RELEVANT CHILDREN'S MINISTRY

Do you ever feel overwhelmed with everything you have on your plate?  Feel like there's just not enough hours in a day to accomplish everything at home and church?

It's a tension that you must learn to manage if you want to go the distance in ministry.

In my coaching program, I ask everyone that is participating this question.

Can you go the distance with your current pace?  

Often, the answer is "no."

What about you?  Can you sustain your current pace long-term?  Let's go a little deeper,  Can you sustain your current pace and be happy?  And be a good parent?  And be a good spouse? 

Being fully present when you're at work and fully present when you're at home is not an easy task.  But it can be done with the right strategy and commitment.  Let's talk about 7 keys you can use to keep home and ministry balanced.

Key #1 - Work when you are at work and then get home.  Sometimes when someone says they are always at the church working, they may be at the church, but they may not be working as much as they think they are.  Take out an extended lunch, time on social media, time just chit-chatting with co-workers and time just goofing off, and those "long hours working" at church are reduced.

If you want more time to spend at home and with your family, then get your work done and go home.  This doesn't mean you can't have fun or any relax time at work, but it does mean you are focused and not wasting time. 

Key #2 - Set time for your family on your calendar just like you would for a ministry appointment.  You know what happens.  You have a date night planned with your spouse.  But an afternoon phone call comes in that a couple is about to divorce and want to come talk with you that evening. 

What should you do?  Drop the dinner with our spouse and meet with them?  Not if you already have an appointment that evening with your spouse.  Just kindly let them know you already have a meeting that night, but you'll be glad to meet with them the next day.

And don't feel "guilty" about it.  How are you going to help other peoples' marriage if you don't have a strong marriage yourself?  How will you teach a parenting class if you don't spend time investing in your own child?

Key #3 - Know the season of life you are in.  Seasons of life can heavily influence how you do ministry.  If your kids are in preschool or elementary, you will need to be home more in the evenings and block out time for them.  When you become an empty-nester, you will have more time available to do things you want to do.  But right now focus on your children.  They will be grown and gone before you know it.  You only get one chance to raise them. 

"Don't blow it by making building the church more important than building your children."

Key #4 - Learn to say "no."  If you study the ministry of Jesus, you will see that He didn't heal everyone.  There were times He said "no" and pulled away to spend time in prayer and resting.

Often, people in ministry are people pleasers.  We are wired to be available to serve people whenever they need us.

But if you don't stay balanced,  you can end up losing your own family.  And then you'll lose your credibility to minister to others.

Sometimes you have to say "no" to something that is good, so you can make something else great.  If you're going to go the distance, then learn to say that powerful little word - no. 

Key #5 - Take your day off and use your vacation time.  Many leaders fall into the trap of not taking their day off.  They tell themselves they are too busy.  Sunday won't happen if they take a day off.  And the longer they stay in that mode, the harder it is to be balanced. 

Here's a little tip that I wish I'd have thought about when my kids were younger.  Rather than spending major dollars on buying your kids "stuff" at Christmas and on their birthday, cut back on what you spend on "stuff" and instead use the money to make some memories with them.  Go on a road trip.  Take them to an amusement park.  Take them on a camping trip.  Go snow skiing together.  Here's the reasoning behind it.

Kids will quickly grow tired of the "stuff" you buy them.  But they will never forget the trips you took with them.  They will never forget the money you spent making memories with them.  They will always remember the time you camped out or sang Christmas carols by a campfire or went bowling as a family.

"Spend more time and money making memories with your kids, than you do filling their toy box up."

Key #6 - Set a quitting time and obey the clock.  Have you ever looked at the clock at work and it says you should go home.  But you tell yourself you've just got to finish up what you're working on.  You just need 20 minutes to wrap it up.  20 minutes later you look up and tell yourself it will only take 10 more minutes.  It keeps going and when you finally arrive home, dinner is cold and your spouse has already put the kids to bed.

This happens quite often and eventually becomes a pattern for you.  Your spouse tries to get you to come home and spend time with the kids.  You listen and know he or she is right, but you just can't seem to get out of the grip of "what I have to accomplish."

If that's the case, then it's time to set a quitting time that will get you home in time for dinner and keep you there engaged with your family.  Let 5 o'clock be your boss and obey him and go home.  What you are working on, will be there tomorrow.

Of course, there will occasionally be things pop up that you can't control or push to tomorrow.  But that should be the exception and not the norm.

Key #7 - Maximize your time by managing your time.  What if you started managing your time more closely? Identifying what you are doing that shouldn't be warranting your time?  Maximizing your time by organizing and prioritizing your tasks?  You will be surprised how much time you can get back. 

I share several time management tools in my coaching program that can help you be more productive and more balanced at the same time.  You can get more information at this link.

I know by experience that when you become unbalanced, it will catch up to you and you'll look back and regret not having balance.  I had to learn the hard way that balance is a non-negotiable, if you want to go the distance and finish strong. Not being balanced can take you down for the count.  It took me down and I almost didn't make it back.  You can read about what happened at this link. 

As a ministry leader, you have to keep a lot of plates spinning, don't you?  The ministry plate...the family plate...the chores plate...the hobbies plate...counseling plate...preparing lessons plate...event plate...friends plate...there is no shortage of plates we have to keep spinning.

But there will be times when you simply can't keep all those plates spinning.  When that happens and you have to decide which plate to drop...do one thing...make sure you don't drop the family plate.

Your turn.  How do you keep your ministry responsibilities and family balanced?  Share your thoughts with us the comments below.

Do you have volunteers who are on the edge of burning out?  You can see it in their eyes but are not quite sure what to do.

Here's some practical ways to help your volunteers avoid burnout.

Make sure they are serving in their sweet spot.  Make sure they are in a role that syncs with their gifts, personality and passion.

When someone is not in their sweet spot, serving becomes drudgery.  When someone is in their sweet spot, serving becomes a delight. 

Model balance.  Show your volunteers what balance is.  Here's an example.  As the children's ministry leader, make sure you are attending an adult service each week.  This models for your volunteers that they must be fed themselves in order to be able to feed others.

Encourage them to take time off.  Encourage them to occasionally take a weekend off.  Give them a few back-to-back weekends off during the summer months.

Keep them focused on one area of responsibility.  Zealous volunteers will be take on as many responsibilities as you will give them and serve in other ministries simultaneously.  Avold asking them to stay over and serve for extra services as well.

Provide regular care and support.  Care and support will significantly improve volunteer performance, engagement and retention.  Listening to, showing compassion and supporting your volunteers is one of the best ways to help them avoid burnout.

Your turn.  The floor is yours.  How do you help volunteers avoid burnout?  Share your thoughts with us in the comment section below.

Balance in work and life is a key to long-term success.  We are not called to serve God for a 5 year window...we are called to serve Him for life.

For that to happen, we've got to find balance.  Easier said than done.  There is always one more person to reach...one more family to help...one more email to answer...one more phone call to make...one more event to pull off.

We keep telling ourselves that it will slow down...yeah right!  Newsflash...it will never slow down.

The only way you'll find balance is to make time to slow down.

Our children's ministry has been on a run.  A fun...exciting...adventurous run.  In the last 6 months we've opened up 2 new campuses, completed a building project, started 2 more building projects, produced original curriculum, on-boarded hundreds of new volunteers, started 2 more weekend services, and the list goes on and on.

We realized after all this that everyone needed some time to breathe.  So, as a staff and volunteers, we have purposely slowed down for a season.  We've cancelled a lot of staff meetings, cancelled some events, given everyone an extra day off each week, and not scheduled anything additional.

Why?  Because we want to go the distance.  Ministry work is a marathon, not a sprint.  You can sprint on a 100 hard dash...but you can't sprint on a marathon...if you want to finish.  You have to pace yourself.

Here's 7 keys to pacing yourself so you can finish strong.

Monitor how many hours you work. 
How many hours a week are you working?  It's easy to slip into 60-80 hours a week if you're not careful.  Especially if you're salary.  Determine how many hours you're going to work on an average week and stick to it.  Yes, there will be short seasons when you have to work more hours, but that should be the exception and not the norm.

Don't think you can do it?  Yes, you can.  If you choose to do so.  Andy Stanley, the pastor of one of the largest churches in the country, works 45 hours a week...because he chooses to.  Who benefits?  His family...which is our most important ministry.   You can read more about that here.

Turn off technology.
Technology has made it very easy to bring work home.  For years, I made the mistake of leaving work and going right back to work when I got home.  I would work at home until 11 pm or later.  And it cost me.  I still have to resist the temptation, but I'm doing much better at this.  I have to if I'm going to be doing ministry work 10 years from now. 

Take your day off.
If you're not taking your day off, then your life is out of balance.  You will burn out.  I know by experience.  It lead me to a dark place.  You can read more about that here.

Use your vacation time.
I've got a ton of stuff to do.  But I'm leaving tomorrow for a 6 day vacation.  My drive tells me that I can't afford to go on vacation.  But my Bible and body tell me I must go on vacation.  I must come apart to rest or I will come apart and be no good for anyone.  Use...your...vacation...time!

Focus on a few programs and events.
Take a look at your ministry calendar.  Is it overflowing with events and programs?  Find some balance.  Cut some stuff.  Cancel some stuff.  Focus on doing a few things well.  I talk more about this here. 

Know when to slow down.
Watch your spiritual, emotional, and physical gas needle.  Know when it's time to stop and fill back up.  Know when your team needs to rest.  Instead of just plowing on ahead...be intentional about interjecting times of rest and refreshment. 

When you are home...be home.
When you get home...be home.  Be a father...be a husband or wife.  Be home not only physically, but also emotionally.   Your spouse needs you to present...your kids need you to be present.  The work will be there when you return tomorrow.  For now...just relax and seize the life balance opportunity God has provided you. 

Should crying babies and restless preschoolers be in adult worship?  Yes or no?

I have experienced both extremes.

I was once in a service where babies and preschoolers were allowed free reign.  They roamed the aisles throughout worship.

In fact, at one comical point there was a lady singing a "special" on stage.  Her preschooler started running back and forth on stage in front of her.  Right in the middle of her song, she reached over, grabbed him up, and kept singing.  She finished out the song while holding her squirming son in her arms.

Other extreme.  I have visited churches that didn't allow any children in the adult service and it was strictly enforced.  Ushers would stop parents at the door who tried to bring their children into the service.

So what's the best policy for a church to take regarding this?  That's something each church must decide for itself.

Here's our guideline and the thought process behind it.

We encourage families to place their child in our children's worship environments.  We believe children grow in their faith best when they participate in age-appropriate, engaging worship.

This is not to devalue family worship, but we weighed the two and came to this conclusion.  If you want to dive deeper into this, go to this post.

We don't dictate to families that they can't bring their child into the adult service.  We do let families who are entering the adult service with their child know that we have age-appropriate worship available.

If a child becomes disruptive in the adult service, our ushers kindly and discreetly ask the parents to take the child to our parent room where they can watch the service.  The parent room has a tv with a live feed from the service and toys for their child.

We have found this brings a good balance to help families with young children.

What are your thoughts?

What guidelines does your church follow?

What philosophy drives your guidelines? 

How well does your children's ministry team work together?  Take this test to find out.  One answer per question.

Team members are provided feedback about their performance.
0 - Not at All
1 - Rarely
2 - Sometimes
3 - Often
4  - Very often

Team members work together for the common good of the organization.
0 - Not at All
1 - Rarely
2 - Sometimes
3 - Often
4 - Very often

There are many complaints and morale is low on the team.
0 - Not at All
1 - Rarely
2 - Sometimes
3 - Often
4  - Very often

Team members don't understand the decisions that are made and or don't agree with them.
0 - Not at All
1 - Rarely
2 - Sometimes
3 - Often
4  -  Very often

Team members are encouraged to be good team members and build relationships.
0 - Not at All
1 - Rarely
2 - Sometimes
3 - Often
4  - Very often

Team members are provided with growth opportunities.
0 - Not at All
1 - Rarely
2 - Sometimes
3 - Often
4  - Very often

Meetings are inefficient and there is a lot of overlap.
0 - Not at All
1 - Rarely
2 - Sometimes
3 - Often
4  - Very often

Team members are asked to commit to the team's values and leaders help them see how their role fits in.
0 - Not at All
1 - Rarely
2 - Sometimes
3 - Often
4 - Very often

Team members are often given a chance to work on ideas that stretch their thinking and ideas.
0 - Not at All
1 - Rarely
2 - Sometimes
3 - Often
4 - Very often

The team understands what it is supposed to accomplish and has the resources needed to be successful.
0 - Not at All
1 - Rarely
2 - Sometimes
3 - Often
4 - Very often

Conflict between team members is a pervasive issue.
0 - Not at All
1 - Rarely
2 - Sometimes
3 - Often
4 - Very often

Team members feel that good work is not rewarded and they are not sure what they are responsible for.
0 - Not at All
1 - Rarely
2 - Sometimes
3 - Often
4 - Very often

Team members balance the need for autonomy with mutual dependance.
0 - Not at All
1 - Rarely
2 - Sometimes
3 - Often
4 - Very often

Working relationships  are poor and there is a lack of commitment for the vision.
0 - Not at All
1 - Rarely
2 - Sometimes
3 - Often
4 - Very often

We spend time together as a team outside of work.
0 - Not at All
1 - Rarely
2 - Sometimes
3 - Often
4 - Very often

Add your points:
46 to 60 - You're a solid team working well together.

31 - 45 - Your effectiveness as a team is patchy.  You're good at some things but need improvement in other areas.

0 - 30 - This is something to be concerned about.  The good news is you've got lots of room for improvement.