RELEVANT CHILDREN'S MINISTRY

I was recently at a church on a Sunday morning and noticed that during the songs, not one single teenager was singing with the congregation.

They simply stared ahead at the song leader with no outward signs that they were participating in worshiping Jesus during the songs.

All of the songs were hymns that the older members of the congregation enjoyed singing.  It was obvious that they had a strong preference for hymns.

This reminded me that every church that wants to still be in existence 20 years from now must set aside some of their personal preferences for how church should be done and be willing to make room for the preferences of the next generation.

There are churches across our nation that are dying a slow death.  They refuse to let go of some of their preferences and it is obvious in the percentage of kids and young families who are attending.  These churches are turning into ministry mausoleums.  

There is a church about 2 miles from where I live that I am familiar with.  "Back in the day" they had 200 people attending.  I drove past it on a Sunday morning recently and there were maybe 6 cars in the parking lot.  This story could be told many times over in our nation right now.

In the last few months, there are two quotes that hit me as I wrote them.  Here they are...

A church without children is terminal.

If there is no crying (in the nursery), your church is dying. 

Millennials and their Gen Z kids want to help shape the future of the churches we are asking them to attend and participate in.  That being said, when was the last time you gathered a group of them together and asked them what they would change in the church if they were given permission?

And what if some of the things they want to change are the opposite of your church preferences?  Are you willing to set your preferences aside to reach the next generation?

I have found that many of the "church battles" and "worship wars" that happen are because the older generation is unwilling to surrender any of their preferences.  This is one reason why Millenials and Gen Zers are leaving our churches. 

If we want them to be leading the church one day when we are gone, then we must give them some say in helping lead the church now.

At one of the churches where I was on staff, the church had come to a crossroads.  Would they only cater to the preferences of the older members?  Would the older members make room for the next generation to lead?

One of the key elders in the church helped the church move forward.  On a Sunday morning, he was sitting in a service.  New music was being sung.  Songs the older members had never heard before.  Songs that were louder than the songs from previous generations.  Songs that were definitely the preference of the next generation.

The elder was sitting beside the pastor on a Sunday morning in a service.  He leaned over to the pastor and said this...

"This music is not what I prefer.  It's louder than I am used to and I am not familiar with the words, but I'm looking over at my grand-kids and they are are worshiping and praising God.  That's what matters most to me.  Sign me up to be a supporter of the changes we are in the process of making that will help us reach them."

That church is thriving and growing.  Why?  A big reason is the older generation was willing to lay aside their preferences for the preferences of their children and grandchildren.


Please, please, please don't let your preferences keep you from reaching the next generation.  The future of your church is at stake.

Here's a quick overview of the generations so you will know who we are talking about when we say "Millennials."

Silent Generation (born 1928 to 1945)

Baby Boomers (born 1946 to 1964)

Generation X (born 1965 to 1980)

Millennials (born between 1981 to 1996)

Gen Z (born between 1997 to 2012)

Alpha Generation (born 2013 to present)


The median household income of Millennials is $71,000.  This has only risen from $70,700 in 2001.

Millennial women are also waiting longer to become parents than prior generations did. In 2016, 48% of Millennial women (ages 20 to 35 at the time) were moms. When Generation X women were the same age in 2000,  57% were already mothers, similar to the share of Boomer women (58%) in 1984. Still, Millennial women now account for the vast majority of annual U.S. births, and more than 17 million Millennial women have become mothers.

By 2019, Millennials are projected to number 73 million. This will make them the largest living adult generation.

Last week I led a session at CPC that was titled "7 Keys to Reaching Young Families.  The response was tremendous with standing room only.

Reaching young families is obviously something that is very important in most churches.  Without a new generation of adult leaders, churches will die a slow death. 

And even though there are challenges with reaching young, Millennial parents, it can and is being done.

You can get the notes from the session at this link. 

Had a great time last week at CPC sharing a session about "Attracting Millennial Volunteers."

If you'd like the notes from the session, they are available as a free download at my site. You can access it at this link.

Millennial parents and their Gen Z kids love Instagram.

There are currently over 48.2 million Millennials using Instagram.  By next year, nearly 75% of all Millennial smartphone users will be on Instagram.  And their Gen Z kids live on Instagram.

Taking pictures.  Capturing experiences.  Sharing their story.  Showing what they are eating.  Showing where they are.  Showing who they are with.  Showing what they are wearing.  That's what they do.

And organizations that want to engage them, earn their respect and capture their loyalty, must be "Instagram-worthy." 

Restaurants are learning this the hard way.  Did you know several restaurant chains are struggling because they are not connecting well with Millennial parents and their Gen Z kids?  Including restaurants like Applebee's, Olive Garden and IHOP.  Applebees is closing 60 to 80 of their locations this year - saying a big cause is a decline in Millennial customers.  IHOP is closing 30 to 40 of their locations. 

Because of the Instagram culture, some restaurant chains are seeing this and making changes to connect better with Millennials and Gen Z.  TGI Fridays and Buffalo Wild Wings are working to create an atmosphere that is more "Instagram-worthy" with more picturesque menu items and decor.  Olive Garden recently launched what they laud as an "instagram-worthy" meatball pizza Bowl.

I believe there is something the church can learn from this.  If we are going to connect with and engage today's parents and their kids, then we must also create environments that are "Instagram-worthy."  

I find it very interesting what Brad Haley, IHOP's marketing chief, recently said about the Instagram culture we now live in.

“We wanted to make sure we could deliver the food in a way we knew our guests would want it.  We spent a lot of time working on our packaging."

The takeaway for us is this:  The church has great spiritual food to offer.  There is nothing better than the life-changing truths and hope found in the Word of God.  We simply need to spend more time packaging it in a way today's young families can connect with.

You see, the Bible and its truths are timeless.  But how we present it and share it must change to be relevant to the lives of the people we are seeking to engage. 

We must be anchored to the truth...but geared for the times.  The timeless message cannot be wrapped up in or presented in 1960's packaging if we are going to reach today's Millennial parents and their Gen Z kids.

As Ted Nelson, CEO of Mechanica, said about change - "Reinvention is the key."

Many churches are still operating like it's 1960 and they are slowly declining into oblivion.  If they are going to turn things around, they must be willing to reinvent themselves.  Not the message...but how they present the message.  They are going to have to become "Instagram-worthy" if they want to see their church thrive in the days ahead.

But there is a challenge involved.  And it's this.

How do you make the needed changes to attract younger families while not alienating older generations in the process?  

Nelson went on to say this.

“You sort of have to really blow up the current model to a certain degree.  The challenge is you then risk losing boomer customers."

The same can be said in the church world.  While you must make changes to reach young families, you also have to keep older generations engaged.  Some churches do this by offering both traditional and contemporary services.  Other churches use blended worship to connect with multiple generations.

Whatever your strategy, remember that a healthy church is made up of all generations of believers. Generations coming together to worship, serve and grow together.  United by a common vision.

Look on Instagram and you'll see that sometimes Millennials and Gen Zer's will post pictures with their parents and grandparents.  They will use these posts to honor and show their love for the older members of their family.  Being "Instagram-worthy" doesn't mean you forget about older generations.  It means you honor them and involve them.

Coming back to the main point of this article.  Is your ministry "Instagram-worthy?"  Here's a simple way to find out.  Check Instagram.  Does your ministry show up in people's posts?  Check for hashtags of your ministry and events.  Are there any?

Think about ways you can create a more "Instagram-worthy" environment.  

Here are some ideas...

• Lead the way by posting photos of the ministry on Instagram.  Photos from services, events, programs, special days, etc. 

• Create photo spots for people at your church.  You can use backdrops, props, etc.  Change up the photo spots for the seasons and holidays.   

• Encourage people to take pics at church and post them on Instagram.

• Have contests where you have people post photos on Instagram for something specific at the church and give a prize to the winning photo. 

Being "Instagram-worthy" is a way you can spread the word about your ministry.  Most Millennial parents and their Gen Z kids are connected with hundreds (and in some cases thousands) of people through Instagram.

Become "Instagram-worthy" and you can extend your reach to Millennial parents and Gen Z kids who need the Savior your ministry represents.

Your turn.  Do you use Instagram in your ministry?  What other tips and ideas do you have for making a ministry "Instagram-worthy?"  Share your thoughts with everyone in the comment section below.

Any church that wants to thrive must reach young families.  In fact, I'd go as far as to say any church that wants to exist in the future, must reach young families. 

A healthy church is made up of all generations, just like a family is.  Kids, teenagers, parents, grandparents and great-grandparents.

But if a church only has grandparents and great-grandparents, it will eventually die as the members die.

Young parents and their children must be a substantial part of a congregation for it to have a future.

That being established, how does a church reach young families?  How does a church see its nursery, preschool, elementary and student ministries full of the life and excitement that the next generation brings?  How does a church bustle with the energy that young families create?

If you are going to reach today's young families, the starting point is to know who they are.  Let's talk about that.

Today's young parents are primarily made up of Millennials.  And the sad fact is many churches are void of Millennials.  Studies by Barna and other researchers reveal that church attendance is the lowest in recent history...especially among Millennials.

• 59% of Millennials who were raised in church have dropped out. 

• 35% of Millennials have an anti-church stance - even to the point that they believe the church does more harm than good. 

Millennials are the least likely adult generation to attend church.  Just go to your average church on Sunday morning and look around.  You will see it's true.

But before we place the blame on a new generation of parents, I think, as the church, we have to take a hard look in the mirror.  Remember 59% of the young parents who were raised in our churches have dropped out. 

If we are going to reach those who have dropped out, then I believe we need to change what caused them to drop out in the first place.  And if we are going to reach Millennials who have no previous church background, then we must be willing to gear our ministries to meet the needs of today's young parents rather than continuing to do ministry like we have for the past 30 years.

Let's talk about 7 keys to reaching today's young families.

1. Give them a voice.  Rather than just being told what to do, Millennials want to speak into what they are involved in.

Communication must happen through collaboration if we want to engage young parents.

Think about it.  Are you giving Millennial parents the opportunity to provide input and insight into the ministry?  Are you allowing them to serve in key leadership roles? 

When you combine the wisdom of Boomers with the fresh ideas, creativity and insight of Millennials, you get a dynamic that can't happen if you leave one out. 

How about creating some focus groups with Millennials parents?  Invite them to provide feedback, ideas and direction to the ministry.  How about inviting Millennials to help shape the future of the ministry? 

Perhaps many of them have dropped out because they wanted to do more than just sit on a pew for an hour a week and be lectured to.  With thousands online sermon options, they can sit home and do that. 

It's not the sermon that is going to bring Millennials in.  It's giving them the opportunity to speak into the ministry and help build it. 

2. Keep it simple.  Today's young families are bombarded with messages.  Social media and technology sends hundreds, if not thousands of messages their way every day.  This creates a noisy buzz that is hard to break through.  Especially if you complicate the message you are trying to get through to them. 

Simple programs.  Simple messaging.  Simple vision.  Simple communication.  That's what it takes to get your message through to today's young families.

3. Give them something worth giving their time to.  Millennials want to make a difference.  They are not interested in playing church.  When a church is nothing more than a social club, they check out.

Millennials care deeply about helping those in need.  They will give their time, energy and resources to those who are involved with this.  You can see this in their engagement with companies who donate some of their profit to charitable causes.

Let them find those causes through your ministry and they will engage. 

Balance Bible study and worship with serving in the community and overseas.  Balance giving toward your local ministry with giving toward those in need both locally and internationally.  Balance being inside the walls of the church with serving the city outside the walls of your church.

Millennials want to change the world.  Show them how they can change the world through the church and they will be drawn to it. 

4. Focus on what you're for just as much as what you're against.  The world sees the church as narrow-minded, judgmental and hypocritical.  That's what we've become known for. 

That's the opposite of what Jesus said we should be known for, isn't it?  He said the world should know us because of our love for one another. 

I don't believe that means we should never stand for the truth.  We should.  Millennials are looking to the church for guidance about relationships, sex, parenting, finances, etc.  We must help guide them to God's plans in these matters, because His plans lead to a truly fulfilling life.

But we must balance the truth we share with the love we demonstrate.

When Millennials see how much we love those around us, they will be drawn to the truth and accept it.  It's about relationship, right?  Love opens the door for Millennials to receive the truth of God's Word.

5.  Be a community rather than a clique.  Take a peek inside many of the dying churches in our land and you will find a small clique of people who are happy and content for it to stay that way.  They have their comfortable group and are very content to just "hang on 'til Jesus comes." 

Oh yes, they will smile at a visitor, but they wouldn't think of changing anything that might make a guest consider coming back.  Usually, the church is built around a small clique of families who go through the motions of putting their hour in at church each week. 

What ends up happening is the church become a small clique of people and families that never grow or reach anyone outside their four walls.  And they are okay with that.

If you are going to reach young families, then you must create a church community where new people are welcomed and can get connected quickly.  The cliques must be adjusted so they become welcoming communities.

Millennials are longing to get connected and develop relationships.  Someone they can do life with.

6. Transparency.  Millennials are tired of seeing hypocrisy in the church.  When church leaders are involved in adultery, fraud, lying, abuse and other scandals, it causes Millennails to run the other way.  And can you blame them? 

If we're going to reach young families, then we must stop covering up these atrocities and confront them head on.   We must practice what we preach and live above board.  Our words must match our actions.

We must make church finances available for every member so they can see where dollars are being spent.  Leaders must be committed to upholding their integrity and going the second mile to avoid even the appearance of evil.

7.  Take a risk.  Change is always a risk.  But the greater risk is to do what you've always done.  You know how it goes.  If you keep doing the same thing, you will get the same result.

If what you're doing now is not reaching young families, then guess what?  Nothing is going to change that unless you change what you are doing. 

This next Sunday, I want to challenge you.  Take a close look at your ministry.  What do you see?  A mostly, older group of people with young families and their kids being few and far between?  If that's what you see, are you willing to take some risks to change that?

Let me ask you like this.

Is reaching the next generation of parents and their children worth going out of your comfort zone for?   

Will you work to create a church environment that they will be drawn toward?  

There's only one alternative.  A slow death for your ministry. 

And that's not what Christ wants.  He wants the church to be a healthy, thriving community, made up of all generations.  Growing and serving and changing the world together. 

Churches that want to attract Millennial parents and their children should pour a significant percentage of their time, resources and efforts into creating an excellent children's ministry.  

You may not have the budget that Disney has, but you do have the ability to keep your facilities as clean as Disney does. 

I believe the best way to reach Millennial parents is by ministering to their children with excellence.

• 14% of Boomers are religious nones
• 19% of Gen Xer's are religious nones
• 34% of Millennials are religious nones

This obviously means Millennials are much more likely to not pass faith to their children.  It's hard to pass along something you don't believe yourself.  This is very concerning, not only for the Millennials, but for their Gen Z children as well.

Millennials (ages 18-34) are becoming moms...and technology is a big part of their lives.  If you want to connect with them effectively, here's some need-to-knows when it comes to millennial moms and technology.

Millennials moms are part of the first generation to grow up immersed in the internet and social media.  They are first-generation digital natives.  Navigating the online world is as natural as breathing for them.

Recent research shows that when Millennial women become moms, instead of stepping back from technology, they increase their usage and make it an even more essential part of their lives.

Millennial moms engage with digital devices.  

• 95% own a smartphone.  
• 81% prefer texting over talking. 
• 90% use a tablet.
• 45% own an internet TV device.

Millennial moms share their experiences on social media.

• 99% of Millennial moms use Facebook.
• 97% spend time on Pinterest.
• 89% use Instagram.
• 98% post pictures on social media of their experiences.
• 84% post videos.

 Millennial moms share advice on social media.

• 86% use social media to influence others.
• 72% use social media to give advice to others.

Millennial moms want to engage online with the brands and organizations they support. 

• They prefer firsthand recommendations. 
• They expect personal conversations with brands and organizations they interact with.  84% enjoy when this happens.
• 92% tag brands in their social media posts.

Millennial moms look online for parenting advice.

• 77% believe the internet has made them a better parent.
• 87% say the internet allows them to quickly access parenting tips and advice.
• 90% say the internet helps them find fun activities to do with their kids. 

Millennial moms use social media to connect with other moms.

• 81% say they use it connect with moms going through similar experiences.
• 79% say it allows them to connect day and night with other moms.

What does this mean for children's ministry?

• Social media is one of the best ways to connect with Millennial moms.  Open accounts for your children's ministry parents on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Twitter, etc. 

• Text messages are a great way to reach Millennial moms.  Not only do 95% of them have a smartphone, but 98% of text messages get read as well.

• Provide photo opps at church where Millennial moms can use their smartphones to take pictures with their kids.  You can be sure the moms will post them online.  Remember...98% of them post pictures on social media of their experiences.  What a great way to spread the word about your ministry.

• Use social media to promote upcoming events, series and programs.   Ask Millennial moms to help share the posts.

• Create an online parenting forum and share articles about parenting on social media. Millennial moms are looking for parenting advice.  

• Post your take home papers on social media.  This is a great way to provide them with a tool talk about the lesson during the week.

• Post activities that parents can do with their children that tie into the lesson.  Millennial moms are looking for activities to do with their children and it will give them another tool to go back over the lesson you taught. 

• Use your phone to create short online videos to post online.  Some ideas are to provide updates, a re-cap of the lesson, parenting tips, short devotionals for kids and parents to do together and more.  Millennial moms like video communication.  They constantly watch video clips on social media platforms. 

• Provide social media posts about the ministry that moms can share online and use to invite their friends to church.  Remember 86% of them want to use social media to influence others.  This gives them an opportunity to influence their friends for Christ. 

If you want to reach Millennial moms, then go where they are...technology and social media.

Your turn.  What are some other ideas for reaching Millennial moms through technology?  Share your ideas with everyone in the comment section below. 

The term "Millennials" refers to people born between 1982 and 2004.

Right now, 25% of Millennials are parents.  In the next 10 to 15 years...80% will be parents...that translates to 60 million people.  They are the young and upcoming parents we are called to reach.

If you want to reach them, it's vital to know what makes them tick.  Here's the latest findings that can help you connect with them.

Where they turn for parenting advice - Though they have unprecedented access to information via the internet, Millennial parents say they go first to their own parents for advice.  This means grandparents have a great opportunity to make a difference in the lives of not only their adult children, but their grandchildren as well.  Equipping grandparents may be the next big breakthrough in family ministry.  My friend, Larry Fowler, has started a great ministry to equip grandparents to make an impact on future generations.  Check out the Legacy Grandparent Conference. 

What they want to instill in their children - When asked to choose the single most important value they want to teach their children, respect was the majority answer.  Responsibility was the second most cited.

Millennials want to be good parents.  They will resonate with ministries that partner with them in this endeavor.  Keep this in mind when planning and promoting your curriculum and programming.  

How Millennial dads and moms differ - Surprisingly, Millennial moms are more likely to emphasize "technology" and social media than Millennial dads are.  If you want to influence them, remember they have a baby in one hand and a cell phone in the other hand.  Meet them where they live.  Use social media and technology to connect with them.  

Millennial dads are more likely to talk about "being there" for their children.  This doesn't mean moms aren't there for their children, it simply means more dads are recognizing the important role they play in their child's life.  If you want to influence Millennial dads, give them opportunities to make memories with their children through events and programs like daddy/daughter banquets, father/son camp outs, family Bible studies, etc.

How Millennial parents feel about the role of technology in their children's lives - Though they know technology is a big part of their children's lives, 40% say they worry that it will limit their children's ability to appreciate the outdoors.  Millennial parents, who for the most part spent their early childhood without smartphones or social media, are trying to balance the reality of an increasingly tech-focused world as it relates to their children.

What causes Millennials to purchase things for their kids - Millennials are known for being more self-serving and independent than previous generations.  But there is something that changes that.  Kids.  When they have kids, they shift this focus to their children.  They begin spending less on themselves and when they do, they are frugal.  When purchasing for their kids though, the main factors are quality and whether or not it will make their children happy.  They will stop at nothing to ensure their children enjoy quality products that make them happy.  

This echoes once again that the key to reaching parents is by reaching their children.  When you take a child by the hand you take a parent by the heart.  If you want to reach Millennial families, create quality environments that kids love coming to.  Churches that make children's ministry a top priority will reach Millennial parents.