I'm thankful for children's ministry leaders who lead children to Christ.  It is exciting to see a child come to Christ, isn't it.

But, for me, it's even more exciting when parents lead their children to Christ.

Somewhere along the way, many ministries decided to take that privilege out of the hands of parents.

It kinda' looks like this - when parents come to pick up their children at the end of a service or class, they are informed that their child invited Jesus into his or her life.  I've been there and seen this happen many, many times.  And to be honest, when I first started in ministry, that was my mode of operation.

But over the years, I gradually swung back to the mode of operation being coming alongside parents and encouraging and equipping them to led their child to Jesus.  As you think about this, it is interesting when you see these stats...

According to Barna research, among people who embraced Christ before their teen years...

• 50% were led to Christ by their parents
• 20% were led to Christ by some other friend or relative
• 7% were led to Christ by a minster's personal prompting
• 1 in 8 cite a special event as the time they accepted Jesus (50% of the 1 in 8 said the "special event" was a church service)
• 1% were led to Christ through media evangelism or other special situations

Notice that half of the children who have accepted Christ were lead to Him by their parents.  In a local church setting, this tells me that we need to turn our focus to equipping parents to lead their children to Jesus.  

Here's what that can look like inside a local church.  Instead of trying to lead children to Christ in a Bible study or kids' worship service, share the Gospel with kids and then give parents the responsibility of leading their children to Christ.

One of the most effective ways to do this is to share the Gospel and have kids who want to accept Jesus to let you know.  Next, invite those children and their parents to a class where you have time to clearly explain to both what it means to become a follower of Jesus.  At the end of the class, give parents the opportunity to pray a prayer of salvation with their children.  Or if the child is not ready at that moment, then give parents the tools they need to continue the conversation at home. 

Do this and you will see God move in an incredible way in the hearts of children and their parents.  Because here is what happens, when parents hear the clear Gospel presentation, many of them will come to Christ as well.   

I created a class for this ministry approach.  It is called Starting Point and I have personally seen hundreds of children and their parents come to Christ through this.  In fact, in one year, I saw over 460 children come to Christ and dozens of their parents as well.  Every one of them went through this class together.  Every one of them took the next step after salvation and were baptized.

If you'd like more information about the Starting Point class, you can get it at this link.  It comes with a complete follow-up guide for parents whose children are ready to make a commitment to follow Jesus.  It also comes with student booklets, parent booklets, media elements and lots of hands on experiences and activities that helps kids and their parents understand the Gospel.

It is a powerful class that can change the entire direction of kids and their parents.  Why is it powerful?  Because it is centered on the Gospel. 

Paul said this in Romans 1:16...

Ephesians 6:4 is a great reminder about the role of a father in his child's life.

It says, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord."

If Fathers want to see their children grow up to love and follow Jesus, then it is crucial that they connect with their children and establish a great relationship with them.  

We know if a father brings rules without first connecting with his child through relationship, that it can lead to rebellion.  The verse is clear that a father must first treat his children with love and respect before trying to train and discipline them.  

One reason we have so many children going astray is because we have fathers who walked away from their fatherly responsibilities, leaving the mother to raise the child alone.  Like never before, we need men to step up and be the spiritual leader in their child's life.  

Hear are some ways fathers can connect with their children.  

Find common interests.  What does your child enjoy doing?  What is fun for them?  Whatever it is, join them in it.  It might be a hobby.  It might be going to a movie.  It might be playing with toys.  It might be building something.  Don't dictate what it will be.  Give your child the opportunity to choose.   

Ask questions and listen.  Open-ended questions.  Questions that will get your child talking and sharing with you. 

Get on the floor and play with your child.  Tickle.  Wrestle.  Give him or her a horseback ride.  Be fun.  Be silly. 

Play games.  Kids love it when their father plays a game with them.  Hide and go seek.  Board games.  Puzzles.  

Encourage your children.  Fathers are naturally more inclined to push their children outside their comfort zone.  They are the ones telling their child to swing faster, to ride their bike faster, to climb up higher.  

Mothers first and foremost protect their children.  Fathers tend to be more encouraging and help their children take risks and push the envelope.

Fathers teach justice, fairness and duty.  Mothers tend more toward grace and sympathy.  Together it creates a healthy balance. 

Fathers can show their daughters what a healthy relationship with the opposite sex should look like when they get older.  A girl whose dad has been a solid role model, greatly enhances the child's ability to have a healthy view of men.

Boys who grow up with a father who is a godly example are less likely to be violent.  They also learn from their father how to channel their strength and courage in age-appropriate ways.

Recently, I saw a video that is such a great example of what a father and child relationship should look like.

Andrea Bocelli, is a famous Italian singer, songwriter and producer.  He is also blind.  Recently, he sang a duet with his son, Matteo.  As you watch them sing together and interact, you will pick up on the great relationship they have as a father and son.  You see Matteo's love, admiration and connection he has with his father.

I don't know a lot about Andrea Bocellis' story, but it is easy to see that he connected with his son, Matteo, over the years and invested in him.  In the video,  you'll see him spending time with Matteo when he was young.

Enjoy the video and think about how important it is to have a solid group of men in your ministry who are investing in the next generation.  And fathers who step up and fill the role God has for them.

A few months ago, I wrote about the impact sports is having on families.  It's one of the reasons families are not in church on Sunday.

In our culture, there used to be a day when Sunday was set aside as the Lord's day.  Games and other activities that pulled on families were scheduled on Saturday, but not on Sunday.

I'm all for sports and other activities that provide families with opportunities to spend time together.  I played Little League and football growing up.  But the games were held on a weekday or Saturday...not on Sunday.  Sunday was reserved for attending church.

Somewhere along the way, sports and other activities have gotten pushed over into Sunday.  Not all the time...but a lot of the time.  Enough that it can take kids and families away from church for weeks, and even months at a time, if they are on a "traveling team."

Parents are also busier than ever with their work and other activities.  In many cases, they may have to work on Saturday and when Sunday rolls around, they are exhausted and may choose to sleep in, do a family outing or watch online.

You can also see this reflected in families' attendance patterns.  Past expectations were to be in church 4 Sundays each month or at least 3 out of 4 Sundays.  Now the average family is in church 2 out of 4 weeks or even 1 out of 4 weeks.

Where is this taking us?  The truth is, if a child only gets 25% to 50% of the lessons at church, they are going to have a very shallow faith foundation.  I know they are supposed to be discipled at home first and foremost, but I believe the same attendance patterns for parents, leaves them ill-equipped to disciple their children.

You can't pass on what you don't have yourself.  It's hard to make the case for weekly attendance at church when you set a different example for your children.

I am reminded of this quote...

"I can't hear what you are saying, because your actions are speaking so loudly."

As a parent, it's hard to make the case for faithful church attendance, when your actions are saying otherwise.

We can be sure...kids are watching...they are picking up on what our priorities are...they are realizing what is important to us. 

Spiritually shallow parents raise spiritually shadow kids. 

If you're reading this as a children's ministry leader and feel discouraged...don't.  We have a great opportunity to make a difference in families' lives in these areas.

The starting point is to invest in and equip parents, so they can recognize what is really important when it comes to raising children.

Sports are important.   Academics are important.   Social interaction is important.  Financial security is important.

But nothing is more important than putting God in first place in your family.  When that happens, Sunday becomes a core part of who you are as a Christ-follower.  There is no question about attending church when Sunday rolls around.  It's who we are....part of the family of God.  It's what we do...honor God by meeting with other believers to worship Him.

I often quote the saying, "In the race to a child's heart, the first one there wins."

It's a great truth...but I think we should add another quote.

"In the race to a parent's heart, the first one there wins."

If we can effectively connect and disciple parents in their early days of parenting, we can help them establish a spiritual foundation for their kids and family.

One important time you can seize to do this is when families have a newborn.  You can get there first and pour into them, as they prepare to dedicate their baby to the Lord.  It is crucial that we have a class parents go through before they dedicate their child and themselves.

That's the reason we created the Parent & Child Dedication class.  It not only helps parents understand what the dedication is and is not, but it also shows parents how to establish the right priorities and equips them to lead their children spiritually.  Many churches are using this to impact young parents.  You can get more info. here about this resource. 

That's just one of the key times when you can help parents establish their priorities.  There are several other key times when you can influence parents.  You can get more info. at this link.

I want to challenge you to make influencing parents one of your top ministry goals.  When we do this, we can see families shift their focus back to what is most important.

Your turn.  How do you help families keep their priorities in order?  How can we do a better job of influencing parents?  Share your thoughts and inside with us in the comment section below.

Apps give kids the opportunity to play, connect, learn, read and a host of other things.

There are thousands, if not millions, of apps available.
This app tells the story of a little boy joining the family business of sweeping off the surface of the moon.  Kids have the opportunity to interact with the story.

Kids like to be involved in the story.  Get them involved in telling the story.  They can act it out while you are telling it or respond when they hear you say a specific word.
This app uses realistic bugs and buttons to teach kids math.  These elements make learning math lots of fun. 
18 games get kids involved in sorting, counting, ordering, using logic and more.

Kids love solving things.  Think of ways you can meet that need in your lessons.  It might be a Bible puzzle or a secret code they have to solve or a treasure hunt.     

If you want to influence kids, then you have to influence their biggest influencer.

Who is their biggest influencer?  Teachers?  No. Coaches?  No.  Small group leader?  No.  Pastor?  No.  Celebrities?  No.  YouTube stars?  No.

The biggest influencer in kids' lives are their parents. When surveyed, 86% of kids said their parents carry the most influence in their life.

This means if you want to increase your influence in kids' lives, then you've got to influence their parents. 

Is influencing parents part of your children's ministry strategy?  Many children's ministries have the mindset that they will influence kids and leave influencing parents to the adult ministry department.

But here's the truth.  In most cases, you have the greatest opportunity to influence parents.  Why?  Because you minister to their children.  And when you minister to their children, you have their attention.

Think about it.  If you're a parent, when someone does something nice for your child, they warm your heart, right?  That's the same thing that happens when you minster to people's children.  You have a unique opportunity like no one else.

How can you influence parents?  Let's look at a few ways. 

Communicate with parents.  Keep them informed about upcoming events and programs.  Start a Facebook group for them.  Open an Instragram account.  Put out a summer calendar, so they can see what's coming up.  Communicating with parents is a must if you want to influence them.

Provide tools for parents.  Extend your influence into their homes.  Take the lesson that was taught on Sunday into their homes for the rest of the week.  This can be done with a take home paper, video on YouTube, text messages, an email, a smart phone app, etc.

Be diligent to explain to parents the huge spiritual impact they can have, if they acutally use these tools.

Invite them to serve in the ministry.  When kids see their parents serving at church, it makes a huge impact.  Connect with parents and invite them to serve in the ministry.  This doesn't mean all parents should be serving in kids' ministry.  For some, children's ministry is not their sweet spot.  You want parents serving because it matches their spiritaul gifts and passion.

A great way to maximize this impact is to have kids serve with their parents in various ministries in the church.  It might be serving with mom or dad as a greeter.  Or it might mean a pre-teen helping his or her mother in a preschool classroom.  Or it might mean working together to clean up after the service is over.

Come alongside parents at key times in their child's life.  One of the best ways to influence parents is when their child is participating in a spiritual milestone.  These are key times when parents will throw the doors of their heart wide open and invite you to speak into their lives.

I've identified 5 key milestones in a child's early life.  And created a curriculum you can use to really influence parents in a major way during these windows of time.

Here they are:

• Parent & Child Dedication - this is a golden time to influence parents.  In many cases, it's their first child and they are looking for ways to give their child a strong spiritual foundation.  The class focuses not only on what the dedication means, but also how parents can influence their children spiritually.  This gives you the opportunity to plant seeds in parent's hearts that will bear fruit for years to come. 

• Bible Presentation - when kids are entering elementary school, you can use this milestone to teach them about the Bible in a deeper way.  Kids and parents learn how we got the Bible, how to study it and make it a part of your everyday life.  At the end of the class, parents present a Bible to their child and pray over them. 

• Starting Point - when a child starts asking about inviting Jesus into their life, parents will come to you for help.  With this class, you not only share with the child what it means to follow Jesus, but with their parents as well.  You'll influence many parents to begin a relationship with Jesus by using this. 

• Baptism for Kids - the same thing happens when a child starts asking about baptism.  Parents are wide open to your input and influence. With this class, you will not only see kids follow Jesus in baptism, but you'll influence many parents to be baptized as well. 

• Elementary Graduation - when a parent has a child preparing to enter middle school, they want to know how to parent their baby who is now becoming a teenager.  This is a key time when you can influence them.  You can hold a class / seminar where you share with them how to parent their child and how to continue influencing them spiritually.  The class ends with parents praying over their child.  It is a powerful moment.  

I want to encourage you to amp up your plans to influence parents.  Look back at the list above and write down 3 ways you can influence parents.  It can be something on the list or maybe it's another idea you've been contemplating.

1.
2.
3.

If one of the ways is using a milestone, then we can help you.  The curriculum and strategy for all of the milestones listed above are available for you. You can order a single milestone or take advantage of the package price and get all five at a great price.  You can get more info. and order by clicking on the link below.


Remember this.

Have you heard of the "nones?"  These are people who would mark "none" on a survey asking about their religion.  In other words, they claim no religious affiliation.

Here's what should be a wake-up call for the church.

78% of nones grew up in church.  This means that over 3/4 of people who don't affiliate with any church, actually grew up in church.

Something along the way caused them to walk away from the church.  What was it?  What would cause a person to walk away from something they grew up with?  Why is the church losing the next generation?

There have been many surveys and studies done about why kids walk away from the church when they grow up.  Let's take a look at 5 of the biggest reasons why kids leave the church.

Reason #1 - We aren't helping them find answers to the hard questions.  I believe everyone who sticks with the faith goes through seasons of asking the "Why?" and "How?" questions.  As we see a world full of injustices and brokenness, we can't help but wonder at times.

Why does a good God allow bad things to happen?  Why are there children starving in some countries?  Why do honest people die from cancer while people who are drug addicts remain healthy?  Why does God allow a tsunami to strike and kill thousands people?

How can we now creation is true?  How can know Jesus is the Son of God?  How can we be sure Jesus performed miracles?  How do we know Jesus rose from the dead?  How can we trust God's Word?

When we don't equip kids with the right answers to these type of questions, they get to college or the workplace and their faith is devoured by the wrong answers.  They encounter atheists and agnostics who challenge them with the questions we never took the time to explore with them.

Reason #2 - We are spending more time teaching them to "be good" than we are teaching them what it means to follow Jesus. 

We're teaching them to "love themselves" more than we are teaching them to "love God with all your heart, mind and soul."

We're spending Sunday morning teaching them character traits...the same character traits they learn at school.  Why go to church when you can hear the same thing outside of church?

And when they get older, they walk away from church since they have other sources that can boost their self-esteem without asking for 10% of their paycheck.

Rather than teaching kids the foundational doctrines of the faith, we're feeding them teaching that's as shallow as a comic book.

We're also teaching them that God is a divine therapist whose sole intent is to make them feel good and be happy...rather than teaching them we are first and foremost to bring glory to God through our lives.

They are growing up with us pushing slogans like "Sunday Funday" at them and then we wonder why they grow up and realize they can have more "fun" outside of church on Sunday. 

Bottom line...we're conditioning them to think that it''s all about them.  And then when they get older, they check out because if it's all about them...why spend Sunday in church, when you can be happier "worshiping God on a hike or at the lake or at the ball-field?"

Reason #3 -  They can see behind the masks.  As they grow up, they are taking notice of the church politics.  They are taking notice of church leaders who say one thing and do another.  They hear about the affairs of pastors though we try to shield them from it.  They endure the church bickering and arguing and even splitting over petty issues.

They see their parents playing church.  Attending because it's the social, acceptable thing to do, but with no real passion for Christ manifested at home during the week.  During the week, the praise songs are replaced with cursing, gossip and hurtful words  The Bible they saw opened at church (or on a screen) is not opened at home.  There might be a quick, ritualistic prayer over a meal, but that's the extent of prayers in the home.  

Hypocrisy causes the next generation to become disillusioned with the church.  

We can't fool them.  They can see behind the masks.  And it births bitterness in their spirit and erodes their trust in the church.

There's nothing they can do about it at the time.  They are still under their parent's authority and are made to go to church.  But as soon as they are out on their own, they bolt from the hypocrisy.

Reason #4 - We are emphasizing rules over relationship.  We mean well.  We know the pitfalls that come from sin and we want to protect kids from it.  So we emphasize "don't smoke, don't chew and don't hang with those who do."

In this environment, kids grow up being told what not to do.  They know the list of "no's no's."  But here's the problem.  The list of "no no's is very appealing.  And without something greater and more enticing than the list of "no no's," they will head straight to those "no no's" as soon as they get the chance.

Look what it says in 2 Corinthians 6.
 
"Therefore, come out from among unbelievers, and separate yourselves from them, says the Lord.

There's the "no no" part...the rules part.  Don't touch this.  Don't touch that.  Don't do this.  Don't do that.

As I said, the appeal to not touch is simply not enough to stop kids from indulging in those things.  From the very start, with Adam and Eve in the garden, "do not touch" has made us want to touch the forbidden fruit.

The part we've often missed with the next generation is what the verse goes on to say.

"...and I will welcome you.  And I will be your Father, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.”

It's easy to walk away when there is no one in your life at church...telling you they care about you and that you are matter to them and the church family.

So...how are we going to turn this around?  How are we going to see kids follow Jesus and love His church for a lifetime.  What we're doing is obviously not working in many cases.  

A good starting point is taking a hard look at the 5 reasons above and making some adjustments.

What if...just what if...rather than doing what you see above...

We give kids room to grapple with the tough "Why's?" and "How's?," while guiding them toward a deeper understanding of God's nature and character. 

We help kids work through the hard questions and discover answers that will sustain their faith.  *You can use the teaching series Pranksters to equip kids with a deeper understanding of why the Bible is God's Word and why you can trust it.  Get more information and order it at this link. 

We start teaching kids solid Bible doctrine so they have a well-rounded understanding of the faith we are asking them to subscribe to.

We start challenging kids to die to self and live for God's glory.  We start showing kids the way to find your life is to lose it.  We help kids see that it's not about them, but about being used by God to help others find Jesus.  We use the fun we provide at church to point kids to what it means to follow Jesus. 

We realize that kids won't always do what we say, but they will imitate who we are.  So we start practicing what we preach and give kids a solid example and genuine faith to follow.  We challenge parents to live during the week what they sing about and talk about on Sunday.  As church leaders, we set up boundaries and safeguards that will keep us from the moral failures that damage not only us and our families...but also the faith of the next generation.  We focus on the great commission instead of arguing over what color the carpet is or what style of worship music will be used.

We help kids develop a magnetic relationship with Jesus that will hold them close to His side.  We help kids see Jesus in such a way that the allure of the world's temptations will be less appealing than what they can have in Him.  We make living for Jesus so attractive that the world seems unattractive in comparison. 

Adults in the church begin to invest in and build relationships with the next generation.  Relationships that will continue when they go to college.  Relationships that will cause the next generation to stay connected to the local church.  Relationships that will be hard to walk away from.  Relationships that will be a bridge that conveys the faith to the next generation.

Your turn.  Do you agree with the reasons I've listed above?  Why or why not?  Why do you think so many kids are walking away from the church?  What would you add to this?  Join the conversation by sharing your thoughts and insight in the comment section below.

I recently spoke to a gathering of married adults.  They all had one thing in common.  Their marriages were struggling.  I shared with them the passage in Mark 10 where Jesus addressed marriage.

"Jesus then left that place and went into the region of Judea and across the Jordan.  Again crowds of people came to Him and as was His custom, He taught them.  Some of the Pharisees tested Him by asking, 'Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?'  

'What did Moses command you? 'He replied.  They said, 'Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.'

'It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,' Jesus replied.  'But at the beginning of creation God made them male and female.'  

'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, (if you want to know Jesus' definition of marriage - there it is) and the two will become one flesh.  So they are no longer two, but one flesh.'"

Jesus said when a couple is married, they are joined together.  They "tie the knot" as the expression says.  "Tie the knot" is an old marriage custom of tying a couple's hands together as part of the ceremony. 

Jesus goes on to say, "Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."  God wants the marriage union to be permanent and last a lifetime.

But we know there is an enemy who comes to steal and kill and destroy (John 10).  His goal is to snap apart the union...to break the tie between a husband and wife.

Some of the ways the enemy tries to snap apart a marriage are...

• lack of communication
• infidelity
• finances
• abuse
• trust issues/jealousy
• life changes
• spiritual differences
• parenting issues
• addiction
• baggage

Every marriage feels the pull of the enemy trying to snap it apart.  But the key to a marriage that withstands the pressure is found in Ecclesiastes.

"And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him.  A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart."

When you bring God into your marriage, He is the strong cord that will keep your marriage from snapping.  As you put Him first and make your decisions based on His Word, your marriage will be able to withstand the pressure and last a lifetime.

This is critical because when a marriage snaps apart it not only affects the parents...it affects the kids as well.  Look at these recent findings...

• Children from divorced families die almost five years earlier than those from intact families.

• Facing parental divorce during childhood is the single strongest social predictor of early death, many years into the future.

• Having one’s parents divorce during childhood is a much stronger predictor of mortality risk than is parental death.

• The experience of parental divorce is strongly linked to earlier mortality from all causes, including accidents, cancers and cardiovascular disease.

• For boys whose parents divorce, the risk of dying from accidents and violence is particularly robust, as they grow up to be more reckless. 

• Children’s standards of living decreases, on average, when their parents divorce, but the psychological effects go beyond the economic changes.

• Girls and boys from divorced homes tend to end their education earlier than those from intact families, with the expected problems that then ensue.

• Boys and girls from divorced homes are more likely to smoke and drink when they get older, as compared to their peers from intact families.  Girls are than 100% more likely to become heavy smokers.

• Those who have lived through their parents’ divorce when they were children are more likely to have their own marriages end in divorce, thus perpetuating the vicious cycle.

• A positive family environment—having positive feelings about one’s family—does not ameliorate the detrimental effects of divorce.  In fact, boys with positive family feelings live shorter lives, as it was especially traumatic to have a seemingly positive, functional home torn apart.

Pretty shocking, isn't it?  As I previously wrote in the post - parent ministry is actually more critical than children's ministry.  As children's ministry leaders we must focus on helping parents as much as we do helping kids.  You see...spiritually healthy marriages will produce spiritually healthy kids.  [tweet this]

How can children's ministry leaders help marriages?

• always be thinking about parents when you create and plan
• get involved not only the children's' lives, but the parents' lives as well 
• build relationships with parents
• partner with adult ministries to help reach and disciple parents
• speak into parents' lives at key times in their family journey (more about how to do this here)

Remember...when you reach a child, you change a life...when you reach parents, you change an entire family. [tweet this]

The Millennials are the young parents who are emerging in your ministry.

There is much to be concerned about as we seek to reach this next generation of parents and their children.

The Millennials (born roughly from 1980-2000) look very different from previous generations when it comes to marriage and parenthood.

• 86 percent of births to women ages 18-19 are out of wedlock.

• 65 percent of births to women ages 20-24 are out of wedlock.

• It's likely that a smaller percentage of Millennials will marry than in any generation before them. 

It has been proven that children who grow up in a stable home with parents who are married fare much better than children who do not.

As we enter the next 5 years of ministry, I believe that parent ministry is the key to reaching the next generation of kids.

Why?

• No one has more influence in a child's life than his or her parents. 

• What happens at home outweighs what happens at church.

•  Spiritually healthy parents translates to spiritually healthy kids.

 How?

• Focus on programs and events that allow you to disciple kids and parents together. 

• Speak the truth in love.  If you are reaching your community, you will have many parents coming to your church who are living together unmarried.  Love them.  Give them room to belong before they believe and then give them the tools they need to behave after they have believed.

• Create milestones at significant times in families' lives such as child dedication, baptism, graduation, etc.  There are times when parents are open to help and instruction.  

• Partner with adult ministries.  Work hand-in-hand to reach and disciple parents. 

What a tremendous opportunity we have to reach a new generation of parents and their kids.  God is going to do great things through your ministry to impact these families.

And remember...when you reach a child, you change a life.  When you reach the parents, you change the entire family.