RELEVANT CHILDREN'S MINISTRY

There are some things you don't understand about children's ministry until you're in it.  Here's a few.  Enjoy!

1. You should have bought stock in Oriental Trading.

2. You should be prepared to pray for healing for dogs, cats and goldfish.

3. A room full of preschoolers can strike terror in the heart of the bravest adult. 

4. There will always be one parent who is 45 minutes late to pick up their child.

5. You should get on the good side of the church janitor.  Trust me.  You're going to need it.

6. A toddler can cry at a decibel level that can shatter windows.

7. Vomit comes in lots of different colors and usually happens at the worst possible time.

8. Object lessons and games that are not tested ahead of time will result in an epic fail during the service.

9. Kids will sometimes reveal embarrassing family details during prayer request time.

10. The true pronunciation of baptized is bab-ba-ba-ti-zed.

11. Preteen overnight events will shorten your life by 5 years.

12. 3rd grade boys never, never, never run out of energy.

13. If it's not made of concrete, kids will break it.

14. Kids who have already attended a service will ruin the review game in the next service by shouting out the answers.

15. The standard response to any review question when a child can't remember the answer is "Jesus."

16. When one child has to go the bathroom, ten children have to go to the bathroom.

17. When you plan an event for 20...200 will show up.  When you plan an event for 200...20 will show up.

18. Electronic check-in systems wait until the busiest times to go down.

19. No matter how cool you design them, you will find some take home papers on the ground after church.

20. If you don't have a program ready for the kids, they will create one for you...and it will not be pretty.

Your turn.  Share some other funny parts of children's ministry in the comment section below.  

Ever had a parent get upset at something in your children's ministry?

When it happens...and it will...what should you do?  If you're like me, the natural response is to get defensive or want to prove them wrong.  In my earlier years in ministry, that is what I did...and it rarely turned out well.

I have discovered that when a parent gets angry, the best thing you can do is ask questions.  This allows them to get their anger and frustration out in the open.  Asking questions like, "What are you most upset about?" and "Tell me what you are frustrated about" will help you get to the bottom of the issue.  The parent will also feel heard, which is the often what they are wanting.

This moves you from being defensive to being empathetic.  Remember, your goal is not "win" but to bring resolution.

If you'd like to get better at talking with upset parents, there are more tips at this link.

Dear Parent:

I know. You’re worried. Every day, your child comes home with a story about THAT kid.

The one who is always hitting shoving pinching scratching maybe even biting other children. The one who always has to hold my hand in the hallway. The one who has a special spot at the carpet, and sometimes sits on a chair rather than the floor. The one who had to leave the block center because blocks are not for throwing.

The one who climbed over the playground fence right exactly as I was telling her to stop. The one who poured his neighbor's milk onto the floor in a fit of anger. On purpose. While I was watching. And then, when I asked him to clean it up, emptied the ENTIRE paper towel dispenser. On purpose. While I was watching. The one who dropped the REAL ACTUAL F-word in gym class.

You’re worried that THAT child is detracting from your child’s learning experience. You’re worried that he takes up too much of my time and energy, and that your child won’t get his fair share. You’re worried that she is really going to hurt someone some day.

You’re worried that “someone” might be your child. You’re worried that your child is going to start using aggression to get what she wants. You’re worried your child is going to fall behind academically because I might not notice that he is struggling to hold a pencil. I know.

Your child, this year, in this classroom, at this age, is not THAT child. Your child is not perfect, but she generally follows rules. He is able to share toys peaceably. She does not throw furniture. He raises his hand to speak. She works when it is time to work, and plays when it is time to play. He can be trusted to go straight to the bathroom and straight back again with no shenanigans. She thinks that the S-word is “stupid” and the C-word is “crap.”

I know. I know, and I am worried, too. You see, I worry all the time. About ALL of them. I worry about your child’s pencil grip, and another child’s letter sounds, and that little tiny one’s shyness, and that other one’s chronically empty lunchbox. I worry that Gavin’s coat is not warm enough, and that Talitha’s dad yells at her for printing the letter B backwards. Most of my car rides and showers are consumed with the worrying.

But I know, you want to talk about THAT child. Because Tabitha’s backward Bs are not going to give your child a black eye.

I want to talk about THAT child, too, but there are so many things I can’t tell you.

I can’t tell you that she was adopted from an orphanage at 18 months.

I can’t tell you that he is on an elimination diet for possible food allergies, and that he is therefore hungry ALL. THE. TIME.

I can’t tell you that her parents are in the middle of a horrendous divorce, and she has been staying with her grandma.

I can’t tell you that I’m starting to worry that grandma drinks…

I can’t tell you that his asthma medication makes him agitated.

I can’t tell you that her mom is a single parent, and so she (the child) is at school from the moment before-care opens, until the moment after-care closes, and then the drive between home and school takes 40 minutes, and so she (the child) is getting less sleep than most adults.

I can’t tell you that he has been a witness to domestic violence.

That’s okay, you say. You understand I can’t share personal or family information. You just want to know what I am DOING about That Child’s behavior.

I would love to tell you. But I can’t.

I can’t tell you that she receives speech-language services, that an assessment showed a severe language delay, and that the therapist feels the aggression is linked to frustration about being unable to communicate.

I can’t tell you that I meet with his parents EVERY week, and that both of them usually cry at those meetings.

I can’t tell you that the child and I have a secret hand signal to tell me when she needs to sit by herself for a while.

I can’t tell you that he spends rest time curled in my lap because “it makes me feel better to hear your heart, Teacher.”

I can’t tell you that I have been meticulously tracking her aggressive incidents for 3 months, and that she has dropped from 5 incidents a day, to 5 incidents a week.

I can’t tell you that the school secretary has agreed that I can send him to the office to “help” when I can tell he needs a change of scenery.

I can’t tell you that I have stood up in a staff meeting and, with tears in my eyes, BEGGED my colleagues to keep an extra close eye on her, to be kind to her even when they are frustrated that she just punched someone AGAIN, and this time, RIGHT IN FRONT OF A TEACHER.

The thing is, there are SO MANY THINGS I can’t tell you about That Child. I can’t even tell you the good stuff.

I can’t tell you that his classroom job is to water the plants, and that he cried with heartbreak when one of the plants died over winter break.

I can’t tell you that she kisses her baby sister goodbye every morning, and whispers “You are my sunshine” before mom pushes the stroller away.

I can’t tell you that he knows more about thunderstorms than most meteorologists.

I can’t tell you that she often asks to help sharpen the pencils during playtime.

I can’t tell you that she strokes her best friend’s hair at rest time.

I can’t tell you that when a classmate is crying, he rushes over with his favorite stuffy from the story corner.

The thing is, dear parent, that I can only talk to you about YOUR child. So, what I can tell you is this:
If ever, at any point, YOUR child, or any of your children, becomes THAT child…

I will not share your personal family business with other parents in the classroom.

I will communicate with you frequently, clearly, and kindly.

I will make sure there are tissues nearby at all our meetings, and if you let me, I will hold your hand when you cry.

I will advocate for your child and family to receive the highest quality of specialist services, and I will cooperate with those professionals to the fullest possible extent.

I will make sure your child gets extra love and affection when she needs it most.

I will be a voice for your child in our school community.

I will, no matter what happens, continue to look for, and to find, the good, amazing, special, and wonderful things about your child.

I will remind him and YOU of those good amazing special wonderful things, over and over again.

And when another parent comes to me, with concerns about YOUR child…

I will tell them all of this, all over again.

With so much love;
Teacher.

Written by Amy Murray

Let's take time to smile today.  Here's 20 signs you might be in Children's Ministry.

1. If you've ever baptized someone who was splashing...you might be in children's ministry.

2. If you've ever had a "lost and found" box with 25 kids' Bibles in it...you might be in children's ministry.

3. If you've ever wished you had bought stock in the Play-Doh company...you might be in children's ministry.

4. If you've ever had an argument with a church janitor...you might be in children's ministry.

5. If you think serving in the nursery should be mandatory for all choir members...you might be in children's ministry.

6. If you've ever had someone say, "I don't want to volunteer...I like my adult Bible study class too much"...you might be in children's ministry.

7. If you've ever learned some very interesting family information from a preschooler's prayer request...you might be in children's ministry.

8. If you've ever taken a huge bag of coins to the bank...you might be in children's ministry.

9. If you've ever went to Disneyworld and left with 10 new ministry ideas...you might be in children's ministry.

10. If you'd rather paint a room green or orange instead of beige or gray...you might be in children's ministry.

11. If you've ever had a parent say, "I wish VBS lasted 2 weeks instead of 1" and wanted to strangle them...you might be in children's ministry.

12. If you've ever had someone pick up their child 45 minutes after service was over because they were "talking" to someone...you might be in children's ministry.

13. If you've ever been out of breath at the end of a worship song because of the motions...you might be in children's ministry.

14. If you've keep your local inflatable company in business...you might be in children's ministry.

15. If you've ever had a pie put in your face because someone won a contest...you might be in children's ministry.

16. If you've ever been jealous of the student ministry budget...you might be in children's ministry.

17. If your Sunday morning attire always includes a bright-colored t-shirt...you might be in children's ministry.

18. If you've ever ridden with a bus full of kids and it wasn't a school day...you might be in children's ministry.

19. If you've ever pushed a Bibleman video into a VHS player...you might be in children's ministry.

20.  If you've ever filled up an entire cooler full with water balloons...you might be in children's ministry.

Add to the fun by putting some more in the comment section below.

One of the most important skills you need in Children's Ministry is people skills.

Especially when a parent gets upset.  Yes...parents get upset...even at church.  But I didn't have to tell you that, if you're like me, you know by experience.

Occasionally, they can get so upset that they lose it and unleash their fury on you...even to the point of yelling.

But that doesn't mean you have to lose it.  If you're prepared to act, you'll be able to navigate it.  If  not prepared and react, you could end up losing it as well.

Here's some tips on how to listen without losing it.

First and foremost, resist the urge to yell back or raise your voice.  Don't match their decibel level.  Lower yours.

Show them respect even if they are not being respectful.  Chances are, they do have something important they’re trying to tell you – even though they’re not communicating it very well.

Focus on their left eye.  The left eye is connected to the right brain - the emotional brain.

Let them finish. 

Re-frame the conversation.  Say, "I can see you're really frustrated.  To make sure I don't add to that and to make sure I don’t miss something, what is the most important thing I need to do in the long term, what’s the critical thing I need to do in the short term, and what do I need to do ASAP?”

Repeat back to them what they said.  After they respond, say to them, “What you just said is way too important for me to have misunderstood a word, so I’m going to say it back to you to make sure I am on the same page with you.  Here’s what I heard.”  Then repeat back what they said to you.

After you finish, say to them, “Did I get that right and if not, what did I miss?”   Forcing them to listen to what you said they said, “because it was important,” will slow them down and will help you stay centered and in control.

When you respond to someone who is losing it by not losing it, you will earn their respect.

You still remember it, don't you.  Hurtful words someone spoke to you when you were a child.  A name a classmate called you.  A cutting remark someone made.  A put down that brought tears to your eyes.  Hopefully you've moved past it.  And even though you've proven those words were wrong...they still linger in the back of your mind and occasionally surface.

You also remember the words that brought life to you, don't you.  Encouraging words spoken by a caring teacher.  Words of praise from a parent.  Empowering words spoken into your life by someone who believed in you.  Words that lit a fire inside you and propelled you forward.

Proverbs 18:21 says, "the tongue has the power of life and death."

Your words have power in the life of each child you minister to.  Your words are seeds being planted in their heart that will grow and impact them for the rest of their life.

Be intentional about planting life-giving words into their hearts.  Use the power of your words to make a positive difference.

Here's 20 ways to plant words that are seeds of life in a child's heart.

1. You did an awesome job.
2. God has a special plan for you life.
3. I enjoy spending time with you. 
4. I saw how you [insert specific positive action].  I’m so proud of you.
5. I believe in you.
6. Lately I’ve really seen you grow in the area of [insert character quality], like when you [insert specific action].  I'm so proud of the young man / woman you are becoming.
7. You're incredible.
8. That was a really wise choice.
9. You're a winner.
10. You are God's child.  He made you special.  No one can take your place.
11. I knew you could do it.
12. Great job.
13. That was so brave.
14. You have some real gifts in the area of [insert adjective].
15. I love you.
16. You are one cool kid.
17. I prayed for you this week.
18. I'm so glad I got to see you today.
19. You brighten my day.
20. You're important to God and me.  

What are some other words of life you speak into children's hearts?
What are some other ways we can use our words to plant seeds of life in children's hearts?

Share you ideas, thoughts, and input with us in the comment section below.