RELEVANT CHILDREN'S MINISTRY

Last week, I came across this passage of Scripture during my Bible reading time.  It contains a list of 5 key traits that I believe should characterize ministry leaders.  Let's take a look at the verse, the traits it mentions and how it applies to us in ministry.

"Finally, all of you, have unity of spirit, sympathy, love for one another, a tender heart, and a humble mind." 
(1 Peter 3:8)

Trait #1 - Unity of Spirit.  Unity is a key trait of a successful ministry leader.  And unity doesn't happen by accident.  You have to pursue it.  You have to fight for it.  You have to be intentional about making it a top priority.

When you are committed to unity, it means you lay aside your personal agenda for the pursuit of the vision of the ministry as a whole.  I often say that your job is not to create your own vision for the ministry area you lead.  Your job is to take the vision of the senior pastor and translate it into the ministry area you lead. 

Here are some other key components of pursing unity in your ministry...

• Direct communication.  When issues or conflict arise, go directly to the person rather than talking to other people. 

• Continually rally the people who serve in your ministry area to the big picture vision of the ministry as a whole and show them how they are contributing to that vision.

• Actively look for ways to build bridges to and partner with other ministries in your church.

Trait #2 - Sympathy.  Sympathy is defined as "feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune.  Sympathy is compassion...caring...empathy.  I think a simple way to say it is "your hurt in my heart."

As ministry leaders, we must truly care about people.  We must weep with those who weep.  Cry with those who cry.  Hug those who need a hug.  Pray with those who need prayer.  Listen to those who need someone to talk to.

Here are some practical ways you can show sympathy as a ministry leader...

• Move beyond just asking "How are you doing?" and find out how they are "really" doing.  Most people won't tell you unless you ask. 

• When someone is sharing with you, really listen to them.  Listen without thinking about what you are going to say next.  Listen to understand.  

• Be there for those you lead.  Sometimes you won't know what to say.  That's okay.  They just need to you to show up and sit with them and give them a shoulder to lean on. 

Trait #3 - Love for one another.  Being a leader in ministry is about loving people.  Jesus came for people.  Jesus died for people.  Jesus' heart beats for people.  Yes.  People will hurt you.  Love them anyways.  Yes.  People will betray you.  Love them anyways.  Yes.  People will let you down.  Love them anyways.  Yes.  People will take advantage of you.  Love them anyways.  Yes.  People will walk away from you.  Love them anyways. 

Here are some practical ways you can love people...

• Always put people before programs.

• Use your ministry to build people rather than using people to build your ministry. 

• When people come with needs, hurts and problems that disrupt your "calendar" or "to-do-list" for the day, be okay with it.  

Trait #4 - Tender heart.  The Bible reminds us in Proverbs to guard our hearts above all else.  If you are not intentional, over time the grind, tasks, stresses, hurts and let-downs of ministry can cause your heart to become hardened.  Cynicism, burn out, lack of faith, anger, lack of empathy and disillusionment can set in.  When this happens, the tears dry up, compassion ceases and you find yourself just going through the motions.  You can even find yourself sliding into a place of anger and bitterness toward God.  

Here are some practical ways to keep your heart tender toward God...

• Have a consistent walk with God.  Don't get so busy working for God that you don't have time to spend with God.  When you spend time with God and in His Word each day, it will keep your heart tender.  

• Keep your eyes on Jesus rather than people.  He will never let you down.

• Ask God to keep your heart tender toward the things He cares about.  

Trait #5 - Humble mind.  Simply put...don't let the praises and accolades that come your way go to your head.   Remember...God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.  Sinful pride has no place in the life of a ministry leader.

Here are some practical ways to keep a humble mind...

• Humble leaders are always in school.  Never arrive.  Stay in learning mode for life.  Always be aware of what you don't know.

• Lead with humility.  People don't follow a title.  They follow someone they love and respect. 

• Seek the advice and input of others.  Remember...the smartest person in the room is the room.  Don't try to fly solo.  You'll go much farther with some co-pilots. 

I don't know about you, but this list of traits really challenges me.  I've got some work to do in all of these areas.  This week I'm going to be asking myself...

• How can I do a better job at seeking and promoting unity?

• How can I demonstrate true sympathy for those I lead?

• What are some ways I can demonstrate more love for the people I lead?

• How tender is my heart night now?  What are some additional things I can do to guard my heart and keep it tender toward God and others?

• Am I walking in humility?  How can I be more self-aware in this area?

Join me and let's grow as leaders.  

A toxic children's ministry leader is someone who abuses the leader/follower relationship.  He or she takes the team downhill and creates an environment that's unhealthy.

Do you have a toxic children's ministry leader?  Or...are you personally a toxic children's ministry leader?  Here's 10 ways to know..

A toxic children's ministry leader makes sure it's all about him or her.  
The ministry revolves around him or her.  He or she has an inflated view of his or her importance to the team.  Listen to this quote from a famous actor.

“As soon as enough people give you enough compliments and you’re wielding more power than you’ve ever had in your life, it’s not that you become arrogant or rude to people, but you get a false sense of your own importance and what you’ve accomplished.  You actually think you’ve altered the course of history.”  Leonardo DiCaprio

A toxic children's ministry leader doesn't use the words, "I'm sorry."
A toxic leader is full of pride and doesn't apologize when wrong.  Instead of taking ownership for mistakes or failures, he or she shifts the blame to someone else.  The buck doesn't stop with the toxic leader...the buck gets thrown in someone else's lap.  Unless...which leads us to the next sign.

A toxic children's ministry leader takes all the credit for successes.
He or she makes sure the spotlight shines on them.  He or she is quick to take credit and quick to shift blame when things go wrong.  He or she makes sure his or her name is in the headlines.  

A toxic children's ministry leader does all the talking at team meetings.
Commands replace collaboration.
Quick answers replace questions.
Tyranny replaces teamwork.
Ego replaces encouragement.
Intimidation replaces the interests of others.

A toxic children's ministry leader is condescending. 
He or she talks down to the team.  He or she is arrogant.  He or she flaunts their title instead of taking the towel of servant leadership that Jesus modeled.  He or she leads by position instead of passion.

A toxic children's ministry leader isn't flexible.
It's my way or the highway.  He or she chooses hills to die on that are really just mole hills.  He or she perpetuates programs or events that no longer work simply because they were his or her brainchild.

A toxic children's ministry leader micromanages.
He or she doesn't give people the freedom to lead.  He or she has to approve everything.  He or she is the leadership lid that is keeping the ministry from growing because he or she has to control everything.

A toxic children's ministry leader clones.
He or she gathers people around that are just like himself/herself.  There is no diversity or other personality types on the team.  He or she doesn't bring people on the team that compliment his or her weaknesses.  Which leads to the next sign.

A toxic children's ministry leader won't acknowledge his or her blind spots.
He or she doesn't have anyone asking them the hard questions.  When and if they are confronted about a blind spot, they refuse to acknowledge it and accuse the person of being disloyal or against them.

A toxic children's ministry leader corrects publicly.
When someone makes a mistake, a toxic leader uses word assassination in front of everyone else instead of talking with them privately.  Team members are left embarrassed and humiliated.

What are some overall signs a toxic leader is at the helm?

• low morale
• lots of team member turn over
• creativity from team members has stopped flowing
• declining productivity

Truth be told, we've all exhibited some of these traits at times.  I know I have and I've still got work to do in some of these areas.  I want to encourage you to take a hard look at these.  Are you toxic in any of these areas?   The first step to growing out of it is acknowledgement.

And if you're serving under a toxic leader, go to the person in a spirit of love and humility.  Hopefully God will use your words to help the person grow.  If they refuse, you have to decide to stay or leave.

"Humble yourself under the mighty hand of God, that He may lift you up in due time." I Peter 5:6

The way up as a Children's Ministry leader is stepping down.

This is the opposite of what our instincts tell us.

We think if we promote ourselves, "brand" ourselves, speak at this conference or that conference, get x number of people to follow us Twitter, or get x number of likes on Facebook, then we will more successful.  Self-referential has become the norm.

But God says to increase you must decrease.

If you want to become a better Children's Ministry leader, then you must humble yourself before God and leave the rest up to HIm.

Here's six ways to "step down' as a Children's Ministry leader.

Know what you don’t know.
Don't be a "know-it-all."  Resist the urge to be "master of the universe."  Be aware of your weaknesses and bring people around you who are strong in those areas.

If you haven't done so, do a 360 degree review.  It may be a mirror you don't want to gaze into, but it will help you see blind spots and give you valuable feedback that can help you grow as a leader.

Have someone who holds you accountable and speaks into your life.  

Resist falling for your press reports.
Don't spend time reading your press reports...good or bad.

Let your primary goal be making other people better.
A great leader makes those around him or her better.  This means putting others before yourself...pouring yourself into others...investing in others...being more concerned about others than yourself.  As you strive to make those around you better, the natural result will be you getting better.

Embrace and promote a spirit of service.
Jesus said if you want to be great in His kingdom, then you must become a servant.  Those around you will quickly know if you are there for them or for yourself.  A true leader is a servant-leader.

Listen more than you talk.
Lead by asking questions and listening.  Great leaders are more known for asking great questions than they are for having great answers.  Listen to other people's ideas.  Lead quietly instead of charismatically.                    

Always be in growth mode.
Einstein said, “I have no special talent.  I am only passionately curious.”  Always be stretching yourself...always be aware that you haven't arrived...always be growing.

The word "Hubris" is a Greek word that means "extreme pride or arrogance."  It's the opposite of humility.  Resist hubris and embrace humility.  Stepping down is the path to success in your ministry.

Have you ever been around an inspiring leader?  After talking with them or listening to them, you were ready to go conquer any mountain.

As a children's ministry leader, it's vital that you have the ability to inspire others.

When we talk about being "inspiring" you may be thinking it has to be someone who is extremely gifted, has a charismatic personality, is a people magnet or can give dynamic, soul-stirring speeches.

If that's not you, don't worry.  That's not what being inspiring is really all about anyways.  Anyone can be inspiring if they take the right steps and work at it.

Here's 10 key steps you can take to become an inspiring children's ministry leader.

Inspiring leaders collaborate.
Do you want to inspire people?  Then include them.  Inspiring leaders don't bark down orders.  They gather people and create something together.  When people have a part in creating something instead of just being handed something, they are inspired.

Inspiring leaders develop people.
When you are intentional about pouring into people...when people know you are committed to helping them become a better person and leader...when you call people up instead of calling them out...it inspires them.  They will be drawn to you. 

Inspiring leaders empower people and then get out of the way.
Inspiring leadership and micromanaging aren't compatible.  Inspiring leaders empower people and then give them room to lead, fail, and learn from their failures.

Inspiring leaders ask the right questions.
You don't always need to have the best answer.  Just learn to ask the right questions to draw out the best answer from the team.  Lead with questions just as much or more than you do with answers.

Inspiring leaders admit their mistakes.
Be quick to admit your mistakes.  Be the first one to apologize.  Humility and transparency inspires others.

Inspiring leaders lead by example.
Go the second mile and when you ask your team to go the second mile, go the third mile.  Inspiration is caught by example more than it is taught by words.

Inspiring leaders build relationships.
Inspiring leaders don't lead by title or position...they lead by relationships.  Love people for who they are instead of for what they can do.  When people know you really care about them, their hearts will be drawn to you.  Inspiration is created through relationship.

Inspiring leaders give away the credit for wins and take the blame for failures.
It inspires people when you put them in the spotlight instead of yourself.  It also inspires people when they know you've got their back and when something goes wrong, you take the ultimate responsibility. 

Inspiring leaders continually fill people's vision tank.
Constantly share the "why" of what your team does.  Realize that vision leaks, so keep the vision front and center.  And you don't have to be an "inspirational" speaker to do this.  This is done just as effectively in small gatherings or individually. 

Inspiring leaders are faithful.
There is something about long term faithfulness that inspires people.  You will find the longer you are in ministry, the more inspiration potential you will have.  Time and experience are two of your best inspiration allies.  Stay the course. 

What are some other traits of inspiring leaders?
What are some traits in leaders that have personally inspired you?

Share your thoughts with us in the comment section below.

What's one thing you need to stop doing to be a better leader?  Before you answer...you probably don't know.  It's probably something you can't see.  A blind spot.

So here's how you find out.  Ask the people who do know.

Check with your team...those you serve with...those you report to. 

Ask them, "What's one thing I need to stop doing to be a better leader?" 

It will take courage.  You'll have to be secure in yourself as a leader.  You'll have to allow people to be honest...brutally honest.  You might even make it anonymous if you want people to feel totally free to share their answer.

When you find the answer, accept it with humility and a teachable spirit.  And stop doing it.  You'll be a better leader as a result.