RELEVANT CHILDREN'S MINISTRY

Last week, I came across this passage of Scripture during my Bible reading time.  It contains a list of 5 key traits that I believe should characterize ministry leaders.  Let's take a look at the verse, the traits it mentions and how it applies to us in ministry.

"Finally, all of you, have unity of spirit, sympathy, love for one another, a tender heart, and a humble mind." 
(1 Peter 3:8)

Trait #1 - Unity of Spirit.  Unity is a key trait of a successful ministry leader.  And unity doesn't happen by accident.  You have to pursue it.  You have to fight for it.  You have to be intentional about making it a top priority.

When you are committed to unity, it means you lay aside your personal agenda for the pursuit of the vision of the ministry as a whole.  I often say that your job is not to create your own vision for the ministry area you lead.  Your job is to take the vision of the senior pastor and translate it into the ministry area you lead. 

Here are some other key components of pursing unity in your ministry...

• Direct communication.  When issues or conflict arise, go directly to the person rather than talking to other people. 

• Continually rally the people who serve in your ministry area to the big picture vision of the ministry as a whole and show them how they are contributing to that vision.

• Actively look for ways to build bridges to and partner with other ministries in your church.

Trait #2 - Sympathy.  Sympathy is defined as "feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune.  Sympathy is compassion...caring...empathy.  I think a simple way to say it is "your hurt in my heart."

As ministry leaders, we must truly care about people.  We must weep with those who weep.  Cry with those who cry.  Hug those who need a hug.  Pray with those who need prayer.  Listen to those who need someone to talk to.

Here are some practical ways you can show sympathy as a ministry leader...

• Move beyond just asking "How are you doing?" and find out how they are "really" doing.  Most people won't tell you unless you ask. 

• When someone is sharing with you, really listen to them.  Listen without thinking about what you are going to say next.  Listen to understand.  

• Be there for those you lead.  Sometimes you won't know what to say.  That's okay.  They just need to you to show up and sit with them and give them a shoulder to lean on. 

Trait #3 - Love for one another.  Being a leader in ministry is about loving people.  Jesus came for people.  Jesus died for people.  Jesus' heart beats for people.  Yes.  People will hurt you.  Love them anyways.  Yes.  People will betray you.  Love them anyways.  Yes.  People will let you down.  Love them anyways.  Yes.  People will take advantage of you.  Love them anyways.  Yes.  People will walk away from you.  Love them anyways. 

Here are some practical ways you can love people...

• Always put people before programs.

• Use your ministry to build people rather than using people to build your ministry. 

• When people come with needs, hurts and problems that disrupt your "calendar" or "to-do-list" for the day, be okay with it.  

Trait #4 - Tender heart.  The Bible reminds us in Proverbs to guard our hearts above all else.  If you are not intentional, over time the grind, tasks, stresses, hurts and let-downs of ministry can cause your heart to become hardened.  Cynicism, burn out, lack of faith, anger, lack of empathy and disillusionment can set in.  When this happens, the tears dry up, compassion ceases and you find yourself just going through the motions.  You can even find yourself sliding into a place of anger and bitterness toward God.  

Here are some practical ways to keep your heart tender toward God...

• Have a consistent walk with God.  Don't get so busy working for God that you don't have time to spend with God.  When you spend time with God and in His Word each day, it will keep your heart tender.  

• Keep your eyes on Jesus rather than people.  He will never let you down.

• Ask God to keep your heart tender toward the things He cares about.  

Trait #5 - Humble mind.  Simply put...don't let the praises and accolades that come your way go to your head.   Remember...God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.  Sinful pride has no place in the life of a ministry leader.

Here are some practical ways to keep a humble mind...

• Humble leaders are always in school.  Never arrive.  Stay in learning mode for life.  Always be aware of what you don't know.

• Lead with humility.  People don't follow a title.  They follow someone they love and respect. 

• Seek the advice and input of others.  Remember...the smartest person in the room is the room.  Don't try to fly solo.  You'll go much farther with some co-pilots. 

I don't know about you, but this list of traits really challenges me.  I've got some work to do in all of these areas.  This week I'm going to be asking myself...

• How can I do a better job at seeking and promoting unity?

• How can I demonstrate true sympathy for those I lead?

• What are some ways I can demonstrate more love for the people I lead?

• How tender is my heart night now?  What are some additional things I can do to guard my heart and keep it tender toward God and others?

• Am I walking in humility?  How can I be more self-aware in this area?

Join me and let's grow as leaders.  

In January, we are starting a new series with our pre-teens that will dive into the nature and character of God.

A critical part of the series will be talking about the hard questions that pre-teens ask (or hesitate to ask, but think about). 

It's important to give kids space to ask the hard questions.  If you don't, they will ask them later in high school or college where they may get the wrong answers and have a faith crisis.

Better yet, instead of waiting for them to ask...be pro-active and bring the questions to them.  Here's 5 of the questions we'll be talking about with our pre-teens and the answers we'll explore with them.

Question #1 - If God is all-powerful, then why doesn't He stop the devil and evil?

Answer: 

• God doesn't do evil.  The devil and people do.
• God doesn't remove evil because then we wouldn't have the ability to choose to love Him.  We would become like robots with no choice.
• The devil is an example of this.  He chose to not love God.  If God had immediately destroyed him, it would have shown that God wants to rule by fear instead of love.
• One day, God will stop the devil and evil once and for all, but not until He has given all people the opportunity to choose His love and forgiveness.

Question #2 - If God is powerful and can control nature, why does He allow natural disasters like earthquakes, tsunamis, tornadoes and hurricanes?

Answer:  

• God created a perfect world, but it has been broken by sin.
• Natural disasters are a tragic part of life on this broken earth.
• God can prevent natural disasters from occurring and does at times.  An example is Jesus calming the storm at sea.
• Sometimes God doesn't prevent natural disasters so our attention is refocused on Him and the greatness of His power.
• God can also use natural disasters to bring about a greater good.
• We can't always understand why God doesn't prevent disasters.  But when we don't have all the answers, we must depend on God's power and trust that "all things work together for good to those who love Him."

Question #3 -  If God is all-knowing, why did He create Adam and Eve since He knew they would sin?

Answer:

• God created all things for His glory.
• He knew Adam and Eve would sin, but He created them anyway and gave them the choice to sin or not.
• Because God knew we would sin, He also knew He would make a way that we could be forgiven through His Son's death on the cross.
• Without sin, we would not have been able to experience God's mercy and forgiveness.
• Adam and Eve's choice became the way God's ultimate will was carried out and through which His glory was revealed.

Question #4 - If God is loving, why does He allow us to hurt and go through hard times?

Answer:  

• God created the world as a perfect place.  Everything was good.
• When man sinned, it brought suffering into the world.
• We suffer because it's part of the broken world we live in.
• Sometimes we also suffer because of our own bad choices.
• Sometimes God also uses the hard times we go through to help us become more like Jesus and depend on Him more.

Question #5 - How can God be 3 distinct persons and yet be 1 God at the same time?

Answer:

• This is called the Trinity.  Tri means 3 and unity means 1.  Trinity means 3 in 1.
• The three divine Persons are perfectly equal to one another, because all are one and the same God.
• None of the three Persons precedes the others in time or in power, but all are equally eternal and all-powerful because they have the same divine nature.
• As humans, we cannot full understand the complexity of God, but we believe because God's Word says it.

The floor is yours.  What other hard questions should be addressed with pre-teens?  Share with us in the comment section below.

Have you lost your love for children's ministry?  Just going through the motions?

What used to be a delight is now a drudgery?  What used to be an inspiration is now uninspiring?  What used to exciting is now exhausting? 

Now's not the time to quit!  Here's how to fall back in love with the ministry God has called you to.

Acknowledge it.  We all fall into ruts at times.  The first step to getting out of the rut is to admit you're in it.   

Make a list of what brought you joy in the past.  Was it the joy of simply serving others?  Seeing the kids "get it" as you taught them?  Knowing you were making an impact in a kid's life?  The smile of a child as they ran toward you...calling your name?  Seeing a child step across the line of faith?  Seeing kids growing in their faith?

Just taking time to make this list will stir your love for children's ministry.

Make sure you're doing what you love.  Did you get placed in a new role that doesn't fit your gift mix?  Did you step into a leadership role, but miss working directly with the kids?  When you're in your sweet spot, the natural result will be to love what you're doing.  If you're NOT in your sweet spot, it will eventually become drudgery.

Challenge yourself.  Perhaps the opposite is true.  Perhaps you've been in your current role for a long time and you need a new challenge.  Maybe you've been helping and you're ready to step up and teach.  Maybe you've been leading a group of kids, but God is nudging you to step up and lead the volunteers who lead the kids.  Maybe you've been overseeing a nursery room, but now God is nudging you to oversee the entire nursery hallway.

Your waning love for what you're currently doing could be God prompting you to do even more for Him.

Hang around new volunteers and other passionate people.  New volunteers can breathe the energy and excitement you felt when you first started serving back into your life.  Find people who are passionate about children's ministry and hang around them.  They will reignite your passion. 

The natural tendency of a fire is to go out.  You have to stir it and add wood if you want to keep it burning.  Don't let your love for children's ministry go out.  Stir it up!  Add some wood to it!  Keep it burning bright!

I was 22 and my wife was 21 when we got married.  A year later, our first son was born.  Four years later our second son was born.  For most of our marriage, we've had kids in the house.

But now...25 years later we find ourselves in a new season of life.  We're empty nesters.   

It's a lot quieter around our house.  The wonderful sounds that accompany the world of kids have faded away.

I once heard of a couple that had a grandfather clock.  Soon after becoming empty nesters, they sold it.  The constant ticking...which they never noticed when they had kids at home...now echoed through the rooms and annoyed them.

The empty nester season of life brings mixed emotions.  I sometimes walk by my kids' empty bedrooms and wish time had stood still and they were still home.  At other times, I enjoy the increased flexibility I have with my schedule.

Looking back, there are a lot of things I would do differently if there were such a thing as a "do-over" in parenting.  But that's the way it is with everything, isn't it?  Hindsight is such a great teacher.

As a children's ministry director, I often have the opportunity to speak into the lives of young parents.  Here's some of the tips I share with them from an empty nester perspective.

Use your camera...a lot. 
If you don't...one day you'll wish you had. 

Unplug from technology when you're with them. 
Don't let Facebook distract you from looking into your child's face when you're talking with them.  

Realize time is precious.
Parenting keeps you so busy that you don't realize just how fast time is flying.  One day you'll look back and it will have all been a blur.  I was reminded of this when I was officiating my oldest son's wedding a few years ago.  As I watched him stand at the altar,  the memories came flooding back.  Wasn't I just holding him in my arms at the hospital?  

Eat dinner together. 
Don't let the drive through at McDonald's on the way to soccer practice become your dinner table.  Studies show that kids who have a daily sit down dinner with their family are much healthy emotionally and spiritually.

Know their friends. 
Your kids' friends are a snapshot of who they are.  Know who they are spending time with.

Write down the memories. 
If you don't, you'll forget a lot of the little things that are the source of great memories.

Keep some of their stuff.
You'll look back and cherish that little cap they wore home from the hospital...that drawing they gave you when they were four...that flower pedal from their prom.

Pray for them.
Pray the promises of God over their lives.  Pray for their future spouse.  Pray they will make wise choices.  Pray they will follow God's direction.

Let them fail.
Failure can be a great teacher when you learn from it.  Don't deprive your child from these lessons by always rushing to their rescue or making sure they never experience disappointment.

Go to as many events as possible. 
Be there for the play.  Be in the stands.  Be there for the recital.  They know if you're there or not.

Listen...really listen to them. 
You want them coming to you when they have questions.  If you don't really listen to them, they'll take those questions somewhere else...to people who may not give them the right answers.

Express your love. 
Hug them.  Kiss them.  Tell them you love them...even when they are teenagers.  At times, they may not show it...but they need this and cherish every moment of it.

Teach them about money. 
How to earn it.  How to give it to God and others.  How to save it.  How to spend it wisely.

Take your day off. 
There's nothing at work that's more important than being home with your kids on your day off.

Use your vacation time and spend it with them. 
Some of your greatest bonding times and memories with your kids will be from vacations.  Don't look back on December 31 at unused vacation time.

Do some big, memorable things with them.
Save up money and do something big with your kids at least a few times.  Make it a trip or event they will never forget.  Yes, it will cost you...but the return is priceless.

Love your spouse and show it.
One of the best things you can do for your kids is to love your spouse.  They will say, "gross" when you kiss or hug in front of them, but inside it helps bring the security and stability that they long for.

Read the Bible with them.
Anytime of the day is great...but there is something special about reading God's Word with your kids as you're tucking them in for the night.  Those few moments together will lay a spiritual foundation that will last for a lifetime.

Don't over schedule their lives. 
Organized sports and activities are great...but leave your kids time to just "play" and be at home with you as well.  No agenda to fulfill.  No practice to be at.  No skill to hone.  Just you and them spending free time together.

Realize your responsibility is to make them independent of you.
Someone I know came up with this strategy and it's brilliant.

When your child is young (ages newborn to 5) you are their caretaker.  Your job at this stage is to nurture and care for them.

When your child reaches their elementary years (ages 6-11) you are their cop.  Your job is to keep out of situations and scenarios that can harm them.

When your child reaches their teenage years (ages 12-17) you are their coach.  Your job is to train them and guide them.  You begin to give them more and more freedom directly correlated with how they steward the responsibilities you are giving them.

When you child reaches their adult years (18+) you are their consultant.  You offer them advice and help when they ask for it.

The day will come when your kids will leave home.  It will be difficult.  But if you've done your job as a parent, they will be prepared to leave the nest and soar.

The floor is yours.  What are some other parenting tips for young parents.  Share them in the comment section below.

The mythological figure Narcissus was a handsome, self-absorbed, vain young man who fell in love with his own reflection in the water.

Sound familiar?  Instead of staring at their reflection in the water, today's kids are being taught to stare at their reflection in a cell phone.  In a "selfie" world, it's all about me.

Tell your child that he or she is better than others.  This help your child avoid humility and empathy.

In children's ministry, we are always looking for ways to bring families closer together.

McDonald's has a new promotion that is a incredible idea for doing this.

It's called "Payin' With Love."  Here's how it works.

They randomly select a customer.  After the customer places their order, the employee tells them they don't want cash for payment.  Instead, they want them to show an expression of their affection for payment.  They ask the customer to do something like calling their mother to say I love you, hugging the person with them, giving someone a fist bump, etc.

One of my friends experienced this last week.  They were asked to pay for their food by telling the family member they were with that they loved them.

What if we used this idea in children's ministry?  Perhaps we offer a free gift to a child who is checking in if he hugs his parents and tells them he loves them.  Perhaps we give a family a gift card to a restaurant for sharing one thing they appreciate about each other as they are leaving church.  Perhaps we offer a child free admission to an event if she does something kind for her sister.  Perhaps we give a family a month of reserved parking at church for writing a note of appreciation to each other.

I'm going to try this out at our church this and then I'll post in the comment section and let you know how it went.

What do you think?  What are some other ideas for doing this?  Share your thoughts in the comment section below. 

Here's the video of what McDonald's is doing if you'd like to see it.

Pew Research recently released stats for the current state of the American Family.

• Less than half (46%) of kids under 18 are living in a home with two married heterosexual parents in their first marriage compared to 73% in 1960 and 61% in 1980. 

• The number of children born outside of marriage is 41%. 

• 15% of children are living with two parents who are in a remarriage.  

• 34% of children today are living with an unmarried parent—up from just 9% in 1960, and 19% in 1980. 

• 5% of children are not living with either parent and in most cases are living with a grandparent.

What does this mean for us in children and family ministry?

Ministering to today's families is no longer cookie-cutter, one-size-fits-all ministry.  If you are reaching your community, you are going to have a very diverse group of families.  You will not only have kids who come from a traditional family, but you will also have kids whose parents are cohabiting, kids from blended families, kids from single parent homes, kids from same-sex households and kids living with their grandparents.

We are called to meet families where they are, love them, wrap our arms around them and provide pathways of grace and growth.  Yes, it gets messy at times, but that's what Jesus loves.  That's the kind of ministry He had when He was on earth and that's the kind of ministry He is continuing today through us.

Let's keep reaching families!  

You have kids in your ministry whose parents are either going through a divorce or have been through a divorce.

Many times, the parents will come to you for advice about helping their child navigate through the divorce.  Of course, our prayer and desire is for the parents to reconcile.  But what should you say to the parents when they ask how to help their child?

Here's 5 things to share with parents in this situation.

Tell them it's not their fault.
Often children will blame themselves for the divorce.  They feel if they had been a better child it would not have happened.  Assure them they are blameless.

Tell them how much you love them.
Their sense of family has been broken.  They are going to feel insecure.  Let them know how much you love them and that they are a priority in your life.

Keep as much structure in their life as possible.
Kids need structure more during this time than any other time in their lives.  Do your best to keep their lives consistent with school, chores, sports, and other activities.

Be strong for them. 
Kids will worry about their parents during this time.  Whether you feel strong or not, do your best to do show your kids you are.  This will ease a lot of the pressure they are feeling.

Remember they are kids. 
Don't use them as a shield.  Instead, shield them from having to deal with issues that should be dealt with by adults.  It's not their responsibility to bring healing to your pain.  Let them be kids.

Dear Parent:

I know. You’re worried. Every day, your child comes home with a story about THAT kid.

The one who is always hitting shoving pinching scratching maybe even biting other children. The one who always has to hold my hand in the hallway. The one who has a special spot at the carpet, and sometimes sits on a chair rather than the floor. The one who had to leave the block center because blocks are not for throwing.

The one who climbed over the playground fence right exactly as I was telling her to stop. The one who poured his neighbor's milk onto the floor in a fit of anger. On purpose. While I was watching. And then, when I asked him to clean it up, emptied the ENTIRE paper towel dispenser. On purpose. While I was watching. The one who dropped the REAL ACTUAL F-word in gym class.

You’re worried that THAT child is detracting from your child’s learning experience. You’re worried that he takes up too much of my time and energy, and that your child won’t get his fair share. You’re worried that she is really going to hurt someone some day.

You’re worried that “someone” might be your child. You’re worried that your child is going to start using aggression to get what she wants. You’re worried your child is going to fall behind academically because I might not notice that he is struggling to hold a pencil. I know.

Your child, this year, in this classroom, at this age, is not THAT child. Your child is not perfect, but she generally follows rules. He is able to share toys peaceably. She does not throw furniture. He raises his hand to speak. She works when it is time to work, and plays when it is time to play. He can be trusted to go straight to the bathroom and straight back again with no shenanigans. She thinks that the S-word is “stupid” and the C-word is “crap.”

I know. I know, and I am worried, too. You see, I worry all the time. About ALL of them. I worry about your child’s pencil grip, and another child’s letter sounds, and that little tiny one’s shyness, and that other one’s chronically empty lunchbox. I worry that Gavin’s coat is not warm enough, and that Talitha’s dad yells at her for printing the letter B backwards. Most of my car rides and showers are consumed with the worrying.

But I know, you want to talk about THAT child. Because Tabitha’s backward Bs are not going to give your child a black eye.

I want to talk about THAT child, too, but there are so many things I can’t tell you.

I can’t tell you that she was adopted from an orphanage at 18 months.

I can’t tell you that he is on an elimination diet for possible food allergies, and that he is therefore hungry ALL. THE. TIME.

I can’t tell you that her parents are in the middle of a horrendous divorce, and she has been staying with her grandma.

I can’t tell you that I’m starting to worry that grandma drinks…

I can’t tell you that his asthma medication makes him agitated.

I can’t tell you that her mom is a single parent, and so she (the child) is at school from the moment before-care opens, until the moment after-care closes, and then the drive between home and school takes 40 minutes, and so she (the child) is getting less sleep than most adults.

I can’t tell you that he has been a witness to domestic violence.

That’s okay, you say. You understand I can’t share personal or family information. You just want to know what I am DOING about That Child’s behavior.

I would love to tell you. But I can’t.

I can’t tell you that she receives speech-language services, that an assessment showed a severe language delay, and that the therapist feels the aggression is linked to frustration about being unable to communicate.

I can’t tell you that I meet with his parents EVERY week, and that both of them usually cry at those meetings.

I can’t tell you that the child and I have a secret hand signal to tell me when she needs to sit by herself for a while.

I can’t tell you that he spends rest time curled in my lap because “it makes me feel better to hear your heart, Teacher.”

I can’t tell you that I have been meticulously tracking her aggressive incidents for 3 months, and that she has dropped from 5 incidents a day, to 5 incidents a week.

I can’t tell you that the school secretary has agreed that I can send him to the office to “help” when I can tell he needs a change of scenery.

I can’t tell you that I have stood up in a staff meeting and, with tears in my eyes, BEGGED my colleagues to keep an extra close eye on her, to be kind to her even when they are frustrated that she just punched someone AGAIN, and this time, RIGHT IN FRONT OF A TEACHER.

The thing is, there are SO MANY THINGS I can’t tell you about That Child. I can’t even tell you the good stuff.

I can’t tell you that his classroom job is to water the plants, and that he cried with heartbreak when one of the plants died over winter break.

I can’t tell you that she kisses her baby sister goodbye every morning, and whispers “You are my sunshine” before mom pushes the stroller away.

I can’t tell you that he knows more about thunderstorms than most meteorologists.

I can’t tell you that she often asks to help sharpen the pencils during playtime.

I can’t tell you that she strokes her best friend’s hair at rest time.

I can’t tell you that when a classmate is crying, he rushes over with his favorite stuffy from the story corner.

The thing is, dear parent, that I can only talk to you about YOUR child. So, what I can tell you is this:
If ever, at any point, YOUR child, or any of your children, becomes THAT child…

I will not share your personal family business with other parents in the classroom.

I will communicate with you frequently, clearly, and kindly.

I will make sure there are tissues nearby at all our meetings, and if you let me, I will hold your hand when you cry.

I will advocate for your child and family to receive the highest quality of specialist services, and I will cooperate with those professionals to the fullest possible extent.

I will make sure your child gets extra love and affection when she needs it most.

I will be a voice for your child in our school community.

I will, no matter what happens, continue to look for, and to find, the good, amazing, special, and wonderful things about your child.

I will remind him and YOU of those good amazing special wonderful things, over and over again.

And when another parent comes to me, with concerns about YOUR child…

I will tell them all of this, all over again.

With so much love;
Teacher.

Written by Amy Murray

A toxic children's ministry leader is someone who abuses the leader/follower relationship.  He or she takes the team downhill and creates an environment that's unhealthy.

Do you have a toxic children's ministry leader?  Or...are you personally a toxic children's ministry leader?  Here's 10 ways to know..

A toxic children's ministry leader makes sure it's all about him or her.  
The ministry revolves around him or her.  He or she has an inflated view of his or her importance to the team.  Listen to this quote from a famous actor.

“As soon as enough people give you enough compliments and you’re wielding more power than you’ve ever had in your life, it’s not that you become arrogant or rude to people, but you get a false sense of your own importance and what you’ve accomplished.  You actually think you’ve altered the course of history.”  Leonardo DiCaprio

A toxic children's ministry leader doesn't use the words, "I'm sorry."
A toxic leader is full of pride and doesn't apologize when wrong.  Instead of taking ownership for mistakes or failures, he or she shifts the blame to someone else.  The buck doesn't stop with the toxic leader...the buck gets thrown in someone else's lap.  Unless...which leads us to the next sign.

A toxic children's ministry leader takes all the credit for successes.
He or she makes sure the spotlight shines on them.  He or she is quick to take credit and quick to shift blame when things go wrong.  He or she makes sure his or her name is in the headlines.  

A toxic children's ministry leader does all the talking at team meetings.
Commands replace collaboration.
Quick answers replace questions.
Tyranny replaces teamwork.
Ego replaces encouragement.
Intimidation replaces the interests of others.

A toxic children's ministry leader is condescending. 
He or she talks down to the team.  He or she is arrogant.  He or she flaunts their title instead of taking the towel of servant leadership that Jesus modeled.  He or she leads by position instead of passion.

A toxic children's ministry leader isn't flexible.
It's my way or the highway.  He or she chooses hills to die on that are really just mole hills.  He or she perpetuates programs or events that no longer work simply because they were his or her brainchild.

A toxic children's ministry leader micromanages.
He or she doesn't give people the freedom to lead.  He or she has to approve everything.  He or she is the leadership lid that is keeping the ministry from growing because he or she has to control everything.

A toxic children's ministry leader clones.
He or she gathers people around that are just like himself/herself.  There is no diversity or other personality types on the team.  He or she doesn't bring people on the team that compliment his or her weaknesses.  Which leads to the next sign.

A toxic children's ministry leader won't acknowledge his or her blind spots.
He or she doesn't have anyone asking them the hard questions.  When and if they are confronted about a blind spot, they refuse to acknowledge it and accuse the person of being disloyal or against them.

A toxic children's ministry leader corrects publicly.
When someone makes a mistake, a toxic leader uses word assassination in front of everyone else instead of talking with them privately.  Team members are left embarrassed and humiliated.

What are some overall signs a toxic leader is at the helm?

• low morale
• lots of team member turn over
• creativity from team members has stopped flowing
• declining productivity

Truth be told, we've all exhibited some of these traits at times.  I know I have and I've still got work to do in some of these areas.  I want to encourage you to take a hard look at these.  Are you toxic in any of these areas?   The first step to growing out of it is acknowledgement.

And if you're serving under a toxic leader, go to the person in a spirit of love and humility.  Hopefully God will use your words to help the person grow.  If they refuse, you have to decide to stay or leave.

"Smile at me."
It shows me you're glad I came and you're happy to see me.

"Notice me."
It helps me know you care about me.

"Love me."
It shows I'm important to you and not just a number.

"Believe in me."
Tell me God has a plan for me and wants to use my life for His glory.  Help me discover my talents and gifts.

"Trust me."
Give me room to make mistakes so I can learn from them.

"Hear me."
Listen to me.  Encourage me to share my feelings.  Let me know my opinion matters.

"Inspire me."
Tell me that I can make a difference.  Use your words to light a fire inside me.

"Help me."
Give me guidance and support.  Instead of telling me how, show me how.

"Empower me."
Give me a chance to make a difference.  Give me opportunities to shine.

"Honor me."
Treat me with dignity and respect.  Show me that even though I'm little...I matter.