RELEVANT CHILDREN'S MINISTRY

As a leader, we must remember that people don't follow a title.  People don't follow a position.  People don't follow someone just because they are the "boss."

Let's look at 10 ways you can be a leader that people WANT to follow instead of a leader people "HAVE" to follow.

1. Be guided by core values.  These are the deeply rooted beliefs that you live by.  You make decisions based on your core values.  You are guided by your core values.  You are lead by your core values rather than by your temporary feelings.

2. Ask for feedback.  Keep a learner's attitude.  When those who follow you, see that you have a teachable spirit, they will follow you and also adapt that same posture.  And an important note about this - don't wait for feedback, actively seek it out.

3. Be honest about your mistakes so you and others can learn from it.  Being a leader people will follow doesn't mean you will be perfect.  You will blow it at times.  You will make mistakes.  And that's okay with those who follow you...if you are honest with them about it.  Admit your mistakes.  Own your mistakes.  Learn from your mistakes.  Grow from your mistakes.  Help people to not make the same mistakes you have made.

4. Humility.  While pride will take you down, humility will exalt you.  I Peter 5 is very clear about this.

"So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time He will lift you up in honor."

Humility doesn't mean you let people walk all over you.  It is strength and grace balancing each other in your life. 

5. Stay steady.  Don't be up one day and down the next day.  Keep an even keel as you lead.  Yes, you will have some bad days...but don't let it take you down in the dump.  Being a steady leader brings great assurance to those you lead.  What you don't want, is for your team to be guessing what kind of mood you'll be in today.

6. Be trustworthy.  This will take a while.  Trust is something that is accomplished over time.  You must earn trust by being trustworthy over the course of months and in many cases, even years.

7. Keep your word.  When you tell someone you are going to do something, follow through and do it.  Make notes to yourself so you can remember what you have promised to deliver. 

I remember when a father asked if we could put a clock on the wall in one of our classrooms.  I told him I would and I stopped then and there and made a note of it.  I knew the next week, he would walk into that room and see if a clock had been placed there.  It was there and I gained a little more trust by keeping my word.

Each time you keep your word, you are gaining more trust from your team members.  This matters in the little stuff as well. 

8. Show you care about people.  When people know you really care about them, it will open their heart to your leadership.  You've heard the saying "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care."  That is so true.

At one church where I served for almost 9 years, they had a going away party for me as we were transitioning into a new ministry role.  They asked several of the people who had served with me to get up and share a word of encouragement to me. 

I thought they would share about the numerical growth we had experienced or perhaps about the hundreds of kids and parents we had reached for Christ.  But they didn't. 

They talked about the time I sent them an encouraging text message or email.  They talked about how I went to the hospital to pray with their son who was having surgery.  They talked about how I had invested in them.  

It was a great reminder to me that at the end of the day, accomplishments are not what you will be most remembered by.  Rather it will be the times you showed you really cared about them and their family.

9. Inspire people.  Share stories of life change.  Show them how they are making an impact.  Help them personally grow beyond what they ever imagined they could do before.  When you are an inspiring leader, you make people's heart beat faster as you share what is ahead.

10. Be passionate.  Be excited about the vision God has placed before you.  Be a spiritual thermostat that raises the spiritual temperature as you lead.  And remember, passion is not just something you teach, it's something you are.  The spiritual temperature of the ministry will rise and fall on how passionate you are about the mission. Bring it!

Your turn.  What are some other ways you can be a leader that people will follow?  Share your thoughts in the comment section below.

Great leaders never stop learning.  They are constantly reading, asking questions, observing and stretching for more knowledge, understanding and wisdom.

A few years ago, John Maxwell, who was one of the teaching pastors at the church I was a part of, shared an interesting story along those lines.

He shared that he had several filing cabinets at home that were filled with articles, stats, ideas, illustrations, etc.

Over the years, he had collected thousands of illustrations, stories, etc.  When speaking on a particular topic, he would go to that file and look for information to use in the sermon.  Having added all that information to the files, made it an extremely valuable tool when he was preparing a talk or sermon.

But he began to feel that he was relying too heavily on those files.  And God began dealing with him and asking him to do something radical that would help him continue learning in the days ahead.  So he called a moving company and had them send over a couple of men.

John told the men that he was going to leave for a couple hours.  The men were to take the files to a remote location and destroy them.  And when John returned, they were not to tell him the location, no matter how much he asked them.

So the men did what they had been hired to do.  They took all of the great speaking materials that were in those filing cabinets and destroyed it.

Why would John do something like that?  The answer is simple.  He didn't want to rely too heavily on the past.  Even in his 70's, he wanted to remain in a mode of learning, growing and stretching.  

That is challenging to me and I'm sure it is for you as well.  Great learners are constantly in a learning mode.  They seek to gain more knowledge all the time and from everyone they come in contact with.

How about you?  Are you daily learning, growing, pushing forward, etc.?  Do you have a personal growth plan that will help you learn new things?

Over the years, it's easy to slip into neutral and coast along.  Content.  Not concerned about growing as a leader.  Slouched down in your comfort zone because you don't want to hold yourself accountable for learning and growing.

Yes, it may be comfortable, but it's not where you want to be as a leader.

So, how can you continue to grow as a leader?

Here's a simple but strategic way you can be a lifelong learner.

Make it your goal to write down at least one thing new that you learned each day.  One thing.  It might be something you read in a book.  Or something God showed you in your time with Him.  Or something you heard someone else say.  Or a quote you saw.  Each day listen.  Be eager to learn.  Ask lots of questions.  Be in growth mode.   Just think.  If you do this for one year, in a year you will have taken 365 growth steps. 

Never stop learning.  Never stop growing.  Never stop becoming a better version of yourself. 

A few weeks ago, I was in Johannesburg, South Africa speaking at a conference.  I had a free day and they took me to a drive-through lion habitat.

They did warn us to not let our windows down.  To do so would be hazardous to say the least.  A few weeks earlier, a lady driving through had let her window down.  One of the lions snuck up and lunged into the open window.  Sadly to say, the lion dragged her out of the car through the window and killed her.

That was enough to convince me to not let down the window for sure.  As I processed the day, I was reminded that we have an enemy who has been compared to a dangerous lion.

"Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour."  1 Peter 5:8

Satan is compared to a lion.  A lion who is looking to devour people spiritually.

The verse tells us to stay alert.  To watch out for the enemy.  

In other words "don't let the window down."   

Don't leave him any room to drag you down. 

In recent years, it has been sad to see many pastors and church leaders take a moral fall.  Somewhere they "lowered the window" and left themselves open to an attack.  It might have started with just cracking the window a little bit.  An inappropriate touch.  A suggestive comment.  Saving other people's marriage while neglecting their own.  Pride.  Going through the "work of the ministry" with little to no personal spiritual growth.  Using church money for personal gain.  These are just a few of the ways leaders roll the window down and leave themselves vulnerable for an attack by the enemy.

I often say, "The best way to be successful in ministry is to stay in ministry."

If you're going to stay in ministry, you have to keep your guard up.  Don't crack the window.  Not even an inch.  That inch becomes 6 inches.  The inches turn in to a wide open window that can lead to your spiritual demise.

Someone may be reading this who has their spiritual window down.  Please, please, please,  roll the window back  up.  We need you.  God's kingdom needs you.  The community you are ministering to and trying to reach needs you.  The enemy is just waiting for an opening.  Don't give him that opening.

p.s. Here are pictures I took of some of the lions. With the car window rolled up of course.

A few days ago, as I was doing my Bible reading, this verse jumped out at me.

"Peace to you.  The friends send you their greetings.  Greet the friends there, each by name."  3 John 1:14

John, who wrote this book of the Bible, asks the believers to be personally greeted by name.

You see...names matter.  Especially in children's ministry.  It makes a big difference in a child's life when he or she is personally known by name at church.  The sweetest sound to a child's ears is his or her name. 

It should be our goal that every single child who attends our church is known by name.  We should strive for every child to hear their name being used by a caring, loving volunteer every time he or she is at church.

Take another look at the verse.  Notice John calls the believers "friends."  The reason names matter is because relationships matter.  If we want to see kids grow up to love Jesus, we must ensure they have significant relationships with volunteers and staff.  Discipleship happens through relationship.  Spiritual growth happens through relationship.  Care happens through relationship.  Personal prayer happens through relationship.  Mentoring happens through relationship.  Influence in a child's life happens through relationship.

We must be intentional about knowing the names of the kids in our ministries.  How can this happen in a growing church?  Name tags are a good start.  You should already have this in place for safety and security purposes.  Encourage your volunteers to look at kids' name tags and use their names as much as possible when interacting with them.

Place kids in small groups where they are called by name and prayed for by name each week.  The larger your ministry becomes, the smaller it must become.  Kids don't come back because of amazing facilities, cool music or fun videos.  They come back because someone knows their name and cares about them.

Names matter.  Because names matter, here are some questions to talk through with your team.

• Are we using name tags for kids? 

• Are we encouraging our volunteers to use kids' names as much as possible when interacting with them?

• Are we placing kids in small groups where they are known by name?

• Are kids being prayed for by name when they are at church?

• How can we be more intentional about using kids' names?

Can you hold volunteers accountable?  I mean...they are serving for free, right? 

The answer is yes.  God's work deserves our very best whether we are serving vocationally or volunteering.  Ephesians 6 says we are serving for the Lord. 

With that established, let's look at some practical ways to hold volunteers accountable.

Set clear expectations up front.  The first step is to make sure volunteers know what they are being asked to do.  Provide them with a clear job description that includes core values, time commitment, duties, responsibilities and other information they need to know.  This should be done before they start serving and is critical if you want accountability.  In this manual, you can get all our job descriptions and expectations for volunteer roles.

Make sure the volunteer has the ability to meet the expectations.  Another important part of accountability is placing volunteers in roles that are a fit for their gifts, talents and passion.  Help them find their fit by giving them a spiritual gifts test, personality test and meeting with them individually to talk about their interests.  It's a lot easier to hold someone accountable when they are in their sweet spot in ministry because they will be motivated and love what they do.

Make sure you are providing the resources and support the volunteer needs to meet the expectations.   
Have clear measurements.  Provide your volunteers with clear wins for their role.  These should be simple and easy to measure.  This will help them know what success looks like and help you measure how they are doing.

Provide feedback.  One of the most important aspects of accountability is feedback.  This will help them grow as leaders and followers of Christ.  In this article, I share tips on how to provide appropriate feedback. 

Provide next steps.  When you hold people accountable, always provide them with a next step.  Whether the next step is corrective, re-directive or rewarding, it should take them toward a goal.  In situations where the accountability pathway leads to the volunteer being asked to step down, then have a clear plan for this as well.  In this article, I share steps to take when a volunteer needs to step down.

Remember that accountability flows best from relationship.  When people know you care about them, it will open their heart to your accountability.

Volunteers should know it's not about what you want from them, but it's about what you want for them.

God has given you the privilege of helping people grow as disciples through serving in children's ministry.  Just as a sport's coach holds his team accountable so the players can achieve their dreams and win, God wants to use you as a spiritual coach to help volunteers accomplish the dreams He has placed in their heart.

What do the kids who walk through the doors of your church need?  Here's five key things to focus on.  If you can give kids these five things, you'll see their lives impacted.

Kids need to be known.  They need to hear their name spoken.  They need to be asked how their week went.  They need to be missed when they are absent.  They need relationship. 

Kids need to hear God's Word.  If their faith is going to grow, they must hear the Word of God taught in an engaging, relevant way.  Romans 10;17 tells us that, "Faith comes by hearing and the message is heard through the Word."  Kids need the Word embedded in their long term memory and be taught how to apply it to their life.

Kids need their parents to be equipped to lead them spiritually.  Kids need a ministry that will be intentional about providing their parents with spiritual growth tools and resources.  Kids need a ministry that will partner with their parents to celebrate their spiritual journey.

Kids need the investment and example of a godly leader.  Kids need a leader who will care about them, pray with them, teach them and show them what it means to follow Jesus.  One godly leader can make the difference in a child's life.

Kids need to have fun.  Kids need a place where they can laugh, giggle, play games, move around and talk.  Kids need a place where they will be able to answer "Yes" when their parents pick them up and ask those famous words, "Did you have fun today?"

Take a look at your ministry.  Are you providing kids with these 5 things?  How can you do a better job?  What do you need to start doing?  What do you need to change or do differently? 

Want to see kids' faith grow?  Here's 3 keys to creating lessons that will help kids grow spiritually.

No one has more influence in a child's life than his or her parents.

We know this and want to see parents become effective spiritual leaders for their children.  But how can you help today's busy parents get there?

Here's 5 keys to getting parents involved in their child's spiritual growth. 

Emphasize.
The starting point is simply to get it on their radar.  Most parents are so busy working, getting their kids to soccer practice and just trying to keep their family afloat, that they haven't thought much, if any, about their role as the spiritual leader of their kids.

You have the opportunity to plant this seed in their heart.  Communicate this to them.  "God has called you to be the primary spiritual influence in your child's life.  Your greatest responsibility as a parent is to help your child grow up to love and follow Jesus."

When you emphasize this, you will see their eyes light up as it dawns on them. 

Engage.
Set up key times when you speak into parent's lives about this.  Some of the key times you can engage them are parent/child dedication, when their child is transitioning into elementary school, when their child is ready to step across the line of faith and when their child is transitioning into middle school.  Attach a class to these spiritual milestones and teach them how they can lead their child spiritually.  These are key times in parent's lives when they will come looking for help.

Equip.
Get tools in parent's hands.  Tools such as devotionals they can do with their kids, prayer guides, take home papers with questions about the lesson, social media connections and more.

Encourage.
Most parents want to be the spiritual leader of their child, but they feel inadequate.  The reason they default to teachers and leaders at church is because they don't have the confidence to lead their child spiritually.  They think they have to be a Bible scholar or have their own spiritual walk totally together before they start.

Instead of brow beating them, encourage them.  Be their biggest fan and cheer them on.  Let them know they can do it.  Then celebrate the victories with them...no matter how small they may be.  Parents respond better to encouragement than guilt. 

Experiences.
Provide shared spiritual growth experiences that parents can participate in with their children.  Parents love doing things with their children.  Create special events such as a shared worship experience, a father-son camp out, a daddy-daughter night, a family camp, etc.  These experiences can be catalyst for getting parents involved in their child's spiritual growth.

Remember...when you reach a child, you change a life.  When you reach parents...you change the entire family.

Twice a year, our children's ministry staff team goes on a retreat together.  We actually call them "advances" instead of "retreats."  Our goal is to move forward not backwards.

I believe it's important to get away as a team on a regular basis to pause, reflect, deepen your relationships, pray, plan and dream together.

One of our Advances takes place the first of the year.  This Advance focuses on team building, leadership development, spiritual growth, a review of the previous year and goal setting.  It's a great time to gear up for the new year.

The other Advance is held late summer and focuses on team building, leadership development, spiritual growth, campus reports, evaluating everything we do, brainstorming new ideas and planning out the next year's calendar.  It's a great time to gear up for the fall ministry season that's coming.

Here is the agenda for the one that we just went on to kick off 2015. 

• Worship 

• Devotions

• Break

• Ministry overview

• Lunch

• Review of last year

• Goals for 2015

• Leadership training - How to equip, encourage and empower your volunteer team

• Games and team building

• Prayer

We went to a camp our church owns for the retreat.

We love to laugh and have fun.

We stopped by to pray over one of our new campuses on the way home.

I'm always looking for ideas.  Would love to hear about any retreats, planning sessions, team building games or other things you do to grow together as a team.  Share them with us in the comment section below.

Yesterday, I had a phone interview with someone who is finishing up a degree in Children's Ministry.

He asked some great questions.  One that he asked was, "What should be the big "wins" for a children's ministry?  What do you want to see happen in kids' lives when they are leaving your children's ministry?

That's a great question.  Here was my response.

First and foremost...for each child to have a stepped across the line of faith and began a personal relationship with Jesus.  We know we have a narrow window of time when kid's are open and receptive to the Gospel.  The majority of people come to Christ as a child.

I want every child to know Jesus as their Leader, Forgiver, and Friend.

Secondly...for each child to have a growing relationship with Jesus.  Growing through prayer, Bible reading, being part of a church family, serving, sharing their faith, and being mentored by a caring leader.  Our goal is to give kids the tools they need to begin feeding themselves spiritually...to own their spiritual growth.

Thirdly...for parents to be equipped to lead their child spiritually.  Our goal is to partner with parents and equip them with the knowledge, resources, and milestone events they need to lead their child with confidence.  Parents want to lead their child spiritually...many just don't know where to start.  Our goal is to come alongside them and be their biggest cheerleader, resource, and encourager. 

If someone asked you what are the top 3 goals for your children's ministry, how would you respond?  Would these be on your list?  Maybe something else?  What are your priorities?  Share your thoughts with us in the comment section below.

1. They were created to serve. (Ephesians 2:10)

2. Jesus modeled serving for us. (Mark 10:45)

3. Kids are the greatest mission field. (Matthew 9:37)

4. God blesses people who serve in children's ministry. (Matthew 10:42)

5. Jesus ministered to children. (Mark 10:13-15)

6. Easier to build boys than repair men.

7. Serving will help them get connected to other people.  Service creates community.

8. God uses children to reach parents.

9.  Serving bring glory to God. (1 Peter 4:11)

10. Kids are the most receptive to the Gospel.

11. Serving is a key component of spiritual growth.  Growing Christians are serving Christians.

12. Kids need godly role models.

13. Kids can serve God for a lifetime when we disciple them.

14. We are called to pass on the faith to the next generation. (Psalm 78)

15. Serving helps kids and families discover new life in Christ.

16. Serving kids brings glory to God. (Matthew 5:14-16)

17. When you serve kids, you are serving Jesus. (Matthew 25:40)

18. God has given them gifts to be used for the furtherance of His kingdom.

19.  It keeps you young at heart.

20. It's a blast!

I have noticed a trend over the years.  When kids move into their pre-teen years, a notable percentage of them disengage from Children's Ministry.

Why?  Here's eight reasons.

1. Placing them with younger children.
Pre-teens are very conscious they are "growing up."  Their eyes are on their approaching middle school years.  The last place they want to be is with "little kids."

• Provide them with their own environment (class).  Give it a name that is unique to them.  We call our pre-teen environment "Nitro."  It has a very different feel and look from our other environments.  It looks more like a youth ministry environment than it does a children's ministry environment.  That is on purpose.

• In situations where you can't give them a separate environment, place them in the front of the room.  At some of our campuses, we have all of elementary together due to lack of room availability.  When this is the case, we are intentional about placing the pre-teens in the front.  This gives them a sense of leadership instead of sitting in the back of the room looking at the "little kids" in front of them. 
  

• Provide events and activities just for them.  An example would be a summer outreach trip which is just for pre-teens.    

2. Programming for younger children.
One of the biggest factors in keeping pre-teens engaged in your ministry is to program for them.  If pre-teens sense the lesson, music, or activities are "babyish," they will check out.

• When you have multiple ages in the same room, always target the pre-teen boy.  If you hit him, you will catch everyone.  Cool rolls down hill.  Gene Del Vecchio talks about this in his book "Creating Ever Cool."  It's a must read for children's ministry leaders.

3. Personal connection with a leader is missing.
A personal connection with a caring leader is essential.  When pre-teens are known and loved, they will stay engaged.

• Make sure your pre-teens spend a good percentage of their time at church in a small group environment where they are known by name, prayed for, and are contacted when absent.  Cool buildings and programming alone doesn't keep pre-teens.  Relationships is the glue.

4. Preparing them for middle school is not a priority.
As kids move into their pre-teen years, our focus should begin to shift toward preparing them for their middle school years.  

• Work closely with your youth ministry to bridge the gap between children's ministry and youth ministry.  In this post, I share a strategy for transitioning pre-teens into youth ministry.

5. Passive discipleship.
Pre-teens are ready to serve and make a difference.  When they are confined to passive discipleship where they just "sit and soak", they will disengage.  A huge part of discipleship is serving.  Active faith leads to spiritual growth.

• Let them own their ministry.  Give them opportunities to serve in their ministry.  Praise team, running sound and tech, greeting, distributing handouts, etc.  Ownership = engagement.

• Take them on more "outreach" trips than "play" trips.  A few years ago, we moved away from taking our pre-teens on "play" trips such as waterparks, skating, etc.  They can do this anytime.  We decided what they wanted more than this was the opportunity to make a difference.  We now take them on outreach and serving trips instead.  They love it. 

6. Parents are not involved.
In the pre-teen years, kids begin the early stages of becoming independent of their parents.  Parents become nervous as their "baby"  begins to grow up.  It is one of the key times when they will come looking for help.

• Equip parents to be the spiritual leader of their pre-teen.  No one has more influence in a pre-teen's life than his or her parents.

• Provide parents with the tools and resources they need to parent their pre-teen.

• Prepare parents for the middle school years. 

• Have a retreat or event for pre-teens and their parents.  This fall we will be holding our first-ever pre-teen/parent retreat.  They will spend a day together being equipped and prepared for their upcoming middle school years as well as deepening their relationship with each other.

7. Priorities are misplaced.
As kids move into their pre-teen years, more opportunities to be involved in programs, sports, and other outside activities become available.  These can pull kids away from being consistently involved in church and discipleship opportunities.

How many pre-teens miss church for weeks on end because of traveling sport's teams or other activities?

• Teach pre-teens the importance of making worship and discipleship a priority.  This must be messaged to parents as well.  Many times it's a parent's misplaced priorities that cause their pre-teen's priorities to become misplaced. 

8. Prayer and other spiritual disciplines are not in place.
By the pre-teen years, kids should be transitioning from being spiritually spoon feed to feeding themselves as well.  Can you imagine an 11-12 year old still sitting in a highchair and being fed by his or her parents?

• Teach pre-teens the spiritual disciplines. 

• Give pre-teens the tools they need to feed themselves spiritually.

• Equip them to know why they believe what they believe.  Their faith must be their own.

Okay.  The floor is yours.  Have you noticed pre-teens disengaging from children's ministry?  If so, what are some things you have done to keep them engaged?  Share your ideas with us below.