RELEVANT CHILDREN'S MINISTRY

Sometimes you'll have a kid show up at your children's ministry who is having a bad day.  It will be obvious by their attitude, actions and demeanor. 

Whether it's refusing to participate in an activity, sulking in a corner or not wanting to listen, they want nothing to do with you or the class.  And often it's a kid who doesn't normally display this type of behavior. 

When this happens, it's important to act instead of reacting.  Here's some steps you can take to help a kid who's having a bad day in your class.

Try to find out why.  It's as simple as saying, "You don't seem yourself today.  Are you having a bad day?"  This may be met with a frown, shoulder shrug or a verbal confirmation.  If they acknowledge it, go ahead and ask why.  It could be something as simple as an argument they had with their parents on the way to church, something another child said to them when they arrived or something that happened during the week. 

Or you could be seeing the symptoms of a deeper issue.  A family member who is very sick...bullying happening at school...parents who are arguing at home...abuse...
financial pressures felt from parents...anxiety over a life circumstance. 

Please...please...please don't jump past this first step.  If you don't take time to find out "why" the child is acting out, then you'll be tempted to go directly to discipline first.  And what the child needs most is the next step.

Give grace.  Grace triumphs over judgment.  This doesn't mean allowing bad behavior in the class, but it does mean extending grace to the child.  You want the child to look at you as someone who is in their corner rather than a stern disciplinarian. 

Adjust your expectations.  Don't try to force the child into the normal class expectations.  If the child is adamant about just observing during the game, don't demand that he or she participate.  If the child doesn't complete an activity sheet, be okay with it. 

Talk with the child's parents.  Sometimes the parents will convey the issue upfront when they drop the child off.  If they do not, follow up with them after class and privately find out how you can best minister to the child.  If the child shared some weighty information with you that needs attention, then it is important to partner with the parents in this situation. 

Send the child a note in the mail that week.  A simple note with words of encouragement and support will make a big difference in a child's life.  Sit down and write a handwritten note to the child expressing your belief in the child and commitment to being there for them.  Do this and the child will be impacted...I promise. 

I remember a few years ago when a kid walked into the classroom.  He was obviously having a very, very bad day.  He wanted nothing to do with the lesson or classroom activities that day.  I walked with him to the back of the room and sat down.  He shared with me the reason he was having a bad day.  There was strife and turmoil going on at home.  At that point, I decided that what the child needed that day was not the lesson...at least not the one being shared in class.  The lesson he needed that day was simple for someone to sit and listen to him, talk with him and play a card game together.  And so that's what we did.  He didn't go home that day with a new list of Bible facts in his head, but he did go home knowing that when you're having a bad day, the church is a place where you can find empathy, encouragement and grace. 

There are a lot of things you can do as a children's pastor.  But if you want to be highly effective, here's 5 you need to focus on.

Invest in people.  The best children's pastors invest in people.  They help people discover their gifts and maximize their potential.  They are equippers more than they are doers.  

Inspire people with vision.  The best children's pastor's constantly point people to the vision.  They are big on vision and articulate it clearly.  

Gather feedback.  The best children's pastors actively seek feedback.  Through team meetings and one-on-one conversations, they gather feedback that is clear, honest and constructive.  They use the feedback to move the ministry forward. 

Listen.  The best children's pastors ask questions, pose problems and challenges and enlist everyone's voice to generate answers.  They focus more on asking the right questions, knowing that from this the right answers will come.

Change as needed.  The best children's pastors are open to new ideas and change.  They stay out of ruts by being willing to adjust what's not working or needs to be improved...even it it was something they originally created.  

Were the kids in your ministry fidgeting this past weekend?

If they were, it's not because they're irreverent or rebellious.  They were fidgeting because they're wired to move and you weren't giving them enough opportunities to do so.

You can go with kids' natural wiring to help them learn and engage or you can force them to sit still and be quiet.  Force them into a prolonged sedentary state and they'll feel like they're in "time out" and will soon dread coming to church.

Am I saying that kids should never sit and listen quietly?  No.  I believe they should...but in small doses.  If you want kids to experience times of "being still and quiet" before the Lord, then balance it will lots of time for them to "dance" before the Lord.

Honor kids time to move and they will honor the time you ask them to be still and quiet.

Active learning has been proven to be more effective than quiescent learning.  Make sure your programming reflects this.  Here are five expectations we go over with the kids at the beginning of every service.

Talk when it's time to talk.
We give kids lots of opportunities to talk, discuss and interact with each other and their leaders.

Sing when its time to sing. 
We encourage kids to engage during the worship songs.  2 of the songs are upbeat and very active.  1 is a slower, more reflective worship song.

Listen when it's time to listen. 
When someone else is talking up front or in their group, show respect by listening.

Play when it's time to play.
There are lots of interactive learning activities and games.  We encourage kids to get involved.

Have fun.
We encourage a culture of fun.  We want their experience to be engaging, relevant and enjoyable.

Notice the percentages of the expectations listed above.

• Moving, interacting and talking - 80%
• Sitting still, being quiet and listening - 20%  

The 80% enables the 20% to be effective.  Take a look at your percentage.  If the kids are fidgeting, it's probably because the sitting still and being quiet percentage is too high.

Here's 10 sure ways to lose your volunteers and have frequent turnover.

Don't know their name.  Just see them as someone to fill a position and don't get to know them personally.

Don't place them in their sweet spot.  Instead of finding out their interests, talents and passion just place them wherever you have a need.

Don't give them proper training.  Just place them in the room...they'll figure it out.

Don't help them get relationally connected.  They don't need to build relationships with the people they serve with.  They can just come in, do their duty and leave.

Don't ask for their input or ideas.  Shove down directions and don't worry about getting their insight or feedback.

Don't communicate with them.  Leave them in the dark about upcoming dates, details, lesson plans and other important information.  When they call...don't return their calls.  When they email with a questions...don't respond. 

Don't follow ratios.  Put them in a room with one other person and 35 preschoolers.  Place 20 kids in their small group.  Ask them to take care of 4 babies by themselves. 

Don't ever thank them.  They should be serving for Jesus, not for the applause of men. 

Don't promote them.  Leave them in the same role forever.  Don't develop them and help them move into new volunteer roles with more responsibility.

Don't give them credit.  Take all the credit for victories and make sure you're in the spotlight instead of them.  You wouldn't want them to have to struggle with pride.

If you want to keep your volunteers long-term, then obviously do the opposite of everything listed above.  Without your volunteers...you don't have a children's ministry.  Love them, honor them, value them, listen to them and take great care of them.

Your turn.  What are some other things that cause us to lose volunteers?  Share with us in the comment section below.

Successful team builders show their volunteers RESPECT.

Studies show that respect ranks above even recognition and appreciation.  When volunteers know you respect them, they will go the distance with you.

Respect is rooted in how you make people feel.  You are either making your volunteers feel respected or disrespected.

Here are some practical ways to give your volunteers respect.

Listen to them.
Show your voulnteers that you respect their opinions and ideas by actively listening when they are talking to you.  Ask questions and then really listen instead of just thinking about what you will say next.

Ask for their ideas and input.
Be proactive in asking your volunteers for input and ideas to improve the ministry.  In this post, I share some great ways to do this.  When volunteers know they can contribute, it communicates respect.

Always show them kindness.
It's not just WHAT you say, but HOW you say it.  I remember an incident years ago, when I was stressed out and spoke unkindly to a group of our volunteers.  As soon as I said it, I saw their countenance drop and knew I had made a mistake.  I apologized and thankfully they forgave me and continued serving.  It was a great learning experience for me.

Return their phone calls and emails.
Have you ever left someone a message or sent them an email and never heard anything back?  It made you feel disrespected, didn't it.  Return phone calls and respond to emails within 24 hours.  

Give feedback privately.
Correcting a volunteer in front of other people makes him or her feel disrespected.  Ask their permission to give them feedback and then do it 1-on-1.  Give them steps they can take to improve or adjust what they are doing.

Doug Conant became the CEO of Campbell's soup in 2001.  The company was in decline and had lost half it's market value.  Doug turned the company around.  A few years later, the team members were setting all-time performance records.

The secret?  He showed them respect.  This included Doug writing over 30,000 personal thank you notes to team members.  When people feel respected, they flourish.

What are some ways you show your volunteers respect?  Share with us in the comment section below.

Listening to complaints is part of children's ministry.  If you get complaints...don't worry...you're not alone.  Everyone does.

The normal reaction to complaints is to get defensive, be enveloped by self pity, or even get angry.

Thoughts may include...

"How dare they complain.  Don't they know how much work it took to pull that off?"

"They're complaining and they don't even serve anywhere.  Why should I listen to them?"

"I can't believe they had the nerve to say that!"

"We do all this and they find the one thing we missed to complain about!  Can you believe that!"

"Let's see them organize an event like that and see how they do!"  

When you begin to feel those emotions, shift your thinking another direction and it will change the way you look at complaints.

Train yourself to think like this...

"I'm glad they had the courage to say what other people didn't have the courage to say."

"This is a gift.  I can take this and use it to make the ministry better."

"It's awesome I'm now able to see this from a different perspective."

Complaints...they will make you bitter or better.  It all depends on how you look at it.

As a new leader, you feel the pressure to succeed.  So you may be tempted to come roaring in with all the answers.  After all, you need to show them who's boss, right?

Actually the best thing you can do is build trust.  And the best way to build trust is to LISTEN. 

Set up meetings as soon as you get started.  These can be one-on-one or in small gatherings.  Come ready to take notes.

Ask these 3 questions and then listen...intently.

“If you were put into my role tomorrow, what would be the first three things you’d do and why?”   

“What are the three biggest barriers to our ministry going to the next level?"

"What are our three biggest opportunities for our ministry?” 

Great leaders ask lots of questions.  They gather information and then sift through it for ideas that will move the ministry forward.

P.S. - Veteran leaders who remain effective continue asking questions.

The floor is yours.  What are some more questions you believe new leaders should ask?

• Acknowledge each other's strengths and weaknesses. 

• Engage in conversation that leads to great communication.

• Correct in private.

• Be open to other people's ways of achieving goals.

• Resolve disputes quickly.  Go directly to the offender and address the issue.

• Discuss new ideas frequently.

• Suggest solutions instead of complaining.

• Ask for feedback.  

• Offer feedback after you are asked to give it.

• Help each other succeed.

• Compliment each others successes.

• Share the limelight.

• Learn to relax. 

• Have a party and celebrate.

• Get to know one another.

• Be prepared to scrap ideas that aren't working.

• Forgive one another when mistakes are made.

• Keep in close contact with each other.

• Designate roles.

• Listen to words....spoken and unspoken.

Look at them not past them.

Listen to them.

Know their name.

Ask them questions about their life.

Just show up.

Brag on them.

Remember their birthday.

Go to their sports game.

Write them a handwritten note and mail it to them.

Forgive them when they mess up.

Spend time with them.

Giggle with them.

Notice when they are absent.

Laugh at their jokes.

Be excited when you see them.

Notice when they grow.

Love them...no matter what.

What are some other ways you can let kids know they matter?  Share with us in the comment section below.

"Smile at me."
It shows me you're glad I came and you're happy to see me.

"Notice me."
It helps me know you care about me.

"Love me."
It shows I'm important to you and not just a number.

"Believe in me."
Tell me God has a plan for me and wants to use my life for His glory.  Help me discover my talents and gifts.

"Trust me."
Give me room to make mistakes so I can learn from them.

"Hear me."
Listen to me.  Encourage me to share my feelings.  Let me know my opinion matters.

"Inspire me."
Tell me that I can make a difference.  Use your words to light a fire inside me.

"Help me."
Give me guidance and support.  Instead of telling me how, show me how.

"Empower me."
Give me a chance to make a difference.  Give me opportunities to shine.

"Honor me."
Treat me with dignity and respect.  Show me that even though I'm little...I matter.

A leader who knows their name.  Kids want to be known personally.  If they get lost in the crowd, you'll lose them.  It's vital you get them out of the row and into a small circle.

They want to have fun.  They want to laugh...play games...be kids.  When parents pick up their children there's a reason they ask them, "Did you have fun today?"

A lesson that will hold their attention.  They want you to connect with their learning style.  They want you to teach truth on a level they can understand.  If they are saying the lesson is "boring."  Guess what...it is.

They want to talk and share their thoughts.  Instead of a one-sided "download" of information, they want to learn by being part of a conversation.

Rooms decorated with them in mind.  They want environments with bright, kid-friendly colors and decorating themes connected to kid culture.  

An opportunity to serve.  They don't want to be known as the church of tomorrow...they want to be the church of today.  They are eager to serve and make a difference.

A friend their age.  They want to build a friendship with someone in their class.

They want to be prayed for.  They want someone who will pray for their prayer requests.  Even if it's a sick puppy.

They want to be listened to.  They want someone who will listen...really listen as they share about their week...their favorite video game...their fears...their dreams...their family.

They want to be affirmed.  They want someone to believe in them.  Someone to see potential in them.  Someone to show them that God has a great plan for their life.

Provide these things for kids at your church and your classrooms will soon be overflowing with kids.