RELEVANT CHILDREN'S MINISTRY

No one likes to feel awkward.  Think back to a time when you felt awkward.  It wasn't a pleasant experience, was it?  Many people will do everything they can to avoid being put in an awkward situation.  And if they do find themselves in an awkward situation, they make sure to steer clear of it the next time.  This includes a guest who is made to feel awkward at church.

Now if you are reading this, feeling awkward at church is probably not something you worry about.  You know what is going to happen, where to go, have friends and feel right at home.  We forget what it's like to walk into a church for the very first time, not knowing anyone and wondering if you'll be put in an awkward situation that will make you feel uncomfortable.

We have to remember that we only get one opportunity to make guests feel welcome.  If we make them feel awkward on their first visit, they will probably go into flight mode and not return.  And then it doesn't matter how many times we call them, email them, text them or whatever else is part of our "follow-up" plan, they aren't coming back.

So...how do churches make guests feel awkward?  Here are 10 of the most common ways that I have observed. 

#1 - Having everyone turn and "say hello to someone near you" during the beginning of the service.  A lot of churches do this...even many growing churches.  But have you ever stopped to consider that it can make a guest feel awkward?  What is meant to be a "church family" moment, can be intimidating to both regular attenders and guests.  You know what usually happens, you've experienced it.  The average person turns and awkwardly says "hi, how are you?" to the person behind them and it stops at that.  Extroverts love this time during the service, but you have to remember that many of your guests are not extroverts and this places them in an awkward situation.  Yes, connections can be made during this time, but you also risk making many guests feel awkward and even more like an "outsider."

Unawkward Options: (I don't think unawkward is a word, but I'm going to use it anyways)

• Make sure you have greeters at the doors to say "hi" to people when they enter.  This is more natural and less awkward for guests.
• Greet everyone from the platform and do a general "welcome" to guests. 
• Have a person assigned for each part of the auditorium who casually welcomes people and engages them in meaningful conversation before the service starts.  This again, will be more natural.  This person should be a people person and have the ability to put people at ease and make them feel comfortable.

#2 - Publicly singling out guests.  Some churches even go so far as having guests stand or they ask the members to sit down, leaving the guests awkwardly standing and feeling embarrassed.  What is meant to make guests feel honored and special, usually does the opposite.

Unawkward Options:

• Invite guests to a guest reception after the service where they can meet the pastor and other people in the church.  This places the option in their hands instead of forcing them to identify themselves during the service.
• Have a guest card available in the seats that people can fill out if they'd like to.  The card should have the option for someone to contact them if they'd like more info.
  

#3 - Not showing guests where to go.  Last summer, I was at Universal Studios.  I was looking for the newest Harry Potter area of the park.  I walked up and down the street where the entrance was supposed to be, but couldn't find it.  I finally approached one of the staff and asked them where the entrance was.  She said "it's right back where you were at."  Still confused, I said "oh, okay" and went back to look for the entrance.  As I went up and down that part of the street, I felt very awkward.  I couldn't find it!  Finally, I peaked around the corner of a brick wall and there was the narrow entrance.  Now I know they designed it that way on purpose, to stay true to the book, but man was it awkward looking for it!

I wonder how many times guests have felt the same awkwardness at a church?  No directional signs, no hosts to show them the way, no clear visual of what is where.  And so guests end up awkwardly driving around the building, not sure which door to enter or they walk through the building, not sure where their child's class is or which way the auditorium is, too embarrassed to ask someone.

Unawkward Options:

• Have your building areas and entrances clearly marked on the outside.
• Have clear signage that identifies guest check-in. 
• Have clear way-finding signage.
• Always walk guests to their rooms.

#4 - Asking guests to raise their hands during a worship moment.  I know it's a good thing to raise your hands during worship.  I'm for it and do it.  But when you ask everyone to raise their hands, it can make a guest feel awkward.  Maybe we shouldn't put them in that situation.

Unawkward Options:

• Let the Spirit lead people to raise their hands in worship rather than asking them to.
• Don't create a culture that says people who raise their hands in worship are more spiritual than those who don't.
  

#5 - Asking guests to fill out long, detailed check-in forms.  Yes, you have to get basic information for a guest family to check their children in, but make sure it's basic information.  The more information you ask them for, the more awkward they will feel.

Unawkward Options:

• Trim down your information gathering to just the bare necessities. 
• Use electronic check-in rather than hand-written forms for guests.  Most people would rather type than write (and it's easier to read).
  

#6 - Making guests wait in line.  No one likes to wait in line.  Especially guests.  And when you make them wait in line, you place them in an awkward situation.  Think about how you feel when you're at a store and need help, but the store clerk is talking with another costumer.  You stand there awkwardly, waiting for your turn...trying not to appear too overbearing, while at the same time trying to let the clerk know that you need help as well.  That's how guests feel when we make them wait in line at church.

Unawkward Options:

• Have a separate check-in area for guests.
• Have enough greeters and volunteers so people do not have to wait in line for more than 1 minute before being helped. 
• Acknowledge everyone as soon as they get in line, even if you can't help them right that moment.  A simple "Hi!  Glad you're here!  I'll be right with you!" makes a big difference and will help take the edge off their awkwardness.
  

#7 - Making guests hunt for a place to park.  We've all experienced the awkwardness of riding around a crowded parking lot, looking for a place to park.  It's not fun!  You do not want guests to experience that feeling at your church.  If they do, more than likely they will just drive away.

Unawkward Options:

• Have clearly marked guest parking that is close to the building.
• Staff and volunteers should park in the worst parking spots and save the best parking for guests.

#8 - Not acknowledging guests at all.  The flip side of singling out guests is not acknowledging them at all.  When a guests walks in a church and is met with stares, but no greeting or even a handshake, they leave with the awkward feeling of not being important enough to even be acknowledged.

Unawkward Options:

This syncs with some of the previous options:

• Make sure you have greeters at the doors to say "hi" to people when they enter. 
• Have a person assigned for each part of the auditorium who casually welcomes people and engages them in meaningful conversation before the service starts.  This person should be a people person and have the ability to put people at ease and make them feel comfortable.
• Invite guests to a guest reception after the service where they can meet the pastor and other people in the church. This gives guests the option to connect and be identified if they'd like to.

#9 - Assuming guests know what regular attenders know.  When you don't communicate details that guests need to know, you can put them in an awkward situation.  Here's an example.  You don't tell a guest father that he will need the security tag to pick up his child after the service.  He hands the security tag to his wife and then shows up at pick-up without it.  This causes him to be put in an awkward situation and embarrasses him in front of other parents.

Unawkward Options:

• Think through ahead of time, the must-know details you need to communicate to guests.
• Train your volunteers to show extra patience and care with guests.  The last thing a guest needs in an awkward situation is to be made to feel even more awkward because of an impatient or rude volunteer.

#10 - The church not dressing like people do in everyday life.  Here's an example.  When someone in jeans walks into a church full of suits, the person will feel awkward.  When someone in a t-shirt is greeted by a bunch of ties, the person will feel awkwardly under-dressed.

Unawkward Options:

• The pastor and staff leading the way by dressing in everyday casual wear...whatever that means in your culture.  For a rural church, that might mean jeans.  For a church in an area that has lots of businessmen, that might mean khaki's and a polo shirt.  For an area comprised of young adults and college students, it might mean something even more casual.  
• Use images of people in casual wear in your branding, advertising, etc. 

Are you making guests feel awkward in any of these areas?  If so, it might be why the percentage of guests that are returning is low.  What changes can you make to take away the awkwardness?

Let's never forget what it's like to walk in the doors of a church for the very first time.  And let's do everything we can to create an environment where guests can come and not feel awkward.

Since first-time guests decide in the first 8 minutes if they're going to return or not, it's vital to make them feel comfortable as you greet them, help them check-in and walk them to their rooms.

One of the best ways to do this is to engage them in conversation.  Think about how you feel when you walk into a place of business and the hosts are friendly and engaging with their conversation.  It puts you at ease and helps you feel at home, doesn't it?  Compare that to the awkwardness you feel when you walk into a place and are met with a cold, quick greeting with little, if any, interest shown toward you.  Big difference, isn't it?

That being said, all conversations aren't created equal.  Conversation that makes people feel comfortable and welcomed is an art.  The good news, it's an art that can be learned.  Let's take a look at 10 ways you and your team can get better at talking with first-time guests.

Find people with the right personality.  It's a lot easier to sharpen the conversation skills of someone who actually likes people.  Look for people who have a pleasant attitude and wear a smile.  If you currently have someone on your greeter team who is short with people or moody, it would be best to move them to another role.

Make eye contact.  Ever walk into a place of business and the person behind the desk doesn't even look up to acknowledge your presence?  Or they look at you, but you can tell they're looking past you?  Makes you feel devalued, doesn't it?  Don't let that be you and your team.  Look guests in the eye as you greet them.  This lays the foundation for a great conversation.

Use their name.  Quickly find out their name and use it. When you use a person's name, it draws them into the conversation.  

Show interest in them.  If you really don't care about your guests, they will sense it.  Talk about their interests.  People love to talk about themselves.

Acknowledge it can feel awkward to be at a new place.  If you sense they are nervous, especially the children, put them at ease by telling them you know it can be scary walking into a new place, but you're so glad they're here and you're going to help them feel right at home.  Doing this can help put them at ease.

Ask open-ended questions.  Give them opportunities to share by asking open-ended questions.     

Find something in common.  As you talk with them, look for things you have in common.  Perhaps you have family in the state they moved from.  Maybe your kids are the same age.  Find something that will give you a connection with them.

Use FOR to spark conversation. 

• F - Family
• O - Occupation
• R - Recreation (what do they like to do for fun)

Complement them on something.  The best complement is to say something nice about the kids.  The way to a parent's heart is to say something nice about their child. 

Have a few backup questions ready.  If you're having a hard time getting the conversation going, have some backup questions ready from a variety of subjects such as sports, weather, school, etc. Just make sure it's not a controversial topic.  This is not the time to bring up politics.

More than the sermon, more than the music, more than the building, guests will first and foremost remember how you made them feel.  Use your conversation to make them feel welcome, accepted and comfortable, and they will return.

Here's 10 simple things you can implement that will immediately improve your children's ministry.

#1 - Add music in the hallway.  Having music playing in the hallway when families are coming and going will greatly enhance the mood and atmosphere.

This can be as simple as using a portable CD player or iPod with a speaker.

#2 - Fresh paint.  Can't afford to remodel or theme out your children's area?  A simple coat of kid-friendly paint can make a world of difference.

#3 - Ask parents how long you should wait before paging them if their child starts crying.  This takes the guessing out of it and will immediately help new parents feel at ease when they are dropping off their child in the nursery.

#4 - Send handwritten notes to guests instead of emails or form letters.  In the day of technology, a handwritten note is gold and shows people you really care.

#5 - Have your greeters at the doors after the service.  Ask your greeters to be at the doors after the service to tell people good-bye as they are leaving.  This extra touch will make a huge impact.  People remember their last few moments at church and this will make those last few minutes memorable.

#6 - Give guests a special sticker or name tag to let volunteers know they are new.  Volunteers will then know to give these kids extra attention and help them feel welcome.

#7 - Have a photo spot for families.  A simple backdrop with a few props will provide a great place for families to capture a memory.  Change out the backdrop based on the season.

#8 - Start a Facebook page for parents.  It's free.  It's easy.  It's a great way to connect with the parents in your ministry.

#9 - Ask someone who normally isn't in the children's area to come and be a mystery shopper.  Ask them to make a list of their observations and ways you can improve.  Having outside eyes look at your ministry will provide you with valuable feedback.

#10 - Meet with a group of kids and get their feedback on how to improve the ministry.  This simple meeting will give you valuable tips on how to take your ministry to the next level.

Your turn.  Share some simple ideas you've used to improve your children's ministry in the comment section below.

Did you know the experience you give guests on their first visit is the single most important factor in seeing them return?

Let's define guest experience.  Guest experience is the sum of all the interactions a family has with your ministry.  It includes everything from the family's first awareness that your church exists to the totality of their first visit.  The critical moments during this time are touchpoints.  The touchpoints all add up to create the family's guest experience with you.

Here's 3 keys that will help you create an amazing guest experience for families.

Key #1 - The guest experience is everyone's responsibility.  Everyone the family interacts with is part of the guest experience.  Their experience will not only be shaped by the greeter at the door, but also by the person at the classroom door and everyone else they encounter along the way.

If you want to give guests a great experience, train not only your greeters and check-in team, but your people at the classroom doors and other key people guests will encounter as well. 

Disney has developed a great strategy for this that can be summed up in this statement.

While no one owns the guest, someone, in every case, owns the moment.

Everyone must be made aware of this and own the moments they interact with the guest.

Key #2 - The guest experience is shaped by everything the guest encounters.  You can have a great first-time family check-in process, but if they encounter a smelly, dirty bathroom it will negatively affect their experience.  You can have great hallway signage, but if the pick-up line is long, it will again cast a shadow on their experience.  Look at your guest experience holistically. 

Key #3 - Understand your guests.  If you want to meet the needs, wants and emotions of your guests, then you must know what they are.  Be intentional about identifying these and then create a blueprint for meeting them.  When you truly understand your guests, then you can truly give them a great experience.

The experience guests have on their first visit is the biggest determining factor if they will return or not.  You can "follow up" all you want, but if they have a bad first experience, the chances of them returning is slim to none.

There's a tool that Disney uses to create great experiences for families.  The tool is comprised of 4 elements.  They call it a compass since the letters correspond with the four directions of a compass.

N - Needs
S - Stereotypes
E - Emotions
W - Wants

Below is a tool I've created for this strategy.  You can work through this with your team to craft a great experience for your guests.  The more of the four elements you can meet, the better the chance they will return.

Here are the instructions for using the tool.  I've listed some examples under each one.  You'll want to come up with your own lists which reflect your unique culture and church situation.

N - Needs
Identify and list the basic needs your first-time guests have.  These are the bare minimums that you should provide people with.

• get their kids signed in 
• be shown where to go
• know pick-up procedures
• __________________
• __________________
• __________________ 

Steps to accomplish:

• have an easy, clear check-in process for new families
• have clear signage
• explain pick-up procedures
• _________________
• _________________
• _________________

S - Stereotypes
Identify the negative, preconceived ideas people may have when they walk in the door.  How can you overcome these?

• churches are judgmental
• churches are boring
• churches aren't friendly places
• churches only want my money
• no one will really care about me and my family
• __________________
• __________________
• __________________

Steps to accomplish:

• place friendly people on greeter team
• make it clear giving is for members and not guests
• have an exciting service that will engage kids and parents
• __________________
• __________________
• __________________

E - Emotions
Emotions are more powerful than logic when it comes to decisions.  People will remember how you made them feel more than anything.  What emotions do you want people to experience?  How can you create an environment that fosters these emotions?

• comfortable
• welcomed
• accepted
• secure
• honored
• _________________
• _________________
• _________________

Steps to accomplish:

• have greeters that represent all seasons of life
• place people as greeters who know how to make guests feel comfortable
• train greeter team what to say and not to say
• give parents a pager and let them know you will connect with them if there are any issues
• _________________
• _________________
• _________________

W - Wants
This is an opportunity to create the "wow" factor by going above and beyond the needs that people are expecting you to meet.  When you provide this, you differentiate yourself and give families more reason to return.

• greeted at door
• quick service
• walked to classroom
• someone to take a personal interest in them
• _________________
• _________________
• _________________

Steps to accomplish:

• have greeters at every door
• have a separate check-in area for guests
• always walk people to their room
• find out something about their family and mention it in a handwritten thank you note
• __________________
• __________________
• __________________ 

If you'd like a copy of this infograph as a .jpg, feel free to email me at dalehudsoncm2@gmail.com.

Have you ever been in store, asked one of the employees a question, and gotten the response, "I don't know?"  You probably got very frustrated didn't you?

When you hear the words "I don't know" it can leave you thinking...

"Well, can you please get off your lazy backside and find out?"
"This place doesn't care about me as a person."
"Wow...thanks for the terrible customer service."
"Okay...now that you put me in an awkward situation...what am I supposed to do next?  You've left me hanging!"
"This company must not train it's employees well."

When guest families ask a question and hear the words "I don't know" - you leave them feeling the same way.  And the result is they probably won't come back.

It's vital you train your greeters and volunteers to not say the words "I don't know."

Instead teach them to say...

• That's a great question.  Let me find out for you.
• I'm not sure, but I'll be happy to find out for you.
• Let me call someone over to assist you with that.
• I'm going to personally make sure you are taken care of.

This one little tweak can be the difference in guest families returning to your church or not.

The first impression truly is a lasting impression.  Make a bad first impression with guests and they're probably not coming back.  "Follow up" normally can't overcome a bad first impression.

So if you want to ruin your first impression with guests...here's how...

Make them guess where to go.  Don't have any signage on the outside or inside of the building.  They'll figure it out.

Give them the worst parking spot.  Save the best parking for staff and members.

Place unfriendly people as greeters.  Give them the experience of being greeted by the wicked witch of the west.

Make them wait in long lines.  It will teach them patience, right?

Tell them where to go instead of walking them there.  Again...they can figure it out.

Ignore them.  Just look at them like they are an alien.

Don't talk to them.  Stay engaged in conversation with your huddle of friends.  If they come long enough, they'll eventually make some friends.

Make them feel like they are a bother.  If they ask you a question, answer the question, but let them know by your demeanor that you are busy and they are bothering you.

Put their children in an overcrowded room.  Ratios don't matter.  Pack'em in with a grin.

Don't ask if their children have allergies.  If they have allergies, it will become obvious when they have a reaction.

Don't have a secure check-in/check-out system in place.  They know who their kids are and they'll point them out to you at check-out.

Tell them they are sitting in your seat.  You've sat in that seat since 1965.  You donated the money for it and your name is on a plaque at the end of the pew.  They can find somewhere else to sit.

Talk at them instead of to them.  "Hi" and "welcome" are enough.  You don't have time for any meaningful conversation.  You've got to beat everyone else to the restaurant buffet.

Don't bend any rules for them.  Check-in for children closed 5 minutes ago.  They should have gotten here on time if they wanted to check-in their children.

Ask if they want to volunteer.  You're desperate for volunteers and they are breathing.  Go ahead and ask them.  It doesn't matter if it's their first visit.

Don't have anyone who looks like them or is in the same season of life.  Limit your congregation to one ethnicity and age range.

Return their child with an unchanged diaper.  They can change the diaper themselves. 

Point them out during the service.  Have them raise their hands or better yet...stand up.

Smother them.  Be like a used car salesman.  Let them know you are here to "close the deal" on them joining your church.

Be solemn and serious.  This is God's house.  Don't smile or even think about laughing or telling a joke.  You want to let them know how spiritual your church is.

Your turn.  What are some other ways to ruin your first impression with guests?

Having a difficult time getting guests to return?  Here's twelve reasons why they may not be coming back.

You only greeted them at the front door.  Most churches have greeters at the front door.  But once you move past the front door...good luck...you're on your own.

You made them wait in line.  People hate to wait in line. 

No one talked to them...I mean really talked to them.  This goes along with the first reason.  Just a "hello" at the front door is not talking to someone. 

Someone was rude to them.  An usher was short with them.  Or they were told they were "sitting in someone's seat."  Or people just looked past them as they walked down the hallway.  Or someone enforced a "hard and fast" rule in the children's area without kindness.  

They didn't see people they could identify with.  Perhaps they didn't see many people their age, season of life, social economic background, or ethnicity.

They weren't invited by a friend.  Since they didn't know anyone else and no one reached out to them once they got there, they have no relational connection to bring them back.

You didn't provide them with an easy, clear next step to get connected.  

You didn't make them feel valued.  They had to park in the worst area of the parking lot.  There were no signs or directions about where to go.  The people they interacted with made them feel like they were a "bother."

You were too friendly.  You smothered them.  You've experienced that in a store.  As soon as you walk in, you're pounced on by an associate eager to make a sales commission.  It makes you want to run out the door.

The service was boring and irrelevant to their life.  They couldn't relate to the music.  The lesson was full of information without application.  20 minutes in, they realized it would have been more comfortable to stay home and take a nap on the couch instead of taking one in a church seat.

Their kids didn't like it.  When they picked up their kids, the kids weren't smiling.  The children's service matched the adult service in dullness and irrelevance. 

You didn't capitalize on the first 8 minutes.  Guests decide in the first 8 minutes if they are going to return.  Most of the above happens in the first 8 minutes.

Questions to ask your team...

• Do we help guests once they pass the front door?
• Do we walk guests to their classrooms?
• Do we have a separate check-in area for guests?
• How long do guests have to wait in line to check-in?
• Is someone engaging guests in meaningful conversation between the front door and the auditorium door?
• Do we have kind, friendly people as ushers, greeters, teachers, etc.?
• Do we teach our people to live for others?  Do they have a heart for new people who walk in the door?  Have we helped them see "it's not about us?"
• What is the demographic of our church?   Who are we reaching?  Who are we not reaching? Are we diverse?
• Are we making relational connections with guests?
• Do we have clear, next steps that guests can take to get connected?  Are they simple and easy to communicate?
• Do we give guests the best parking spots?
• Is there clear, easy-to-understand signage?
• Are we "smothering" new guests?  Does it sound like we are giving a sales pitch?
• Is our music and message relevant to their life?
• Are we creating a fun, engaging environment for kids?  Are kids dragging their parents to or away from our church?
• Are we maximizing the first 8 minutes?  What are guests experiencing in the first 8 minutes?

What are some other reasons guests don't come back?
Share your thoughts, ideas, and insight with us in the comment section below.