RELEVANT CHILDREN'S MINISTRY: marriage

Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts

Children Born to Unwed Parents...The Latest Findings

4:29 PM Dale Hudson

The family structures that children are born into has drastically changed in the last few decades.

One of the biggest shifts has been children born to unwed parents. The latest research shows that about 40% of children born in the U.S. are born outside of marriage. This is up from 28% in 1990.

Findings also show that 52% of Hispanic children are born outside of marriage. This is up from 34% in 1990. 69% of African American babies are born to unmarried parents. This is up from 63%. Babies born to Caucasian mothers with a high school degree rose from 18% in 1990 to 52% today.

There are many factors at play that are contributing to the increase of births to unwed mothers. A big one is parents are delaying marriage. Men and women are marrying at older ages. The average age for a lady to marry is 27.4 years old. This means many of them are becoming parents before marriage. Men and women are not getting married when they are the most likely to have children.

Why is this? Here are a few factors to consider.

1. Couples are waiting for economic security and stability before getting married. They are living together, but are not tying the knot for economic reasons. I have encountered this many times when talking with unmarried parents. They say they can make it better financially if they are not married.

The church has the opportunity to teach young couples how to manage their money with Biblical principles and trust God to provide for them as they align with His Word and promises. God always blesses families when they walk in obedience to His Word.

2. Cohabitation has increased. Recent studies show that 62% of births to never-married women are in the context of cohabitation.

Again, the church must hold up God's golden standard for a relationship between a man and woman - which is marriage. We must be a place that embraces the messiness of ministry and walk with couples who are cohabiting and teach them that God has a better plan.

3. Children born to unwed parents are more likely to struggle. Research show that children living in with parents who are not married, are at a disadvantage. They are more likely to be poor, experience multiple changes in family living arrangements and will face challenges like aggression and depression.

The church must be ready to come alongside children who are facing these challenges and welcome them, encourage them and show we care.

4. Churches must teach the reasons why marriage is God's plan and help walk with them toward that decision.

We must be ready and willing to embrace the messiness of reaching and walking with unwed parents and their children. If our churches are reflecting the heart of Jesus, we should have cohabiting couples in our church. We should actively reach out them with love and truth.

Just as Jesus went out of His way to talk to the woman at the well (who was cohabiting), we should be actively reaching out to unmarried parents.

Like never before, the church has a great opportunity to help families find Jesus and discover the joy and blessings that come when we follow His plan for the home.

The Bible tells us Hebrews 13:4, that marriage is honorable.

Let's be focused on connecting with kids and their families who are far from God. As we bring them to Jesus, they will find that God's plan is always the best plan.

Theyby...the Gender Blur Acclerates

3:55 PM Dale Hudson

The gender blur continues to accelerate. The latest attempt to blur the line between male and female is a new buzzword among Millennial parents.

The term is called "Theyby" and refers to a baby born and raised free of the "constraints of gender designation."

Parents who adopt this child-rearing strategy keep the baby's anatomy a secret and refer to the child only by plural pronouns. Their goal is to create a childhood free of gender restricted dress, act, play, etc.

Companies are also jumping on the "blur the genders bandwagon" by creating gender neutral clothes, toys and products. Some examples are Banana Republic that has introduced a line of gender-less baby clothes. And then there is Target, that has removed gender-based signage and references from its toy aisles.

As our culture continues to slide away from God's plan for humanity, we are doing children a great disservice. Many children will grow up confused about what shouldn't be confusing, if our society just used common sense. The effects of this influence is already being seen in the lives of middle-schoolers and high-schoolers who are identifying as non-binary - meaning neither male or female. Or in kids who jump back and forth between the two. One day they dress as a boy and asked to be called "him" and then a few days later showing up dressed as a girl, demanding to be called "her."

As the drivers of this agenda continue to impose gender blurring upon society, parents who believe "God created them male and female" must be prepared to teach their children the truth and equip them to think with a Christian world view in the midst of the insanity they are facing.

Those who are championing the "theyby" mindset, may say that the traditional labeling of male and female is Old Testament law and doesn't apply to today. But a closer look into God's Word reveals, that in the New Testament, Jesus always referred to male and female in terms of gender. He made a clear distinction between the two. He also made it clear that marriage is between a man and woman.

Will hearing "it's a boy" or "it's a girl" in the hospital birthing room become a thing of the past? God forbid. More than ever, we need men and women who raise their sons and daughters to reflect God's masterful design for the sexes. God's design is the best design and His way of life is the best way of life. When we deviate from His plan, the results are only negative.

Call me old school, but I believe boys should be boys and girls should be girls. They should be called that. Raised like that. And be taught to act like that.

The differences between the two genders are what make both so special and equal in their uniqueness.

Theyby? I don't think so. Let's stick with "boy" and "girl" for the sake of the next generation's well being.

Families in America - What You Need to Know to Reach Parents

9:51 AM Dale Hudson

If you really want to impact families, then you have to reach parents.

I often say "when you reach a child you change a life, but when you reach parents you change an entire family."

What do you think about when you hear the word "family?" A married dad and mom, two kids, a mini-van and a nice house with a picket fence? The truth is, that's simply not a complete picture of today's families.

If you want to reach parents, then you've got to understand today's families. Which may be much different than you think. Let's take a look at what "family" means in America in 2018 with some insight from the latest research from Pew.

Why should people getting married?

88% say love

81% say to make a life-long commitment

76% say companionship

49% say to have children

30% to recognize the relationship in a religious ceremony

28% say for financial stability

23% say for legal rights and benefits

What keeps people married?

64% say having shared interests

61% say a satisfying sexual relationship

56% say shared household chores

Half of Americans ages 18 & older are married.

People are staying single longer. The median age for marriage is now 29.5 years for men and 27.4 years for women.

Education makes a difference. Only 50% of adults with a high school diploma or less are married. 65% of adults with at least a four-year college degree are married.

Divorce rates are increasing among older Americans. For every 1,000 married adults ages 50 & older, 10 have divorced. This is up from 5 in 1990. Among those ages 65 and older, the divorce rate has roughly tripled since 1990.

Cohabitation - the number of adults cohabiting is 7%. There are 18 million adults living with an unmarried partner. This is up 29% since 2007. About half of cohabiting adults are younger than 35. But cohabitation
is rising most quickly among Americans ages 50 and older.

Blended families - 40% of new marriages involve a remarriage. Of this, 20% is a remarriage for one spouse and 20% is a remarriage for both spouses. 23% of currently married people have been married before.

Diverse families - 17% of newlyweds in the last 2 years married someone of a different race or ethnicity.

Same-sex marriages - public support for same-sex marriage has grown in the past 10 years. 62% of Americans now support same-sex marriage. About 10% of LGBTQ Americans are married to a same-sex spouse. 61% of same-sex couples who live together are married.

Different religion marriages - 39% of people who have married since 2010 have married someone from a different religious group. Many of these have been between Christians and those who have no religious affiliation.

Online dating and marriage - 15% of adults have used online dating sites. This is up from 11% in 2013. 41% of people know someone who uses online dating. 29% know someone who has entered a long-term relationship through online dating.

27% of young adults (ages 18 to 24) use online dating.

59% of people say it's a good way to meet people.

These stats are important to consider because they give us a snapshot of the families in our communities.

Think about these questions and talk through them with your team. As you seek to reach the families in your community, the answers you discover through your discussions will give you some great strategies to reach parents.

1. Since adults are staying single longer, what can we do to connect with single adults? How can we focus on ministering to single adults?

2. Normally we would offer marriage help for young adults and we should. But stats show that divorce rates among adults 50 & older is spiking as well. How can we offer marriage support that targets middle age and older adults?

3. Many of the young parents in our community are living together unmarried. How can we create a welcoming environment where they can belong before they believe?

4. How can we come alongside couples in our church who are cohabiting and help them move toward God's plan of marriage?

5. How can we offer support to the many blended families in our church and community?

6. Does our church reflect the diversity of today's families? How can we be a place that welcomes diversity?

7. How can we encourage and equip people who have unbelieving spouses to bring them to church and reach them for Christ?

Marriage and Divorce...the latest findings

8:09 AM Dale Hudson

The foundation of the home is marriage. A strong family is grounded in a strong marriage. The greatest parenting tool is a great marriage.

Let's take a look at the latest findings about marriage and divorce.

While divorce is becoming less common for younger adults, "gray divorce" is on the rise. Among adults ages 50 and older, the divorce rate has doubled since the 1990's.

In 2015, for every 1,000 married persons ages 50 and older, 10 got divorced. This is up from 5 in 1990.

Among those 65 and older, the divorce rate has tripled since 1990, reaching six people per 1,000 married persons in 2015.

This rise in divorce among older adults is linked in part to the aging of the Baby Boomer generation. They are ages 51 to 69 and make up the bulk of this age group.

The divorce rate for those younger than 50 is twice as high as it is for adults 50 and older.

21 adults ages 40 to 49 get divorced per 1,000 married persons. This is up from 18 in 1990.

The divorce rate for adults ages 25 to 39 has fallen from 30 persons per 1,000 married persons in 1990 to 24 in 2015. This decline is attributed in part to younger generations putting off marriage until they are older and couples living together unmarried.

The media age for marriage in 2016 was 29.5 and for women it was 27.4. This is up from 26.1 and 23.9 in 1990.

Adults who are in their second marriage are more likely to divorce. During their young adulthood, the Baby Boomers had unprecedented levels of divorce. Now most adults in this age group who have been married less than 20 years are in their second or higher marriage. This is contributing to their rising divorce rate now since remarriages tend to be less stable than first marriages.

The divorce rate for adults ages 50 and older in remarriages is double the rate of those who have only been married once (16 vs. 8 per 1,000 married persons).

Among all adults 50 and older who divorced in 2015, 48% had been in their second or higher marriage.

I've often said, "we don't need more children's ministry in the church, we need more parent ministry." I believe this is truer than ever. If we are going to see children be spiritually healthy, then we must first help their parents have spiritually healthy marriages. When parents have a healthy marriage, it creates an atmosphere where children's faith can flourish.

For far too long, children's ministries have relied upon "adult ministry" to equip parents to have healthy marriages. In many cases, it simply doesn't happen. I believe it's time for children's ministries to take the lead on helping parents have strong marriages. It's time children's ministry directors start teaching parenting classes. It's time children's ministries intertwine teaching about marriage into their baby dedication classes. It's time "family ministries" focus on the heart of every family...marriage.

We must help parents see that their first commitment is to each other...even before their commitment to their kids. The rise in divorce among couples age 50 and over shows that many married couples were only staying together because of their kids. Once their kids were grown and out of the house, they had nothing left to sustain their marriage. I heard the story of a couple who had a grandfather clock in their house. Once their kids were grown and out of the house, they had to get rid of it. Why? The constant ticking about drove them nuts. They had never noticed it when their house was filled with the noise of their children. But now with the kids gone, the ticking dominated the silence. We must help parents develop a deep love and commitment to each other that will continue to thrive even when they are sitting in the silence of an empty house one day.

3 Keys to Reaching Parents Who Are Cohabiting

7:58 AM Dale Hudson

A recent report from Barna Research shows that cohabitation is the new family norm. More and more Americans are moving in together before marriage. In fact, the culture has shifted to the point where the majority of adults (65%) either strongly or somewhat agree that it's a good idea to live with someone before marriage.

“America is well beyond the tipping point when it comes to cohabitation,” says Roxanne Stone, editor in chief at Barna Group. “Living together before marriage is no longer an exception, but instead has become an accepted and expected milestone of adulthood."

If this is the new norm, how should the church respond? How can we reach parents who are living outside of God's plan for marriage and help them discover God's best for their life? Here's 3 keys to effective ministry in the new family norm.

HAVE A HEART FOR THEM AND GO TO THEM.
Jesus modeled this for us. He didn't shy away from people who were living together. Quite the opposite. He went to them. The woman at the well is a great example of this. Jesus went out of His way to reach out to this lady who was cohabiting.

Do you have couples in your church that are cohabiting? If not, then you're missing out on the heart of Jesus. He cares deeply about them. He wants them to find forgiveness and healing. He wants to change their lives.

Here's a snapshot of the average community in America. 88% of the people who are not believers say cohabitation is a good idea. And 57% are either currently or have previously lived with a boyfriend/girlfriend. If you are reaching your community, you will have couples attending your church who are cohabiting. Remember, the church should be a hospital where couples can find healing and restoration rather than a museum where perfect Christians are on display.

MODEL WHAT A STRONG MARRIAGE LOOKS LIKE.
Before we look down on young adults who are living together unmarried, we have to take a hard, hard look in the mirror. You see, Millennials see marriage as a risky endeavor. And you want to know why? Because they are trying to avoid the heartbreak they have witnessed in their parents' divorces.

Living together has become a way for them to test their relationship before making a final commitment. 84% of young adults living together say this is why they are choosing cohabitation. This compares to only 9% who cohabit for convenience and only 5% who do so for financial reasons.

It's time we model strong marriages for the next generation. When they see love and commitment actively being lived out in long-term marriages, they will follow our example.

CELEBRATE THE BENEFITS OF WAITING.
It's not easy in today's culture to swim against the tide of cohabitation. As with premarital sex, the arguments against cohabitation are increasingly being seen as out-dated by the culture as a whole. Today's young adults constantly see people living together unmarried at work, in the media and next door.

The answer is not in simply bringing down the hammer against cohabitation, but in showing young adults the benefits of waiting and lining up with God's plan for marriage. They must be clearly shown that marriage leads to better spiritual growth, stability, family life and commitment. The divorce rate is much lower for couples who wait until marriage to move in together.

They need to know this. We must make marriage so attractive that cohabitation will be seen as a cheap substitute of real love and commitment.

Young Adults Living with Parents..the Lastest Surprising Findings

11:10 AM Dale Hudson

You never stop parenting...especially in today's culture. According to Pew Research, for the first time in the modern era, living with parents is the number one living arrangement for 18-to-34-year-olds.

32% of young adults are living with their parents.

This is being attributed to demographic shifts in marital status, employment and educational attainment.

Marital status

Young adults living with their parents is being fueled primarily by the dramatic drop in the percentage who are choosing to settle down before age 35.

A growing percentage of young adults are eschewing marriage. Projections say that as many as 25% of today's young adults may never marry. While cohabitation has been on the rise, the overall share of young adults either married or living with an unmarried partner has fallen substantially since 1990. The current average age of marriage is 27.1 for women and 29.2 for men.

Employment

Employment among young men has fallen significantly in recent years. In 2014, only 71% of 18-to-34 young men were employed. Earnings among young men have also been declining. This can be attributed to the Great Recession. Living at home has become a safety net to help weather the economic storm. Young women have not been affected as much in this area with continuing gains in employment.

Educational Attainment

36% of young adults who have not completed a bachelor's degree are living with their parents. For those who did not complete high school, 40% live with their parents.

Marriage Matters

10:14 AM Dale Hudson

An increasing number of children are being raised in single-parent homes. Since 2009, over 40% of babies are born outside of marriage. Half of all children born to mothers under 30 are born to unmarried women.

But data shows that families with married parents have lower poverty rates and children raised in a married household have a better opportunity to flourish.

Marriage Matters. It is the most reliable way for children to get what they need most: two consistent and engaged parents.

In a day when marriage is being undermined in so many ways, churches must continue to champion marriage and emphasize that it is God's blueprint for family structure. God's blueprint is the best way to build a home that will produce healthy, well-balanced children.

What are you doing to champion marriage in your ministry? Share your thoughts with us in the comment section below.

Are You Committed to Yourself?

9:16 AM Dale Hudson

You're committed to the ministry you lead. You spend untold hours investing in the kids, parents and volunteers God has called you serve. You put it all on the line to reach the next generation. That's what good children's ministry leaders do.

But that doesn't mean you should completely sacrifice your personal life. Leaders who push aside their own spiritual growth, family, sleep, exercise, rest, days off and vacation time will experience a gradual loss and burn out.

Leaders who go the distance and make a long-term, significant impact supplement their commitment to the ministry with an equally important commitment to themselves. They know their ministry flows from their own spiritual and physical health.

Are you committed to your own relationship with Jesus? It's easy to be so committed to working for Jesus that it overshadows your commitment to be with Jesus. When this happens, your passion will gradually wain and the ministry will turn into a job that you find yourself grudgingly performing. In this post, I share about the importance of being committed to your own spiritual life.

Are you committed to your own family? Are you so busy reaching everyone else's kids that you are neglecting your own kids? Are you spending so much time helping other people's marriages that your own marriage is suffering? Are you investing so much in other people's families that you are hurting your own family?

The most important kids we minister to are our own kids. The most important marriage we work on is our own. The most important family we minister to is our own family.

Are you committed to your physical health? Do you find yourself constantly running through the drive-thru and ordering unhealthy food because you're too busy to sit down for a healthy meal? Are you too busy to exercise? Running on little to no sleep because you've got so much to do? When your physical health goes down, your ministry will go down.

Are you committed to your mental health? Stress. It's part of ministry. And if you don't find ways to relieve it...reduce it...deal with it...it will bury you. I found out the hard way that you can burn out doing what you love. You can read my story here.

Are you committed to your life outside of ministry? Ministry will take over your entire life if you let it. It can take you to a point where it's all you think about and you can't even slow down enough to enjoy any hobbies or other things in life you would enjoy doing.

There's an interesting analogy in Song of Solomon 1. It says this - "They made me the keeper of the vineyards: but mine own vineyard have I not kept." The person writing this got so busy taking care of other people's vineyards that she neglected to take care of her own vineyard. She was so busy planting seeds in other people's vineyards that her own vineyard was barren. She was so busy watering other people's vineyards that her own vineyard became parched. She was so busy pulling weeds out of other people's vineyards that her own vineyard became overgrown with weeds.

Can you relate?

Please...please...please stay committed to the ministry....and please...please...please stay as equally committed to yourself. Spend time with Jesus. Exercise. Take your day off. Use your vacation time. Go home and be with your family. Get some hobbies.

We need you for the long haul.

Millennials and Marriage...The Latest Findings

8:03 AM Dale Hudson

Millennials are ages 18 to 34 in 2015. Are they heading to the marriage altar? Let's take a look at the latest findings.

Fewer Millennials are getting married. 49% of 25-to-34-year-olds have never married.

Millennials are getting married later. In 1960, the median age for marriage was 23 for males and 20 for females. Today it's 29 and 27.

Millennials are choosing to get married more often in places other than the church. 65% of Boomers (ages 65 & older) got married in a place of worship. Only 39% of married millennials say their wedding ceremony was performed in a place of worship. An example is New York City, where city clerks report they have seen a nearly 50% increase in the number of weddings held in the marriage bureau office.

One reason for this trend is the growing percentage of Americans who have no religious affiliation. In 2007, 16% of Americans said they had no religious affiliation. The percentage has now increased to 35% among Millennials.

Another reason for this trend may be the DIY (do it yourself) spirit of the day. Millennials are opting out of tradition in order to create something new and creative. Often these endeavors aren't compatible with a church building, but are viable for other venues.

Many Millennials are choosing cohabitation over marriage. Stats show that 48% of women are choosing cohabitation as their first union. This is a 14% increase since 1995. Cohabiting parents now account for over 59% of all births outside of marriage.

Many Millennials did not have a good role model for marriage. Their parents' 50% divorce rate has not sent a good message.

The church must be a place that models healthy marriages, teaches God's plan for marriage, provides excellent premarital counseling, invests in young adults and connects young couples to godly, older married couples as mentors.

The Key to a Marriage That Lasts

12:09 PM Dale Hudson

In Mark 10, the Pharisees asked Jesus about marriage. Here's how He responded.

Some Pharisees came to Him and tested Him by asking, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?"

"What did Moses command you," He replied.

They said, "Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away."

"It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law," Jesus replied. "But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.'

For this reason a man will leave his mother and father and be united with His wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh."

Jesus said when a couple (btw - He said a man and woman) marries, they become one. Picture it like this. Two strands of rope being tied together to form one strand of rope. You "tie the knot."

The phrase "tying the knot" comes from the custom of tying a couple's hands together during the wedding ceremony. It has also been traced back to Sweden, where sailors would send a piece of rope to the girl they wanted to marry. If the girl returned the rope with a knot tied in it, it meant she was accepting his wedding proposal.

As Jesus continues talking about marriage in Mark 10, He says, "What God has joined together, let no one separate."

God established marriage to be a permanent relationship that would last a life time. He doesn't want the knot that was tied to be pulled apart.

But there is an enemy. John 10 says, "The thief is come to steal, kill and destroy." The enemy's desire is to snap the marriage union. There are several ways he brings the pressure.

-Lack of communication
-Infideilty
-Finances
-Abuse (emotional & physical)
-Feeling constrained
-Trust / jealousy
-Quick changes
-Spiritual differences
-Parenting disagreements
-Addictions
-Baggage from previous relationships

Every couple faces one or more of these pressures and the tension it puts on marriage. And it is hard for any couple to stand up to the pressure by themselves.

The key to a marriage not being pulled apart is found in Ecclesiastes 4. It says, "And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not easily torn apart."

The key to a marriage that lasts is the 3rd cord...which is God. When you wrap Him around your union, He will keep the enemy from pulling you apart.

The more you surrender to His will and way as a couple...the stronger the third cord will become around your union.

Matthew 6 says, "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."

When a couple makes their decisions based on God's Word, treats each other like Jesus would and puts God first in every area of their life...the cord becomes strong enough to withstand the pressures that are trying to pull them apart...and their marriage lasts for a lifetime.

Why It's Important For Kids to Grow Up with Married Parents

8:35 AM Dale Hudson

One reality that today's kids face is not growing up with their married mom and dad. Over half of kids ages 15 to 17 do not live in a home with their married mother or father. Over 40% of kids are born out of wedlock.

This means over half of kids will enter adulthood without the benefits of intact family life.

Does this make a difference? Let's examine the facts. Children's raised by their married parents have...

substantially better life outcomes compared to children raised in single-parent homes

higher education attainment levels

better emotional health

greater self-esteem

higher regard for marriage

better chance of avoiding the pitfalls of high-risk behaviors (boys who grow up without a father in the home are more likely to engage in delinquent behaviors & girls who grow up without a father in the home are seven to eight times more likely to experience teenage pregnancy)

better economic well-being (marriage decreases the chance of childhood poverty by 82%)

How are we going to change this?

We must teach the next generation about the benefits and value of marriage. We must hold up God's golden standard for the family which is one man and one woman married for life.

We must provide solid per-marital counseling for couples.

We must reach out to married couples who are struggling and help them journey back to a healthy marriage.

Marriage was designed by God and is the foundation on which a family is built.

For more help on marriage and family ministry, I encourage you to check out the D6 conference that will be held this fall. It is one of the leading conferences that equips churches to reach and disciple families. You can get more information at this link.

Marriage & Family in America...11 Things You Need to Know

5:38 AM Dale Hudson

Recent reports give us an inside look at the latest trends in marriage and family in America.

Americans Still Like Marriage

67 percent of Americans disagree with the idea that marriage is outdated.
75 percent of Americans are either married or would like to get married.

Marriage Boosts Social Mobility

Marriage culture around a child is the greatest factor for his or her social mobility.
The strongest predictor is the percentage of children with single parents in a community.

Unwed Childbearing Remains High

The unwed birth rate remains high at over 40 percent of all births.

Marriage Continues to Protect Against Child Poverty

Children in single-parent homes are five times as likely to be poor compared to children in married-parent homes.

Married Households Make More Money

Married men earn significantly more than single men.
32% of the growth in family income inequality since 1979 can be linked to the decline in the marriage rate.

Fertility Rate is at an All-Time Low

For the past 10 years, America’s fertility rate has been trending downward.

Proportion of Single Americans is at an All-Time High

In 2014, the number of single Americans hit an all-time high, now at 50.2%. In the mid-1970s, the percentage was 37.4%.

Cohabitation is Common But Not Beneficial

Most couples live together before they wed.
44% of Americans think that cohabitation before marriage is a good idea. However, research suggests the opposite: cohabitation is linked to poorer marital quality.

Most Americans Report Multiple Sexual Partners

Americans report having between 4 and 6 sexual partners over their lifetime.
Research indicates that those who only have sex with the person they marry report higher marital quality.

The Marriage Divide Continues

63% of births are outside of marriage.
Among college-educated young women, 71 percent of births occur within marriage. This leaves children in lower-income, and increasingly more so in working-class communities, without the multiple benefits of marriage.

Fathers Are Spending More Time with Their Children

Fathers today spend significantly more time with their children than they did just two decades ago.
Children with involved fathers on average have better outcomes, including an increased likelihood of graduating from college.
However, fewer youth live with their fathers today than in past decades.

Though many of these trends are going in the wrong direction, it can be changed. As we minister in a post-modern culture, we are seeing more and more families who simply don't know about God's plan for the home. As we reach out to hurting, broken people and share the hope and forgiveness that is found in Christ, we can help them discover all that God wants for them.

The Traditional Family in America...the Latest Findings

8:20 AM Dale Hudson

Pew Research recently released stats for the current state of the American Family.

Less than half (46%) of kids under 18 are living in a home with two married heterosexual parents in their first marriage compared to 73% in 1960 and 61% in 1980.

The number of children born outside of marriage is 41%.

15% of children are living with two parents who are in a remarriage.

34% of children today are living with an unmarried parent—up from just 9% in 1960, and 19% in 1980.

5% of children are not living with either parent and in most cases are living with a grandparent.

What does this mean for us in children and family ministry?

Ministering to today's families is no longer cookie-cutter, one-size-fits-all ministry. If you are reaching your community, you are going to have a very diverse group of families. You will not only have kids who come from a traditional family, but you will also have kids whose parents are cohabiting, kids from blended families, kids from single parent homes, kids from same-sex households and kids living with their grandparents.

We are called to meet families where they are, love them, wrap our arms around them and provide pathways of grace and growth. Yes, it gets messy at times, but that's what Jesus loves. That's the kind of ministry He had when He was on earth and that's the kind of ministry He is continuing today through us.

Let's keep reaching families!

Divorce Rate Among Evangelical Christians Now Higher Than Among Non-Believers

6:35 AM Dale Hudson

A recent report from Baylor University says evangelical Christians now have a higher divorce rate than non-believers.

The report covered 50 years of religious change, from 1964 to 2014.

Other findings included...

The proportion of Americans who do not identify with any religious tradition has grown dramatically—from 3 percent in the 1960s to 20 percent today—even though 90 percent of Americans professed a belief in God or a higher power.

Protestants have declined in their share of the American adult population, from 70 percent in the 1950s to a little less than 50 percent today.

The protracted decline in Protestant shares of the American population is largely due to the decline of Mainline Protestant denominations such as Methodists, Lutherans and Episcopalians, whose numbers have halved over the same time period.

Evangelicals rapidly increased their share of the population until the early 1990s, but that segment has experienced some decline since then.

The proportion of people who affiliate with non-Judeo-Christian religions has doubled since the 1950s.

It's a sad day when the divorce rate inside the church is higher than outside the church. With all of our marriage seminars, conferences, books, and teachings - so many married couples still struggle.

What's the answer?

I'd like to hear your thoughts. Share with us in the comment section below.

Is Marriage Declining? Here's the facts.

6:23 AM Dale Hudson

A recent Gallup poll says the majority of Americans are married (54%) or have never married but would like to be someday (21%).

That leaves 5% of Americans who have never married and say they don't want to do so, along with 20% who have been previously married or did not classify their marital status.

Marital Status and Desire to Get Married in the U.S., June 2013

The Census Bureau reports that the rate of marriage is down, from 9.9 marriages per 1,000 Americans in 1987 to 6.8 in 2011.

In addition, researchers at the University of Maryland found that the marriage rate per 1,000 unmarried women fell from 90 in 1950, at the height of the baby boom, to just 31 in 2011.

9% of Americans aged 18 to 34 are unmarried and express no interest in marrying, but 56% of this group is unmarried and does want to get married.

This high level of interest in marriage suggests there is little widespread attitudinal aversion to first-time marriage among the nation's younger unmarried residents.

Marital Status and Interest, by Age, June 2013

Although most Americans are married or would like to get married, less than two-thirds consider it very or somewhat important for a couple to marry if the two want to spend the rest of their lives together or when they want to have a child together.

This is down from 2006, the last time Gallup asked about the importance of marriage in this way.

Fewer than 6 in 10 Americans who have never been married but want to be say it is important that a couple get married in these circumstances.

This suggests that a sizable percentage of Americans who would like to get married still don't think it is important that they do so.

Importance of Marrying, by Marital Status and Interest in Marriage, June 2013

Americans who have never married but would like to were asked to explain why they were still single. The reasons given are straightforward, including the fact that they have not found the right person or because they are too young, or not ready to get married.

Finances are the third-most-frequently mentioned reason, followed by having no time, career considerations, attending school or not trusting people.

Implications
Regardless of age, Americans are much more positive about marriage than not, as the majority of all age groups are married or want to get married someday. Fewer than 1 in 10 young Americans have never married and say they do not want to get married.

These findings indicate that there is a significant desire for marriage even as the overall marriage rate has dropped in recent years.

On the other hand, Americans' views of the importance of being married when two people want to spend their lives together or have a child has declined in recent years.

Thus, while most younger Americans who have never married express an attitudinal interest in eventually doing so, fewer hold the underlying attitude that such an action is important.

The reasons Americans who have never married yet want to be married give for why they have not yet married support the idea that getting married is to some degree a matter of timing and convenience rather than necessity, as most reasons have to do with waiting for the right partner or the right time.

All in all, the data suggest that marriage holds its traditional status as the expected route for young couples, but the perceived importance of adhering to that tradition may be weakening.

Thus, the overall marriage rate may be dropping partly because younger Americans feel more comfortable in waiting to be married, even if they do get married eventually.

Talking to Kids about Gay Marriage

6:46 AM Dale Hudson

I've recently had parents in our ministry ask how they should talk to their children about gay marriage. With the recent supreme court decision, it's been all over the news. Unless they are hiding out in a cave, most families will see the news coverage and headlines.

When this pops up on the news, kids will begin to ask questions, especially if they are pre-teens. Here is what I have been sharing with parents.

As we are discipling our children, we must apply the Scriptures to all of life.
If we don't teach our children a Biblical world view of sexual ethics, the culture will fill in our silence with answers of its own.
The big question is "how do we teach about the controversy, without exposing children to more than they can handle or aren't developmentally ready to process?"
There is no need to inform small children in detail in order to get across that the Bible teaches marriage is for a man and woman.
Parents can explain to their children what the Bible teaches about marriage being for a husband and wife. One way they teach money handlers to identify counterfeit bills is by allowing them to constantly handle real ones. After being exposed to only the real deal for so long in training, the counterfeits are easily recognized. If we constantly expose children to the truth, the lies about what marriage is won't stick.
We can tell children that some people don't follow God's Word and disagree about what marriage is. They have relationships they want to be seen as marriages that go against what God's Word says.
We must speak the truth in love about what the Bible teaches.
We may not agree with what these people are doing, but we are to pray for them and show them God's love.

One other important note. We don't address this issue with the kids at church. We believe this is the parent's responsibility. Our job is to equip parents so they can have this conversation with their child at home.

Your turn. The floor is yours. How do you think parents should talk with their children about gay marriage? Please share your thoughts in the comment section below.

Breadwinner Moms

9:17 AM Dale Hudson

A new study by Pew Research shows that a record 40% of all households with children under the age of 18 include mothers who are either the sole or primary source of income for the family,

The share was just 11% in 1960. These “breadwinner moms” are made up of two very different groups: 5.1 million (37%) are married mothers who have a higher income than their husbands, and 8.6 million (63%) are single mothers.

The income gap between the two groups is quite large. The median total family income of married mothers who earn more than their husbands was nearly $80,000 in 2011, well above the national median of $57,100 for all families with children, and nearly four times the $23,000 median for families led by a single mother.

The growth is tied to women’s increasing presence in the workplace. Women make up almost of half (47%) of the U.S. labor force today, and the employment rate of married mothers with children has increased from 37% in 1968 to 65% in 2011.3

A survey conducted in November 2012 found that mothers’ views about whether and how much they would like to work had changed significantly since 2007 (before the recession officially began). The share of mothers saying their ideal situation would be to work full time increased from 20% in 2007 to 32% in 2012. And the share saying they would prefer not to work at all fell from 29% to 20%.

Many voice concerns about the toll that having a working mother may take on children or even marriage. About three-quarters of adults (74%) say the increasing number of women working for pay has made it harder for parents to raise children, and half say that it has made marriages harder to succeed.

While the vast majority of Americans (79%) reject the idea that women should return to their traditional roles, the study finds that the public still sees mothers and fathers in a different light when it comes to evaluating the best work-family balance for children.

About half (51%) of survey respondents say that children are better off if a mother is home and doesn’t hold a job, while just 8% say the same about a father.

On the topic of single mothers, most Americans (64%) say that this growing trend is a “big problem”; however, the share who feel this way is down from 71% in 2007. Also, young adults are less concerned than older adults about the trend. About four-in-ten adults under age 30 (42%) view it as a big problem, compared with 65% of those in their 30s and 40s and 74% of adults who are 50 and older.

Of all households with children younger than 18, the share of married mothers who out-earn their husbands has gone up from 4% in 1960 to 15% in 2011, nearly a fourfold increase. During the same period, the share of families led by a single mother has more than tripled (from 7% to 25%).

The total family income is higher when the mother, not the father, is the primary breadwinner. In 2011, the median family income was nearly $80,000 for couples in which wife is the primary breadwinner, about $2,000 more than it was for couples in which husband is the primary breadwinner, and $10,000 more than for couples in which spouses’ income is the same.

Married mothers are increasingly better educated than their husbands. Even though a majority of spouses have a similar educational background, the share of couples in which the mother has attained a higher education than her spouse has gone up from 7% in 1960 to 23% in 2011.

In two-parent families today, 61% have a mother whose education level is similar to her husband’s, 23% have a mother who is better educated than her husband, and 16% have a father who is better educated than his wife. Most people reject the idea that it is bad for a marriage if a wife out-earns her husband.

When asked if they agree or disagree that it is generally better for a marriage if a husband earns more than his wife, some 28% of survey respondents say they agree and 63% disagree. When a similar question was asked in 1997, 40% said they agreed.

Marriage Promotes Longer Life

6:59 AM Unknown

A recent report from The Foundry shared research that compares mortality rates between married and cohabiting individuals.

The study reveals that, over the course of eight years, the odds of mortality are nearly 60 percent higher for never-married individuals, roughly 30 percent higher for divorced or separated individuals, and nearly 40 percent higher for widowed individuals.

The link between marriage and longevity is likely connected to the generally better levels of health—both physical and psychological—of married individuals. Nearly 90 percent of married adults report being in good or very good health: a greater percentage compared to their non-married peers.

Marriage is also connected to improved recovery from illness. A 2011 study revealed that married individuals are about twice as likely to survive within five years of having heart surgery as compared to unmarried individuals. Similarly, another study the same year found that married men and women were 250 percent more likely to be alive 15 years after coronary artery bypass surgery than their unmarried counterparts.

Marriage promotes the positive outcomes of children and society as a whole. Marriage is the greatest protector against child poverty, and children from married-parent families are more likely to thrive on a variety of measures. As adults and children thrive, societies are able to prosper.

Sadly, marriage rates are declining in the U.S. As the marriage rate declines, fewer will reap the many benefits this institution provides. Policies to promote and support marriage are crucial to ensuring the strength of the nation.

Should You Read These Books?

6:47 AM Unknown

Here are some books I've read recently that I wanted to share with you.
Have you read any of these? If so, what did you think?
What are some books that you have read that you would recommend?
Share your thoughts in the comment section below.