RELEVANT CHILDREN'S MINISTRY

The easy thing to do is to quickly place the blame on a child when he or she is misbehaving in class.  While it is true, we all have a rebellious nature we acquired from the fall that can cause us to misbehave on our own free will at times, it is also true in many cases, children misbehave because of circumstances we or someone else has placed them in.  If we can eliminate or teach them how to work through those circumstances, the amount of times kids misbehave in our ministry can be significantly reduced.

Let's take a look at 10 reasons why kids misbehave because of circumstances and how we can adjust these circumstances to help them succeed.

#1 - Kids misbehave when they are bored.  Kids hate to be bored.  And let's be honest.  Adults hate to be bored as well.  I recently visited a church as a guest and to be honest, the delivery of the sermon was very boring.  Monotone.  Too much information with no significant points to remember.  No stories or illustrations.  I looked around at the crowd and it was obvious they were "enduring" the message.  In fact, I noticed that many of them were looking down at their phones throughout the message.  And these were adults.  They didn't "misbehave" because they were adults.  But place kids in that situation and they will have a hard time not misbehaving.

If you are having trouble with kids misbehaving, I want to challenge you to take a hard look at what you are doing.  Pull aside a few kids and ask them if they get bored.  And you may have to let them be anonymous in their responses to get a true answer.

Blues Clues has been called the most engaging children's television show ever made.  Do you know why?  Because before an episode ever made it to the air, the producers would bring in groups of kids and have them watch a preview.  They watched the kids during the preview and when the kids looked away or got restless, they made a note of it.  They knew when kids get bored they get restless and start looking around.  The producers then went back and adjusted those parts of the show to make them more engaging. 

Bored kids misbehave.  Engaged kids behave. 

If you have a boring lesson or service, kids will make up their own fun, engaging lesson and service by misbehaving. 

#2 - Some kids misbehave because they have a medical condition.  Usually parents will let you know when their child is experiencing a medical problem that affects their behavior.  Be sensitive to the child's needs and work closely with the parents to provide the best experience possible for the child.  In some cases, it might mean providing a one-on-one volunteer to help the child.  Jesus calls us to demonstrate patience, empathy and understanding.

#3 - Kids misbehave when they are being taught through a lecture-only model.  The more you lecture, the more kids will misbehave.  Kids (and if we were honest - adults too) are wired to learn not just through lecturing, but through other learning styles as well.  In fact, lecturing is the least effective way of teaching.  Kids forget 90% of what they only hear.  But when you add in activities, games, hands-on learning and discussion, what they remember skyrockets.  If kids are misbehaving in your ministry, take a hard look at how much lecturing you are doing. 

Shrink the amount of time you are lecturing and your behavior problems will shrink as well.

#4 - Kids misbehave when they are experiencing turmoil or stress at home or in some area of their life.  Countless times when I a child has been misbehaving, I have found out that he or she's parents are going through a divorce.  The misbehavior was the symptom of the root cause.  I remember another child whose behavior at church suddenly began to go downhill fast.  As we worked with the parents to find out why, it later came out that he was being abused.  This is why his behavior had changed for the worse.

When a child, who was doing well in class, suddenly starts acting out, connect with the parents or guardians and ask if there is anything troublesome going on in the child's life that might be causing it. Walk with the child and family and provide support and encouragement as you can.

#5 - Kids misbehave when they are being taken past their attention span.  How long is their attention span?  About 1 minute for every year of their age.  In other words, you have 3 minutes with 3-year-olds.  And it maxes out at 5 minutes.  This primarily relates to the lecturing we talked about in #3.  Watch the next time you are teaching.  After a few minutes, you'll notice kids start getting restless.

The solution?  Simply reset their internal clock every few minutes.  That means if you are teaching, after 3 minutes of you talking, stop and let them talk about a discussion question for 3 minutes.  Or after you've taught for 3 minutes or so, break it up with a quick game or activity.

If you will honor kids' attention spans, you will see your behavioral problems become almost non-existent. 

#6 - Kids misbehave because they want attention.  This is one of the biggest reasons younger children misbehave.  If they can't get positive attention, then they will act out to get negative attention.  But the goal should be not to eliminate the need for attention.  Kids need attention.  And they should get it at church.  Why?  Because they need to know they matter.  Because they need to know that there are adult volunteers who care about them.  Because discipleship happens through personal relationships.

In order to do this, you must have good ratios of kids to volunteers.  If there are two volunteers in a room with 40 kids, it's going to be nearly impossible to give kids personal attention.  And the ones who really need it, will begin to misbehave in an effort to get it.  What they can't verbalize through their words, they will demonstrate through their actions.  They will do anything they can to get your attention.

When we respond to negative behavior, we give kids negative attention.  This may come in the form of lecturing the child, moving the child to another part of the room by himself / herself, threats, interrogation or taking away something important to the child.  But here's what we must remember.  Negative attention only increases misbehavior.  We must replace the negative attention with positive attention. 

#7 - Kids misbehave when they are testing the boundaries.  As kids try to figure out the world they live in, they will try to find out where the boundaries are.  It is natural for us to do this.  Where there is a fence, we are drawn toward leaning against it, aren't we?  

This gives us a great opportunity to make a difference in children's lives as we set boundaries and limits and follow through on them.

#8 - Kids misbehave when they are seeking control.   Kids have very little control in their life.  They are normally told what to do, where to go, when to go to bed, what to wear and how to act.  As they seek control, they will misbehave at times.

Don't let this lead to a power struggle.  You can avoid this by offering the child choices.  An example would be giving kids choices between activities in class or if they misbehave, offer them options to correct their behavior.  When you do this, you will reduce a lot of confrontations and increase the likelihood that children will follow instructions.

#9 - Kids misbehave because the rules and guidelines haven't been made clear.  Don't expect kids to follow rules and guidelines that they don't know exist or haven't been communicated clearly.

A great way to accomplish this is by stating the rules and guidelines at the beginning of the class.  And here is a small tweak that can be a big help.  Start by not calling them "rules."  When kids hear the world "rules" they immediately think of something negative.  Flip this and call them toward positive behavior.  Here's an example.  When I lead a class, I give the kids these 4 ways they can be successful in class.

• Talk when it's time to talk.  
• Listen when it's time to listen. 
• Get involved in the games and activities. 
• Have fun.

Which leads to the final reason kids misbehave.

#10 - Kids misbehave because of lack of motivation.  This happens when we don't give kids a good behavior goal to aim for and a reward for hitting that goal.  Look back at the positive rules in key #9.  When you share these rules at the beginning of the class, show the kids what they can obtain if they hit those goals.  It might be an extra game, candy, recognition or some other type of reward.

Here's another tip.  Have kids work together as a group to meet the goals and then reward them as a group for meeting the goals.  This adds the element of positive peer pressure.

In conclusion, here are 10 questions to work through with your team.  The answers you generate will help you see kids behave better and have a better experience in your ministry.

1. How can we do a better job at making our services or class time more exciting for kids?
2. Are there any kids in our ministry who are misbehaving due to possible medical conditions?  How can we come alongside them and their parents?
3. How much time are we spending lecturing kids?  Do we need to reduce this?
4. Are there any kids in our ministry that are misbehaving due to stress or turmoil at home?  How can we help them and their parents during this time?
5. Are we honoring kids' attention spans?  How can we improve in this area?
6. Are we providing kids with positive attention?  Are our ratios conducive to this?
7. Do we understand that kids test boundaries?   Are we setting clear boundaries and being consistent with them?
8. Are we giving kids the opportunity to exercise control by providing them with choices?
9. Are we providing kids with clear, understandable rules and guidelines to follow?
10. Are we motivating kids toward good behavior?  How can we improve in this area?

When Walt Disney was designing Disneyland, he had the engineers get down on their knees to ensure they built Main Street on the eye level of a child.  He wanted to make sure Disneyland was built with kids in mind.

One of the keys to growing a children's ministry is the ability to think like a child.  But how do you think like a child when you're an adult?  Here's five ways to think like a child and grow your children's ministry.

Think like a child when you decorate.  Think about what colors kids like.  Consider what themes are popular with kids.  Take cues from companies like Disney and Nickelodeon who are leaders in decorating for kids.  Ask kids for their input when you are planning your children's ministry areas.

Think like a child when you plan lessons.  What are their learning styles?  How long is their attention span?  What do they find engaging? 

Think like a child when you pick music.  What style of music they like?  What's coming through their ear buds during the week? 

Think like a child when you talk.  Keep your words simple.  Justification, regeneration, atonement and other words are not in a child's vocabulary.  When you use illustrations, use illustrations that kids can relate to.  And when you are talking to kids individually, think about their interests.  Talk to them about video games, movies, sports, school, etc.

Think like a child when you advertise.  This goes along with the first point.  Use kid-friendly colors, images and wording on your flyers, posters, invite cards, etc. 

One final tip.  Want to know if you're thinking like a child?  Ask them.  A kids' focus group is a great way to evaluate how well you're connecting and get new ideas for thinking like a child.  You can read more about how to host a kids' focus group here. 

Ever heard a kid say your lesson was boring?  If so, it was probably due to one or more of these reasons.  

A lecture-based teaching style.  I remember sitting in a "Sunday School" class as a kid.  We had two teachers.  They took turns teaching the lesson.  When one was teaching, the other one would fall asleep.  As kids, we had too much energy to fall asleep.  Instead, we were forced to sit there for an hour and endure what seemed like an eternity of torture.  I'm not blaming the teachers.  I am thankful for their hearts to minister to us.  They simply didn't know that lecturing is not the best way to teach kids.  In this article, I share a more effective way to teach kids. 

Making them sit still.  When we tell kids to "sit still and be quiet" we are really saying "sit still and be bored to death."  Kids were made to move.  In fact, the more kids move...the more they learn.  If you want to engage kids with your lesson, use participatory, hands-on, active learning.  In this article, you can read more about how to get kids moving.

Not honoring their attention span.  Kids have an attention span of 1 minute for every year of their age - maxing out at 5 minutes.  When you violate this, they will get bored.  If you want to keep their attention, reset their internal clock every five minutes by switching to another activity, song, game, object lesson, etc. 

Not using visual communication.  This generation hears with their eyes.  Words will bore them.  Words accompanied by images will engage them.

Only using one learning style.  When you limit your lesson to just one or two learning styles, the kids who learn differently will get bored.  Be intentional about using all the learning styles when you are teaching and you'll engage all the kids.

Not letting them talk.  "Sssssshhhhhh" kids and they will get bored.  And if all the talking is being done up front...you will lose them.  Give them opportunities to discuss deeper learning questions.  Read this article for the latest findings regarding this.

Putting them in space designed for adults.  Stick them in a room with beige walls and brown metal folding chairs and it will contribute to boredom.  Can you engage kids even if the room is not kid-friendly?  Yes, but you'll have to work harder to compensate for the dull environment.  Kids are drawn to bright, fun colors.  Kid-friendly environments do make a difference.  Ever seen a kid bored at Disney World?

Not knowing their culture.  Ever tried to talk with someone who doesn't speak your language?  Hard to connect, isn't it?  If you're talking cassettes to digital download kids, you'll lose them.  In a recent training, I shared about how to connect with today's kids.  You can read it here. 

Talking down to them.  Baby talk leads to boredom.  When you're in a room with kids of multiple ages, always talk to the oldest kid in the room.  Cool rolls down hill.

Not telling stories.  A story is the greatest boredom buster of all times.  Want to see kids lock their attention on what your saying?  Tell a story.  Great story tellers are great teachers.  Jesus, the greatest teacher of all times, used stories as one of His primary means of capturing people's attention.

The floor is yours.  What are some other reasons kids get bored during a lesson?  What do you do to keep kids engaged when you're teaching?  Share with us in the comment section below. 

Did you know that if you did the following things this past weekend the kids have already forgotten 90% of what you taught?

You didn't let them talk.
Kids learn best not by being lectured to, but by talking, asking questions and interacting.  If you did all the talking, they've forgotten most of what you said. 

You didn't use any pictures.
Half of the brain is dedicated to visual function.  65% of kids are visual learners.  A picture truly is worth a thousand words.

You tried to teach too many things. 
You tried to cram too much information in their head.  If you tried to teach them five truths instead of one key truth, they probably don't remember any of them.  Less is more. 

You didn't use repetition.
If you only said it one time, they've forgotten it.  If you repeated it 6 or more times, their retention rate went up to 90%.  Repetition truly is the key to learning.

You didn't hit all learning styles.
You had kids with lots of different learning styles in the room.  If you only tapped into one or two, you missed many of the kids.

You didn't honor their attention span.
If you talked over 5 minutes without switching to something else, they zoned out.  Honor their attention span and you will keep it.

You didn't use an object they will see this week.
If you didn't use something they will see this week as an example or object lesson, you missed a great opportunity to remind them of what you taught.  The one way street sign they will see many times this week could have been a reminder that Jesus is the one way to heaven.

You didn't show them how to apply it to their life and challenge them to live it out.
If you didn't teach beyond the facts and show them how to apply it to their life this week, you shortchanged them.  Information without application doesn't lead to life change.

You didn't engage all their senses.
If you only engaged their ears and eyes, you missed other key senses that help move truth into long-term memory.  Touch, smell and taste help kids remember.

You didn't engage their emotions.
Emotion is a glue of learning.  If you didn't create experiences that help them feel the tension of the truth, then you missed a golden opportunity.

So...what's the answer?  Simply incorporate the things you missed and watch kids remember what you teach them for a lifetime.

Do you want to engage kids in your lessons?  Here's 7 proven ways.

Interactive Discussion
Encourage kids to discuss what you're teaching.  Ask open-ended questions.  Stop lecturing and start facilitating discussion. 

Hands-On Activities
Kids engage when you provide them with activities, crafts, experiments, etc. 

Push Play
When you push play, kids engage.  Use video clips to illustrate truth.  

Honor their Attention Span
Keep segments in their attention span range.  1 minute for every year.  Exmaple - 5 minutes for a 5 year old.  

Games
Kids love to play.  Games that teach will engage kids in your lesson.

Tell Stories
Everyone loves stories.  It's wired in our DNA.

Use Visual Communication.
Today's kids hear with their eyes.  Use lots of pictures.

What are some other things you do to engage kids in your lesson?  Share your thoughts with us in the comment section below.

Do you want to know if kids like coming to your church or not?  There are two words you can ask them to find out.

These two words carry a lot of weight for a child.

The first word is FUN.  If you want to find out if kids enjoy coming to your church, ask them if it's fun or not.

Stand by the pick-up door and you'll hear this question asked by parents over and over.  "Did you have fun today?"

To a child here's what fun means.  I was engaged...they kept my attention...they taught using my learning style...it was interactive...I got to talk...I got to move around...I got to play a game...it was age-appropriate for me...it honored my attention span.

They may not articulate it like that...but when they say "fun" that's what they mean.

The second word is BORING.  When a child says something is boring, it means the opposite happened.  The lesson was not engaging...it didn't hit their learning style...they had to sit still...they couldn't talk...they were lectured to...it didn't keep their attention.

So...if you want a true picture of how effective your children's ministry is at engaging kids with God's Word....ask them what they think.  All you need to ask are those two words.  Is it fun or boring?

Do you want to improve your children's ministry lesson?  Here are 7 elements that will take your lesson to the next level.

1. Play time
Play is how children naturally learn.  The desire to play is in their DNA.  Bring play with purpose into your lesson with games and activities.

2. Child-driven, learner-based discovery
Give children the opportunity to take charge of their learning.  This will not only engage them, but empower them as well.

3. Hold their attention
Keep your lesson moving and honor their attention span.  You have blocks of 5 minutes to keep their attention.

4. Humor
Kids learn when they laugh.  

5. Exploration
Kids are explorers.  Give them the opportunity to investigate and make choices.

6. Movement
They were made to move.  Don't pin them to a chair for the entire lesson.

7. Surprise
Surprise sparks new interest, keeps the content unpredictable, and adds intermittent reinforcement and renewed interest.

What other elements are part of a great children's lesson?  Share your thoughts with us in the comment section below.

Do you find yourself saying any of these at church?

Sssshhhhhhh!

Sit still!

Quiet please!

No moving!

Keep your hands still!

If you grew up in the industrial age model of education, where everyone was placed in rows of chairs and told sit still and listen to the "lecture" up front, then you may be bringing that model to the next generation.

Only problem...that's not how kids are wired and that's not how they learn best.  Just because you and I (if you're over 30) had to sit quietly through hours of torture doesn't mean we should make today's kids do the same.

Studies show that kids learn best when they are active.  Kids who perform better in school are more likely to be physically active on a regular basis.

Adding movement to your class or worship environment at church will increase attention, behavior, and retention.

Here's some tips to get things moving...

• Use motions with your songs.

• Honor kids' attention span.  It maxes out at 5 minutes.  Don't make them sit still and listen to your "lecture" for more than 5 minutes at a time.  You can do a 20 minute "lesson" just break up the "talking head" with an activity every 5 minutes or less.

• Play active games that reinforce the lesson.

• Do crafts / activities that allow them to get up and move.

• Get them involved in helping teach the lesson by acting it out.

• Make motions for Bible verses they are memorizing.

Your turn.  The floor is yours.  What are some ways you get kids moving during their time at church?  What is one of your favorite activities or games you use to teach kids?

When parents pick their child up after church, there's one question you will hear them ask more than any other.