RELEVANT CHILDREN'S MINISTRY

One of the reasons our country is struggling is because nearly half of kids will live apart from their father before the age of 18.

This is tragic on so many levels...but the biggest...
fathers matter in the life of a child.  Kids need a father.  Here's 10 reasons why.

Fathers matter financially.  Children in father-absent homes are more likely to be living in poverty.  In 2011, 12% of children in married-couple families were living in poverty, compared to 44% of children in mother-only families.

Fathers matter because they help provide kids with emotional security.  Kids with involved fathers are more confident and sociable.  It also enables them to deal with stress better and helps them with self-direction.

Fathers matter academically.  Kids with engaged fathers have higher IQs at age three than those whose fathers have not been playing with them or helping care for them.  Studies show that children of highly involved fathers are 43% more likely than other children to earn mostly A's in school and 33% are less likely to repeat a grade.

Fathers matter on ordinary days.  When examining family functioning, fathers' involvement in everyday, home-based, common family leisure activities hold more weight than the large, extravagant, out-of-the-ordinary types of activities.

Fathers matter when it comes to play time.  In a study done by psychologist Ross Parke, it was found that "in infants and toddlers, fathers' hallmark style of interaction is physical play that is characterized by excitement, and unpredictability."  Fathers bring elements of play that mothers simply cannot bring.

Fathers matter when it comes to protection.  Fathers appear to be better at keeping predators and bad influences from harming their children.  When fathers are more involved, they can better monitor what's going on in their children's lives, including interaction with peers and adults.  Psychologist Rob Palkovitz said, "Paternal absence has been cited by multiple scholars as the single greatest risk factor in teen pregnancy for girls." 

Father's matter in the area of discipline.  Although mothers discipline more often, fathers discipline with a firmer hand.  Drs. Kyle Pruett and Marsha Kline Pruett said, "Fathers tend to be more willing than mothers to confront their children and enforce discipline, leaving their children with the impression that they in fact have more authority."  Kids in father-absent households have significantly higher odds of incarceration.  And there is significantly more drug use among children who do not live with their father.

Fathers matter in helping boys become men.  A father models for his son how to be a man.  A boy needs a father who can teach him how to throw a baseball, change a flat tire, catch a fish and mow the grass.

Fathers matter in the area of physical health.  The National Longitudinal Survey of Youth found that obese children are more likely to live in father-absent homes than are non-obese children.

Fathers matter spiritually.  Fathers who model faith through prayer, church attendance and Bible reading have a significant spiritual impact in their child's life.  When the father is the spiritual leader in the home, the likelihood that the children will grow with an active faith increases significantly.

Fathers matter.  Encourage the fathers in your church.  Challenge the fathers in your church to be spiritual leaders.  Equip fathers to step into the role in their home that God made them for. 

Adrian Peterson, football player for the Minnesota Vikings, was recently indicted by a grand jury on charges of reckless or negligent injury to a child.  The charges stemmed from what Peterson called a "whooping."  Peterson spanked his son with a wooden switch.  The boy suffered cuts and bruises to areas of his back, buttocks, ankles and legs.

Peterson's attorney said, "Adrian is a loving father who used his judgment as a parent to discipline his son.  He used the same kind of discipline with his child that he experienced as a child growing up in east Texas"

This incident has again raised the question, "Should parents use corporal punishment for disciplining their kids?"

YES to Spanking Point of View
Those who believe you should spank base this on Biblical passages such as, "Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish them with the rod, they will not die^.  Punish them with the rod and save them from death." 
Proverbs 23:13-14 

Focus on the Family lists 7 steps involved in a Biblical approach to spanking. 
1.  Clear warning - the enforcement of discipline comes only after words have not done the job.  Physical means of correction are only appropriate in cases of clear disobedience, and then only at certain ages.

2.  Establish responsibility - It's important for your child to own up to his or her misbehavior.

3.  Avoid embarrassment - Never embarrass your child in front of their friends, siblings or even strangers.

4.  Communicate grief - Let your child know that more than being angry, you're disappointed and heartbroken when they disobey.

5.  Flick your wrist.  This is an extremely practical method that will save you a lot of second-guessing.  Remember the point of a spanking: It's to sting, to provide a painful deterrent to misbe­havior, not to injure.  The Bible never implies that the rod of discipline should be violent.  As your child gets older and begins to think more abstractly, spanking becomes less effective and less necessary.

6.  Sincere repentance.  Let them sit in your lap after a spanking and cry for a while. This is a great time to model for them the love behind the discipline.  Then after a few minutes, ask, "Are you ready to talk about this with me and with God?"  When you received a nod and can tell repentance and genuine sorrow has occurred, revisit the issue and ask them, "What did you do wrong?"  You want to help them clearly relate the discipline to the behavior, not to them as a person.  Then have them pray with you and ask God for forgiveness for what they did.

7.  Unconditional love.  Let your child know God has forgiven their sin and you have as well.  Then give him or her a big hug and go do something fun.  Your child will know he or she is still accepted and that there's absolutely no barrier between the two of you.

NO to Spanking Point of View
Opponents of spanking children say even if you spank with control, discipline, and good intent, your kids are more likely to have depression and engage in aggressive behavior in adulthood.

88 studies were done on this involving 36,000 people.  Here are the results and findings from opponents of spanking.  You can click on the zoom button to see it larger if needed.

What is your point of view?  Spank or not spank?  Share your thoughts with us in the comment section below.

I just finished Marty Sklar's book "Dream It! Do It!"  Marty spent over 50 years as a creative director for Disney.

His book is filled with great insights and ideas you can use in your Children's Ministry.  This week I'm sharing them with you.  Welcome to Day 4.

More Leadership Lessons from Mickey
1. Be optimistic - if you are not positive, who else will be?

2. Courage and confidence are major cross streets on the road to success.

3. Make curiosity your search engine.

4. Learn to love your next assignment - be passionate about whatever you do.

5. Provide time to explore - but deadlines are great motivation and discipline.

6. Take time to teach - mentors are mensches.

7. Forget the politics - it's not an election!

8. Traditions are important - but change is the great dynamic.

9. Team and work are four-letter words - but together they spell "winner."

10. Remember: the last three letters of trend are E-N-D.

Join us tomorrow for more ideas and inspiration from Disney.