RELEVANT CHILDREN'S MINISTRY

Many times someone who is leading one area of children's ministry is asked to step up and lead the entire children's ministry.  This is how I raised up children's ministry directors in a multi-site church.  When someone was leading either nursery, preschool or elementary well, I moved them into the director role at a new campus we were starting.

Perhaps you are currently leading a specific area of children's ministry, but feel God will eventually have you lead the entire children's ministry, either where you are now or in another ministry.  Or perhaps you've just been asked to lead an entire children's ministry.  Or perhaps you've been leading an entire children's ministry for awhile but need a reminder of what it takes to be effective.

In many aspects, leading an entire children's ministry is different than leading a specific area.  It takes a different level of leadership skills.  Let take a look at 7 keys to effectively leading an entire children's ministry.   

Key #1 - Shift from focusing on one area to focusing on the big picture.  You must shift your focus to the 30,000 foot view.  Someone has to fly high and have an eye on the big picture.  That's your job as the leader of the entire ministry.  If you are always down in the trenches, you won't be able to see down the road.  Whereas you were operating as a specialist, you must now operate as a generalist.

Key #2 - Know how to make good decisions based on what is best for the ministry as a whole.  You will be the key decision maker for the ministry.  But don't go at it alone.  Ask for advice.  Gather people around you that can help you make wise decisions.  Remember, in the multitude of counselors there is safety.  In the end, you will be the one who makes the final decision, but by listening to the right people you can make the best decision.  

Key #3 - Move from primarily being a doer to being an equipper.  In your previous role, you were an equipper to some extent or you won't have been asked to take a lead role.  But as the leader of the entire ministry, you must take your equipping to the next level.  You will need to spend the majority of your time investing in key leaders and live by what I call the law of the few.  Your goal is to reproduce yourself.  This is done by mentoring and pouring into the people who lead the specific areas of the ministry.

Key #4 - Become a problem fixer and conflict solver.  As the leader of the entire ministry, guess where problems and conflicts will land...on your desk.  You must become known as someone who can fix problems.  There will also be times when people on your team will have conflict.  You will be the one who mediates this using Biblical guidelines.  Read and learn all you can about navigating conflict.  Your people skills is one of the main growth areas you should concentrate on.

Key #5 - Know how to cast vision for the entire ministry.  You will guide the ministry forward, casting vision for where God wants the ministry to go.  This is one of the most important things you will do as the leader.  

Key #6 - Become a collaborator with the rest of the church.  Become a bridge to the other ministries in the church.  How can you partner with the men's ministry?  How can you partner with the women's ministry?  How can you collaborate with the student ministry to ensure a complete discipleship pathway from preschool to high school?  Plan the children's ministry calendar in collaboration with the other ministries.  You must constantly be thinking how you can see the children's ministry benefit the church as a whole.

Key #7 - Become good at communicating.  Communicating the vision.  Communicating the core values.  Communicating expectations.  Communicating upcoming events and happenings.  Communicating information to key leaders.  Communicating change so that it doesn't catch people by surprise but rather is a process.

If God has called you to lead the entire ministry, then He will give you everything you need to be effective as you seek Him.  Where He guides, He provides.  Walk in this confidence and focus on growing yourself in the above areas.

Your turn.  The floor is yours.  What are some other keys to leading an entire children's ministry?  Share your thoughts with us in the comment section below.                   

How do you see complainers?  As antagonists?  As trouble-makers?  As jerks?  As naysayers?   As negative people?  As the opposition?

How you view complainers dictates how you respond to them.  If you take it personal when they complain, you'll think they are saying, "you're not a good leader" or "your ideas stink" or "you're wrong."

But if you see them as someone who can help you improve the ministry, you will respond to them differently.  Here's how to see complainers in a new light.

Understand that opposition is part of change and growth.  Push past your personal reactions to those who complain and realize that opposition will help you assess the quality of ideas, see different approaches and help you make high-quality decisions.

Be proactive in seeking out complainers.  Each time you have a new change or major initiative coming, ask people to tell you why you shouldn't do it.  By doing this, you will begin to see opposition as a regular and important part of the decision-making process. 

Ask those who are normally "yes" people to think of and share an opposing view.  One characteristic of highly effective teams is their freedom to explore all sides and views of an idea or initiative.  Successful teams have conflict and disagreement.  Help people on your team build the skill and willingness to offer opposing views.

Train yourself to not instantly resist the complainer.  Even if you know your position is right, stop and listen, consider and evaluate the opposing idea.

See the complainer as a gift.  Normally the complainer doesn't have bad intentions.  They're usually trying to say something that they believe is for the good of the team.  Shift your anger to appreciation for the complainer.  If no one brings opposing views, then the team can become unbalanced.  They are helping the team get better.

Provide feedback for the complainer.  If the complainer is bringing the opposition with an attitude or spirit that is damaging, it is vital to help him or her learn to offer opposing views with skill and tact.  Encourage him or her to also share comments when they are in agreement, so they are seen as balanced.

Seeing complainers in this new light will make you a better leader and decision maker.

Conflict is a familiar happening in children's ministry.  You've probably heard the following.

"He called me a name!"

"She won't let me play with them!"

"He's not supposed to be in our group!"

"She took my crayons!"

"He's sitting in my seat and won't get up!"

When conflict happens, here's how to resolve it like a pro.

Take the children who are having the conflict to a place where you can have a private conversation with them.  Make sure there is another adult with you.  (never be alone with a child) 

Have the kids cool down.  Ask them to take a few deep breaths and take the deep breaths with them.  This helps release some of the stress and tension they are feeling. 

Have one of the children share why he or she is upset with the other person. 

• If they child starts sharing with you, re-direct them to share with the other child.  (Example - If the child says "she wouldn't let me play with..."  - stop the child and have him or her tell the other child - you wouldn't let me play with...)  This is teaching them to use direct communication which follows Matthew 18.   

• Have the other child then rehearse back to the child what he or she said.  (Example - "You said I wouldn't let you play with us.") 

• Next let the other child talk and share about why he or she acted that way.  (Example - I didn't let you play with us because I hadn't seen her in 3 weeks and wanted to spend time with her.) 

• Give both kids a last opportunity to share their thoughts or view.  

• Ask them how they can come to an agreement.  The goal is for them to come up with a mutual understanding.  If they cannot, then you can step in and guide the conversation as needed.

• Once they've come to an agreement, encourage them to forgive each other if it is needed. 

• Make it a teachable moment.  (If it involves forgiveness - share with them what God's Word says about it.  If it involves treating others with respect - share with them what God's Word says about it.)

• Pray with them.

• Once they are back in the environment, observe and see if the conflict has been completely resolved.  Is the child including the other child play in the group now?  Are they getting along?

• If the incident involved physical conflict (hitting, pushing, etc.), then fill out an incident report and bring it to the attention of the parents when they come to pick-up.  Do this with the parents separately.   

When we teach kids how to Biblically resolve conflict, we are not only helping them in the moment, but for the rest of their lives.  Knowing how to resolve conflict is a skill they can use at school, at home and in the work place as adults.

Your turn.  The floor is yours.  What other tips do you have for helping kids resolve conflict?  Share with us in the comment section below.

We all have fears as leaders.  Some we have conquered and others we still battle.  Some come from outside sources and others rise internally.  

As I interact with children's ministry leaders, here are the top 10 fears that I hear echoed.

These are not ranked by greatest to least.  The order varies from person to person.

Fear #1 - Lack of Volunteers
Ever found your heart beating fast on a Sunday morning because you've had 3 volunteers bail on you and you didn't know how you were going to pull off the ministry?  Ever had VBS staring you down and you were short 6 teachers?  Ever been told the church is adding another service or an additional campus and you felt a wave of anxiety because you're already stretched thin on volunteers?

Conquer this fear...
Be encouraged.  Everyone has or is struggling with this.  You'll always need more volunteers...especially if you are growing and reaching people.  There are strategies you can implement that will help you build a dynamic volunteer team.  In this post, I share 10 simple secrets to building a volunteer team. 

In Matthew 9:38, Jesus told us to pray for laborers for the harvest.  He would not have told us to pray for something He didn't want to give us.  When you feel this fear creeping up on you, pray this prayer against it. 

Fear #2 - A Child Being Abused or Abducted
No matter how many precautions and safety measures you have in place, it's in the back of your mind.  When you hear about it happening at another church, you shudder when you think that it could happen in your ministry as well.  What if a child was abused while here at church?  What if a predator who hasn't been caught up to this point, started serving in our ministry?  What if someone slipped by our check out point and abducted a child? 

Conquer this fear...
It's our job to do everything possible to prevent a child from being abused or abducted.  Having solid walls of protection such as background checks, a no one ever alone with a child policy, a check-in plan and other safety measures are all ways to lessen the chance of a child being abused.  Here are more ways to make your ministry a safe and secure place.

Fear #3 - Criticism
Ever opened an email and it ruined your day?  Ever got a voice mail from a parent and dreaded calling them back?  Ever been hesitant to ask for feedback because of what you know you'll hear?  Ever not made a change because you didn't want to go through the backlash you'd get?

Conquer this fear...
Shift your thinking.  When a parent or volunteer brings criticism or complaints, see it as a gift.  Listen to it and learn something from it.  Some of the best lessons you will learn are when you are thrown under the bus.  Here's some more tips on how to overcome this fear.

Fear #4 - Lack of Growth
Ever stared at your attendance sheet and realized the number of kids attending your ministry is either flat or going the wrong way?  Ever stared into a half-empty classroom and wondered if there is anything you can do to more effectively reach kids and families?

Conquer this fear...
Remember, this is something you can't control.  God simply expects us to do our part by removing any barriers that are hindering growth.  Here is a list of barriers.  When we remove these and other barriers, God does His part and grows His church.

Fear #5 - Not Being Liked
Are you a people pleaser?  Are you afraid someone won't like you?  Do you lose sleep when you know someone is upset with you?

Conquer this fear...
The need to be liked is normally rooted in a need for affirmation.  We want the approval of others.  To conquer this fear, we must tie our identity to what God thinks about us, instead of what man thinks about us.  If you struggle with this fear, here is some help.

Fear #6 - Conflict
Do you run from hard conversations?   Do you let stuff slide because you don't want to deal with it?  Do your palms get sweaty when a parent asks to meet with you over an issue?

Conquer this fear...
This is one of the bigger fears for leaders.  The good news...navigating conflict is a skill that can be learned.  Conflict is never easy, but if you enter it knowing what you are and are not going to say, it significantly lessons the fear.  Here's some help with navigating explosive conflict.

Fear #7 - Volunteers Leaving
If it wasn't stressful enough to enlist a volunteer team, you have to keep them as well.  You get wind that one of your key volunteers is talking about stepping down and it sends chills down your spine.

Conquer this fear...
Build relationships with your volunteers.  This is the glue that will keep them serving with you.  That being said,  realize that no matter what you do, you will have some volunteers bolt on you.  Don't sweat it, God will send someone to replace them. 

Fear #8 - Not Making an Impact
We all want to know that our lives have made an impact.  Deep down inside we sometimes wonder if we are laboring in vain.  Will we be able to look back in the end and see that we clearly made a difference?  And if we do, will the impact be miniscule compared to what we had hoped and prayed for?

Conquer this fear... 
Two simple verses will help you conquer this fear.  Memorize and quote them when this fear approaches you. 

"It is the same with my word.  I send it out, and it always produces fruit.  It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it."  Isaiah 55:11

"So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and immovable.  Always work enthusiastically for the Lord, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless."  I Corinthians 15:58

Fear #9 - Lack of Funding
Have you ever been afraid to ask for something for the ministry because you're sure the answer will be "no?"  Ever catch wind that the church offerings are down and wondered what that meant for children's ministry funding?

Conquer this fear...
Remember you must be the children's ministry champion in your church.  You must evaluate, pray and determine what the needs are.  It's your job to make the ask.  After that, it's out of your hands.  Don't sweat it.  God will provide what you need.  And remember, our perception of what we "need" may not match up with what God knows we need at the time.

Fear #10 - Kids Not Really Understanding a Decision They've Made to Follow Christ
Ever walked away from a baptism struggling with whether or not the child was really ready to be baptized?  Ever felt the weight of the responsibility of sharing the Gospel clearly with children?

Conquer this fear...
It's our job to share the Gospel with clarity.  Involve parents in the process and offer them guidance as they journey though this decision with their child.  Have a class kids go through before they are baptized.

Do due diligence to ask kids questions about their decision.  If you feel they are not ready, then work through this with the child's parents.

Be reminded that we can't save anyone.  That job has already been taken.  We get the privilege to introduce kids to the One who does the saving.

The floor is yours.  What are some other fears you have faced?  How did you deal with them?  How have you dealt with some of the fears mentioned above?  Share your thoughts with us in the comment section below.

Are you feeling burned out in children's ministry?  Here's some signs your tank is on empty.

• You feel that every day at work is a struggle.
• You feel emotionally exhausted much of the time.
• You have very little joy or interest in your work.  You may even feel depressed by it.
• You feel overwhelmed by your responsibilities.
• You feel hopeless about your life or work.
• You experience physical exhaustion.
• The stress from work causes sleeplessness.

Burnout won't go away on it's own.  You have to be proactive to beat it.  Here's some steps you can take.

Identify why you are experiencing burnout. 
Is it working too many hours?  Conflict with another person?  Unrealistic expectations?

Start keeping a log of what causes you stress.  Look for patterns and incidents that stand out.

Make some changes based on what you discovered.
It may mean delegating more, having a conversation with your boss, resolving a conflict or saying no to some things.  In this article, I share how to decide what to say no to.

Check your physical condition.
Are you getting enough sleep?  Are you exercising?  Are you eating well?  How you take care of yourself physically is a big factor.

Take some time off.
I know, that means you'll have to work more up front and afterwards just to be able to take the time off.  But it's vital to get away on a regular basis.

And don't be pulled into work while you're on vacation.  With smartphones it's hard, but disconnect while you're away.

Reassess your responsibilities. 
Burnout can occur when your responsibilities don't line up with your passion, giftedness, or calling.  Take a look at your job description.  Are you excited about it?  If not, it may be time for a shift.

Check your thought patterns.

Want to know if you're on a terrible Children's Ministry Team?  Here's 10 signs things aren't healthy.

10.  Children's Ministry is seen as "childcare." 

9.  When conflict arises, instead of being addressed in a Biblical manner, it's pushed under the rug and simmers.

8.  Kids are constantly asking, "When is the service going to be over?"

7.  You often hear, "Can you please stay over and serve another service?  We really need you for another hour."

6.  Your feedback is not received or listened to.

5.  You haven't heard the words "Thank you" in a long time.

4.  Change is resisted...especially where it's needed the most.

3.  The church calendar is so full that you find yourself at church more than you are home.

2.  You are kept in the dark due to lack of communication.

1.  Instead of being placed in your area of giftedness, you were asked to serve where there was a "need."

Your turn.  What are some other signs you're on an unhealthy Children's Ministry team?  Share your thoughts with us in the comment section below.

P.S. Do you find yourself on a terrible team?  Here's some help. 

How often is this repeated in your life?

A parent comes to you with a complaint and you respond in anger.

A volunteer questions a decision you made and you feel like you are being attacked.

Someone on the team offers an idea that is different than yours and you get upset.

Your Pastor asks why a program didn't go according to plan and you start blaming other people.

Conflict arises and you can't work through it without your emotions amping up.

Are you feeling defensive right now about being defensive?  Keep reading.

The good news is you're not alone.  The natural tendency for everyone is to get defensive.  But you can overcome it.  Here's how.

When a situation arises that causes you to begin feeling defensive...

#1 - Think of the first thing you want to say and don't say it.  Instead take a deep breath.  This will help you not become defensive.

#2 - Think of the second thing you want to say and don't say that either.  Take a second deep breath.  This will help you not retaliate and escalate the conversation.

#3 -  Think of the third thing you want to say and say that.  Once you have gotten past defending and retaliating, you have a better chance of seeking a solution.

#4 - Focus on listening to what the other person says and then build on it.

#5 - Use the phrase, "Say more about ____________."  This will buy you more time to calm down.  This will also disarm someone who has bad intentions. 

#6 - Say "yes, and" instead of "yes, but."  "Yes & and" validates what has been said.  "Yes & but" leads directly to defensiveness.

Example
"Yes, but I don't think you understand the program."
(not good)
"Yes, I heard everything you said and let's figure out a way to make sure..." (good)

But what if the person is unfairly attacking you?  What if what they are saying is untrue?  What should you do then?

First, pause after they speak for a full count of three in your head.  This will both take the conversation away from escalating and may cause the other person to become nervous.  If they do, that will work in your favor.  When you don’t take the bait, they are in unfamiliar territory and this can have a slightly disarming effect.

Secondly,  look them squarely, calmly, and firmly in the eye and say, “Whoah!  Let’s each take a breath here because I am feeling very reactive and I know until I calm down a bit, whatever I say or do now will only make this conversation worse.  And I am not going to do that.”

Thirdly,  take that breath and say, “Okay, what’s clear to me is that something is frustrating you.  What, in your mind’s eye, would you like me to do to make that frustration go away?  If it’s doable and fair to you and me and everyone it affects and in their best interest, I think I’ll be happy to oblige.  If however it isn’t fair or in everyone’s best interest, I’m going to have a problem going along with it.”

Fourthly - Be quiet.  Let them respond and if it doesn’t seem fair and in everyone’s best interest say, “I’m having some difficulty understanding how that will be fair to everyone and in their best interests.  Perhaps you can explain otherwise or we can brainstorm on how to make it so.”

By standing up for the principles of fairness, and reason, and mutual best interest, you'll be better able to stand up for what’s right — and stand up to them in a way that is neither defensive or provoking.

Looking to improve the experience first-time guests have when they walk through your church doors?

Here's 5 key areas to focus on.  Use the questions to evaluate where you are and then create actions steps out of your answers.

RELIABILITY
Is our check-in system and process consistent?

Is our level of service consistent or up and down based on which volunteers show up?

Are we always ready to receive families at the scheduled check-in time?  For example, if that is 10:00 am, are there times when we are not ready until 10:05 or 10:10?

If you have more than one weekend service, is the level of service reliable and consistent across all services?

Do we earn the trust of families?

What are some steps we can take to become more reliable?
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ASSURANCE
Do volunteers have the skills and knowledge needed to deliver a good first experience for families?

Do our volunteers need any further training or development ?

What are some steps we can take to give our volunteers the assurance they need to succeed?
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TANGIBLES
Is our signage clear and easy to understand?

Do we have reserved parking for guests?

Is the equipment we use to check-in people in good working condition?

Are our facilities clean and well maintained?

What are some tangibles that we need to add, remove or adjust to deliver a good first experience for families?
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EMPATHY
Do we express genuine care and concern for our guests?

Do we have empathy for guests and bend guidelines to accommodate them when needed? (besides safety and security)

Do we take time to see the guest's point of view?

How can we be more empathetic with our first-time guests?
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RESPONSIVENESS
Do we provide a prompt, easy check-in / registration process?

Do we seek out and respond to feedback?

Are we willing to go the second mile to make first-time guest families feel welcome?

Do we resolve issues and conflicts in a timely, peaceful and patient manner?

How can we be more responsive to our first-time guests?
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How should you spend your time as a Children's Ministry Leader?

Here's 3 things that should be at the top of your list.

Bring the right people on your team and get them in the right roles.
A good children's ministry leader doesn't just make people cogs in the wheel.  Instead, he or she gets all the wheels spinning together.

Develop the people on your team.
It’s about taking volunteers and making them 10% or 20% or 50% better than they ever thought they could be.

Serve the people on your team. 
A good children's ministry leader serves his or her volunteers. 

This includes removing roadblocks, resolving conflict, communicating clearly, and motivating.

No one is more important than the volunteers on your team.  Don't be the primary ball carrier but rather block for your volunteers who are.

How well does your children's ministry team work together?  Take this test to find out.  One answer per question.

Team members are provided feedback about their performance.
0 - Not at All
1 - Rarely
2 - Sometimes
3 - Often
4  - Very often

Team members work together for the common good of the organization.
0 - Not at All
1 - Rarely
2 - Sometimes
3 - Often
4 - Very often

There are many complaints and morale is low on the team.
0 - Not at All
1 - Rarely
2 - Sometimes
3 - Often
4  - Very often

Team members don't understand the decisions that are made and or don't agree with them.
0 - Not at All
1 - Rarely
2 - Sometimes
3 - Often
4  -  Very often

Team members are encouraged to be good team members and build relationships.
0 - Not at All
1 - Rarely
2 - Sometimes
3 - Often
4  - Very often

Team members are provided with growth opportunities.
0 - Not at All
1 - Rarely
2 - Sometimes
3 - Often
4  - Very often

Meetings are inefficient and there is a lot of overlap.
0 - Not at All
1 - Rarely
2 - Sometimes
3 - Often
4  - Very often

Team members are asked to commit to the team's values and leaders help them see how their role fits in.
0 - Not at All
1 - Rarely
2 - Sometimes
3 - Often
4 - Very often

Team members are often given a chance to work on ideas that stretch their thinking and ideas.
0 - Not at All
1 - Rarely
2 - Sometimes
3 - Often
4 - Very often

The team understands what it is supposed to accomplish and has the resources needed to be successful.
0 - Not at All
1 - Rarely
2 - Sometimes
3 - Often
4 - Very often

Conflict between team members is a pervasive issue.
0 - Not at All
1 - Rarely
2 - Sometimes
3 - Often
4 - Very often

Team members feel that good work is not rewarded and they are not sure what they are responsible for.
0 - Not at All
1 - Rarely
2 - Sometimes
3 - Often
4 - Very often

Team members balance the need for autonomy with mutual dependance.
0 - Not at All
1 - Rarely
2 - Sometimes
3 - Often
4 - Very often

Working relationships  are poor and there is a lack of commitment for the vision.
0 - Not at All
1 - Rarely
2 - Sometimes
3 - Often
4 - Very often

We spend time together as a team outside of work.
0 - Not at All
1 - Rarely
2 - Sometimes
3 - Often
4 - Very often

Add your points:
46 to 60 - You're a solid team working well together.

31 - 45 - Your effectiveness as a team is patchy.  You're good at some things but need improvement in other areas.

0 - 30 - This is something to be concerned about.  The good news is you've got lots of room for improvement.