RELEVANT CHILDREN'S MINISTRY

Have you ever worked for a control freak?  I have.

Have you ever been a control freak?  I have.

And it's taught me that there's a big difference between being a leader and being a controller.

Here's the bottom line...a leader tells people what needs to be done and lets them do it.  A control freak tells people what needs to be done.  But they don't stop there.  They then go on and tell people exactly how they are to do it.  

Leaders produce leaders.  Control freaks produce followers.

And the problem with being a control freak is you become the lid and personally limit the growth of the ministry.  

Let's talk about how you can lead without being a control freak.

1. Drop your ego.  You are good at what you do, but so are others.  Shine the spotlight on them and let them use their gifts.  There is more than one way to get things done and it doesn't always have to be your way.

I remember I was speaking at a church a few years ago.  While I was there, I watched the interactions between the children's ministry director and her staff team.  It was obvious, that it was all about her.  She barked out orders left and right.  She controlled every single aspect of the event.  And her staff was miserable.  I could see it in their face and actions.  No one likes to work with a control freak.

Control freaks are stars.  Leaders create stars.
 
2. Delegate.  You simply can't do everything and you shouldn't.  Begin to rely on other people.  Give them the big picture and let them run with it.  You don't have to know every detail.  You don't have to approve every single step.  You don't have to make every single decision.

Hand over a task and let the person run with it.  Just go along for the ride and enjoy it.

3. Don't think you have to hit 100% every single time.  I know...they can't do it as well as you.  But that's okay.  Sometimes 85% is good enough.  Excellence doesn't necessarily mean perfection.  Often you will hear a control freak say "I guess I'm just a perfectionist."

4. Decide your sense of worth and accomplishment will come from empowering others.  Often we like to control things because it gives us a sense of worth and accomplishment.  We become addicted to that "I'm in control" feeling and so we crave the power that comes from control.  We long for the satisfaction that comes from knowing, "I did this all by myself."

But we must remember this: Control freaks are powerful....but leaders are empowering.  And empowering leaders accomplish much more by helping others lead and succeed.  Empowering leaders get their joy and satisfaction from watching others rise. 

The only thing we need to control is our control freak tendencies.  Working with others is so much more productive than working to control others.

5. De-stress.  Being a control freak causes a lot of stress.  First for you.  When you think the world revolves around you and everything has to go your way, things get very complicated and stressful.  Why?  Because it's simply not realistic.  We are not the creator and sustainer of the universe.  That job has already been taken.  When we realize this and stop trying to control everyone and everything around us, we can live peacefully.

Secondly, it causes stress for those around you.  No one likes to be controlled.  No one wants to have to run every single decision by someone else.  No one likes their creativity stifled and their input ignored.  The truth is, if you are a control freak, you won't keep gifted people around for very long.  They will leave.

I know a Pastor who is a control freak.  He is a good man.  A solid Bible teacher.  But he can't keep a children's pastor.  It seems they come and go every year.  Why?  Because he tries to control them.  Even down to telling them what color of paper to run the take home papers on.  After a short while, they get tired of it and move on.  It's not surprising his church is currently on the search for another children's pastor...again.

Are you a control freak?  Think through these questions and make the decision to start leading rather than controlling.

How often does my ego push it's way to the front when I am leading?  

Do I make decisions based on what is best for me or what is best for the team?

Do I feel threatened when someone suggests another approach?

Are there duties and responsibilities I am holding onto that I shouldn't be doing, simply because I don't want to give them up? 

Am I okay with someone else doing it at 85%?

Where am I getting my self worth and sense of accomplishment from?  What I accomplish or what I help others accomplish?  

How much stress is in my life right now due to trying to control everything?  How can I let it go along with the stress it brings?

Would the people I work with say I am a control freak?  If so, how can I change that?

Today is a guest post by Seth Ray.  Seth is the children's ministry director at one of our campuses.  He is a gifted leader and team builder.  I have watched him prove that the strategy below works as he leads his team.  

Give it away!  That's it!  The number one strategy to get more done is to simply give it away.

Some may call it delegating, some may call it empowering, but no matter what you call it, it's time to give away things so you can do what only you can do.

This isn't about being a bully or being lazy or being bossy or even being in control.  This is about being productive, being efficient, getting more done and doing more of what you are passionate about!  It's also about pouring into your teams, providing opportunities and partnering with those you lead.  It's about being a better leader.

2 Things to Consider When Giving It Away

The reality is we are not all passionate about the same things or gifted in the same ways.  The things you hate to do, someone else loves.  Just like the things you love to do, someone else hates.  So before giving anything away, be sure to first assess the passion and talents of those you are giving it away to. 

4 Ways to Give It Away

•  Shepherd

Just like a shepherd would carefully look after his flock, so you should carefully watch over the task that you've assigned.  This strategy is best used when you assign a task to a leader who may be extremely passionate, but lacks the skill or talent to effectively get the job done without your watchful eye.  This method of getting it done requires lots of detail as you begin to set expectations and establish perimeters.

• Sway

Have you ever believed in someone more than they believe in themselves?  So often when giving away a really hard, but very important job to a leader we believe in, we have to sway or move their thinking to the other side.  In other words, this strategy is best used when you assign a job to someone who may lack the passion or skill or talent to accomplish the assignment.  

• Engage 

This give-it-away method is one of the greatest empowering tools and one of the simplest to utilize.  Engaging a leader with a task or project provides great opportunity to be part of things they may have never been part of before and provides the leader with an opportunity to offer up suggestions and ideas as they contribute to the task.  Here you simply bring the leader into the picture as they get to see and be part of what's typically behind the curtain. 

• Encourage

When you have a leader who is passionate and talented in a particular area or project, all you need to do is get out of the way and simply serve as the foundation.  In this method, you provide encouragement and support while keeping a pulse on the progress.

Not quite sure which method to use?  Take advantage of this tool...
First, assess the passion the leader has for the project or task and then assess the level of giftedness the leader has related to the challenge ahead.  Once you've been able to pinpoint these two factors, simply utilize the chart to identify which give-it-away method to use.  

Are you a control freak in your Children's Ministry?

If we admit it, we all are to some extent.  As we lead our ministries, our desire to bring excellence, passion, and improvement can lead to control issues.

Ownership is vital, but when it becomes unbalanced and leads to unhealthy obsession, it's time for some changes.

Here are four simple steps to loosen your grip.

1. Identify what only you can do.  
Resist the urge to lead every project or area of the ministry.  Ask yourself these questions.

• Could someone else complete this work to an acceptable level?
• Could someone else do part of this project?
• Could someone else do the initial draft so I only have to review and “tweak” it?
• Is this work keeping me from my highest value activities?

2. Defer early and often. 
Deferring is different than delegating. Delegating is handing off your responsibilities; deferring incorporates delegating, but also involves passing activities on to someone else before they ever hit your to-do list.

And don’t volunteer yourself for additional activities if you already can’t accomplish your must-do list.

If you’re used to doing it all and pride yourself on being able to figure everything out, this will feel uncomfortable at first.  Get over it.  If you don't, you will become the lid for your team getting to the next level.

Deferring tasks shows respect for others’ competency and lets you have the capacity to get done what only you can do — which is what your team really needs.

3. Create simple follow-up plans.
When you delegate or defer items,  have accountability and follow-up plans in place.  This will play a critical role in making sure the work gets done.

Plans may include regular meetings with key leaders you have given responsibility to.  It may mean setting goals and checking progress.

4. Resist taking back control.
Once you start to let go of control, inevitably there will be a time when something doesn’t get done the way that you would prefer.

Your gut reaction will be to question why you gave it away.  You'll find yourself saying,  "if you want something done right, then you have to do it yourself."

Stop.  Before you take back control...do two things.

• Find out what went wrong, where the break down was.
• Evaluate and make sure you gave them the tools, knowledge, and adequate resources to do the assignment well.  

Don't let fear keep you from making what could be your greatest contribution to your Children's Ministry...letting go and focusing on what only you can do.