RELEVANT CHILDREN'S MINISTRY

If you want to see your ministry grow, then you must be committed to growing as the leader of the ministry.

If you personally stop growing, it can cause the ministry you lead to become stagnant, complacent and lukewarm.

And once you think you know it all, you will stop growing. 

Great leaders don't think they know it all...and they don't act like they know it all.

I love writing articles for this site.  I write it to encourage and equip people in ministry.  But I also write because it stretches me.  It causes me to research and spend time thinking.  It often forces me out of my comfort zone.  And that's a good thing for everyone...to be pushed out of your comfort zone.  Outside of our comfort zones is where we grow as leaders and followers of Christ.

As you prepare to enter a new year in a couple of weeks. I want to encourage you to be committed to your personal growth.  If you want to keep growing, then here are 10 things you can do.

1. Spend time with Jesus.  You might be thinking, "Duh...isn't that obvious."  Yes, but living it out can be a challenge at times, can't it.  We can get caught in the trap of working for Jesus but not spending time with Him.

There is something about spending time with Jesus that causes you to grow as a leader.  It gives you wisdom.  It gives you an anointing on your life.  It makes God's Word come alive and truths jump out as you read it.

Spiritual growth comes from having a growing relationship with Jesus.

"Like newborn infants, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation." 
1 Peter 2:2

2. Ask some friends, coworkers, etc. to help you identify your blind spots.  There are some areas you need to improve in.  The problem is...you can't see it.  And you can't improve what you can't identify.  That's why you should ask other people to help you with this.  Ask them to be brutally honest with you and don't get defensive when you hear things that make you uncomfortable.  Remember that it's through discomfort we can grow as leaders.

3. Go to a conference.  Make time each year to go to a conference that will challenge you and inspire you.

4. Get a coach.  All leaders need a coach.  Someone who will push you, challenge you, walk with you and invest in you.  I have a coaching program.  Dozens of leader have went through it and are better leaders because of it.  If you'd like more information about the Coaching Program,  you can go to this link. 

5. Spend time with someone who has more experience than you.  Find someone you look up to in ministry.  Ask if you can talk with them about ministry.  Come to the meeting (or telephone call) with a list of questions to ask them. 

6. Read books.  Readers are leaders, right?  Set a goal to read 4-6 books in the next year.  If you haven't read my most recent books, here is the link to them.

7. Listen to podcasts.  There are tons of leadership and personal growth podcasts.  Use those free moments during the day to listen in.  Some examples are while you are working out, while you are driving, while you are working around the house, etc.

8. Learn from leaders who are younger than you.   I talked earlier about learning from someone who is older than you.  But don't stop there.  Find some younger leaders and learn from them as well.  They have fresh ideas, input, dreams that will help you stay relevant and knowing the pulse of the culture and next generation.

9.  Ask a lot questions.  In order to grow, you have to consistently be asking questions.  Ask more questions and give less answers.  No matter how long you've been in ministry, keep asking questions.  Stay curious.  Stay thirsty to learn new things.

10. Embrace feedback.  It's not always easy to absorb feedback.  You might see it as threatening, judgemental or hard to hear.  Feedback can bring out your insecurities if you look at it as a personal attack.

To grow as a leader, you must see feedback as a gift.  No matter what is said, you can learn something from it if you will listen with an open heart.  There is something you can learn even from feedback that is off base.

I'm believing and praying that your next 12 months will be a great time of growth for you.  Everything rises and falls on leadership...even in children's ministry.

You may think you are not creative.  You may feel like you can't come up with any great ideas.  You may struggle to produce ideas that will help the ministry succeed.

I've got some good news for you.  You are creative.  You just need some people around you who can help you bring it out.  More good news...you've got some great ideas.  You just need to be in an environment that will enable you to discover them.

Let's talk about how you can generate great ideas that will help your ministry move forward.  

Bring people around you.  I know this seems obvious, but it can be a struggle for a leader who is used to doing everything himself or herself.  But remember, the smartest person in the room is the room.  It may be quicker to come up with an idea by yourself, but if you involve other people in helping you come up with ideas, the better the ideas will be.

 Value people's input.  When team members know you will listen to their ideas and value their input, they will open up and help you create great ideas.  But if you belittle ideas team members bring to the table, they will shut down and stop trying to help.  This doesn't mean you always have to go with ideas from team members, but they should know that their ideas will be received and considered for usage.  

Stay approachable.  Team members will be reluctant to share their ideas with you if they feel intimidated or that you won't care. 

Team members will be more motivated and energized when you include them in the flow of generating new ideas.  It's a big lift when team members get to share their ideas and see them implemented.

Learn to listen more than you talk.  When you gather to brainstorm, give team members your undivided attention as they share.  When they see you are really interested in what they are saying, they will open up and share on a deeper level.

Relax.  You might be prone to think that brainstorming sessions need to be serious...too serious to include laughter, fun and craziness.  Actually, the opposite is true.  The more relaxed your brainstorming is, the better ideas you will generate. 
 
Create a culture where ideas belong to no one.   Once you lay down an idea on the table, it belongs to no one.  When people detach from their ideas and move ownership to the entire group, there is more freedom to brainstorm about the idea.
   
Thank people for their input.  When team members know you appreciate and value their input, they will become more confident in sharing.

The best ideas come from relationships.  I remember years ago, I brought in a few team members for a brainstorming session.  One of them, sat quietly with a look of "I hate being here."  He never contributed during the session.  After the session was over, I asked him privately why he didn't get involved in the brainstorming. 

He shared with me that he was upset with me about something that happened a few weeks earlier.  That's why he sat there and didn't give any input.  I learned that day that you must have a good relationship with your team members if you want them to open up and share freely.

There are lots of game-changing ideas that your team can generate if you'll simply brainstorm with them.  So...let the brainstorming begin.  The best ideas your ministry has ever come up with are waiting to be uncovered.

As a leader, you are tasked with helping the people on your team grow.  One of the key ways to do this is by providing them with verbal instruction.  But it must be the right kind of verbal instruction.

You see, there is a difference between criticism and feedback.  A big difference.  And it is vital to know the difference.

Let's compare the two.

Criticism points out what is wrong and leaves the person feeling defeated.  Feedback is a conversation that talks about an issue, discusses how to make it better and leaves the person in good spirits.

Criticism leaves the person knowing what they did wrong.  Feedback leaves the person knowing what they can work on to get better. 

Criticism leaves the person feeling alone.  Feedback leaves the person feeling supported.

Criticism means to hurt.  Feedback means to help.

Criticism focuses on misses.  Feedback focuses on how to complete the mission.

Criticism comes from a place of fear and insecurity.  Feedback comes from a place of confidence.

Criticism is only negative.  Feedback points people to the positive.

Criticism says there is only one right way.  Feedback helps people figure out a better way for themselves.

Criticism does all the talking.  Feedback talks and listens.  It's a two way conversation.

Criticism is emotional.  Feedback is calm and cool.

Criticism only gives answers.  Feedback asks questions.

Criticism is done openly.  Feedback is done privately.

Criticism is rude.  Feedback is respectful.

Criticism chastises.  Feedback challenges.

Criticism focuses on the past.  Feedback points to the future.

Criticism is blame and shame.  Feedback is about knowing and growing.

Criticism is critiquing.  Feedback is coaching.

Criticism only points out what is wrong.  Feedback points out how to improve.

Criticism is self-serving.  Feedback has the other person's best interests in mind.

Criticism destroys.  Feedback develops.

Giving feedback is an art and can be learned.  Here some articles that will help you become a master at giving feedback.

The Importance of Feedback (How to Give It and Gather It)

10 Tips of Giving Feedback to Your Volunteers

Bottom line...criticism will blemish your ministry...feedback will build your ministry.  Know the difference between the two.

A few weeks ago,  I was speaking in the weekend services at a church in the Tampa area.  The church has one service on Saturday and two on Sunday.  I had just finished speaking at the first service on Sunday and was interacting with some of the people who had attended.  A lady approached me and whispered to me, "I need to tell you something."

Okay.  I thought she might be getting ready to tell me about something going on in her life, ask a question or comment on something I said during the message.  But here's what she said.

"You still have the sales tag on your coat."

"Where?" I said.

"Under your arm.  I saw it when you were speaking."

My heart skipped a beat.  I raised my arm and sure enough...there was the sales tag.  I had spoke Saturday night and Sunday morning with a sales tag hanging out of my coat!  I felt like an idiot!  I thanked her and obviously quickly removed the tag.  Even thought it was embarrassing at the the moment, I look back and have to laugh at myself.

The sales tag taught me a lesson that you might be able to identify with as well. 

You see...I have weaknesses that I cannot see.  Blind spots.  That's why they call them blind spots, right?  I can't correct what I can't see.  That's why I must have trusted friends who will be brutally honest and point them out to me. 

Effective leaders welcome critique and see it as a gift rather than a criticism.  If you're like me, when someone approaches me and begins to point out one of my weaknesses, I naturally tense up and and become defensive internally.  I have to resist this and see the critique as a gift that will make me a better leader and person.

Every criticism, critique and bit of feedback you receive, can make you better if you'll make this adjustment and see it as a gift.  Even if it is off base and not totally true, there is usually still a nugget of truth you can grab and use to help you improve as a leader.  

If you'll make this shift, it will totally change your attitude about critique and criticism.  Don't let your insecurities, pride or stubbornness rob you of an opportunity to grow as a leader.

Effective leaders take the initiative and ask people to help them see their blind spots.  If I had asked a friend or family member to check me before I went up to speak, I could have avoided an embarrassing situation. 

Don't sit back and hope someone will point out your blind spots.  Have a group of trusted friends who will be brutally honest with you and will help you grow as a leader through feedback.

Asking these type of questions will give you the knowledge you need to grow. 

• What part of my personality can be offensive at times?
• What would you change in my message that will make it more effective?
• What is one thing I can do to be a better leader?
• What is something I should stop doing to be a better leader?

Effective leaders are intentional about working on their weaknesses.  Guess what?  You haven't arrived as a leader and neither have I.  And we never will.  That's why we must continue to take the feedback we get and use it to continually grow as a leader.  Effective leaders are always in school.  They are always growing.  Always looking for ways to get better.

What is the "sales tag" that is in your life and leadership right now?  Get some help seeing it and then you can remove it.  Remove it and you'll be more effective as a leader. 

What are some signs of a toxic volunteer?  They never have anything positive to say.  They suck the life and energy out of the room when they walk in.  They don't just resist change...they fight against it.  They complain about everything.  You constantly having to clean up the mess they cause.  A toxic volunteer spreads dissension among other volunteers and causes damage to the entire team.  Basically, they make your life miserable as the leader.

Any names come to mind?  If not, don't worry.  Stay in children's ministry long enough and you will encounter a toxic volunteer.  So...what should you do when this happens?  How do you manage the toxicity?  

Step One - Sit down with the person and try to find out the root cause of the toxic behavior.  What you're seeing are the symptoms of a much deeper problem.  Find out how the person is doing.  How are things at home, at work and in their personal life?  Are they facing any problems or difficulties?  Are they struggling in any areas?

If the answer is yes, then offer to assist them.  If they accept, this opens the door for you to come alongside them and provide help through counseling, coaching and other resources. 

Step Two - Ask if you can give them feedback.  In many cases, the person is oblivious to their toxic behavior.  You can't expect a person to change if they don't know they need to.  It is important to give them direct and honest feedback so they can understand the problem. Help them see how their behavior is impacting other volunteers and the spirit of the team.

Step Three - Give them clear steps they can take to turn things around.  Don't stop at telling them what the issue is.  Point them to the behavior you'd like to see.  Help them develop a plan to get there.  Give them clearly defined, measurable steps they can take and set a time frame.  By doing this, you're giving them an opportunity to have a more positive impact.

Step Four - If the person refuses your help or doesn't show any improvement in the time frame you set for them, explain what the consequences will be if it continues.  It may mean being removed from a position of influence.  It may mean taking time off from serving until things change.  It may mean stepping down from serving completely. 

Step Five - Have the courage to follow through with the consequences if there is no change.  Your prayer and hope is that God will use this to help the person change.  But not everyone will respond.  Some will be unwilling to change.  You must recognize that you are responsible to people but you are not responsible for people.  If the person is continuing to hurt the morale of the team, then the consequences must be enforced. 

Step Six - Document everything.  Each step of the way, document their offenses, your conversations with them and their responses.  Put in writing their behavior, the steps you took to address it, resources and help you offered and the failure of the person to change.  It is also good to have someone else sit in with you when you meet with the person as a witness to what was said and not said.

Toxic behavior is never an easy thing to deal with, but it must be done.  If you don't, it will spread to the rest of your team.  There's too much at stake not to face it head on.

I'll never forget when I called to check on one of our volunteers whose mother was sick in the hospital.  When he picked up the phone, he immediately begin apologizing for not being there to serve.  It broke my heart.  His first thought was not "Dale is calling to check on me and my family."  It was, "Dale is calling to see why I didn't serve."  It was a gut check for me.  I hadn't been asking him the right questions up to that point.  My questions hadn't demonstrated that I really cared about him and his family.

There are 10 questions your volunteers wish you would ask them.  Questions that show you care more about them as a person than about what they can do for the ministry.  Here they are. 

Are you in your sweet spot?
This question helps volunteers make sure they are in a role that aligns with their gifts and passion.  When volunteers are in their sweet spot, they thrive.  When volunteers are in their sweet spot, they enjoy serving.  When volunteers are in their sweet spot, they are fulfilled.

Ask this question to new volunteers before you place them in a role.  Ask this question a month after volunteers start serving to make sure they're in the right role.

There are volunteers who are miserable and frustrated because no one has taken the time to ask them this question.  There are volunteers who quit after a few months because no one took the time to ask them this question.  There are volunteers who are in roles where they are needed, instead of in roles where they need to be, because no one has asked them this question.

How are you doing?
Let me rephrase that.  Ask them, "How are you 'really' doing?"  Many times volunteers won't share what's really going on in their life, unless you ask them.  Behind the smile may be suffering, depression, financial problems, family issues and other struggles.  Take time time to find out how they are really doing.  

When is your birthday?  Your anniversary?  
Find out so you can celebrate with them.

Can we meet for coffee this week? 
Your volunteers want to spend time with you outside of serving.

Do you need a break from serving?
There are times when volunteers need a short break from serving, but they won't tell you.  Ask them. 

How can I pray for you?
They need to know you are praying for them.    

Can I give you some feedback?
This question shows you want to invest in them and help them grow as a leader.  Here's more info about how to effectively provide your volunteers with feedback. 

Are you ready to take on more responsibility?
Your volunteers want to be challenged.  They want to grow as leaders and take on more responsibility.  As they are faithful, ask them this question.   Out of the 70 people we have on our children's ministry staff, 65 of them started out as volunteers that we asked this question.

Are you going to the worship service?
Ask this question to your volunteers on a regular basis.  Make sure they are getting feed and poured into.  This will help them serve from the overflow. 

What's your favorite __________?   
Candy?  Drink?  Restaurant?   Find these things out and surprise them with it occasionally.

All of these questions will help deepen your relationships with your volunteers.  Remember...

Use the ministry to build people instead of using people to build the ministry.

Your turn.  What other questions do you ask your volunteers?  What other questions do you think volunteers want us to ask them?  Share your thoughts with us in the comment section below.

Did you know that there are 10 special volunteers that you need on your team?  Let me introduce them to you.  I know they have "cheesy" names...but trust me...get them on your team and your ministry will flourish.

Faithful Frederick.  He is dependable.  He is consistent.  You can count on him to be there...week in and week out.  And if he's going to be out of town, he will let you know ahead of time.  His faithfulness will not only make him a pillar in your ministry, but kids will feel safe and secure as well because he will be a consistent adult in their life at church.

Prayer Warrior Patricia.  She prays for the ministry.  She prays for the kids.  She prays for the other volunteers.  She prays for you.  The time she spends in her prayer closet brings a fresh anointing of God's Spirit upon the ministry. 

Feedback Francesca.  She provides you with one of the greatest gifts you can receive from a volunteer....
feedback!  She helps you know what's working and what's not working.  Her input keeps you from making the same mistake twice.  And don't label her as a complainer...
she has your best interest in mind.  In fact, don't wait for her feedback...ask for it.

Role Model Reggie.  Do you have boys who need a role model?  He is your man.  He makes a great small group leader.  He is a man of character and integrity.  He knows how to make an impact in the lives of kids. 

Calming Cassandra.  She works wonders in the nursery.  Have a little one that is crying?  Just bring him to Cassandra.  She helps make the nursery a calm, reassuring place for babies and parents alike.  She's everyone's sweet little grandmother.

High-Schooler Hayden.  He's who every kid wants to be and they look up to him.  Sometimes he needs a little extra shepherding just because he's still young himself, but what an impact he can make in the lives of the kids. 

Second Mile Sierra.  She's your right hand.  She comes in during the week and helps prepare the rooms.  She's at every training meeting.  She sends birthday cards to the kids in her class.  She spends money out of her own pocket on supplies.  She helps until the last task is done and then asks, "Is there anything else I can help with?"  You have to tell her to go home at times.  You don't know what you'd do without her. 

Happy Hadassah.  You make sure she's the first person a new family sees when they walk through the doors.  Her smiling face puts everyone she meets at ease and brightens their day. 

Big Kid Bryan.  He's a grown man...but he still knows how to act like a big kid when he's serving.  He gets right in the middle of the kids and play games, laughs with them and makes activities lots of fun.  He's a kid magnet and they love being in his class.

Cheerleader Chelsey.  She brings energy and excitement to the team.  She's the life of the volunteer party.  She encourages everyone around her and lifts their spirits.  She is Mrs. Optimism. 

As you read through these, I'm sure you thought of some real people on your team who exemplify these characteristics.  Drop them a note this week and thank them for who they are and for what they bring to the team.  And if you're missing any of these people on your team, I pray God will send them to you.  They can help make your team complete.

Major companies know if they want to connect with kids, they have to find out what kids like.  They sit down with kids on a regular basis and find out what kids give a thumbs up and thumbs down.

The video below is a great example of this.  Check it out.  And then think about ways you can make your ministry kid-approved.

In these related posts, I share practical ways you can get feedback from kids and use it to make your ministry kid-approved.

10 Ways to Stay Relevant with Today's Kids 

Think Like a Child and Grow Your Children's Ministry

How a Kids' Focus Group Can Take Your Ministry to the Next Level

There's something Millennial (ages 18 to 34) volunteers want from you...but they normally won't ask for it.

What is it?  FEEDBACK.

Studies show that Millennials require more feedback than previous generations.  This may be due in part to their upbringing.  They have grown up connected from an early age and are used to getting instant feedback from parents, teachers, coaches and friends. They are used to having the immediate ability to ask questions and share opinions.  This means they have an ingrained expectation for ongoing communication.

But...only 19% of Millennials say they receive feedback.  For those who do receive it, only 17% say the feedback they receive is meaningful.  A big reason most Millennials don't receive feedback is because even though they want it, they hesitate to ask for it.  Only 15% of Millennials routinely ask for feedback.

As you lead Millennial volunteers, it's important to take the initiative and ask if they'd like to be given feedback.  When you regularly meet with them and give them feedback, their engagement level doubles.

Here's some tips on HOW to give feedback.

10 Tips on Giving Volunteers Feedback
The Importance of Feedback for Your Ministry...and how to give it

The Millennials.  They are the 18-35 year olds that are changing the world.  And if you want them to serve in your ministry, you need to know what makes them tick.  Recently, Gallup released some critical information about Millennials that will help you know how to lead them more effectively.

1.  Millennials want a purpose to serve for.  They want to serve in organizations that have a mission...a cause...a purpose.

If you want them to serve in your ministry, then you need a clear, compelling purpose.  Invite them to a purpose...not a position.  Millennials will be drawn to your WHY more than your WHAT.

2. Millennials want to be developed as leaders.  They are looking for opportunities to grow and develop the gifts, talents and passions God has placed in them.  If you create a leadership development culture, you will attract Millennials.

3. Millennials are looking for a coach.  They are not going to follow title alone.  They are going to follow someone who will value them as a person and invest in them.  They are looking for someone who can help them understand and build their gifts and talents.

4. Millennials want real-time feedback.  Their primary means of communication is through texting, tweeting, Snapchat, Instagram, etc.  All of these forms of communication are real-time and continuous.  This is what they are accustomed to and it translates into how they want you to help them grow.  They desire constant, real-time communication and feedback.

5. Millennials don't want to fix their weaknesses...they want to develop their strengths.  Research has shown that weaknesses never develop into strengths, while strengths can develop infinitely.  This means if you want to keep Millennial volunteers, it's critical that you place them in their area of giftedness.  Simply put...don't place them where you need them...place them where they need to be.  Help them find their sweet spot and help them continually grow and thrive in that area.  

6.  Millennials will give their life to something if they believe it in.  When Millennials find a place where they are valued and given ongoing opportunities to grow, they will give their life to it.  When they find something worth committing to, they will be jump in and give their best to it.

Here's some questions to work through coming out of this article.  I would encourage you to sit down with your team and talk through these.

1. Is our purpose clearly stated and expressed?  Do Millennials know why we do what we do?  Are we inviting them to a purpose or a position?  How can we improve in this?

2.  Are we developing Millennials as leaders?  How are we investing in them?  How can we do a better job of this?

3.  Do our Millennial volunteers see us as a coach or commander?  How can we do a better job of offering them coaching?

4.  Do we provide real-time feedback and communication?  How can we get better at this?

5.  Are we placing Millennials in their areas of giftedness?  How can we ensure we are doing this?

6.  How engaged are our Millennial volunteers?  Are they "all in?"  Are we providing them with something they feel is worth giving their life to?  How can we improve this?

There are a lot of things you can do as a children's pastor.  But if you want to be highly effective, here's 5 you need to focus on.

Invest in people.  The best children's pastors invest in people.  They help people discover their gifts and maximize their potential.  They are equippers more than they are doers.  

Inspire people with vision.  The best children's pastor's constantly point people to the vision.  They are big on vision and articulate it clearly.  

Gather feedback.  The best children's pastors actively seek feedback.  Through team meetings and one-on-one conversations, they gather feedback that is clear, honest and constructive.  They use the feedback to move the ministry forward. 

Listen.  The best children's pastors ask questions, pose problems and challenges and enlist everyone's voice to generate answers.  They focus more on asking the right questions, knowing that from this the right answers will come.

Change as needed.  The best children's pastors are open to new ideas and change.  They stay out of ruts by being willing to adjust what's not working or needs to be improved...even it it was something they originally created.  

How do you see complainers?  As antagonists?  As trouble-makers?  As jerks?  As naysayers?   As negative people?  As the opposition?

How you view complainers dictates how you respond to them.  If you take it personal when they complain, you'll think they are saying, "you're not a good leader" or "your ideas stink" or "you're wrong."

But if you see them as someone who can help you improve the ministry, you will respond to them differently.  Here's how to see complainers in a new light.

Understand that opposition is part of change and growth.  Push past your personal reactions to those who complain and realize that opposition will help you assess the quality of ideas, see different approaches and help you make high-quality decisions.

Be proactive in seeking out complainers.  Each time you have a new change or major initiative coming, ask people to tell you why you shouldn't do it.  By doing this, you will begin to see opposition as a regular and important part of the decision-making process. 

Ask those who are normally "yes" people to think of and share an opposing view.  One characteristic of highly effective teams is their freedom to explore all sides and views of an idea or initiative.  Successful teams have conflict and disagreement.  Help people on your team build the skill and willingness to offer opposing views.

Train yourself to not instantly resist the complainer.  Even if you know your position is right, stop and listen, consider and evaluate the opposing idea.

See the complainer as a gift.  Normally the complainer doesn't have bad intentions.  They're usually trying to say something that they believe is for the good of the team.  Shift your anger to appreciation for the complainer.  If no one brings opposing views, then the team can become unbalanced.  They are helping the team get better.

Provide feedback for the complainer.  If the complainer is bringing the opposition with an attitude or spirit that is damaging, it is vital to help him or her learn to offer opposing views with skill and tact.  Encourage him or her to also share comments when they are in agreement, so they are seen as balanced.

Seeing complainers in this new light will make you a better leader and decision maker.

In every church, there are 3 groups of people.

• Very conservative families. (compared to the rest of the church)

• Average families.

• Families who don't even know there is a line that can be crossed.

When you do something that pushes the envelope to be culturally relevant, you will hear from the conservative families since they are normally the most vocal.

When they criticize the song you played or the movie clip you showed or the reference you used or the person you quoted or the lesson you taught, it's important to respond with grace, understanding and wisdom.

Here's a real-time example.  Last fall, we used a secular song as part of a family experience.  Below is a letter we received and my response to the person.  May it provide insight about how to respond when you're criticized for being culturally relevant.

Letter received...

Tonight, I was so delighted to hear ****** preach a strong biblical message on our sanctifying our minds and way of life...without compromising and caving to today's culture, yet in love.  I am praying your church keeps preaching this way and refrains from trying to be like the world (I was very concerned about the **********song taught to the children and song in the sanctuary).  I assume it was a one-time error in judgment and the elders will be more involved at all levels of this large organization!  I am praying ************will be a strong light for the most HIGH LORD JESUS.

My response...

Hi *******,
Thank you so much for sharing your concern about the children’s song.  I understand your concern and am so thankful for your commitment to seeing kids grow up to love Jesus.  It’s people like you who have a heart for the next generation that makes ******* such a great place for kids and parents to discover Jesus.  I believe you are referencing the song that was part of our Fall Festival outreach service that was held back in October.  Each part of that service was carefully thought through and planned to create an environment that would reach out to the many unchurched families who came that night for the very first time.  As a church family, we all have varying degrees of preferences when it comes to music and using the culture to connect with unchurched families.  We weigh all of this in our decision making and do what we feel will be most effective for the church as a whole in reaching unchurched people.

Thank you again for sharing your heart.  As part of the family, we always welcome and appreciate your feedback and will use it to help access future planning.  Have a great week and let us know if we can be of any more help.
Dale Hudson 

A few key takeaways from the response...

• acknowledge their concern
• explain the why behind your decision
• let them know they have been heard and their feedback will be taken into consideration
• explain that your decisions are based on what is best for the church as a whole and its mission to reach the unchurched
• thank them for the feedback
• let them know their feedback is always welcome

One other thing to remember.  When deciding whether or not you should do something that pushes the envelope, make your decision based on the average family in your church, not on the families on the far left or far right.  You can read more about this here.

Your turn.  How do you respond when you are criticized for being culturally relevant?  Share your thoughts with us in the comment section below.

Here's 10 simple things you can implement that will immediately improve your children's ministry.

#1 - Add music in the hallway.  Having music playing in the hallway when families are coming and going will greatly enhance the mood and atmosphere.

This can be as simple as using a portable CD player or iPod with a speaker.

#2 - Fresh paint.  Can't afford to remodel or theme out your children's area?  A simple coat of kid-friendly paint can make a world of difference.

#3 - Ask parents how long you should wait before paging them if their child starts crying.  This takes the guessing out of it and will immediately help new parents feel at ease when they are dropping off their child in the nursery.

#4 - Send handwritten notes to guests instead of emails or form letters.  In the day of technology, a handwritten note is gold and shows people you really care.

#5 - Have your greeters at the doors after the service.  Ask your greeters to be at the doors after the service to tell people good-bye as they are leaving.  This extra touch will make a huge impact.  People remember their last few moments at church and this will make those last few minutes memorable.

#6 - Give guests a special sticker or name tag to let volunteers know they are new.  Volunteers will then know to give these kids extra attention and help them feel welcome.

#7 - Have a photo spot for families.  A simple backdrop with a few props will provide a great place for families to capture a memory.  Change out the backdrop based on the season.

#8 - Start a Facebook page for parents.  It's free.  It's easy.  It's a great way to connect with the parents in your ministry.

#9 - Ask someone who normally isn't in the children's area to come and be a mystery shopper.  Ask them to make a list of their observations and ways you can improve.  Having outside eyes look at your ministry will provide you with valuable feedback.

#10 - Meet with a group of kids and get their feedback on how to improve the ministry.  This simple meeting will give you valuable tips on how to take your ministry to the next level.

Your turn.  Share some simple ideas you've used to improve your children's ministry in the comment section below.

Can you hold volunteers accountable?  I mean...they are serving for free, right? 

The answer is yes.  God's work deserves our very best whether we are serving vocationally or volunteering.  Ephesians 6 says we are serving for the Lord. 

With that established, let's look at some practical ways to hold volunteers accountable.

Set clear expectations up front.  The first step is to make sure volunteers know what they are being asked to do.  Provide them with a clear job description that includes core values, time commitment, duties, responsibilities and other information they need to know.  This should be done before they start serving and is critical if you want accountability.  In this manual, you can get all our job descriptions and expectations for volunteer roles.

Make sure the volunteer has the ability to meet the expectations.  Another important part of accountability is placing volunteers in roles that are a fit for their gifts, talents and passion.  Help them find their fit by giving them a spiritual gifts test, personality test and meeting with them individually to talk about their interests.  It's a lot easier to hold someone accountable when they are in their sweet spot in ministry because they will be motivated and love what they do.

Make sure you are providing the resources and support the volunteer needs to meet the expectations.   
Have clear measurements.  Provide your volunteers with clear wins for their role.  These should be simple and easy to measure.  This will help them know what success looks like and help you measure how they are doing.

Provide feedback.  One of the most important aspects of accountability is feedback.  This will help them grow as leaders and followers of Christ.  In this article, I share tips on how to provide appropriate feedback. 

Provide next steps.  When you hold people accountable, always provide them with a next step.  Whether the next step is corrective, re-directive or rewarding, it should take them toward a goal.  In situations where the accountability pathway leads to the volunteer being asked to step down, then have a clear plan for this as well.  In this article, I share steps to take when a volunteer needs to step down.

Remember that accountability flows best from relationship.  When people know you care about them, it will open their heart to your accountability.

Volunteers should know it's not about what you want from them, but it's about what you want for them.

God has given you the privilege of helping people grow as disciples through serving in children's ministry.  Just as a sport's coach holds his team accountable so the players can achieve their dreams and win, God wants to use you as a spiritual coach to help volunteers accomplish the dreams He has placed in their heart.

Recently the CEO and Chairman of Netflix said this.

We are just a learning machine.  Every time we put out a new show, we are analyzing it, figuring out what worked and what didn't so we can get better next time.

A learning machine.  That's a great thing for a children's ministry to be.  You see, when you think your ministry has arrived...you have.  But where you've arrived is where you will remain.  In order to continue growing and improving...
you have to be a learning machine.

So how do you remain a learning machine?

Ask questions more often than you give answers.  Learning machines have a lot in common with a 4-year-old...they ask lots and lots of questions.

Evaluate your ministry on a regular basis.  Intentional evaluation keeps you learning how to do things better.

Ask for feedback.  Learn from volunteers through feedback.  Learn from kids through feedback.  Learn from parents through feedback.

Visit other churches.  One of the best ways to learn is by visiting other churches.  Most of the ideas I use in our ministry I got from other churches I have observed.  If you'd like to come hang out with us for a weekend, we host churches several times a year.  You can email me at dalehudsoncm2@gmail.com for more information.

Stay hungry.  It's easy to grow content and complacent.  Learners are hungry.  They are always looking for ways to improve their ministry.

I've been in children's ministry now for 26 years and I still have so much to learn.  I want to stay in the "learning machine" mode.  Let's keep learning and growing together. 

Your turn.  How do you stay in the "learning machine" mode?  Share with us in the comment section below.

One of the best ways to improve your ministry is by getting feedback.  Here's 4 proven ways to gather it.

SECRET SHOPPER
Ask someone with fresh eyes, preferable someone outside your church, to evaluate the ministry while it's in action.  Give him or her a checklist of things to look for including friendliness, drop-off and pick-up times, lesson engagement, safety and security, way finding signage, volunteer-to-child ratios, room capacities, guest services and more.  Don't tell anyone the person is coming, so you can get an honest evaluation.

SURVEYS
Surveys are a great way to gather feedback from guests, parents and volunteers.

These can be done at church by handing parents a hard copy survey at drop-off and asking them to return it at pick-up.  Another way to do surveys is by using a free online tool like Surveymonkey.

Here's more information about how to conduct surveys effectively.

The Importance of Feedback
First-Time Guest Survey Letter
4 Areas to Include In Your Online Survey

If you want truly honest feedback, make the surveys anonymous.

SOCIAL MEDIA
Social media can be used to track how well you're connecting with families and volunteers.  Posts that get likes will show you what families and volunteers really value about the ministry.  Comments can provide feedback.

FOCUS GROUPS
Focus groups are a proven way to gather feedback.  Here's more information about how to set up focus groups.

Parent Focus Groups
Kids Focus Groups

What should you do with the feedback once you've gathered it?   In this post, I share a process for this. 

The floor is yours.  Are you using any of these proven tools to gather feedback for your ministry?  What are some other ways you gather feedback?  Share your thoughts with us in the comment section below.

I am often asked by younger leaders, "How do I lead people who are older and more experienced than I am?"

Now that I'm in my late 40's and have been leading for over 26 years, I don't face that situation quite as often.  But I can definitely relate to it.  Seems just yesterday, I was a young leader interacting with people who had been doing ministry longer than I had been alive.

Looking back, here's some tips I wish I'd known.  I trust it will be a help to younger leaders who are reading this as well as older leaders who want to encourage the next generation.

Create teamwork through collaboration.  Since you are younger and less experienced, people will not always trust your ideas and opinions.  The key to overcoming this is collaboration.  Don't just shove ideas and initiatives down from the top.  Instead, gather ideas and opinions from people, work through them together and then move forward with what rises to the top.  Collaboration will help you create the teamwork you need in place as a young leader. 

Gain knowledge through feedback.  Your lack of experience will naturally lead to people questioning your expertise, skill and knowledge.  Make this an advantage instead of a disadvantage through feedback.  Be intentional about asking for feedback about your performance and seek ways to digest and implement it.  Older leaders will not think less of you for this.  In fact, it will cause them to respect you and follow you. 

Build trust through integrity.  Older leaders will struggle to see you as a role model since you don't have a proven track record.  Start building a track record people can trust by walking your talk, keeping your promises and being honest. 

Deepen relationships through care.  Older leaders will not open their heart to you because of your title.  They will open their heart to your leadership because they know you care about them.  Show them you care by taking an interest in them personally and investing time in them.  Show them you care more about them as a person than about what they do.

Encourage through inspiration.  Sometimes older leaders struggle with complacency, discouragement and even burnout.  As a young leader, you can tap into the excitement and energy of your youth to inspire them.  Help them break out of the box they may be in and help them stretch for more.

Honor the past while pointing to the future.  Older leaders tend to reflect on the past.  This will be heard in statements like "we've always done it that way" or "we tried something like that and it didn't work" or  "we don't like change" or "remember how great it was when."

If you disregard or refuse to honor the past, older leaders will not follow you into the future.  The future is built on a foundation of gratitude for the past.

The floor is yours. 
Are you a young leader?  
What are you thoughts?  
What other questions do you have?
Are you an older leader?  
What other advice do you have for younger leaders?  
Share your thoughts in the comment section below.

Time is one of your most precious commodities and there is never a shortage of things clamoring for it.

How you choose to spend your time will determine your effectiveness.  As I have watched and learned from successful children's ministry leaders, I have found that they focus their time on four key areas.

Personal Growth
Ministry is an outward expression of the inward workings of God in your life.

Effective leaders know that who they are is more important than what they do.  They know if they will be who they are supposed to be it will enable them to do what they are supposed to do. 

Effective children's ministry leaders spend time working on their...

• relationship with God
• spiritual growth
• leadership
• people skills
• blind spots
• strengths

The discipline of spending time working on yourself is not always easy.  If you're like me, it's easier to drive a car than it is to wait patiently by the gas pump while it's filling up.  I don't have time to sit and wait for the car to fill up...I've got places to go...things to do.  But remember, you can only skip the gas pump for so long before you run out of gas and come to a screeching halt.

The same applies to personal growth.  You can skip it and be effective...but it will be very short-lived.  Neglect filling up personally and your ministry will come to a screeching halt.

You may be reading this right now and you've been so busy working on the ministry that you haven't been working on yourself.  You know you're running on fumes.  Is it time to move personal growth back to where it should be on your time list?

Don't let the lid on the ministry be you.

Family
Effective children's ministry leaders know that their first ministry is their family.  They make sure they invest first in their own marriage before they try to help other people's marriages.  They make sure they invest first in their own kids before they try to help other people's kids.

The health of your family is more important than the health of your ministry.  Healthy ministry flows out of a healthy family.  

Take a look at your time allocations.  What does it reflect?  Where you spend your time tells what your priorities are.  Is your family a priority?

Team Building
Effective children's ministry leaders know that success in ministry is not in what you can do but it's in what you can empower others to do.  They spend more time equipping others to do ministry than they spend doing the ministry themselves.

Look at their week and you will see a big chunk allocated to enlisting, equipping, encouraging and empowering leaders.  Look at their budget and it will reflect the same.

Time spent building leaders is never time wasted.

Ministry improvement
The most effective children's ministry leaders spend lots of time perfecting the ministry through evaluation, feedback, adjustments and changes.  They spend time making things better rather than just letting it coast.

They are constantly asking questions like...

• What's working?
• What's not working?
• What needs changed?
• What do we need to focus on?
• How can we improve?
• What are we missing?

They spend time looking through a microscope that's laser focused on the ministry and how to improve it.

How much time are you allocating for these 4 key areas?   Below is a tool you can download and use to evaluate.  Make every week...every day...every hour...every minute...every second count.  What you do matters...a lot...so be wise in how you invest your time.




If you'd like a copy of this infograph, feel free to email me at dalehudsoncm2@gmail.com.