RELEVANT CHILDREN'S MINISTRY

What would the volunteers in your ministry say if they were asked about your personality and leadership style?  I'm sure they'd have some good things to say.  And if we asked them to respond anonymously and to be brutally honest, I'm sure they'd again have good things to say, but they might feel more freedom to also mention some traits they think you could improve in.  If that's the case, don't worry.  All of us have weaknesses and blind spots in our personality that we need to improve.

But do realize this - your personality makes a difference in your leadership.  That's why it's important to find out the weaknesses and blind spots.  It will enable you to work on those traits and improve your personality, which will translate into you being a better leader.

Let's look at 10 personality traits that can hold people back from being a better leader. 

#1 - The Me Monster.  This trait can be found in leaders who make everything about them. You'll hear them use the word "I" a lot more than "we."  They make decisions based on what's best for them, rather than what's best for the team.  When he/she asks for ideas, everyone knows he/she will choose their own idea, even if it's not the best idea.  This person shows very little concern for others on the team.

The Me Monster makes sure he/she gets all the credit for the wins, while shifting the blame on someone else when there's a mistake or failure.

They also do not focus on developing other team members because they don't want anyone taking the spotlight off of them.

#2. Non-apologizer.  This is a leader who refuses to apologize when they make an error or mistreat someone.  Even if they know they were in the wrong, they're not about to admit it.  They don't want to appear "weak" so they don't say "I'm sorry."  They are full of pride and have a huge ego.  Admitting they were wrong, would threaten their self-esteem.

#3. Communication Shortfall.  This leader likes to keep important knowledge to himself/herself.  They feel it gives them the "upper hand" among the team members.  When they do communicate, it's last minute and causes confusion on the team.  Team members have to struggle to get the assignments done since they get them at the last minute.

#4. Gratitude Deficit.  This leader expresses little to no gratitude.  Even with volunteers, they hardly ever say "thank you."  Team members are not celebrated.  The team ends up feeling used and not valued.

#5. Not Here to Hear.  This leader is always too busy to listen to those who are serving on the front lines of the ministry.  He/she has their way of doing things and does not want to hear any ideas - even if it could make things more productive.  They never ask for feedback or have debriefs after events and programs are over.  When you do get this leader to slow down for a second to listen to you, he or she pretends to be listening, but you can see in his/her eyes that they are not engaged or really hearing what you are saying.  They are closed-minded.

#6. Micromanager.  This leader assigns work, but doesn't stop there.  They not only tell team members what to do, but how to do it.  Everything has to be done exactly the way this leader wants it or it's not good enough.  They leave no room for creativity or flexibility.  It's their way or the highway. They are so busy doing everyone else's job, that they cannot do their own job well.

#7. Distruster.   This leader creates a culture of distrust.  Everyone has to watch their back and there is little to no collaboration.  Fellow team members are looked at as foes rather than friends.  People will do whatever is needed to climb the ladder a few steps...even if it means damaging someone elses' reputation.  Any disagreement with the leader is seen as disloyalty.  The worst is always assumed when a team member is struggling.  There is no safe place where people can share about their struggles without judgment.

#8. No Funny Business.  This leader is all business.  There's no time for fun or team building. You never hear laughter in the hallways.  There are few, if any smiles to be found.  Birthdays are not celebrated.  Anniversaries are not remembered.  This leader expects everyone else on the team to have an unbalanced life like he/she does and work overtime all the time.  They burn people out - toss them to the side - and look for the next person to use.  When there is a win, there's no slowing down to celebrate it.  It's on to the next big thing.

#9. Low Integrity.  This leader stretches the truth when needed. They take shortcuts that shouldn't be taken.  They say one thing and then do another.  They gossip about team members.  The team has lost respect for this leader because of it.  There is no transparency.

#10. No Vision.  This leader is satisfied with the status quo.  He/she is afraid to take risks.  Team members who want to make a real impact don't stick around.  The future is dictated by the past, even if it's not working.  Team members have no idea where the ship is going.

As you read through these, did anything jump out at you?  I look at the list and see that I have made some of these mistakes as a leader.  I want to continue growing and molding my personality into one that people will follow enthusiastically.

If you would like to improve your personality as a leader, there are three steps I want to encourage you to take.

First - personally work through these questions and identify any weak areas you see in your personality based on your answers. 

1. Do I spend more time promoting myself than I do promoting others?

2. When I make a mistake or I am wrong about something, do I sincerely apologize to those involved?

3. Am I proactive in my communication with the team?

4. Am I intentional about expressing my appreciation to team members. Do I do this consistently?

5. Do I listen, really listen to team members when they are sharing their ideas and insight? Am I proactive in asking for feedback and ways to improve the ministry?

6. Do I have a tendency to micromanage?  Do I give people the big idea and let them run with it?

7. Do I trust the team members?  Do I give them the benefit of the doubt and assume the best when something is in question?

8. Do I take time to celebrate the victories?  Do team members have fun at work?  Would they say it's a fun team to be part of?

9. Do I lead with integrity?  Have I done or said anything that might cause the team to not trust me?

10. Do I have a clear vision for where God is leading us? Can the team members articulate the vision?

Secondly, ask your team members to answer the questions about your leadership.  If you want to get a completely honest result, make it anonymous so people will feel more freedom to share their thoughts.

Look at the results and determine if there are any weaknesses and blind spots in your personality that you can work on.
Thirdly, I'd like to invite you to apply for the Advance Children's MInistry Coaching program. For 6 months, with our help, you'll have the opportunity to look deeper at your leadership, find your blind spots and work to strengthen those areas of your leadership.

Space is limited, so if you'd like to see more information and apply to be part of the group, you can do it now at this link.  Registration deadline is June 22.  The next session runs from July to Dec.

We have leaders from all sizes of churches participate - from churches of 500 to churches of 10,000.  We can help you grow personally which will enable you to grow your ministry to the next level. Click on the link and check out more information about it. It will be a game-changer for you.

A few weeks ago,  I was speaking in the weekend services at a church in the Tampa area.  The church has one service on Saturday and two on Sunday.  I had just finished speaking at the first service on Sunday and was interacting with some of the people who had attended.  A lady approached me and whispered to me, "I need to tell you something."

Okay.  I thought she might be getting ready to tell me about something going on in her life, ask a question or comment on something I said during the message.  But here's what she said.

"You still have the sales tag on your coat."

"Where?" I said.

"Under your arm.  I saw it when you were speaking."

My heart skipped a beat.  I raised my arm and sure enough...there was the sales tag.  I had spoke Saturday night and Sunday morning with a sales tag hanging out of my coat!  I felt like an idiot!  I thanked her and obviously quickly removed the tag.  Even thought it was embarrassing at the the moment, I look back and have to laugh at myself.

The sales tag taught me a lesson that you might be able to identify with as well. 

You see...I have weaknesses that I cannot see.  Blind spots.  That's why they call them blind spots, right?  I can't correct what I can't see.  That's why I must have trusted friends who will be brutally honest and point them out to me. 

Effective leaders welcome critique and see it as a gift rather than a criticism.  If you're like me, when someone approaches me and begins to point out one of my weaknesses, I naturally tense up and and become defensive internally.  I have to resist this and see the critique as a gift that will make me a better leader and person.

Every criticism, critique and bit of feedback you receive, can make you better if you'll make this adjustment and see it as a gift.  Even if it is off base and not totally true, there is usually still a nugget of truth you can grab and use to help you improve as a leader.  

If you'll make this shift, it will totally change your attitude about critique and criticism.  Don't let your insecurities, pride or stubbornness rob you of an opportunity to grow as a leader.

Effective leaders take the initiative and ask people to help them see their blind spots.  If I had asked a friend or family member to check me before I went up to speak, I could have avoided an embarrassing situation. 

Don't sit back and hope someone will point out your blind spots.  Have a group of trusted friends who will be brutally honest with you and will help you grow as a leader through feedback.

Asking these type of questions will give you the knowledge you need to grow. 

• What part of my personality can be offensive at times?
• What would you change in my message that will make it more effective?
• What is one thing I can do to be a better leader?
• What is something I should stop doing to be a better leader?

Effective leaders are intentional about working on their weaknesses.  Guess what?  You haven't arrived as a leader and neither have I.  And we never will.  That's why we must continue to take the feedback we get and use it to continually grow as a leader.  Effective leaders are always in school.  They are always growing.  Always looking for ways to get better.

What is the "sales tag" that is in your life and leadership right now?  Get some help seeing it and then you can remove it.  Remove it and you'll be more effective as a leader. 

You've got eyes on your ministry.  You carefully watch and monitor attendance, volunteers, programs, processes, challenges, events and more.  And you are able to see most of what is happening. 

But you can't see everything.  Why?  Because every ministry has blind spots.  Blind spots are caused by...

Success.  We rarely examine or analyze successful programs, events or processes.  If it's not broken, don't try to fix it, right?  

“Success is a lousy teacher.  It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose.”  -Bill Gates

If you are not intentional, ministry achievements can produce troublesome blind spots.  It can cause you to think that past results will guarantee future success.

Lack of Diversity.  Our natural tendency is to gather people around us who have the same personality type as us, who think like us and act like us.  While this is good for unity, the downside is it can lead to blind spots.  There is no one to challenge us, question us and make us take a hard look at what we are doing.

Familiarity.  Familiarity leads to blind spots.  When you are close to something, it can actually cause you to miss the obvious.  The comfortable can lull you into complacency. 

This is why your ministry needs outside eyes.  You need someone who isn't "wowed" by your success...someone who thinks a little different than you...someone who can bring an outside perspective...someone who is not familiar with the "way things are."  

Here are some ways to turn the gaze of outside eyes onto your ministry: 

Make connections with other ministries.  It's easy to get so consumed with your own ministry and become so busy, that you isolate yourself from other ministries.  Be intentional about connecting with other ministries both locally and outside of your area.  Go visit other ministries and see what they are doing.  Get on the phone and call another ministry you admire and ask questions.  Connect on social media with other ministries. 

This will provide you with other perspectives and other ways of doing ministry. 

Ask guests for feedback.  A great way to get outside eyes on your ministry is by asking first-time guests for feedback.  You can do this by emailing first-time guests a short survey about their experience and inviting them to provide you with feedback.  In fact, reward them for their feedback with a free gift card or other perk.  It's one of the best investments you can make in your ministry. 

Bring in outside eyes.  The best way is to actually bring in outside eyes to observe your ministry in action.  Partner with another local church in this.  You can observe their ministry in action and provide them with feedback and they can do the same for you.  And when someone from another ministry outside of your area comes to visit your church, ask if they would mind giving you honest feedback about what they saw.  You can also bring in an experienced consultant for the weekend to observe your ministry in action and then provide you with detailed feedback. 

Your turn.  The floor is yours.  What are some other things that cause blind spots?  Do you think it's important to get outside eyes on a ministry?  What are some other ways you do this?  Share your thoughts with us in the comment section below.

There are three voices you should be listening to as a leader.

The first is the voice of the Holy Spirit.  The Bible tells us this in John 16:13...

"When the Spirit of truth comes, He will guide you into all truth..."

The Holy Spirit can guide you as a leader.  He can give you wisdom as a leader.  He can comfort you when you are discouraged.  He convicts you when you do wrong.  He can empower you.  He can help you understand Scripture.  He can help you pray.  He can strengthen you.  

What a gift of grace the Holy Spirit is.  As a leader, you don't have to make decisions alone.  You don't have to lead in your own strength.  You don't have to carry the weight of leadership alone.  You don't have to give advice alone.  You don't have to motivate alone.  

Are you listening to the voice of the Holy Spirit?  His voice is gentle and quiet.   You can hear Him when you pull away from the noise of life and listen in the stillness and solitude of prayer. 

The second voice you should be listening to is the voice of people who encourage you.  Who are the people in your corner?  Who are the people who speak life into you?  Who are the people who lift your spirits with their words?  

Years ago, as a young leader who was in way over his head, I'll never forget the four words an encourager spoke into my life.  He said, "I believe in you!"  Wow!  What an impact it had in my life!  When I got discouraged, I listened to those words.  When I was overwhelmed, I listened to those words,  When I was lacking confidence, I listened to those words  When others doubted me, I listened to those words.

Make sure as a leader that you are listening to the voice of encouragement.  Trust me...you'll need it. 

The third voice you should be listening to as a leader is the voice of critics.  This is the hardest voice to listen to, isn't it?  With leadership comes criticism.  The only way to not be criticized is to do nothing.  But that's not you. You are a leader.  

Here's a mindset to adopt about criticism.  See criticism as a gift.  That's right, a gift.  A gift that can help you identify blind spots.  A gift that you can learn from.  A gift that can keep you growing.  A gift that can help you be a better leader.   No matter how unfounded or off-base a criticism is, you can learn something from it. 

The natural action is to turn a deaf ear to criticism.  But when you do this, you are missing out on a great growth opportunity.  Instead of taking the bricks criticism hands you and building a wall with them, take them and build your leadership.  

As a leader, are you listening to the voice of the Holy Spirit, the voice of encouragement and the voice of criticism?

Your children's ministry facility has areas that are broken, messy, in need of repair and not working.

Your programming has areas that need to be tweaked and adjusted.

There are areas of your guest services and follow up process that need to be improved.

There are aspects of your children's ministry that are out-of-date and need to be updated.

Guess what?  It's the same for the ministry I lead as well.  Why?  Because the ministries we lead have blind spots.  We can't see the blind spots because we're too close and too familiar.

Familiarity naturally leads to blind spots. 

They call them blind spots for a reason.  You'll never be able to see them by yourself.  If you could see them, they wouldn't be blind spots.

You can't fix what you can't see.

The key to seeing blind spots is bringing in people who are unfamiliar with your ministry.  Ask them to be a "mystery shopper" and take a close look at everything from programming to processes to facilities.  They will have the ability to see things that you cannot see simply because they have fresh, unfamiliar eyes.

This can be someone from another department of your church or someone in your church who doesn't normally come in the children's area.  Another idea is to partner with another church in your area.  They can evaluate your ministry and you can do the same for them.  It should be someone who has a keen eye for detail. 

It's easy and comfortable to go along like everything is fine and stay oblivious to what's not working.  But if you want your ministry to grow...if you want your ministry to improve...if you want your ministry to go to the next level, then you've got to uncover the blind spots and fix them.  And that takes help from someone else.

What kind of children's ministry leader do you want to be?  What's the gap between where you are and where you want to be?

No matter how big the gap,  here are steps you can take to get where you want to be as a leader.

KNOW IT
To get where you want to be, you have to be self aware.  Take a hard, honest look in the mirror.  Dig deep into your personality and current leadership skills. 

DEFINE IT
What qualities do you want to improve?  What new skills do you want to acquire?  What strengths do you want to capitalize on?  What people skills do you want to get better at?  Define where you want to be.

MAP IT
Write down specific steps you're going to take to get there.  What books do you need to read?  What courses do you need to take?  What leader do you need to spend time with?  What conference do you need to attend?

REQUEST IT
You've heard the old saying...if you see a turtle on top of a fence post, he had help getting there.  You won't get where you want to be by yourself.  You'll have to request help.  Ask people who know you to give you honest feedback.  Do a 360 review.  Ask friends to point out your blind spots.  You'll never see them alone.  Don't let your insecurities stop you from doing this or you'll never get to where you want to be. 

CONTINUE IT
It takes time, tears and tenacity to improve as a leader.  It will be painful and joyful at the same time.  You will gain ground and then feel like you've lost ground.  Don't give up.  You will improve and you will get better.  

Like never before, we need strong, passionate leaders who are pressing for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus!  Be that leader! 

I've got news for you.  Your children's ministry is not as good as you think it is.  And neither is mine.

Our ministries have weak areas and challenges that we know about...and some that we're not aware of.

Yep...under the pretty make up, we've got plenty of warts and blemishes.  There are areas that shine, but there are also areas that just plain stink.

Now that we've been honest with each other, let's do something about it.

Gather feedback.

• Gather feedback from your volunteers.  Here's a way to do this.
• Gather feedback from parents.  Here's a way to do this.
• Gather feedback from new families.  Here's a way to do this.
• Gather feedback from an outsider.  There are blind spots you can't see because you are too close and familiar with your ministry.  It's going to take someone from the outside to identify those areas.
• Gather feedback from the kids. Here's a way to do this.
• Gather feedback from your church staff or volunteers who serve outside your ministry area. (example - adult ministries leader, student pastor, greeter coordinator, etc.) Ask them to come in and evaluate.  This is especially helpful if they have children in your ministry.
• If you want honest feedback, make the responses anonymous. 

Take a hard look at how the ministry is doing.

• What is working?
• What is not working?
• What feels stale?
• What is unclear?
• What is broken?
• What is missing?
• What are some roadblocks to the ministry improving?
• Who is a roadblock to the ministry improving?
• What needs to be tweaked or changed?
• What are we doing just because it's always been done that way?
• What are we doing just because there is a name or personality attached to it?
• Are we growing?
• Are we reaching new kids and families?
• Are we seeing kids' and families' lives changed?

Be intentional about improving.

• Make time for improving.  If you don't block out time, it won't happen.
• Create clear action steps from your feedback and questions.
• Improve at least one thing per week.  

Okay.  It's you turn.  What are some ways we can improve our ministries?  Share your thoughts with us the comment section below.

• Read leadership books written by people that are great at leading adults. 

• Watch people who are great at leading adults.  See how they respond in "real time" leadership situations. 

• Ask someone who is good at leading adults to mentor you. 

• Spend just as much time with adults as you do kids. 

• Ask trusted friends to help identify your blind spots and areas you need to grow in.

Show me someone who is successful in Children's Ministry and I'll show you someone who has learned to lead adults well.