the next generation is to have good, parental examples of what it means to follow Jesus first and foremost. 

What an opportunity we have to be that example.  

Children's ministry.  What will it look like in 10 years?  Here are my thoughts.

The Bible will become more and more prevalent on screens and less on pages.

The next generation has been dubbed as "Digital Natives."  Born from 2011 onward, they consume the highest amount of screen time ever in the entire history of humanity. 

Kids aged ten and younger, preschoolers included, spend an average of four to six hours in front of a screen each day.

Compared to Gen Xers (41-55 years old), today's toddlers clock in more screen time than the Millennials (25-40 years old) and even more time than Gen Z (15-24 years old). 

This will include the Bible.  More and more people will read, study, and mediate on God's Word by use of a screen.  Personally, I like reading from a print copy of God's Word.  But I do find myself reading and praying more often from the Word of God that has been placed on a screen.  We must understand that the Bible is the Word of God whether it is on a page or a screen.  The paper doesn't make the Bible the Word of God.  It is the content...the written or typed words that make the Bible God's Word.

Here's an example.  The Bible App for Kids is a free app for Android, Apple, and Kindle devices, available in over 65 languages, and has already been installed on over 100 million unique devices all over the world.

We are going to see more and more kids growing up with God's Word in a digital format. Words written on a screen instead of a page.

Everything will talk with them.  They will think something is wrong when they run into an item that doesn’t respond to their voice.  Kids' Biblical interaction, questions and studies will be guided by technology that talks with them. 

Lecturing will be out.  Facilitating will be in.

The approach that the teacher is the foundation of all knowledge is already considered "old school thinking."

The time of the "Sunday School" teacher standing in front of rows of chairs and lecturing is already on its way out.  Learning will happen with the teacher talking far less and becoming a facilitator who shares practical steps and direction for discussions.

I never teach my pupils. I only attempt to provide the conditions in which they can learn.  Albert Einstein

Children's ministries that continue to follow a "lecture" model of learning will have a hard time connecting with the next generation.  10 years from now, children's ministries that are effectively discipling kids will do so through interactive discussions, planned learning activities and hands on learning.

Kids will be getting their own smartphone at younger and younger ages.  Today's children are getting their own smartphone when they are nine or ten.  A quarter of three-to-four-year olds have a smart phone.  Studies reveal that children mostly consume media alone and are not being monitored by their parents.  This will effect how we do ministry and how we integrate smart phone usage into our lessons.  

Kids will become more lonely, bored, and anxious due to social media, online games, and playing virtually.  They will spend more time in their bedrooms playing online games and interacting with others through social media.  They will spend less time watching TV with their family. 

Children will continue to get KGOY (kids getting older younger).   Growing up now is far different than it was 20 years ago. Childhood has changed. Today's kids face things we never faced as kids.  Today's kids are exposed to things that we were never exposed to at their age. This heavily contributes to them growing up more quickly.  

Children's ministries will need to take a hard look at what age-appropriate content is for the next generation lest they get left behind.

Kids will be searching for community.  A few decades ago, kids were expected to make family time a priority.  They would sit around the dinner table with family each night - sharing stories and talking about how their day went.

These family dinners are no longer a priority.  Parents run through the drive through at McDonald's and grab their children a "to go" meal instead of sitting down as a family. 

Children's ministries that thrive will provide opportunities and strategies for kids to be in community through small groups, personal connections with leaders, and intentional ways to help kids get in community.

Kids will continue to be over-scheduled.  Sports.  Clubs.  Music practices.  School demands.  All of these programs and events leave little to any margin to engage in regular play and family time.  Children's ministries that will be thriving will be the ones who do a few things well and emphasize the essentials for being a disciple of Jesus. 

Family structures will continue to be very diverse.   A big factor is this...more children will be born out of wedlock.

A key change in family structure since the 1980s has been the rise of childbearing within cohabitation. Ann Berrington, professor of demography and social statistics at the University of Southampton.

Berrington goes on to say that the proportion of births outside of marriage has doubled from around a quarter in 1988 to just under half today.  Cohabiting families – with and without children – are the fastest-growing type of family.

The designation of "family" will continue to move away from "Leave it to Beaver" and move toward "Modern Family."  

Children's ministries that thrive will be vary aware of this and make adjustments as needed to successfully reach and disciple "families" in the days ahead. 

Those are my thoughts on this.  What do you think?  Share your insight and input on the comment section below.

I believe that children's ministry is one of the most important ministries in the church. Throughout Scripture, we are commanded to pass down the faith to the generations that are coming behind us.

That being said, we know that parents are the most crucial factor in seeing kids grow up and follow Jesus for a lifetime. 

Reach the parents and you will reach their children.  

I would never want to undervalue the ministry of those of us who serve in children's ministry.  But I believe we are at a point where we need less children's ministry and more parent ministry. 

A recent study by Pew Research Center reflects the importance of parents in their transmission of the faith to their children.  

Only 8% of religiously unaffiliated parents say it is extremely or very important that their kids grow up to share their religious views. 70% of evangelical parents say it is extremely or very important for their children to hold their religious beliefs.

The transmission of religion through American families appears to be similarly efficient. In the same 2019 survey, 82% of Protestant parents had teens who also identified as Protestant, 81% of Catholic parents had Catholic teens, and 86% of religiously unaffiliated parents – those who described themselves as atheist, agnostic or nothing in particular – had teens who were also “nones.”

The survey also found that most people who were raised in a single religion – either by two parents of the same faith or by a single parent – retained that religion.  Roughly eight-in-ten of those raised Protestant (79%) were still Protestant. About six-in-ten of those raised Catholic were still Catholic (62%), and an identical proportion of those raised with no religious affiliation were still unaffiliated (62%). 

Do you want to see the next generation follow in our footsteps and love Jesus?  Then we must pour into their parents and equip them to lead their children to Jesus.  

Perhaps it's time to focus more on the greatest spiritual influence in a child's life...their parents.  

We need less kids' summer camps and more parent camps.

We need less full color church bulletins and more parenting strategies booklets.

We need less women's ministry potluck dinners and more sharing with parents how to feed their children spiritually.

We need less men's ministry events and more father-son camping trips.

We need less women's Bible studies and more parent-child Bible studies.

We need less money being spent on stained glass windows and more money being spent on outreach to parents and their children.

We need less resources being spent on new lights in the auditorium and more resources being spent on equipping parents to shine the light of Jesus to their children.

We need less books for parents about being financially successful and more books about being spiritually successful as a parent.

We need less cell phones at dinner and more dinner conversations between parents and their children.

We need less video game time and more time for parents to read God's Word with their children.

We need less play time and more prayer time with our children.

I want to challenge you to spend more time investing in the parents of your ministry.

If you reach a child...you reach a person. If you reach a parent...you reach an entire family.

Have you read my book "Fertile Soil...see kids faith and flourish for a lifetime?"  I share the 3 big reasons why kids walk away from the faith and how you can counteract that.  It's available at this link.  It's a must read for parents who want to influence their kids to follow Jesus.

Milestones are also a big factor in seeing kids love and follow Jesus.  Milestones are a shared experience for children and their parents. It can be life-changing for families. You can get more info. at this link.  

Always...always...always...be thinking about parents as you minister. It is the greatest opportunity we have to influence the next generation.

Look around.  It is obvious that faith is declining among families.   

Research by Communio Nationwide Study on Faith and Relationships reveals that the collapse in marriage and the decline in fatherhood may be the biggest reason for the decline of Christianity among families.  

According to the study, family decline fuels faith decline.

Families that attend church faithfully are most likely to have resident fathers.  

Consider these findings:

• Less than 1/2 of all young adults today had continuously married parents growing up.
  

• 80% of all church goers hand continuously married parents growing up.
  

• In 1960, 5% of all births were outside of marriage. 
  

• By the 1990's, 30% of all births were outside of marriage.
  

As children's ministry leaders, our calling is not only to disciple children, but their parents as well. 

When I started out in children's ministry years ago, my mindset was that I would provide discipleship strategies for children.  

I thought it was solely the job of adult ministry to disciple parents. This included parenting classes.  If there were any parenting classes,  they should come from the adult ministry.  

This meant that I never initiated or partnered with the adult ministry to offer parenting classes.  

But as my ministry progressed over the years, my mindset about this changed.  Maybe it was time for me, as the children's ministry pastor, to take the lead when it came to offering parenting classes.  When possible, I still partnered with adult ministry in this endeavor, but I took the lead in planning and preparing these classes.  

Parenting classes are so important.  Here's why:

#1 - Parents are called to be the primary spiritual influence in their child's life.  

When we share the truths of God's Word about parenting, they can be equipped and encouraged to lead their children spiritually.  

#2 - We can place parenting tools in their hands.  

We think we know all about parenting...and then we have kids.  I heard one parent say, "Before I was a parent I had a strategy to raise children.  Now I have 3 children and no strategies."  

Parenting is definitely not for the faint of heart.  It is one of the greatest tasks you will ever endeavor to do. 

Parenting classes can help parents develop their parenting strategy.  

#3 - The greatest parenting tool is parents that love each other.  

More than children need anything, they need to know that their parents love each other.  A strong marriage is one of the greatest discipleship tools a child will ever observe.  Single parents can also have an impact by showing their children what it means to follow Jesus. 

#4 - When parents begin to grow spiritually it is a catalyst that will help their children grow spiritually as well. 

Spiritually healthy parents will produce spiritually healthy children.

#5 - Every parent needs help. 

New parents need help.  

Seasoned parents need fresh help and insight.  

Soon-to-be parents need help.

First-time parents need help.

Parents of children with behavioral or developmental issues need help.

Parents who want to learn new skills need help.

Parents who are having trouble connecting with their older children need help.

Parents who have trouble communicating with their older children need help.

Grandparents who are raising their grandchildren need help.

#6 - Parenting classes help parents prepare for the most important job they will ever have.  

Nothing at your job is more important than your role as a parent.

No hobby is more important than your role as a parent.

No amount of overtime is more important than your role as a parent.

No round of golf is as important as your role as a parent. 

#7 - The sooner you offer parenting classes the better. 

It is easier if you help parents develop their parenting plan when their children are young. Parents of babies are a perfect fit for a parenting class.  

Learning more effective parenting skills today will be priceless tomorrow.

#8 - Another great time to offer parenting classes is for parents whose children are moving into their teenage years.

Parenting teenagers can be challenging.  Let me add to that - I believe that parenting teenagers is more challenging than any other age group.

As children move into their teen years parents are looking for insight and strategies.  They are looking for help.  You can see it in their eyes as they realize their "baby" is growing up so quickly. What a great opportunity to come alongside them with specific insights and strategies in raising teens.

Let me challenge you in this.  What are you waiting for? Let's go.  Sit down and prepare your parenting class strategy for the rest of 2023 and in 2024. 

It is often a good idea to invite someone in to do a parenting seminar for you.  If you are looking for someone to come and speak into the life of the parents in your ministry, I can help you with that. I offer parenting classes for the parents of babies, preschoolers, elementary age and teenagers. If I can be of service, you can get more information and contact me at this link. 

As Christian parents, our greatest desire is for our kids to grow up and follow Jesus.  I believe how we parent and live out our faith in front of our children is the deciding factor.

Your turn.  What are your thoughts on offering parenting classes?  What should the classes focus on? How can we get parents involved?  

Share your insights and ideas in the comment section below.

The vast majority of churches offer a baby dedication for the families in their congregation.

How that looks varies from church to church.  Some churches offer it during a service time, while others offer it as a separate event.

There is a big question that often makes its way into the conversation when I am talking with churches about their dedication service.

Should you dedicate a baby whose parents are living together unmarried?

The answer varies from church to church and depends on their philosophy about this. Personally, I believe you shouldn't.  Here's why.

I believe the dedication is not just about the child, but it is just as much about the parents dedicating themselves to raising their child to love and follow Jesus.  That is why I call it "Parent" and Child Dedication. 

If a couple is living together unmarried, they are directly violating God's plan to raise their child as a married couple.  I find that I cannot put hands of parental blessing on a couple living in this situation.  Scriptures like these pull me away from it.

"Let marriage be held in honor among them all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God, who will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous."  Hebrews 13:4

"But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”  Mark 10:6-9.  

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”  Ephesians 5:31

If you are going to take this position, then it is crucial that you remember these things:

#1 - It's not about calling couples out - it's about calling them up.  Most couples know they should be married.  This is an opportunity to call them up to God's plan for the home.  It should be done with love and compassion.  They need to know that you want God's best for their home and this is done through aligning their home with God's Word.  

#2 - Ask couples what their marital status is when they first indicate they want to dedicate their child. This can be done as part of your registration process or personal conversation.  How will you know if they are married or not? If they put down two different last names or you are unsure about their marital status, follow up with them and find out what their situation is. 

#3 - Speaking of personal conversations...if you have an unmarried couple that wants to dedicate their child, see it as a great opportunity to minister to them.

#4 - A key part of this is having a conversation with the couple. It should not be done by phone.  It should not be done by email.  It should not be done with a letter.  It should be a face-to-face conversation in a private setting.  It should be a time of pastoral care and encouragement.  Share with the couple not in a condescending manner, but rather from a heart of love. 

#5 - This is a great opportunity to help the parents walk into the blessings and obedience of marriage.  Over the years, I have seen God use this approach to help many couples obey the teachings of Jesus and get married. God will honor and bless those who follow the teachings of His Word about this.

#6 - Have a parent and child dedication class that parents go through before the dedication.  This is a great opportunity to teach parents what the dedication is about and how they can teach their children God's ways as they grow up.  

I have available for you the class I have used for parent and child dedication in churches. At my last church, I saw hundreds of parents go through this class before dedicating their child. You can get it at this link. 

FAQ's:

Will some unmarried couples get upset and back out of the dedication?  Possibly. When this happens continue to love them and show pastoral care. 

What about a single parent?  This is a different situation and, yes, I would do the dedication.

What about same sex couples who are married?  Jesus clearly defined marriage as between a man and woman and I believe that is what we should follow.  God's Word must be the source of our decision making in this matter, not current culture.

How do I shift the focus of the dedication from not just being about the child, but about the parents as well?  It starts by including the word "parents" in the title and then making sure that everyone goes through your child dedication class where this is explained.

Who should make the final decision about dedicating children whose parents are living together unmarried?  The pastor should make this decision since it affects entire families and is a ministry philosophy matter. If you are not currently including parents in your dedication approach, set down with your pastor and share why you think it is vital to include the parents. 

Your turn. Share your thoughts and insights in the comment section below.

When you dedicate children, is your focus on the parents as well?  Why or why not?

Do you dedicate children whose parents are living together unmarried?  Why or why not?

If you do not dedicate the children of a couple living together, what is your follow up and pastoral care process?

If you are in children's ministry or you are a parent, I'm pretty sure you've read this verse before.

"As arrows in the hand of a mighty man, So are the children of youth."  Psalm 127:4

The Bible says children are like an arrow.  As parents and children's ministry leaders, our calling is to care for, mold, shape and influence the arrows.  We are to prepare them for the flight they will take into this thing called life. 

I know it is hard to let those arrows go when the time comes.  I remember when I was leaving for college. As I was pulling out of the driveway, I looked back and saw my mother was crying. I stopped and ask her why she was crying.  She said that one day I would understand when my children left home.  

Sure enough, fast forward and I am dropping my son off at college.  I would be 6 hours from him.  It was hard. I cried and cried with my arms around my son.  He looked at me and said, "It will be okay dad. I will be fine.  I am excited to start a new chapter in my life."  

The arrow that I had held so close over the years, needed to fly.  That's what arrows are made to do. 

Our job is to prepare our arrows for flight.  Our job is to pour ourselves into them and give them a solid foundation in Christ that they can launch from. 

But here's what we have to remember.  When you release an arrow, you never know for sure where it will land.  

It's not our job to make it land exactly where we think it should.  God gently guides our arrows to where He wants them to be.  

They may land on a foreign mission field on the other side of the world.

They may land at a college. 

They may land in a church where they serve Jesus. 

They may land as a successful businessman who helps support the kingdom of God with his finances.

They may land as a witness and testimony for Christ in a difficult place.

They may land as a mom who raises her children to love and follow Jesus. 

They may land as a worship leader.

They may land as a college professor who unashamedly teaches the truth. 

What an awesome opportunity we have to prepare the arrows for launch time.  Hold those arrows close, but be willing to let them go to where ever God has planned for them.

The biggest influence in a child's life is his or her parents. If that is true, then we need to spend time empowering parents.

We need to place tools in their hands that will set them up for success as a parent and spiritual leader in their home.

What does that look like? 

Here are 7 ways you can empower parents to lead their children spiritually.

Empower parents in prayer.

Create a prayer promise calendar for parents. Have a prayer promise for each day of the month.  Encourage parents to use this to pray for their children. 

Put a prayer promise from God's Word on the wall in each of your nursery and preschool environments.   Let parents know that each week the prayer will be prayed over their child.  Encourage them to join you and pray the same verse over their child at home. 

Empower parents in dedicating their child to Jesus.  One of the most important times to partner with parents is when they are ready to dedicate their child to the Lord.  This is one of the key times when parents open the door of their heart and are receptive to your insight and teaching about not only dedicating their children, but also how to raise them to love and follow Jesus. 

Empower parents in teaching their child about the Bible.  Offer a parent and child class about God's Word. Empower parents to lead their children to love God's Word as they enter their elementary years. It can be a life-changing experience as parents present their child with a Bible and speak a blessing over them.

Empower parents to lead their child to faith in Christ.  Offer a one-session class designed for kids who are interested in starting a relationship with Jesus. Use a class that is designed for kids and their parents to attend together.  Provides tools that parents can use to follow up with their children at home.

Empower parents to prepare their child for baptism.  Have a one session class for parents and their children that answers questions like...

• What is baptism?
• Why should I be baptized?
• When should I be baptized?

Provide follow-up tools that parents can use to help prepare their children for baptism.  

Empower parents as they prepare for their child to graduate from children's ministry into student ministry. One of the key times parents are open to your guidance and input is when their child is transitioning from elementary to middle school. This can be a nervous and challenging time for parents.

This is one of the most critical times in children's ministry and it's vital to have a clear strategy for empowering kids and families.

Host a class for kids and families as they prepare for the move into middle school ministry. Create a solid bridge between your children's ministry and middle school ministry.

Host a parenting class.  We often lean on adult ministry to have parenting classes.  I believe it is time for children's ministries to step up and take the lead in having parenting classes.  One of the best tools you can give parents is a parenting class where they get strategies and Biblical parenting wisdom.

These empowering tools for parents are available for you. Hundreds of churches are using these resources and are making a big impact in the lives of parents and their children.  You can check these tools out at this link.  

Empowering parents is one of the most powerful things you can do to see their children love and follow Jesus for a lifetime.

There are a lot of voices vying for the attention of today's kids. In the midst of all the noise coming their way, there are three key voices that we need to teach children to recognize and tune into.

The voice of the Holy Spirit.  I believe the Holy Spirit wants to guide and lead children.  I am not talking about a vocal voice, but rather the still, small voice of the Holy Spirit who speaks into their life.  

A great example of God speaking to a child is Samuel.  He heard the voice of God when he was just a child living in the temple.

Teach children about praying.  Teach them about talking with God.  But don't stop there. Teach them that prayer is also listening for the Holy Spirit to speak to us. 

Here's one way you can effectively teach kids to listen for the voice of the Holy Spirit.  Have the kids get still and quiet.  Heads bowed.  Eyes closed.  Give them a minute or so to individually talk with God in the stillness of the moment.  

Then have them start listening.  Have them ask God to speak to them in the quiet.  Give them a minute or so to do this as well. 

Then have some of the kids share with everyone what the Holy Spirit was saying to them. You will be amazed at the responses they will share. 

Remind the children up front that the Holy Spirit will never tell them something that goes against God's written Word, the Bible. 

Oh, how we need children who will rise up to be prayer warriors.  Children who will live in sync with the plan God has for them.  Children who will know and recognize the voice of the Holy Spirit.

The voice of their parents.  Several years ago, I took my youngest son to a parent/child camp in Northern California.  It was a wonderful experience.  The entire camp was set up for parents and their child to attend together.  Each day we would do activities like rope climbing, hiking, riding the white water rapids and many other fun things.  In the evening, we had classes and worship services. 

One afternoon, they took a group of us to an obstacle course.  When we got there they pulled the parents aside and told us this. 

"We are going to blindfold your child.  After they are blindfolded, you will stand beside them and whisper three things into their ear."

1 - I love you. 

2 - Always listen to my voice. 

3 - I will never leave you.

After we told our children these 3 things, we started guiding them through the obstacle course with our voice. 

"Take 5 steps that way."

"There is a boulder in front of you that we have to climb over. I will guide you through it."

"We are coming up on a tunnel.  We need to get down on our knees to get through it."

About half way through the obstacle course, the camp staff motioned for us to quietly come away from our children.  

The camp staff then stepped in and started whispering directions to our children.  If our child listened to their voice, they would run into a tree or go down a side path or end up at dead end. 

After doing this for a few minutes, they had us (parents) step back in and guide them to the end of the course. 

After we got to the end of the course, they reminded our children how important it is to listen to the voice of their parents.  Other voices will try to speak into their lives. Voices that are contrary to their parent's voice.  Don't be misguided.  Stay tuned into your parent's voice. 

It is important to teach kids to listen to the voice of their parents.  Look what God's Word says in Proverbs 13:1.

"A wise son heeds his father’s instruction, but a mocker does not respond to rebukes."

Reminding children how important it is to listen their parents is a great way to partner with parents and reinforce the role God as placed them in as their child's primary influencer. 

The voice of a caring leader. Yes, parents are the number one influence in their child's life.  But I have also found that God will send another voice into the child's life to reinforce what their parents are saying.  It might be the voice of a caring leader.  It might be a children's pastor.  It might be a caring volunteer leader.  It might be a godly man or woman in the congregation. 

Over the years, I am thankful for people that God brought into my life to help me follow Jesus.  One was a godly deacon.  One was my youth pastor.  One was a businessman.  All of these leaders showed that they cared for me and my spiritual journey. 

If you are reading this and you are a volunteer leader who is investing in children, be reminded of how important your voice is in the children's life.  Your words will make an impact.  Your words will encourage children to follow Jesus.  Your words will help children stay on the right path.  Your voice matters...a bunch.  I believe it only takes one leader speaking into a child's life to see them follow Jesus.

3 voices.  The Holy Spirit.  Parents.  Caring leaders.  

If we can help children listen to these 3 voices, we can see them love and follow Jesus for a lifetime.

What an awesome responsibility you have as a children's ministry leader. 

Parents are entrusting you with their children each week. That's a big deal.  

They do have expectations when they come. Let's look at a few of these and how you can ensure it is happening.

Parenting Advice.  Someone said they had 3 great theories about raising children.  Then they became a parent and now they have three children and no theories about raising children.  

Come alongside parents (especially young parents) and offer support, classes and training for the wonderful world of parenting.

Celebrate special moments with them.  Birthdays.  Child Dedication.  Spiritual growth steps.  Graduations. And if you want to take it to a whole new level, provide Milestones celebrations with each of these. Here is more about milestones at this link. 

Safety and security.  With all the violence in the world, parents want to know that their kids will be safe at your church.  Make sure you have security measures in place that will help you build a strong wall of protection around the kids in your ministry.  Here is some great training for safety and security for your ministry at this link.

Help leading their children to step across the line of faith. When a child starts asking questions about entering a relationship with Jesus, it can be a exciting, yet challenging time for parents.  Is my child really ready to do this?  How do I know if they are old enough to take this step?  What Bible verses should I share with them?  

You can come along beside parents during this time with materials to help them lead their child to Jesus, questions to ask to see if their child understands and follow up materials.  

You can also host a class at church that helps kids understand what it means to follow Jesus.  Parents attend the class with their child.  Here is the resource for this.  There is also a second course that helps kids understand what baptism is.  Baptism resource is at this link.

Strategic Bible teaching.  Have a clear teaching strategy.  Provide parents with a scope and sequence of what you will be covering.  I created Connect12 curriculum.  It will help you take kids through a one year pathway from salvation to spiritual leadership.  You can check it out here.

A caring leader.  Someone who knows their child by name.  Someone who helps lead their child at church in a class, small group, etc.  Consistency is the key.  If a leader is going to make a big impact in a families' life, they will need to show up on a regular basis.

Engagement.  Parents want to know if their child had "fun" at church.  That's what they always ask them when they pick them up after church.  Stop and consider this.  By using the word "fun" what they are really asking is did you enjoy the class?  Did they hold your attention so you could learn something?  Did you make any new friends? 

Ratios.  No parent wants to look into their 4-year-old's classroom and see 30 kids in a small room with only 2 volunteers.  They want to know their child will enjoy the class time and get individual attention.  That's hard to do if the ratio of volunteers to kids is out of whack.  You can click here to see the ratios I use.

Transitioning their child to student ministry.   It's not an easy time for parents when their "baby" gets older and is moving up.  You can help parents and their children make a smooth transition into student ministry. Here is a great resource for this. 

Cleanliness.  We are living in a new day with Covid19.  Everything must be cleaned. But even before Covid19, parents wanted to know the rooms, toys, books, etc. at church were clean and sanitized.  Remember, everything needs to walk the talk. Your buildings, restrooms, classrooms and common areas should be cleaned each week.  

I was at a church not long ago and I was surprised to see that their grass was not cut.  It was an eyesore. Again, remember, the sermon starts in the parking lot.

Don't cause parents to perceive your ministry as messy or cluttered.  Keep all areas free of clutter.  A few years ago, I was at Disney World and looked inside one of their sound booths for a musical they do.  The sound booth was spotless.  And there was no clutter. 

Everything walks the talk.  What are your buildings, class rooms, bathrooms, grass, etc. saying about your ministry?

Your turn. What are some other important things parents need from a children's ministry? Share your thoughts in the comment section below.

Gen Alpha describes the current generation of children who began being born in the year 2010.  They are the children of the Millennials, and often the younger siblings of Generation Z. There are more than 2.8 million born globally every week.

Here are some recent articles I have written about Gen Alpha.

The Generation to Come

Lead the Next Generation Well 

Generations You Need to Know

One interesting thing to look at are the names that are being given to this generation of children.  

Here are the most popular names for Generation Alpha.

Top 10 girls’ names
1. Charlotte
2. Amelia
3. Olivia
4. Isla
5. Mia
6. Ava
7. Grace
8. Chloe
9. Willow
10. Matilda

Top 10 boys’ names
1. Oliver
2. Noah
3. William
4. Jack
5. Leo
6. Henry
7. Charlie
8. Thomas
9. Lucas
10. Elijah

Let's pray for Gen Alpha kids.  They are being born in unprecedented times.  Pray that they will come to know Jesus and have a growing relationship with Him.  He knows each of them by name and gave His life for them.  And he has placed you in a unique place in time and history so you can be used by God to pass on the faith to the next generation.

When I was a child, my friends in the neighborhood and I decided to build a clubhouse.  

Why?  Because there was no internet, no non-stop cartoons and no video games systems (although we eventually did get the infamous "Pong" and Atari 2600 systems).

There were no cell phones, no Google, no Fortnite, no Runescape, no computers and no TicTok.  

Instead, we played outside for hours and hours.  Hence the idea to build a clubhouse. 

And so, in the back corner of our yard, the clubhouse was constructed.  We used scrap wood to build it.  We even made it two story.

We spent hours upon end in that clubhouse.  Playing games, talking and warding off imaginary enemies.  It became much more than just a clubhouse.  It became a place where we could dream big, be entertained, share stories, have sleepovers and let our imaginations take us to far away places.

Fast forward 50 years or so.  The average kid today doesn't have an outside clubhouse.  But they do have new formats of the clubhouse I just described.  

YouTube, video games, social and communication sites are the clubhouses of today's kids.  Consider these statistics.

TikTok is used by 52% of kids ages 10-to-15.

Fortnite is played by 44% of 6-to-12 year olds.  

Roblox is played by 55% of 6-to-12 year olds.

According to a research firm, 91% of kids between 2 and 17, or about 64 million people, are playing video games.

These and other social media and gaming sites, are places where today's kids go to hang out, talk with friends and engage in play.   

Clubhouses are a big part of kids' lives as they grow up.  With that being said, think about how you can create "clubhouses" that kids like to hang out in and play in at church.

Perhaps it's creating a curriculum series that takes place in a clubhouse. 

Perhaps it's bringing in bed sheets and letting your small groups meet in clubhouses they create with the sheets. 

Perhaps it's making some teaching videos for preschoolers that happen in a clubhouse.

Perhaps it's theming out your space with a clubhouse theme.

Perhaps it's creating a clubhouse video on your YouTube channel.

All I am saying is this - kids love clubhouses.  And if you want to connect with today's kids, you can do so by creating clubhouses for them at church and at home.  

As Covid19 is eventually brought under control, kids will be looking for a "clubhouse" to hang out in.  Why not make that clubhouse be at church or home or both? 

One of my first children's ministry roles was at a small country church.  The church only had 2-3 kids that came.  And the children's ministry met in the basement.  A dreary basement at that.  

I had no budget.  But I knew I needed to do something if we were going to grow the children's ministry.  And so I went out and gathered some branches, wooden planks and any other scrap items that could be used to make a clubhouse.  I took those free supplies and turned the children's room into a clubhouse. 

When we did that, we started to grow.  New kids came.  Kids got excited about coming to their clubhouse.  We saw kids come to Christ and begin following Him.  Creating a clubhouse really did make a big difference in that small country church.  

Think about what could happen in your ministry if you focused on creating "clubhouse" environments.

Your turn. 

Why do you think kids are drawn to clubhouses?

How do you create clubhouses for kids at church and home?

What are some ideas for using a clubhouse theme to engage kids?

Share your ideas and insight in the comment section below.