RELEVANT CHILDREN'S MINISTRY

Do you have a hard time getting your class or small group at church to listen to you?  Are they constantly talking out of turn, wiggling or interrupting you?

There's a reason why they are misbehaving.  And it might just be the opposite of what you're thinking. 

The "why" behind their misbehavior has more to do with what is happening during the week.  On Sunday, you're simply seeing the culmination of it.

So, what is happening during the week?  One notable factor is kids are being play-deprived.  When I use the term "play," it does not mean playing video games, watching a YouTube video on a phone or a movie on Netflix.  I mean playing pick-up baseball in someone's backyard, building a fort in the woods, playing Barbie dolls with other girls in the neighborhood, etc.

Unsupervised play helps kids develop important people skills that they can use all their life.  When they don't get that, they have a harder time behaving. 

Today's kids are spending more time looking at screens than they are looking into the eyes of other kids they are playing with.

Many kids are also not being given the opportunity to contribute to their family by doing chores like helping cook dinner, cleaning the house and doing yard work.  Lofty goals like playing professional sports or being a movie star doesn't render the same return as working in community.

Kids also have very little control over areas of their life.  Many kids have parents who micromanage every detail of their life.  This can lead to stress and lack of self-motivation.  The more power you give them to make choices, the more they will step up.

Since many kids are not in empowering environments during the week, you have a great opportunity to provide that for kids at church.  And out of that, you can give parents some great tools and tips about how they can do the same thing at home. 

So, here are some practical tips for your class or small group.

Be a guide rather than a commander.  Now you may be afraid of "giving up control of the classroom."  Don't be.  And be okay with a noisy classroom.  It will be noisy and very active.  Your role is to take the kids on a trip into God's Word and then guide them through passages that are conducive for spiritual growth.

Be a facilitator rather than a lecturer.  This is where choice comes in to play.  As we stated earlier, kids have very little control in their life.  They are constantly told what to do, when to do it and where to do it.  Consider giving them several options for Bible activities, crafts, games, etc. and then let them choose what they want to do.  After they are done, you can guide them through some review questions that will help them put what they learned into action.

Some parents are micro managers of their kid's lives.  Remind them that their job is to train up their children to leave.  Success for a parent is bringing up a self-reliant child that can leave and build their own life and family.   

Respond to kids' misbehavior instead of reacting to it.  Reacting is yelling.  Reacting is immediate grounding for 2 weeks.  Reacting is immediately removing privileges.

Responding is calmly talking with the child about contributing to the class through their actions.  Responding is calmly talking with the child about collaborating with the other kids in their group.  Responding is calling up the child to be a good example.

If we respond rather than react to kids' misbehavior, then we'll get the results we want. 

It is not easy being a parent.  This person summed it up well.

Before I was a parent, I had three theories about raising children, now I have three children and no theories about raising children.

As we parent our children through the different stages of their childhood, it is vital that we do so with God's wisdom and help.  There are many good books and resources on parenting, but the best parenting wisdom comes from God's Word.

"Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath by the way you treat them, but BRING THEM UP with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord."   -Ephesians 6:4

We are to bring up our children to love Jesus and follow Him.  But how do we do that in a culture that pulls them the opposite direction?  How do we do that when they receive so many opposing messages?

In this one verse, God gives us three keys to bringing up our children to love and follow Jesus.  Let's look at them.

1. TREAT THEM RIGHT

Notice how the verse starts out.

"Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath by the way you TREAT them."  

Bringing up children must first be grounded in relationship.  Without relationship, the next two steps will not work.  Rules without relationship = rebellion.  Children don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.

We have been given a precious gift from the Lord.

"Children are a gift from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is His reward."  Psalm 127:3 

Our children are our greatest investment.  Financially, the average family spends $233,610.00 on a child before he or she goes to college.  Obviously, children are a significant investment financially.  But even greater is the relational and spiritual investment we are called to make in them.

We tend to parent the way we were parented.  If we were yelled at, our default is to yell at our kids.  If we were constantly criticized, our default is to criticize.  If we were belittled, our default is to belittle.  We must be intentional about stopping the pattern and start treating our children with love and respect.

What does treating your children right look like?  Paul answers this question in I Thessalonians 2.

"We were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her children."  (vs. 7)

We are to treat our children with gentleness.  Gentleness is strength with a soft touch.  It is a compassionate approach to our child's weaknesses and shortcomings.

Paul goes on to say in verses 11-12...

"For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into His kingdom and glory."

We are to give our children encouragement.  For every 1 criticism or correction, we should give them 9 words of encouragement. 

We are to give our children comfort.  This means being there for them.  They should know that no matter what happens, you will be a shoulder they can cry on.

Dan Baber honored his mother by posting an auction on eBay titled, "Best Mother in the World."  The winning bidder would receive an email from his mother that would "make you feel like you are the most special person on earth."  Over 42,711 people responded and the winning bid was $610.00.  This is an example of how people who never receive affirmation and comfort, long for it.

We are to urge our children to live for God.  We are to not just "call them out" for their shortcomings.   Rather we are to urge...to "call them up" to be all that they can be for God.  Instead of just calling our children out for being lazy, we are to call them up to be a person of persistence and diligence.  Instead of just calling our children out for being dishonest, we are to call them up to be a person of honesty and integrity.  Instead of just calling our children out for arguing with their sibling, we are to call them up to treat others with respect and love.

If a child lives with encouragement, she learns confidence.

If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate.

If a child lives with fairness, she learns justice.

If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith.

If a child lives with approval, she learns to like herself.

Did you know that when the penguins are preparing to bring children into the world, that the male penguin comes to the breeding grounds in Antarctica?  The father penguin receives the egg and then holds it on top of his feet.  He gently protects and holds the egg for months, while waiting for the baby to hatch.  He endures temperatures of 80 degrees below zero and whipping, cold winds of over 100 mph.

What a great picture of how we are to treat our children.  We are to hold them gently.  Encouraging them.  Comforting them.  Urging them to become all God has intended for them to be.

2. TRAIN THEM

Notice what the verse in Ephesians says next.

"Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath by the way you treat them, but BRING THEM UP with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord."   -Ephesians 6:4

The word discipline means to train.  It is like a coach who is training his player for the game.  He can't play the game for his player, but he can prepare his player for the game.  So, we as parents, are to train our children for life.  We can't live their life for them, but we can prepare them to live theirs.

As our child's "coach," our end goal should be to help our child become a better person.  Our discipline should be for motivation not humiliation.

 Discipline isn't something you do to your child.  It's something you do for your child.

We are to train our children to persevere, so they don't quit when things get tough.

We are to train our children to have character, so one day they will lead with integrity.

We are to train our children to be a good husband or wife, so one day they will have a good marriage.

3. TEACH THEM

The third key is found in the last part of the verse.

"Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath by the way you treat them, but BRING THEM UP with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord."  
 -Ephesians 6:4

We are to teach our children what they need to know to succeed in life.  And it's important to understand that first and foremost, we teach our children not by what we say, but by what we do.

 Children may not always do what we say, but they never fail to imitate what we do.

We must live out a genuine faith before our children.   If we are going to teach our children to be passionate about God, then we must be passionate about God first.  If we are going to teach out children to pray, then they must first see us praying.  If we are going to teach our children to love God's Word, then they must first see us reading the Word.  If we are going to teach our children making church a priority, then we must make taking them to church a top priority.

We must also be intentional about teaching our children our core values and beliefs.  Parents must start with the end in mind and map out what they want their children to believe, what kind of person they want their child to be, what values they want their child to hold, etc.

If you are not outlining and teaching your values, morals and beliefs as the foundation for your child's life, then you must ask yourself, "Who is?"

If we don't shape our child's worldview, then outside influences will.

Don't beat yourself up.  As parents, we tend to blame ourselves when our children blow it, don't we?  When our kids fail, we feel like failures as parents.

Our job is to invest in our children and love them unconditionally.  A great example of this is the father of the prodigal son.  His son turned his back on him.  Disrespected him.  Walked away from the values he had been taught.

But the father never gave up on him.  Notice that he did not chase after his son.  He allowed his son to face the consequences of his actions.   But he never stopped loving his son.  He never stopped looking and praying for his return.  And when the son did come home, he met him with compassion rather than condemnation.  He met him with love rather than lambasting him.  He met him with a hug rather than with hate.

Our children need to know that we will always love them.  No matter what happens, we will be there with open arms to welcome them home.

At the end of the day, we can't make our children follow Jesus.  It is their choice.  Anne Frank said this.

 Parents can only give good advice or put their children on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.

Our job is to create good soil that children's lives can be planted in.  We can't make them grow.  We can't make them flourish.  We are to simply create an environment, a home, a family, that gives them the best opportunity to grow up to love Jesus and walk in His ways.  As we do that, our prayer is they will blossom into the person God has intended them to be.

Below is a video of a recent talk I shared entitled "Bring Them Up."  Feel free to share with the parents in your ministry.  I am also available to speak in your ministry.  You can get more information about having me come at this link.
 

Millennials (ages 18-34) are becoming moms...and technology is a big part of their lives.  If you want to connect with them effectively, here's some need-to-knows when it comes to millennial moms and technology.

Millennials moms are part of the first generation to grow up immersed in the internet and social media.  They are first-generation digital natives.  Navigating the online world is as natural as breathing for them.

Recent research shows that when Millennial women become moms, instead of stepping back from technology, they increase their usage and make it an even more essential part of their lives.

Millennial moms engage with digital devices.  

• 95% own a smartphone.  
• 81% prefer texting over talking. 
• 90% use a tablet.
• 45% own an internet TV device.

Millennial moms share their experiences on social media.

• 99% of Millennial moms use Facebook.
• 97% spend time on Pinterest.
• 89% use Instagram.
• 98% post pictures on social media of their experiences.
• 84% post videos.

 Millennial moms share advice on social media.

• 86% use social media to influence others.
• 72% use social media to give advice to others.

Millennial moms want to engage online with the brands and organizations they support. 

• They prefer firsthand recommendations. 
• They expect personal conversations with brands and organizations they interact with.  84% enjoy when this happens.
• 92% tag brands in their social media posts.

Millennial moms look online for parenting advice.

• 77% believe the internet has made them a better parent.
• 87% say the internet allows them to quickly access parenting tips and advice.
• 90% say the internet helps them find fun activities to do with their kids. 

Millennial moms use social media to connect with other moms.

• 81% say they use it connect with moms going through similar experiences.
• 79% say it allows them to connect day and night with other moms.

What does this mean for children's ministry?

• Social media is one of the best ways to connect with Millennial moms.  Open accounts for your children's ministry parents on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Twitter, etc. 

• Text messages are a great way to reach Millennial moms.  Not only do 95% of them have a smartphone, but 98% of text messages get read as well.

• Provide photo opps at church where Millennial moms can use their smartphones to take pictures with their kids.  You can be sure the moms will post them online.  Remember...98% of them post pictures on social media of their experiences.  What a great way to spread the word about your ministry.

• Use social media to promote upcoming events, series and programs.   Ask Millennial moms to help share the posts.

• Create an online parenting forum and share articles about parenting on social media. Millennial moms are looking for parenting advice.  

• Post your take home papers on social media.  This is a great way to provide them with a tool talk about the lesson during the week.

• Post activities that parents can do with their children that tie into the lesson.  Millennial moms are looking for activities to do with their children and it will give them another tool to go back over the lesson you taught. 

• Use your phone to create short online videos to post online.  Some ideas are to provide updates, a re-cap of the lesson, parenting tips, short devotionals for kids and parents to do together and more.  Millennial moms like video communication.  They constantly watch video clips on social media platforms. 

• Provide social media posts about the ministry that moms can share online and use to invite their friends to church.  Remember 86% of them want to use social media to influence others.  This gives them an opportunity to influence their friends for Christ. 

If you want to reach Millennial moms, then go where they are...technology and social media.

Your turn.  What are some other ideas for reaching Millennial moms through technology?  Share your ideas with everyone in the comment section below. 

Communication is a critical part of effectively partnering with parents.  What's the best way to communicate with them?  Text?  Facebook?  Instagram?  Linkedin?

You might be surprised to know that a recent survey found that EMAIL is still the preferred medium with 72% of people choosing it over other avenues.

But there are some keys to getting parents to open your emails.
  
Mobile friendly.  55% of email opens happen on a mobile device.  Remember this when you create emails.  Be careful about attachments, videos and other content that might not be mobile friendly or take longer to open.

Make sure they know it's from you.  The name in the "from" field has to be recognizable.  Parents scan their emails looking for messages from people they know and trust.

Show them it's worth opening.  The subject line and preview text should work together to encourage parents to open the email.  Make it grab their attention.

Make it worth their time.  Send useful, timely, relevant messages.  This can be things like discussion questions from the weekend lesson, special announcements about upcoming events, parenting tips, etc.

Keep it short.  Don't send them a book.  Keep it short and simple.  Avoid long paragraphs.  Use bullet points. 

Technology is a great tool children's ministries can use to minister to kids, parents and volunteers.

Here's 10 ways your children's ministry can use technology.

Electronic Check-in
Safety and security must be a top priority for children's ministries.  Electronic check-in is the way to go.  Kidcheck.com is a great choice.  Check them out.

Facebook Page for Parents
Facebook is a great way to connect with parents.  If you'd like an example, you can see ours here.

Facebook Page for Volunteers
Facebook is also a great way to connect with volunteers.  If you'd like an example, you can see ours here.

Text Messages for Parents
98% of text messages get read.  This is a great way to connect and communicate with parents.

Online Registration
A great tool for registration for camps, events, classes, dedications, etc.  Here is an example of one of ours if you'd like to see it.

Mobile Apps
Mobile apps can be used to connect with parents and teach kid's God's Word.  Check out the Bible App for Kids. 

Family Information / Database
A database allows you to keep contact information and records for families.  It also helps you track the spiritual growth steps of kids and families.  

Media Presentations
Today's kids are very visual.  Programs like PowerPoint, Pro Presenter, Keynote and Media Shout are all great options for communicating visually with kids.

Online Volunteer Training
Hard to get volunteers to come to training?  Take the training to them.  Grab a camera.  Record your training.  Post it online.  Send the link to your volunteers.  Follow-up with discussion questions when you meet before the weekend service.  Here's an example if you'd like to see it. 

Parenting Tips
Equip parents to be the spiritual leaders of their kids by creating parenting tips videos.  You can then send them the link to watch the video.  Here's an example if you'd like to see it.

What are some other ways you use technology in your children's ministry?  Share with us in the comment section below.