RELEVANT CHILDREN'S MINISTRY

Words matter...especially when it comes to guests who walk in your church doors.  Your words will make them feel a certain way.

And they will remember how you made them feel...which will determine if they return or not.

These words may seem like small things, but they carry a lot of weight.  Do you find yourself saying them?  You may want to consider adjusting.

Enjoy the service.
Interpretation: You're a spectator.  Sit back and watch.  It's not about you...it's about what's happening on the stage.
Instead:  Welcome.  So glad you're part of the service today.

Are you new here?
Interpretation:  I don't know you.  Even if you've been coming for 20 years, you're not important.
Instead:  Hey,  I'm ___________ (name.)  I don't think I've had the privilege of meeting you yet.

Hey brother / sister so and so.
Interpretation:  We are family.  You are not. (and we're old school)
Instead:  Just use first names.

Thanks for visiting today.
Interpretation:  You're an outsider.
Instead:  We're honored to have you as our guest. 

You have to have your security tag when you pick up your child.
Interpretation:  We are in charge and you have to follow our rules.
Instead:  The security tag is to help ensure your child is safe.  Please bring your part of the tag when you pick him or her up.

Sorry.
Interpretation:  We are impersonal.  
Instead:  I apologize.

I don't know.
Interpretation:  I don't care and I'm too lazy to find out the answer.
Instead:  That's a great question.  Let me find out the answer for you.

You did not...
Interpretation:  It's all your fault and we want you to know you made a mistake.
Instead:  Let me help you...

Go down that hallway.  Take a left.  Go up the stairs.  Take a right at the water fountain...
Interpretation:  You're not important enough for me to leave this spot.  Good luck.  You're on your own.
Instead:  I'd be honored to walk with you there.

Let me TRY to help you.
Interpretation:  I may or may not be able to accommodate you.
Instead:  I can help you.

What are some other things that we shouldn't say on Sunday mornings (or any other time)?  Share them with us in the comment section below.

Don't return their phone calls or emails.
How to avoid...

• Return phone calls or emails within 24 hours.  48 hours max.

Don't communicate with them.
How to avoid...

• Communicate with them weekly.  
• Find out what method of communication is most effective for your team and use it. 

Don't follow through on your promises.
How to avoid...

• The moment you make a promise, write it down.  
• Make it happen.
• Report back to them that it is complete.

Don't be prepared when you ask them to come to a training session or meeting.
How to avoid...

• Be prepared and set up before they start arriving.  
• I recommend being set up and ready to go at least 30 minutes before the meeting starts.  This allows you to be relaxed and able to spend time with your team before the meeting starts.
• Make it worth their time.  People don't attend a training meeting because they've been to one.

Don't pay your bills on time.
How to avoid...

• Be above reproach with your finances. 
• Be known in the community as a person of integrity and someone who pays their bills on time.  If you are not...word will get around.

Don't be above reproach with the opposite sex.
How to avoid...

• Set clear boundaries about your interaction with members of the opposite sex.
• If you are married, never ride alone in a car with someone of the opposite sex except your spouse.
• Have a window where people can see into your office at all times.
• Be very careful about counseling a member of the opposite sex.  If you have to, then have someone else in the room.  The best scenario is to not counsel anyone of the opposite sex alone.

Don't be prepared for the weekend services.
How to avoid...

• Be prepared and ready to go way before the service begins.  This allows you to relax and spend time with the kids, parents, and volunteers as they arrive. 
• Check everything ahead of time.  Object lessons, sound cues, videos, etc.  Never assume it is going to work without testing it.

Don't practice what you preach.
How to avoid...

• Lead by example.
• Spend more time working on you than you do on the ministry.

Don't listen to their concerns or ideas.
How to avoid...

• Not only listen to ideas and feedback, but seek it out.
• Be more concerned about understanding than about being understood.
• Remain teachable.  
• Hold the ministry with open hands.

Don't be available for them in their time of need.
How to avoid...

• Don't just say you are going to pray for them, actually take time to pray with them.
• When they are in the hospital, experience a loss, or hurting...be there.  
• It's not what you will say during those times, it's your presence that will make the biggest difference.

Don't support your Pastor and church leaders. 
How to avoid...

• Be loyal to your Pastor and church leaders.
• Don't whine or complain about how tough your job is or how much you are getting paid.
• Always practice direct communication.  If an issue or question arises between you and your Pastor or direct report, go talk directly to that person instead of having a side conversation with your volunteers.

Don't give them credit for accomplishments.
How to avoid...

• Push other people into the spotlight instead of yourself.
• Brag on your volunteers...a lot.
• Take time to recognize the people who worked behind the scenes to make an event or program successful.

Don't tell the truth.  Lie when needed.
How to avoid...

• Always tell the truth.  Always.
• Be a person of your word.
• Shoulder the blame for mistakes.  Remember... as the leader...the buck stops with you.

Don't deal with sin or disunity.  Just sweep it under the rug or hope it will go away.
How to avoid...

• Don't participate in or tolerate gossip or disunity. 
• Deal with sin in a timely, appropriate, and Biblical manner.
• Protect the unity of the team.  Unity doesn't happen naturally.  You have to fight for it.

Don't lead by relationship, lead by title.
How to avoid...

• Spend time loving and honoring people.  You get what you give.
• Include people.  Be collaborative.  
• Build relationships with people.  Let them know you care more about them than about what they do.

Don't work hard...be lazy.
How to avoid...

• Develop a strong work ethic.
• Be a servant leader.
• When it's time to get hands dirty...lead the way.  Instead of barking orders from the sidelines...be right in the middle of the blood, sweat, and tears.

The floor is yours.  What are other ways children's ministry leaders lose the trust of their volunteers?  Share your thoughts with us in the comment section below.